There’s no good emoji for ick!
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- I think your SIL is making a mistake. This is the most painless way to just visit and make it short since they need to hit the road. One and done if she wants but she should make it happen. She doesn’t have to be gleeful about it!
- WINKING. Ugh, I find it totally disrespectful in that manner. Do not wink at me! Ewww.
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I immediately thought of this game. I think the drama of you slumping to the restaurant floor would cure him of the winking. 
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Just my take. SIL needs to go see the digs. It’s basically down the street. MIL and SIL need to mend fences and sooner is better than later. They’re going to need one another at some point. Start now.
I’d just erase the wink. He probably couldn’t hear anything you said (or see you) and figured it covered everything as an acknowledgement. Don’t take offense. And if it was offensive it still doesn’t matter.
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He wouldn’t get my doing that at all!
Would be a good idea if he would!
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I agree with @gouf78 . He couldn’t hear you and didn’t want to get into a conversation. He thought that was a reasonable way of saying hi.
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We ask GD2 (23 months old) if she could wink. She smiles and blinks both eyes. I bet she is a lot cuter than Bob.
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A hand wave or a nod would have been more appropriate than a wink.
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I agree something other than a wink would have been better.
I understand the, “old dog/new tricks,” issue. I feel many of the women on these boards entered the workforce during a time period when women were becoming more prevalent in professional roles. It was a new era, and the concept of sexual harassment training did not yet exist. I never experienced anything horrible, but there was definitely some sexism in the office. Bob is old enough that I’m sure thinking of women as, “lesser,” was commonplace when he started working. While a professor, his area is engineering, an exceptionally male-dominated field when he entered the workforce.
Maybe I’m overly sensitive to it. I just don’t like, “winkers.” I may or may not say something if he does it again. “Bob, your winking at me makes me feel uncomfortable.”
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I don’t think there is anything wrong with pointing out things that make you uncomfortable!
My daughter has done that with her grandfather when he makes in appropriate comments and he usually takes it very well. (She always frames it in a non confrontational way.)
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He won’t have any idea what you are talking about!
On this one, I’d just forget about it. Really…even though it’s odd (I agree)…it’s Bob and everything he does is a bit “off”.
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The winking discussion reminded me of the scene in Pride and Prejudice where Mrs. Bennett is trying to get Kitty to leave the room so Mr. Bingley could propose to Jane.
she very innocently said, ``What is the matter mamma? What do you keep winking at me for? What am I to do?‘’
Maybe Bob wanted you to leave 
.
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If you said something would he be able to hear you?
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I was thinking the same. So hard to sound non confrontational when you are yelling to be heard.
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That’s valid. As @anotheroboemom pointed out, the need to raise one’s voice just to be heard makes it difficult to not seem confrontational.
I suppose I could try and ignore it. It harkens back to the time dh and I were eating out with them before they were married but after mil had decided she was moving here. She was listing all the things she had to do. I looked at her and said, “Gosh, mil. You have a LOT to do.” And, then looked at Bob and said, “And you have nothing to do.” He replied, “That’s right,” and winked at me.
So, maybe I’m extra sensitive to a wink coming from him based on that exchange.
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@Hoggirl has the right to not be comfortable with someone’s gesture! She isn’t saying she will never talk to him again or she’s going to stomp away. I’m sure if she says something she will say it in a socially acceptable way - unlike winking feels to her (and me) .
And if she says nothing she still can internally be uncomfortable with it.
We all all have stuff we can blow off or not blow off. You do you for your comfort level.
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@abasket I completely agree. When we were in Bermuda last week my BIL ( he’s 78) made a racial comment and I told him right away that I did not appreciate hearing that and I don’t ever want to hear it again. Both of my daughters were with me and afterwards said how happy they were that I spoke up!
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I am also in the camp of letting it go. People in that generation do it more. I don’t know anyone in my generation or my kids’ generation who winks (except for my GD2), but I have seen a lot of older people do. I don’t believe he would stop(or could help himself) even if you were to say something.
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Older people or older men?
I understand that some on here feel like I should let any future winking go. I am appreciative of everyone weighing in. It is helpful reading the different perspectives on this. I truly may be too sensitive. I also have a visceral reaction to men (and sometimes women!) who tell me I need to, “smile.”
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Times change as does what is culturally acceptable. I hope that my daughter and family of her generation will give me a heads up if I do or say something that could be offensive to others, regardless of how old I am.
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