I wish MIL the best as she navigates whatever she decides going forward. I’m sure it must feel good to feel desirable and also have someone new to travel with and be intimate with.
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@HImom This CCRC has a one-year, 100% money back guarantee for the first year. Mil was told two year, “vesting,” of her buy-in amount. Meaning if you leave before living there one year, you get all your buy-in money back. If you leave after one year, you get 50% back. If you leave after two years, you get zero back. Which is interesting because the website says five years (declining balance of 20% per year). Idk if her time period is shorter because her buy-in is lower or if the website isn’t up-to-date.
If you die, your estate gets ZERO. Even if you drop dead one day after moving in. So, for the people buying in to the largest housing (a home like Bob has) the resident could write a check for $450k, move in, drop dead in a week, and that $450k is gone. The no-refund-in-case-of-death is made abundantly clear on the website.
All the questions posed are good ones. Remember, Bob told Wife#4 he could not take care of her after her stint in AL after brief rehab following a total knee replacement. Mil KNOWS he told Wife #4 this. I really don’t know how the fees work when one spouse stays in the independent section but one needs AL, MC, or SN.
Very valid point about a prenup meaning nothing if one spouse has little. Wife #3 (the one who died) had family money. I feel certain she would have had a pre-nup. I imagine she paid for their initial buy-in. Bob and Wife#3 moved in as a couple.
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Her house is not her largest asset. We live in flyover country, and housing prices where mil is are pretty affordable. Plus, leaving the CCRC would be a bad move by Bob because he would give up the certainty of long-term care. Bob s not moving
Bob doesn’t want to be alone. I think that’s the main thing. He strikes me as very clingy and needy. And perhaps h0rny. Whether covering his monthly fees without a spouse contributing makes his situation, “tight,” is unknown. It certainly helps his cash flow if mil marries him and starts contributing $3,600 per month. That is an objective fact.
Agree that Bob, “wants, wants, wants.”
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The CONTRACT executed by MIL would be what is binding, not the website, which could be out of date. Sounds like there’s a lot for MIL to think of.
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Any updates @Hoggirl ?
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Bobgate update:
Text received from sil yesterday after her lunch with mil (mil did go even though Bob is in town visiting her), Friend L, and Friend C:
“It’s gonna happen. Talk to you soon.”
Sil called my dh and then me about an hour and a half after I received that text. Pretty clear mil wasn’t quite ready to share her plans to marry Bob and move, but she did. Sil was surprisingly calm when I talked to her.
Questions from the group at lunch:
“When?” Mil’s response,”Sooner rather than later.”
“What will you do with your house?” Mil’s response, “Keep it for a while.”
Vague responses.
She plans to have a ceremony at her home. Done by a former pastor from her church. Sil and Friend C do not plan to attend but did not say that to mil. Friend L asked, “What if I, ‘object,’ when the pastor asks if there are any objections?” And, mil responded, “Then I will say, ‘FU.’” I kid you not. Sil reminded her they were in a nice restaurant. I’m not sure why she wants to have a ceremony at her home rather than a quickie wedding at the courthouse. I don’t think mil will receive the enthusiasm she expects from family and friends. Per Friend L (who is also a neighbor), mil is the laughingstock of the neighborhood right now.
She is coming back here on Monday with him. Not sure if she is bringing her checkbook or not. Hopefully, she will engage dh in a financial meeting at the CCRC as she promised. However, she has yet to call and even tell him her plans. If dh does not hear from her by Monday, he will call her.
Early birthday gathering for dear nephew happening today as I type. Sil already told him. IF mil tells him she is marrying Bob, he is just going to say, “Mom told me.” I’m not sure what to do about telling our own ds when we have our weekly FaceTime visit tomorrow.
To be continued…
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This made me sad 
As much as I hate that your MIL is uprooting her life so quickly, I would hope her friends could muster up some support. The last thing people should want is for her to become estranged from her community and her friends/family.
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This makes me sad.
DS knows the situation, right, if not the speed?
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Yes, our ds knows the situation. He was at her house when she initially shared her, “little secret,” on Mother’s Day weekend.
I am pretty sure I have shared with him that she previously said nothing was happening before the end of the year. While she only said, “sooner rather than later,” at lunch we take that to now mean sooner than the end of the year.
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I think the most troubling aspect is the speed of it all to get married. They have not been “dating” that long. I realize they are no spring chickens when looking at time, but this is just very fast. I’m happy for your MIL that she may have found a partner, but I do not understand the rush to get married in such a fast time frame. I’m wondering if there is a respectful way of chatting with her about her reasons for the rushed time frame and what is stopping her from giving it more time before this major committment and move, etc. That would not be telling her what to do, but opening it up as food for thought.
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That’s how I took it, too. Maybe she’s pregnant!
UGH.
I guess I’d tell ds that things are moving quickly now and that she told SIL and friends she intends to marry Bob.
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Maybe they feel they are making her face the truth, that she’s risking a lot and, well acting like a teenager.
There are times in my life when I listened to my friends but wouldn’t listen to my family. I can understand your MIL’s desire to live the last of her life as she wants to, happy with Bob and spending her last dime to be happy, but I don’t think she’s thinking long term (not 5 or 10 years, but even 1 year). I don’t think her friends should be laughing at her but maybe one could get through, even if just to suggest a longer engagement.
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That sounds like an excellent approach!
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Well, all I can say is after we all have been so invested, I hope we get an invite to the wedding…. 
Seriously though, still time for things to change but at this time it seems like MIL is going to do what she wants and no family member is going to stop her. Her prerogative. I just hope she moves forward with no regrets.
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How did the meeting with her siblings go? Any feedback there?
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@soozievt - I also don’t understand the rush. I feel certain it is Bob. Remember, when mil first told us about Bob she said, “Bob has a problem. Bob likes to be married.”
@twoinanddone - I think everyone has tried to point out the concerns. She just doesn’t want to hear it.
I truly believe she made up her mind after the first time he visited her.
Oh. The neighborhood has a monthly birthday bash at a nearby Mexican restaurant. It was Thursday, so mil took Bob. Friend L (as a neighbor) was also in attendance. She noted that Bob poked mil when the check came, and she paid for their dinner. Now, maybe that’s their arrangement - he pays at his place, and she pays at hers. Idk.
But, it’s a far cry from what happened when we went out with mil and sil when we were in their town last weekend. As we headed out, mil said to dh, “I assume you’re buying, so I don’t need to bring my purse.”
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If that’s their arrangment then no need to poke her. That made me think of that poke in the stomach!
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Visits with the her siblings:
Btw, this intel comes from the cousins of dh and sil 
They met the younger brother and his wife at a restaurant for lunch. Thought he was deaf and delightful. So, they liked him okay. But they do not like the fact that he has been married four times. Cousin said Bob bragged a lot about his academic career at the university and his CCRC. Said mil could hardly get a word in.
Then went to elder brother (age 93) his wife’s home later that same afternoon. Both daughters (the first cousins of dh and sil) were there. Not much intel from them. But elder brother and his wife both wonder what mil is thinking.
I’m nervous about how fast this has all happened – but then I remind myself that they’ve actually known each other since high school. But then I remind myself that they didn’t know each other that well back then. But then I remind myself that even if she had known him well back then, she didn’t consider him long-term marriage material, so “knowing him well” doesn’t really count. And then I remind myself that she’s a full-grown woman with a reasonable mind of her own, so, after all is said and done, which it has been, all we can really do is be supportive.
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Yes, she will often exclaim, “I’ve know him over 70 years!”
But, that’s hardly accurate. He came to only one class reunion. Maybe their 25th? 30th? He is not on social media at all, so it isn’t even like they’ve had that connection.