The Nike slogan is good for more than athletics.
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I am quite certain that Bob has never been diagnosed as being on the spectrum. His behavior and his personality are just like those of the character Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory. Like Sheldon, Bob is objectively brilliant, and he displays the exact same traits portrayed in that character. The lack of social awareness, the rigidity of schedule, the always ordering the same foods, going to the same restaurants on certain nights, the know-it-all pontificating, the superiority. If you’ve seen the show, you should be able to understand what I’m talking about. It seems like stereotypes exaggerated for effect in the show. But Bob is like that in real life. Those are simply my observations. I am in no way qualified to diagnose Bob.
I think @deb922 hit the nail on the head. It’s a combo of those traits and typical generational expectations of being waited on by women. And, yes, my fil was that way, too. He was idolized and waited on by his mother and expected everyone else to do the same. He couldn’t (or wouldn’t) make himself a sandwich, run a load of laundry, or start the dishwasher. The only household tasks I ever saw him do were vacuuming and mowing the lawn. If mil went out of town on a girls’ trip, he piled dishes in the sink - wouldn’t even put them in the dishwasher.
I do understand the frustration that some of you have with my dh and his relationship with and interest in his mother. I sometimes have it, too. But, he is not going to proactively get involved. He has very much had the mindset that he cannot control what his mother chooses to do. Selfishly, I wish they were closer. Selfishly, I wish he demonstrated a higher level of concern. Primarily because I selfishly would like him to model that for our own son.
I think sil believes that mil will listen to my dh. She wants to talk to him after he returns from this business trip. I am not going to get involved with that. If she wants to nag at him that he should do more, care more, whatever - more power to her. I am not going to do that.
And. I want to express that, while I do appreciate y’all giving me praise for the support that I am trying to give to my mil, I’m not coming here looking for that. It is nice to read (and words of affirmation is my love language), though. Thank you.
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There is no way to run interference in relationships that are 50 plus years old. The players already know their roles and you don’t so you have permission to bow out and duck.
All you can do is sit on the side with a life vest and offer it if someone is drowning. 
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There are a lot of overlaps between what aging adults with even early dementia and what folks on the spectrum do in terms of behaviors and characteristics. I would not assume Bob is on the spectrum as many older adults become wedded to certain routines and expectations.
In my opinion, this is jumping to a conclusion that might not be accurate.
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He has always been this way.
As I wrote above, his son (now age 62 or 63) joked about his always being able to find his dad at the exact same restaurants at the exact same times at lunch when he was in college. The son said he knew if he went in at 1:05 (or whatever) his dad would have left by then.
Of course, that doesn’t mean he’s on the spectrum. But, this rigidity is not new.
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I think this is perfect. I communicated with my sibling about my mom and my H communicates with his. No need for you to be in the middle of their relationship and the relationship between them and their mother. Your H can decide what he wants to do and say to his sibling.
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Here’s hoping MIL continues improving and SIL and her brother have had a good chat. Also hope MIL and your H have a good chat after he is back from his trip.
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@Hoggirl Have MIL and Bob decided to go on the trip? I think upstream you had said that they would decide by Wednesday or Thursday?
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For the last three mornings on our group text, mil has only posted her word puzzles.
Sil posed a few questions on Tuesday re: how she was feeling and whether she had followed up with her PCP as the hospital had instructed her. Those questions went unanswered. While I understand that her medical information is private, when you call us from the hospital and share what’s happening and tell us that you are going to meet with your doc and we have expressed concerns about medication interactions and dosaging and you have stated to us that you aren’t sure what one medication was even prescribed for, it doesn’t seem unreasonable to me to provide a follow up. A simple, “Met with PCP, and she got everything sorted out for me,” would be at least somewhat reassuring. We don’t even know if mil followed up with her at all.
Likewise, even though she told me they would make a decision by Wednesday, she has not let us know about their trip. Again, since this was a concern expressed to us by her, a follow-up would be courteous.
However, we have learned that they DO plan to go. Friend D from her former hometown called mil (we don’t know why), and mil told her they were going on the trip. Friend D told Friend L who told Sil who told me.
Our ds has been in from out of state since last Friday. Of course, she was supposed to have seen him at the family lunch, but her illness, ER trip, and getting past that was a limitation. He texted her Monday afternoon about when they might get together this week. No reply until she called Tuesday around 4:45 pm. “Where are you? Can you come meet us for dinner tonight?” As in, “right now.” He told her he already had dinner and trivia-playing plans with local friends. But, he told her he could run by for a little bit. He saw them maybe 40-45 minutes. They talked about when they might get together again this week. So on Tuesday when he was there, they decided on lunch today. He heard nothing from her about a time. He texted her last night to ask if they were still, “on.” They settled on a time, and he is over there now. There was some, “going out on the boat,” discussion when he saw her Tuesday, but I don’t think that’s happening. Mil said, “iffy.” I don’t think even the two of them are going out there. No idea what repair the boat is currently needing or what, “iffy,” means.
I will see what ds shares about their lunch when he returns. He is obviously aware of our frustration with her lack of communication and follow-ups/follw-through. I mean, he has had to do all the initiating to see her and experienced those as well. I do hope they have a nice lunch. He won’t say anything about my and sil’s frustrations, I don’t think.
So, we still don’t know if she has managed to get our phone numbers into Bob’s phone or if she has an emergency contact listed with the cruise line.
Edit: so @LCSMOM, my lack of reporting has been because of a lack of anything to report!
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I did Google and as someone correctly reported upthread, Viking will not allow her to sail without an emergency contact listed
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Your ds is a great grandson to go to so much effort to see his grandmother, especially knowing her interaction with her own children. It’s for the best if he doesn’t bring up other family frustrations, or discuss her communications with SIL, Friend D, Friend L, etc. But he sounds smart and caring so I’m sure he can talk around those pitfalls and still get some updated info.
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She Is either in denial about her medical issues, did go to the PCP but didn’t like what they recommended or didn’t go and doesn’t want to tell you that - or a combo of all 3! When are they suppose to leave? A day or two before I’d just send a text and say, “Just wanted to say, have a wonderful trip!” Maybe she will respond to that!
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Very early Monday morning.
They have a car service lined up. Dh is happy to take them to the airport, regardless of how early it is. When I saw her Monday I told her they shouldn’t spend $200 on a car service. As far as I know, she hasn’t communicated with him about that. Idk if dh will reach out to his mother after his sister talks to him or not.
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Ds is back, but he went immediately to the backyard with his dog to meet a local friend and his dog for a dog party 
All he managed to tell me before his dog play date was that she seemed, much better,” than when he saw her on Tuesday.
He also tried to help her stop her mail online through her usps account. We know this because mil texted sil and asked her, “Do you remember my password for my mail account?” Sil replied immediately that she didn’t but it should be in her password book. So mil goes days without answering questions or sharing info about her health or if they are taking this trip, but has no qualms about asking her daughter her USPS password. This is where we are. “I will communicate when I need something,” 
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Glad DS told you MIL is much better than Tuesday! Phew! I’m sure he will share more after he returns from his party.
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Ha ha! His, “party,” is in our backyard! Two 20-somethings and two dogs.
So crazy! Y’all know we moved into this new house, right? There is a sidewalk that connects our neighborhood to the one behind us. We happened to meet the neighbors in the other neighborhood who live along the sidewalk. Lo and behold, their ds went to the same 7-12 school as ds! He was in 8th grade when ds was a senior, so they didn’t know each other. We didn’t know the parents either. But their ds also went to Stanford! Ds helped him some through the admissions process and met him Admit Weekend! They never overlapped in college. Anyway, I connected the dots and their ds is also in town visiting. Encountered them while we were each walking dogs. So, he and his dog are here for a, “party.”
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Good thing water bowl is outside—looks messy otherwise.
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Maybe phone calls would be a better way of communicating real information. Leave the texting for puzzles. I know my late 80s mom is starting to have a harder time texting/remembering to answer texts.
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Agree 100%. And even if the H is resistant (and SIL even more so) setting up a regular face-to-face (Sunday from 4- 5 pm?) visit to the MIL’s apartment for a brief check- in is likely to result in more and better information than waiting for a text that never arrives.
I know it is maddening that y’all aren’t getting regular information or answers or status reports. But honestly- by the time an elderly person is the age of the MIL (even absent the Bob drama, the move, etc.) relying on technology becomes an exercise in frustration. And assuming that the elderly person is going to take the initiative for updates- even if it worked very well for the last decade- is a bit of denial on the family’s part.
The most tech savvy members of my family set up “idiot proof” controls on everything (including the TV remote). That lasted two weeks. Then index cards with the passwords in red Sharpies taped to the devices. That lasted another two weeks. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. And frankly, when an older person is having trouble (whether with texts, cell phones, etc) the next step is usually “Aw, the heck with it” and NOT “Gee, let me head down to the reception area of my building and see if someone in the lobby can help me figure out what I’m doing wrong”.
I suspect you might be in the “heck with it” phase right now. You’ve already seen it with the grill. You may be seeing it with the boat. And you may be seeing it with the gaslighting over the doctor’s visits/recommendations. For some people, it’s easier to just ignore the issue than to admit “I can no longer take reliable notes at the doctor’s, Bob is deaf, I need my son to accompany me”.
OP- you are really a magnificent human being!
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@Hoggirl You are a saint. I say this solely because you are the daughter-in-law and you are taking on the role of a daughter. I would not wait or expect MIL to update you via text. I think her daughter or son should pick up the phone and ask if they are still going on the trip, if she has seen her doctor to sort out stuff, if your contact information is in Bob’s phone, and so on. She may not “report in” via text. Calling and asking would be what is needed, ideally by one of her own kids.
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