omg I’m not even related to your MIL and I think I threw up a little in my mouth just now. LOL. 
Well, so at least we now know what Bob is after. Getting laid.
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As long as both MIL & Bob are happy and not hurting anyone else, I’m happy for them.
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My gut instinct is telling me they didn’t have s%x. It’s just something to get friends talking, or maybe she’s seen TV shows and they say that. It sounds thrilling. But who knows.
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I totally agree.
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Not much of an update, but…
Sil had the gathering for Independence Day at her house. She said Bob can neither see nor hear very well (he does wear hearing aids). She is concerned about the two of them getting around London on their own after the crossing. They’re spending a couple of days there.
So, now we’re thinking maybe Bob is looking for a nurse. Maybe so he can stay in independent living longer?? Of course we don’t know.
He drives back tomorrow. Mil arrives up here to stay with him a week from Monday.
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Gosh, this is such an up and down situation . One minute (we) are ready give him credit and wish them happiness and the next I want your MIL to run away - FROM Bob!
A trip can be exhausting. The other thing that may happen is that your MIL may see what a handful he is too have to attend to during the trip. Trips can be a lot for even the average perso !
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The one thing that works in his favor with this trip is that he has done the crossing several times. So, he is familiar with it.
Oh. And, I learned that wife #4 is out of the health care section and back in an apartment. That was the housing level she and her first and only other husband had when they bought in. Then he died, and she married Bob and moved into his house.
Remember she’d had a fall or something. So apparently the rumor/theory we’d heard (which was that she actually stayed in the rehab/healthcare section longer than necessary until the CCRC could get her back into an apartment) was true.
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Well, I wish the best for your MIL and hope that she and Bob get to know one another and make good choices that work for both of them going forward. I certainly would NOT be interested in becoming a nurse to someone who can’t hear or see very well as I myself am aging, but it takes all sorts to make a world.
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So Bob can’t see but he drove across the state to see mil?
I believe there are many men Bob’s age who don’t hear well.
I also wonder if sil is a good narrator of this situation. I don’t blame her, this is a big interruption to her life.
Without knowing what happened, it’s hard to know what transpired between Bob and his last wife. I know that I’ve had a long and extremely happy marriage. I’m not sure I would want to put up with another man no matter how nice he was. It sounds like her children weren’t happy either. Hard to know how they impacted this marriage. Lots of unknowns.
Has your mil ever been to London? What a great adventure for her at this stage!
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I did point out to sil that there is a difference between reading a Trivial Pursuit card and driving.
Yes, mil has been to London. Maybe more than once. But not recently.
We will get to meet him ourselves in a couple of weeks.
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My spouse and his buddies are in their 80s. None of them read as easily as they used to, particularly in bad lighting (e.g. restaurant menus). Most of them have more difficulty hearing as well (sometimes even with hearing aids which they may or may not wear). Many of them still enjoy traveling, including internationally (though some have stopped as they consider it too taxing). All of them still drive during daylight hours. H still drives in daylight and at night, including in cities we visit like SF & LA, plus he ordered a brand new car that should arrive by early September.
There’s plenty of life and fun in quite a few people who are in their 80s—not all are looking for a nurse or purse. At least one of them (widower) are “dating” but so far nothing “serious.” My BIL (widower) in his late 70s has “dates” and does some travel but is not looking for a new partner.
Most of the women his age who are divorced, separated or widowed that we know are not dating but spending time with grandkids.
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I would be discreetly looking to see if Bob has legal or financial liabilities, lawsuits, judgments, bad driving record, etc…
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We are just back from a vacation with my octogenarian inlaws. We spent the last two days in London and it was too much walking for them, and it was pretty warm. Personally I’d be suggesting some kind of organized bus tour of London for your MIL and “Bob”.
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Sorry I’m late to this party –
My mother died when she was 74 and my father was 75. My father met a nice, age-appropriate woman about two years later. My sister and I were concerned because my father was her fifth husband, although she was married to her fourth for 30 years until he passed. They got pre-nups so that my sister and I, and her adult children, would continue to get what was “promised” to us. They wound up dying within nine months of each other, both in their late eighties. I think this was very very good for both of them – and for the adult children, as they needed us less than they would have otherwise.
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How nice that they found each other and provided companionship and love for one another for so many years.
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My father married 20 years ago at age 78 (but wife much younger). Originally there was a pre-nup (which covered possibilty of divorce situation), but I think it expired after 5 years. They have had some good times together, but watching them reminds me that it was nice getting married young/poor, and before I was so set in my ways.
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I hesitated to comment as I think my view may be unpopular. I’ve read the whole thread. I had commented a long while back one time and shared that my FIL who is 99, remarried a year or so ago. My MIL died about 8 years prior to his remarriage. They live in a senior retirement community. They knew one another when both were couples and friends. I think it is great.
The thread has mostly been about one senior citizen budding “couple.” I think it is a positive thing for them (so far…I realize they don’t know each other that well yet) and feel like there is a LOT of oversight and concern. They are not teenagers. How wonderful if they find companionship and love at an old age rather than being alone. I realize that the woman should be sure to protect her personal finances and such. So what if they already had sex? Happy for them! Maybe “Bob” may turn out to be a good partner for the MIL, maybe not, but I’m sure MIL can figure out what makes her happy. Nobody else truly has to approve.
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My good friend and her sisters were distraught when their dad started dating soon after their mom passed. The woman was a widowed friend who they said took to bringing their dad dinner. They were so upset but eventually came around to the conclusion that their dad was happy and none of them lived nearby and it was selfish of them to want him to grieve and remain alone. They didn’t marry but he did buy them a nice home. My friend and her sisters grew to like “Betty”.
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Your view of love in the later years isn’t unpopular, but your FIL’s story doesn’t sound like OP’s MIL’s story. Bob has been married four times and contacted the MIL before the last divorce was over and generally is a love bomber. I maintain that a healthy dose of caution is warranted in this case.
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@Youdon_tsay I understand that caution ought to be a consideration! Still, I think the elderly woman involved can figure things out and also be sure that if they were to marry (premature at the moment), to have her interests covered.