I know someone who was married to a man for 20 years (she was his third wife), and he just died. The stepdaughter informed his wife of 20 years (they were married when he died) that she wasn’t invited to the OOS spreading of the ashes. I don’t get some people.
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After my my mom died ( in her late 70’s ) my dad started dating their friend, she and her husband had been couple friends with my parents. Both she and my dad had spent several years each taking care of their spouses and had no desire to do that again. What they both wanted was companionship - someone to go to dinner with, theater, sporting events and to join other couples out at events.
They both were very financially comfortable, shared the same politics and interests. In many ways she was very different from my mom. They had great conversations and were very good friends to one another.
My dad died in his sleep - they were together 7 years and I know she still misses him.
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I have a couple of friends who I think would be good with my dh. Is it weird that I’ve thought of that? I also have friends who I can’t see with him.
I can see something like what @leftrightleft describes, for sure. After my dad died, my mom said that she didn’t want to date anyone … and some other NSFW things! Could’ve done without that.
You HAVE to watch the episode of Everyone Loves Raymond where Deb and Marie pick out spouses for Ray and Frank for when they die!!!
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I think it makes perfect sense that older folks pursue a relationship with a precious family friend -you were probably couple friends cause you got along in the first place!
And after all, as seen with another CC thread, our 20s and 30s kids are having roadblocks finding partners…we don’t need to worry about our elders too! Maybe the “kids” need to take a page from the elders book!! 
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My dad was 15years older than my mom and died at 76 so my mom was a widow at 60. (I think about that a lot now - she was so young!).
Mom said dad was her “one and only” bit to be honest I was fully ok with her at any point spending time or dating someone else for companionship- or more - why would I want her to live at 60 without someone in her life?
She died suddenly at 88 and was healthy and youthful for her age. But for a very short period of time, my H’s father - also widowed I think had some interest in mom. They went out to dinner once or twice and did a day trip once. I have to say, that was a little awkward for H and I! Mom said she was doing it as friends/family but that she think he wanted more so she said no to any further official time together.
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We love Everybody Loves Raymond, and I have a vague recollection of that episode. I need to find it and rewatch.
Art imitating life…
I totally disagree. The bureaucracy of divorce can take time. They aren’t making plans to get together yet. It’s not like they have 50 years to be in a relationship together. Talking and texting flirtatiously–so what? And I totally acknowledge how weird this must be for her children.
Yes, it’s possible that this man turns out to be less than a great partner for m-i-l but there is no evidence of this whatsoever. And OP’s DH has the opportunity to watch her finances.
IMHO. For what it’s worth, my mother married my father in City Hall before their wedding when they started sleeping together. And my father and stepmother found a justice of the peace to do the same in 1983!
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This happened with Dh’s college roommate (“mike”) and his wife! Both of their parents were widowed. Mike’s mom died many years ago. Mike’s wife’s father (Mike’s FIL) died after a short illness a couple of years ago. Both widowed parents lived in the same retirement facility and spent a lot of time with Mike and his wife. Long story short, they got married! So Mike’s MIL is now his stepmother! It was quite comical hearing Mike and his wife tell us the whole situation. Definitely awkward, esp b/c MIL was acting like a first time bride, wanting a big wedding, white wedding dress, etc! Mike’s wife was actually a little embarrassed how her mom was behaving! But to hear them describe it was hilarious, as by the time they told us, they had come to accept it.
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So, sil called again today. It’s kinda driving me bonkers. She seems to have wide swings between paranoia/panic and, “the whole thing is going to fizzle out.”
Bob lives in the independent living section of THE continuing care center (CCC) in the town dh and I live in. Hugely desirable/popular with loooong wait lists, and he’s in a cottage which has the biggest level of buy-in. This CCC has it all: independent, assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing.
Mil lives in the town sil lives in. The town sil and dh were born and raised in. She’s in a patio home.
When we were talking today sil said, “I am not going to allow mil to sell her home here and move in with Bob at his CCC!” 
I gently said, “I’m not sure you have any control over that.” She replied, “I’ll have ds (her ds/my nephew) and his roommate move in as squatters before I let her sell that house!” ??? - I’m sorry wut?
By the end of our convo, she was again saying she thinks everything will fizzle before they even meet F2F. Just some BIG swings!
Here is the bottom line (both literally and figuratively): dh doesn’t need any inheritance from his mom. I think sil is counting on/feels entitled to it.
Remember, mil is not rolling in money, though she is comfortable. Money makes people act weirdly, doesn’t it?
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If she sells the house, the money is hers, so agree with you on wut? Either the money or house are protected by a pre-nup if it gets to that point.
But yeah, I get it. Been helping a family member out with an estate and there are definitely tensions over the financial aspects of it. Sad.
With that said, it’s really not fair to your MIL to rob her of this happiness over financial arrangements that can be made later (if it hets there.) It may fizzle out on its own, but for your SIL to kill it – not fair!
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If anyone is still interested in this…
(Mil has not shared this (yet), but mutual friend of mil and sil knows and called sil and told her. So, if and when mil shares, we will all play dumb)
Bob’s divorce is final on May 31st, and he is flying down on June 4th to spend three nights with mil. He is staying at her house. During this visit they plan to plan a transatlantic crossing on the Queen Mary II. So, the logistics issues of driving are gone. Mil will pick him up at the airport.
When sil called to tell me this news, she kind of clarified her concerns about mil selling her house. Mil absolutely loves her neighborhood and neighbors, and sil is concerned if mil moved in with Bob (whether they marry or not) it wouldn’t work out and then mil would have nowhere to go. So, that makes sense.
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How do you feel about the ideal that he is staying at her house overnight (3 nights!) when they only recently renewed their friendship after decades- I sort of mean this from the point of view if I get them wanting to reconnect but might someone (one of them!) think that it’s more appropriate this first go around for him to at least get a hotel??? Is that unreasonable?
I’m not talking about this from an intimate angle or not only from that just a personal space /emotional angle - it would sort of feel like a stranger in my house!
I think it will be hard to say how this goes until the “couple” actually meets. They may find that whatever they had in mind doesn’t correlate to reality.
If they do hit it off, I’m sure your mil feels flattered and less lonely. She may enjoy having someone to travel with and to spend time with. Hard to say.
We have a friend. His first wife was in his high school graduating class, his second wife, same. Both marriages ended in divorce. He’s engaged, to a woman that was also in his high school graduating class. I thought he should have found a different place to find dates but I guess it’s worked out for him 
It’s funny for me because my husband and I have only been to our 10 year high school class reunion. My in laws are really into their class reunions so I could see that they would reconnect with people they knew.
FYI wife number 2 and now fiance still attend class reunions. They don’t talk to each other! It’s as awkward as it sounds
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My father and stepmother, children of the Depression, would never want to spend the money for a hotel.
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So true. Many of my friends also like to offer/stay in a guest room. It’s a very easy, organic way to visit with people.
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My in laws are also children of the depression and are more comfortable staying with friends than we are.
What I was trying to say and maybe clumsily is that this may not be a person they think of as a high school classmate. But as a person that they’ve seen over the years as part of class reunions.
Our friend that I talked about earlier, their class meets every year. Classmates come every year. The current fiance lived states away but came for the reunions. Our friend is very involved in planning.
My in laws were very involved with their class reunions. Every 5 years there was a reunion, they were in different classes so they knew their classmates very well. Now most have passed away or can’t drive but class reunions were a huge part of their lives for a really long time.
Different than how I would know a high school classmate that I haven seen in 40 years. Wouldn’t know if they walked down the street. Or even my children, who see classmates on Facebook (maybe) and have no desire to see again at a planned reunion.
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They are both adults and of certain age. I am sure the house is big enough that they could have their own rooms if they should choose.
At the same time I am wondering if the MIL should come to Hoggirl’s home and go out with the friend a few times before inviting him up.
If the relationship should work out, the MIL could rent out her house first.
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@abasket - I agree! I mean what if after two hours mil decides this is a no-go situation? I will say his: while none of us have any intentions of being their chauffeurs for a two hour and forty-five minute drive, if she wanted him out of her house sil would bring him up, dh would go down and fetch him, or we’d all pay to let him, “ride the dog” (put him on a Greyhound bus) immediately. The situation is ripe or being uncomfortable if it’s a, “miss.”
Apparently, there was some talk about separate cabins on the cruise, but mil told friend (who told my sil) that if the ship went down, she wanted to have someone to hold onto! I kinda doubt Bob is going to be staying in one of mil’s two guest rooms on this visit!
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