If their cruise is international, they should check with their cell phone carrier about a monthly international rate. Otherwise, they could be very surprised at the cost of an international call. DH called his international brother back after a dropped call, and it was a $250 phone call.
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There won’t be any calling unless there is an emergency.
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Good point @thumper1 . Their carrier may also offer a daily international rate ( my plan with ATT charges $10/day).
I’m glad and relieved MIL is feeling better. As for Bob, standing up to him may result in him respecting you more.
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When I ended up in an emergency room while in Japan, I communicated with the doctors and nurses via the Google translate. We spoke right into it and it translated very well. Canada is English speaking, but just FYI in case anyone should go to a non-English speaking country.
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Canada should be included with the regular cell phone plan? It is (as is Mexico) on mine with Verizon. I don’t have to do anything. It lets me know when I cross into Canada, but otherwise it’s same as usual. Google AI says it’s the same for AT&T and T-Mobile. Data may be limited, but talk/text are the same.
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I imagine there will be be WiFi on the ship. I don’t think they will be doing any touring/exploring on their own away from ship-arranged excursions, so they shouldn’t need to use navigation/maps.
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As maddening as she is, I feel very sorry for MIL. She is married to someone who has no ability or desire to care for her, has a fairly contentious relationship with her daughter, and her son…seems perfectly fine not getting involved. @Hoggirl , whether she recognizes it or not, YOU seem to be the one reliable support person in her life. She is so lucky to have you.
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It was really enlightening to read that Bob is on the spectrum. It just didn’t occur to me at all but it explains a lot, especially re not responding to social cues.
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I hope her health continues to improve and her appetite gets back to normal - she will probably be a bit weak until she is eating more normally.
How long can she expect the cortisone shot to last? It could be a temporary fix or it could help more long term. But if it’s her first one for this condition she won’t know…until it doesn’t help.
We: providing the Ensure or the chicken noodle soup or whatever….I think MIL or Bob are going to say “nope we’re fine” most of the time - if you really think it would benefit her or make yourself feel better I would just say “I’m in the car heading over to the CCRC in 20 minutes and I’m dropping off some Ensure. If I don’t hear back from you I’ll leave it at the front desk” (or outside their door or whatever works that gets it there).
They aren’t going to readily accept a favor. Cause “we are fine”.
And remember, at 87, often you seem like you’re improving one day and then the next you’re down again - not always of course, but I wouldn’t be fully relieved that she is on the road to recovery overnight.
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Has Bob actually been diagnosed as “ on the spectrum”? Or is this just speculation here?
There is an older man in my extended family who is very entitled and acts a lot like Bob. I learned a lot about his background over the years and honestly I have never considered him to be on the spectrum. He was very spoiled as a child and young man and being from a generation where white men had a lot of privilege and women were very accommodating, he thinks he is the smartest person in the room and very entitled. His wife ( she is the third) is a nice person but clearly worships him.
Not one of the millennials in my family can stand him. Several of the rest of us can’t either.
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This is my take too.
My H made a point recently that our dads not only had their wives but for their entire professional careers, secretaries who did all their planning for them, not just professionally but with personal stuff too. They were simply not accustomed to having to do anything for themselves other than running their careers or doing their own hobbies. Our one surviving parent has wife 2 that has forced him to be more independent but he clearly gets waited on way more than anyone from our generation or younger would find acceptable.
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I’ll take a stab at this since I’m the one who first mentioned this as a possibility
I am sure that any functional adult of Bob’s age was never diagnosed with any form of autism
We have definitely changed how we look at and diagnose any number of autistic or developmental or mental illness behaviors
People who were never diagnosed are now being so as adults. Including one of my children who was diagnosed with ADD as an adult in their 30’s. I was completely surprised as it was never brought up or even mentioned at any point during their schooling.
I have a relative on the periphery who I and everyone who meets him says he is a narcissist. Has he been diagnosed as such? I’m positive the answer is no. He’s been in a long term marriage.
To me and this is only my feelings is that it helps to look at a person in a different light that there might be behaviors that are looked at as something that they can’t change.
This may be something that I think is a cultural shift in diagnosis and understanding of how functional and successful adults look at the world in a different manner.
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You have a point. One of my own children was diagnosed as an adult.
But I think there is also a case to be made that a person who is treated a certain way by the people who raised them, the people they married and society around them shaped them to act in a certain manner.
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Well yes. It’s nature and nurture.
If you have ever trained an animal, you start with the basic disposition. Bold? Timid? When faced with a threat, inclined to flee? Inclined to fight? And from there, you shape a plan that goes with their nature but provides the needed outcome. It does not change who they are, but better responses can be developed. And so it is with people.
Someone who may not be attracted to social situations can certainly learn to maneuver them - and even enjoy them - with skill. Someone who hates confrontation can learn to stand their ground.
So Bob, yes – quite possible he’s on the spectrum. Many adults are now just being diagnosed, and for many, it’s a relief. It can help them develop strategies. But it’s also not a pass or excuse. If he feels compelled to live with another human, he needs to learn to do that in a way that works for t hem too.
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Boy, that’s true! Dad had a “secretary” who was really more of a social planner. Mom was his real secretary - I remember her typing for him a lot of late nights. In the obituary he wrote for himself, he doesn’t mention his grandchildren at all, but talks about a secretary he had back in the '70s and also a lab assistant! His obit reads like a resume. Sis and I will be rewriting it eventually. 
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I think that having that discussion with MIL and telling Bob how she felt might be the event that moves to more open communication. You were honest and asked questions that MIL can sit with. I don’t know if Bob is on the spectrum but I think he isn’t unusual for his age. Also MIL had similar dynamics with FIL.
My in-laws don’t ask for help. They tell everyone that they are managing just fine. They will tell you not to bring anything when you visit. I’ve taken to just ignoring that and my husband will bring lunch when he visits. I will buy a few heavy items I know they use and send them. They are always happy to get them.
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Just a note. My feelings about Bob and any indication that he might be on the spectrum has nothing to do with how he treats his now wife. That I assume is generational.
It’s more about his lack of empathy, his extreme rigidity, his lack of understanding social clues and his inability to pivot.
You don’t have to agree and I may be completely wrong. It was a possibility that I pointed out that his behavior seems “off” at times and a way to reason that in my mind.
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It is also their hope. At a certain age, the fear is that a problem becomes a permanent deficit. The use or lose it thing. While part of it is generational, part of it may be clinging to life as they know it.
My grandmother was up in trees cutting off dead branches with a power saw in her eighties. Superbly foolish, but to her, an assertion that she still had it in her. As I age, I get it! (But still, no tree climbing for me.)
@mom60, just doing things for them – as a “gift” – is such a perfect way to deal with this.
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DH and I have already decided (me at 77 and him at 75) that we no longer climb ladders. Stepstools, maybe, but definitely not ladders.
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There are different formulations of Ensure and other protein drinks as well. I like the ones that are high in protein and taste like a vanilla milkshake, especially when chilled. They are nondairy so ok for lactose intolerant folks. I compare labels and buy higher protein ones.
We have Ensure high protein that is 16 grams of protein in 8oz of fluid. With coupons price is ok. There are other brands of protein beverages as well. D likes one that is clear — it tastes pretty good.
We also have Kirkland organic peanut butter—another quick & easy protein source.
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