I’m glad MIL said “no” to Bob so she has more time to clear her head and think about herself! I hope MIL has fun and believe she will look just fine! We didn’t over think nor over plan attire for our cruise on Golden Princess to Alaska—it was great! Some folks really dressed up and some were much more casual.
Any chat with Pastor’s mom?
I also think that octogenarians get a special pass on attire too ; )
We were just on a cruise where “smart attire” was advertised for the main dining room. We had people in jeans and people in suits/dresses, and everything in between. The only time we saw anyone stopped by crew was when someone was asked to take off their baseball cap at dinner.
No. I am not going to put her in a bad position by bringing it up. I don’t expect her to bring it up. If she does, that’s fine.
Fair enough—but she brought it up, but she knows how to reach you. Oh well, it sounds like MIL is learning and finding her way.
Oh, I had originally reached out to her. You are correct, however, that she did say she was going to call me the next day when she saw us at the restaurant.
My guess is she just later thought it better not to get involved. She previously told me (when I originally reached out to her) that she didn’t really know Bob - just knew of him.
I think she doesn’t want to participate in gossip.
Any update on MIL?
No update. However, she is arriving at Bob’s tomorrow. She’ll be here four nights before flying to NY the day before their sailing.
As a reminder to those following this situation, Bob lives in our town. Mil has not mentioned seeing dh and/or me during the time leading up to their departure. On her last trip up I’d offered walking, lunch, shopping. She’d said she wanted to go shopping, but then did not have time. We had them in our home for Happy Hour and then took them out to dinner. So, I’m not asking her this time. I will certainly do anything she asks me to do with her as long as I’m available, but I made all the effort on her last visit up. Ball’s in her court this time as far as I’m concerned.
EDIT: Oh, wait. She did a group text to some of the extended family re: her relationship/friendship with Bob and their upcoming trip. Dh, sil, and I were not on it, but mil sent a copy and paste of the text to us. Apparently, it got rather lukewarm reviews from some family members. Her younger brother and his wife are members of a very conservative Christian denomination. This is without even telling them he’s been married four times.
Well, you and your H have been very welcoming and generous! Here’s hoping your MIL makes good choices and has a nice visit and trip.
Might re-read my post. There was a slight update that I added in an edit. Probably right as you were replying. Crossing posts!
I’m sure I’ll have something to report soon.
I’m not surprised about lukewarm reviews to her exciting news. I still hope it works out well for her and she has some fun and makes good choices.
I love this euphemism of “makes good choices.”
It’s it what we raised our kids by, “make good choices”? Haha!
So how’s it going? We need an installment of the next episode of The Days Of Our Lives, As The World Turns, and General Hospital. 
No clue.
Sil drove mil to the halfway point between her town and ours (reminder, Bob lives in our town) on Sunday where Bob and his son picked her up and drove her the rest of the way.
No text from mil that they arrived safely. Even though I sent one when dh and I returned that same afternoon from our little weekend getaway. Got a late text that she’d not been looking at her phone. Had Happy Hour with the travel agent and dinner out. Very short - no elaboration about where or what they ate. No, “Sorry I didn’t let you know we made it.” Which is something our family does when traveling. We send a text - “here/home/made it.” Common courtesy. Nope. Nada.
Very late check-ins on our group text with her daily Wordle/Quordle results. No other comments at all except complaining about their early flight departure tomorrow morning. We usually post puzzle results and at least share briefly about our plans for the day. Or about what we’ve been up to. Nothing like that. Today, sil decided we’d not even post our puzzle results on the group text. She didn’t seem to notice.
I cannot imagine a world in which I traveled to ds’s town to spend four nights where I didn’t reach out to see him during that stay. Even if I’d seen him three weeks prior. She clearly has no need to see her son/my dh. I said this to him, and he just said, “Not a priority for her.”
I worry Bob is intentionally isolating her.
Will be interesting to see if she lets us know when they make it to NY tomorrow. Or board the ship on Friday.
I’m sure it all feels weird. And the lack of communication. I mean, if she’s excited for the trip you’d think you’d at least get “all packed! One more day!” Or something
I think she’s excited about the trip/Bob to the exclusion of everything else
Bob could be intentionally isolating her.
On the other hand, your MIL is a grown woman and has been adulting for a long time. AND she can make her own decisions. So if she WANTED to contact your H & his sister to provide a quick check in/proof of life each day on the trip, then she would. If it was a priority to her and important enough to her, she’d do that.
But she isn’t right now. That’s the part that sucks because it ends up sending a message to her kids that the new boyfriend is more important. Get used to it because if things go well on the cruise, it will be more of the same.
It’s easy, in my opinion, to put all of the blame on the new person. My dad has behaved like this since he started dating a married woman immediately after my mom died (the married woman was 1 of my mom’s best friends…talk about The Days Of Our Lives! LOL).
I totally understand the disappointment. Like, she’s literally right there in the town you guys live in right now and is too busy to even talk on the phone with her son for a few minutes. So frustrating!
FWIW, back when my dad was 64 and woo’ing the married friend (who’s now his wife), he & girlfriend/wife were in the area looking at a home to buy and they spent several hours less than a mile from where my sister lived at the time. He never told my sister that he was in town. Never called or texted her. Didn’t email. Nothing. He messed up though and blurted out where they were about a week later. He never apologized. He’s chosen to continue behaving this way since then.
Your MIL might be in a phase of her life where she is not able to be the person her family members need or would like her to be. And that’s really hard to come to terms with. If she were my mom, I would be a little concerned that she appears to eager (almost desperate?) to glom onto this 4-time divorced elderly husband dude that she knows from high school. Like, ok, go on some dates with the guy and get to know him some more, but do you have to throw the baby out with the bathwater and marry the guy, like, RIGHT NOW?
A man trying to isolate his romantic partner does not choose a cruise, or a fully staffed assisted living facility!
I think mil is acting out a long-contemplated fantasy of NOT checking in with folks every day or every time she leaves town. Don’t we all wonder about detaching…even from loving family members for just a bit???
Monitor the checking and brokerage accounts. And if her monthly visa bill goes from $650 a month to 30k you may have a problem. But not calling family for a few days doesn’t seem problematic given a dead controlling husband and an enthusiastic new boyfriend…
That’s fair.
I’m just concerned that the enthusiastic new boyfriend is also controlling.
A few years ago, a distant family member was entering stages of dementia and her (3rd) husband seemed to be scheming. He moved her to a distant location in Utah (from NC) and then seemed to leave her home alone on weekends. (The credit card bills indicated he went to casinos).
Eventually, her daughter got her an ipad and they used FaceTime for Sunday afternoon chats. One week the daughter said goodbye and the covered the camera at so the other screen appeared dark. Daughter was then able to tape/record/watch the controlling 3rd husband be abusive.
Within days he was told his actions had been recorded and a divorce happened quickly. She entered appropriate protective memory unit care.
He married twice more (total of 5! Before dying this year. His obit listed only his first and last marriages).
I’m mentioning this here, because someone may find it to be a helpful technique if a relationship doesn’t seem quite right — especially with memory issues.
This likely isn’t appropriate for Bob.