So if FIL thumped MIL’s belly and compared it to a watermelon in front of an audience, what was his relationship like with SIL? Maybe she fears Bob will be another FIL and she doesn’t want that dynamic in the family again.
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I think family dynamics can be strange and stressful and triggering.
The fil sounds like he was a complicated person and there has to be associated factors that impact relationships.
Also one member of the family can be unaffected by the situation but others are very sensitive to what happened.
My opinion is that this burgeoning relationship is dredging up lots of repressed emotions and memories for the daughter.
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That post triggered me!
Reminded me of my sister, who was married to a complete ass. Trust me on this. She finally caught him red-handed in some illegal behavior involving a hidden camera. Used that leverage to get out of the marriage. I was so happy.
Guess who she later got engaged to? His cousin. 
Talk about neural pathways. 
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I feel SO fortunate—for all our family drama, we all get along to varying degrees with siblings & their partners. As a bonus we all like the next generation as well.
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Respectfully I’m a bit confused about your comment.
@Hoggirl hasn’t said anything about not getting along with anyone. In fact I think she’s handling this situation very well. I think she and her sil and separately her mil have a good relationship
Until we have a situation like this and I don’t think many if any of us have, we don’t know how we would react.
My point was that for sil, her response may be because of her life circumstances and how her life has evolved.
My own sibling has had a lot of trauma in her life. Trauma that I haven’t experienced. It changes how she acts and how she processes things. These things are completely separate than my experiences and how I process things
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We all agree that @hoggirl is handling everything fabulously but there is the looming issue of SisIL and MIL’s beau. That is all.
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Well hopefully the ex’s cuz that your sister got engaged to is less of an ass. Either way, it will make for some interesting family gatherings with the in-laws for her.
I haven’t spoken to him in many years, but the only reason they aren’t together is that he lives several hours away and is in charge of his 97yo mother’s care, which right there makes him better than my former BIL, who couldn’t be bothered to lift a finger to do anything nurturing like that much less the “manly” things – mowing the lawn, taking car of the car, etc. My sister did it all.
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If this thread demonstrates anything it is this:
Family. Is. Hard.
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I thought that when he made all those appts when she first went to visit the CCRC (I am still catching up on the thread).
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I just caught up - phew! I look forward to hearing updates. I wish MIL a wonderful and love-filled filled future…just not with Bob.
I hate to be Negative Nelly, but I just don’t see it happening.
Bob needs to be in control. Bob cares about Bob. Bob will divorce and/or ship MIL off to assisted living the minute she gets sick and then start shopping for wife #6…
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That didn’t work out well for Henry VIII!
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@Hoggirl, what is the latest news concerning Bob’s pneumonia?
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On the same lines–my BIL died (and he was wonderful) but it left a real void (of course) in my sister’s life. So amongst the trials of paperwork is the question “what do I do now?” and I can only say “Anything you want!”. The money is there and she’s in relatively good health. She can move anywhere, travel anywhere. Buy what she wants. But only if she can decide what it is she wants. And if a decision proves wrong–you still have options. But it’s time to look at wants and not always needs.
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One of the things recommended is not to make any huge impulsive decisions. Put funds in money market or similar and think a bit.
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If my sister makes any decision impulsive or not it would be a step forward.
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Huh—I have a sister like that too!
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Depending on Bob’s health, things might be very different after Bob recovers as much as he is going to and may give MIL pause, especially if he becomes more reclusive and more sickly and needing more care (since you said MIL is not a caregiver).
I don’t really know. I assume he is getting better. She has not mentioned him at all on our group text.
I think I mentioned upthread (but maybe not) that we know he is returning to visit mil in her town, we believe on September 8th. Mil texted sil that she could not go to lunch on Friday the 12th as had been planned. Same group: mil, sil, Friend L, and Friend C. However, she just told sil, “I can’t go. Bob will be in town.” She has yet to tell Friend L and Friend C she isn’t going to that planned lunch out
We don’t ask, and she doesn’t tell. Bob is the proverbial elephant in the room.
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I guess you will learn if plans change and Bob isn’t able to travel to MIL’s town as planned due to illness/still being under the weather, etc. Pneumonia can be tough to recover from especially for older patients, and some have lingering coughs and even develop asthma or other lung conditions.