You have a good attitude about all this though I realize it is your MIL so you are staying a little out of the way of it all!
Yes I get the elderly and hotel costs. But I also don’t think I’d just look away and not say anything if my mom told me someone from high school who she hadn’t seen in years (decades) and who is potentially indicating romantic interest….was going to camp out at her house for a few days. She wouldn’t have to agree with me but as a concerned and caring family member I’d at least have a conversation with her.
Will MIL be open to someone in the family (like SIL who is in town) popping over to the house a couple of hours after he arrives? Just a friendly meet and greet.
OK, there’s how I would want to handle this maturely … and then there’s reality.
First thing I’d get SIL to do (as she has proximity with their upcoming trip) is to have a sincere talk with your MIL about some of the possible pitfalls, if you think she can do it calmly. Personally, I think it’s helpful to do this sooner rather than later. That way it’s about the situation and nothing personal to this man. Maybe y’all will meet him and like him, but don’t make it about this guy in particular (though admittedly the advanced billing isn’t great!).
I’m a little concerned about your MIL’s comment about wanting someone to hold if the ship goes down. She sounds in it deep. Who knows whether this guy is a love bomber or what, but she seems like a more-than-willing participant!
As an aside, the idea of who is sleeping where makes me think of The Bachelor fantasy suites! – “Should you decide to forgo your separate rooms …”
My mother was raised by her aunt and uncle. Aunt and uncle retired to florida in the mid 70’s and uncle died 6 months later. Aunt stayed on and really liked the apartment building she lived in and was very very social. She met a man and they were ‘together’ but couldn’t get married because of pension and social security benefits they each had and felt they couldn’t take the pay cut if they got married. So they just lived together. Both had had long first marriages.
After a number of years they did finally get married but kept all finances separate. They are also buried with their original spouses, her in Mass and him in Maryland. They did it their way. They enjoyed traveling and being social for their last years together (he was about 10 years older than her I think, but so was her first husband) so she did have 4-5 years alone after he died (although lots of friends, including his daughter who lived in the same building as they had and had the same name as my aunt).
Part of the reason their finances were difficult was that she and my uncle had a special needs daughter who was about 40 when they moved to Florida and he had signed over 2 of his pensions to the daughter for her care (one was a WWI pension, so daughter was collecting on that until she died in 2021), and he’d worked for the town and the state, and aunt had worked for the city for a long time too, so the combo of pensions and SS was hard to unravel.
I say let them act like junior high kids but keep the money separate. Cruising is a great way to travel for people who can’t drive. Meals are provided, activities, maid service. They can sign up for tours off the ship (although transatlantic may have few port days). Buy the travel insurance.
@abasket - mutual friend who told sil about the visit said mil wants Bob to meet sil. I hope she can be civil. But I’m not sure.
@Youdon_tsay - I don’t think there can be a calm discussion from sil. As I wrote upthread she kept reiterating, “pre-nup,” over and over again over the weekend. At one point as we were asking questions, sil said, “Look, mom - we’re just trying to learn about this loser who’s been married four times!” Pretty rich since sil has been married three times and she was the fourth wife of her late husband (she was married to him for 35 years, so hers was the marriage that stuck).
I feel like we’re in a new kind of Golden Bachelor show - maybe Diamond Bachelor/Bachelorette? All of the issues that the series tries to ignore - until the engagement.
I don’t know if those, “count,” or not? We had friends in Florida who were living together (still are!) who were married by a captain on a cruise ship. I think she told me it wasn’t official - they’d have to get married in FL. But, idk.
I had a friend who got married on the shore right before they took their honeymoon cruise. It was in Florida. The cruise line had a whole set up for it with a little stage area, and nice an legal.
Good luck @hoggirl, in navigating this. As you say, not your monkey is a more comfortable position and it’s great your H has access to her finances so can be on the lookout for red flags. I hope it works well for your MIL.
And maybe 14 days on a cruise will show them if they want to continue or if, OMG, living in a 400 sq ft room is awful! (this would not be the first trip I’d take with someone as there is no easy exit in the middle of the ocean).
Most transatlantic cruises are 10-14 days, usually 14. Some people really like the transatlantic cruises but others find them boring just bobbing out in the ocean.
I don’t like the casinos, which is what a lot of people like about the transatlantics (open all the time as they have to close when in ports), but I like to just read and look at the water so I think I’d like it.
One I did like that was 14 days was thru the Panama Canal. I think there were only 4 port days, but the day through the canal you can see land the whole time, and then cruising up the Mexican coast the same. It was a Disney cruise so no casino.
I think they are 7 or 8 nights depending on whether they are going east or west.
This trip has not yet been booked. They are planning on looking at it when he visits in a couple of weeks.
It would be on the Queen Mary II, and it honestly looks like many of the more desirable cabins are already booked several months out. Of course, I have no idea what level of cabin they would consider. It’s interesting because your cabin hierarchy indicates which of the three main dining rooms you are assigned to.
Pretty rich since sil has been married three times and she was the fourth wife of her late husband (she was married to him for 35 years, so hers was the marriage that stuck).
