Personally, I think any tips and tricks are perfect for the parents helping parents thread
Not to beat a dead horse but @Hoggirl and family are not driving this bus. Mil and Bob seem to be on their own timeline and are going to do what they want to despite any advice or suggestions to the contrary.
I guess the suggestion of spending some time at the CRCC before buying in (or marrying) isn’t going to happen as she is buying in about two weeks from now when she spends her first full week there. Don’t know when the wedding is, but already she is going to commit to living at the CRCC very quickly. Oh well. It is what it is.
This! So much this!
We are doing the best we can to offer advice, be involved, etc, but in the end, mil is her own person who has autonomy to do whatever she wants.
The CCRC has a guest policy. No more than 7 days at a time, and not more than 30 days within a calendar year (presumably for the same guest). She will be at 21-22 days after this visit.
Unfortunately, I don’t think Bob does much of anything on the campus. Mil plays hand and foot. I had seen that on the activities calendar. I mentioned to her. She had seen it as well, but it requires a partner, and he doesn’t play. BUT, he also said he had no idea it was even offered.
Gotcha!
PS, never heard of a game called hand and foot. I only heard that as a disease, LOL!
What are we all going to do when this season of “Octogenarian Romances” is over???
The Octogenarian Newlywed Show!
Followed by The Octogenarian Travel Show! Hopefully, it will be a happy show.
Maybe with his hearing loss he has to rely on his other senses more. Like his sense of touch. Which may be why he likes being married, and why your mil is enjoying herself so much!
That’s foot and mouth, I think?? 
Yup. But there is also Hand, foot, and mouth. Too many diseases affecting similar body parts combinations! 
That’s foot and mouth, I think??
There’s this: Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease:
At least this is a very educational thread. I learned there is a game called Hand and Foot and you learned there is a disease called Hand, Foot, & Mouth.
Oh, shoot. I was thinking of HOOF and mouth disease. Not foot and mouth 
That one is sometimes called “foot and mouth” - just to add a bit more confusion!
With reluctance to answer the “marriage date” question and her not wanting to “live in sin”, are you sure they didn’t already tie the knot?
Not in our county. I check the online marriage records every day while she’s up here.
I’m having a hard time accessing the ones in her county.
I’ve wondered all along if they’d just go do it and tell everyone after the fact. Sil thinks not - especially since mil mentioned having a ceremony with a minister at her house. To me, they could still do that symbolically, though.
I had lunch with a friend yesterday, and she has a friend whose octogenarian mom did just that - eloped with her 94-year-old boyfriend and didn’t tell a soul until after. Difference was they had dated a couple of years. My friend’s friend was really hurt by that. Kind of similar in that no one thought she should marry him, but this guy was pushing for marriage from the beginning.
EDiT: nothing in her county either.
Second edit: BUT, it looks like they have 60 days from issuance to return it to have it recorded. If they did it at a courthouse, I can’t imagine they wouldn’t just return it immediately after. There is no wait period in our state from application to getting married.
But I thought MIL wants a prenup and knows your husband is getting legal advice to draw one up?
If that is still the case, I think your husband asking MIL for a time frame with regard to the marriage to discuss with the lawyer is appropriate.
Yeah, we think that’s reasonable as well!!
Dh cannot go to her town to meet with the attorney this week, so sil will accompany her. I think sil can keep it together in front of the attorney. We figure the date issue will come up at that meeting. We figure the atty will ask. I mean, she needs to know a timeframe of some sort for getting this work done. Post-nups can be done as well.
I really don’t think they secretly got married. Or that they will do that on the future. Especially since mil wants to involve a minister. I think she wants the attention. As I’ve said before, I don’t think she’s going to receive the enthusiasm for attending the ceremony that she expects.
Sil plans to leverage the meeting with the attorney as much as she can. “What advice would you give Mom, re: commingling assets?” “What advice would you give Mom re: changing her name?” That sort of phrasing.
Sil had not considered a name change possibility until dh mentioned.
When we were at dinner, we were kind of talking through all the things she has to do re: the buy-in: gathering financial info, moving $ into her checking account, obtaining prior year tax returns, getting forms to her doctor, setting up an appointment with the social worker at the CCRC, etc. I said, “Gosh, mil, you have a lot to do.” And, then I looked at Bob and said, “You don’t have to do anything.” He replied, “That’s right,” with a wink and a grin.
Don’t know if I’ve mentioned before that he’s a winker. I’m personally not a fan of winkers, in general.
A winker. GAH.
