Haha, my BF from HS has been through 2-3 divorces and I believe has kids from at least 2 of them. I haven’t seen him in literally 50 years. No spark burning for him from me. He did call me about 45 years ago and I was puzzled. H told me to tell him I was very happily married with two great kids. I did and he never reached out again.
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Trust, maybe not. But especially later in life, there is a comfort and joy to being with someone you walked the same path with many years ago. It’s a connection to your youth and who you were when you were young. (And all that goes with it - carefree, world is your oyster, fearless, attractive, athletic, Yada yada.) We can’t experience that today, but being with someone who was there can make that experience real again.
Speaking for myself, I find that old friends often put me back in touch with a part of me that is not a big part of who I am today - for any number of reasons- but a part I really like and embrace. Guessing I am not alone!
Also, this couple may see each other as their younger selves, and that may spark some of that sexual connection. If they met for the first time today, they might see each other as oldsters, but they see that younger version they knew in each other.
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Very true. It was so nice to have my college roommate (and her husband from same college) stay with me and husband (also from same college) a few years ago when they were in the area. After a few minutes it just felt like old times. In that case we’d kept up with each other via annual holiday newsletter. But gosh, nothing like being in the same place. I vividly remember us sitting around my kitchen table two years ago, playing cards and laughing.
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I totally get that. There is definitely something about having shared experiences and memories. I think it’s one reason that high school class reunions get better and better over time. The differences between cliques and interests that existed in high school recede and the commonalities become more prevalent.
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Two of my best friends are from junior high. I met them when I was in 7th grade. I’m currently planning a trip to Scandinavia with one of them and her husband. Went on a tour of Japan with the other friend & her husband plus many other trips we’ve been on together—Alaska cruise, Yellowstone and DC. One friend likes in OKC and the other in LA.
Several of H’s best friends are folks he’s known since he was in grade school or at least or early 20s—60+ years ago.
One of our friend groups is a bunch of folks who knew one another since grade school.
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I guess the difference in our friendships is we have all kept in touch & gotten together regularly over the intervening years and decades and not just tried to connect due to another failed marriage.
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@Hoggirl you’ll let us know if there comes a time when we should not be so mean about Bob, right? I mean, at some point they may marry and maybe we shouldn’t keep dumping on him as he’s now family.
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Renewing a friendship with long absent high school friends is different TO ME than moving in/marrying them! In a matter of months! I am all for happiness though - and if they are both happy and it’s not just an “arrangement” for one or both - then go for it (while protecting your assets!)
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Mil texted sil and me today that she and Bob are coming back to our/his town on Monday. She’ll be here until the 16th of October. She also texted that she plans to become a resident of the CCRC during this time.
That’s all I’ve got to report at the moment.
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My take (not that it matters!)….
At least 1,000 posts ago (LOL), when I first participated in this discussion, I saw no problem with MIL entering into a new relationship at her age with someone. I’m happy for her that she has found joy in this relationship. As time has gone on, my main hesitation has been their rush to get married. I realize they are not spring chickens, but it just seems too fast to make that kind of commitment. We discussed ideally, if MIL could spend more time with Bob and also at the CCRC to see what it was like with him over time and living together, but also how she liked living in the CCRC, etc. made good sense. However, a sort of glitch in that seemingly ideal plan is that the CCRC limits visits to just 30 days per year and MIL was closing in on that maximum. Given that, I think right now, the best situation is evolving in that she will spend more time with Bob, isn’t getting married yet, still maintains her home, though has to buy into the CCRC which feels like a bit of a commitment, though I suppose she could back out later and lose some money. So, it seems like it is as best as it can be if she cannot keep visiting Bob without buying in (though honestly, he could spend time with her where she lives instead before she commits to buying in and living together).
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Everyone’s takes matter!
That is the beauty of having an anonymous hive mind from which to draw thoughts, insights, experiences, and opinions!
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To me, it makes sense for MIL & Bob to have some fun & see how this goes. Sounds like this current plan without marriage is the way they can spend some time at CCRC so MIL can make a better choice about what she may really want going forward.
Honestly the buy-in and 50% of the monthly fee isn’t an outrageous way for her to see how well things proceed. I’m glad the wedding isn’t being rushed to precede all of this.
It’s nice she will get a portion of her buy-in back if she moves out & decides it’s not for her. This is starting to sound like a better option for MIL and Bob to make better choices.
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This is increasingly my sense too. MIL is rapidly moving forward in her exploration of marriage without jumping in. Maybe @Hoggirl and her family planted enough seeds for her to be prudent. The real question is whether MIL can remain comfortable “living in sin” as hundreds of posts ago, we learned that “marriage was what her generation did”.
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True. But even that has changed somewhat. My parents and inlaws were all born in the “silent generation” and would never have considered “living in sin”. My siblings and I as well as H and his sisters would never have gotten away with that either! But by the time they had grandchildren of age, both sets of parents were nonchalant about it.
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Haha, my mom told me that she disapproved of her grandchildren living together before marriage. And then sniffed that none of them care what grandma thinks
Living together without marriage would be a nonstarter for her.
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My sister and I would have been disowned if we had lived with anyone before marriage! And now all our kids are…
My nephew didn’t want to send my dad a check for money he owed, because he didn’t want Dad to notice that the address on the check had his and his fiancée’s names on it and figure out they were living together.
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Of my S and all my nieces & nephews who married or got engaged, only two nieces DID NOT live with significant other before getting engaged & married. My S and 3 nephews and 2 nieces did live with significant others before marrying (or getting engaged).
Of my friends’ kids, I believe their kids lived with significant others before marrying as well—it’s so common, especially as people are often marrying at later ages.
A lot of serious couples moved in together during covid (or like a niece spilt up during covid).
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I’m in favor of living together before marriage for any adult age. Two of mine did, the third one likely will - and I think @Hoggirl MIL should!
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I met husband almost 50 years ago and moved in with him the next year when his roommate left town (we were already in the same apartment building). And we married almost 40 years ago, so ten years of fun 
. My dad the Rabbi was not comfortable with the situation. But my mom said if Betty Ford could accept it, so could she (Ms Ford had famously discussed the idea of her daughter and premarital sex).
FYI husband the avoider of controversy didn’t tell his parents for two years, until his sister came to visit. I was not happy about that, but it’s a long time ago now.
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My great aunt too, until her husband died and she met another gentleman, and they couldn’t get married for financial reasons as until (and aunt) were city/state pension people and I think the 85 year old boyfriend also had some kind of retirement fund issues. They lived together for several years and then did get married (maybe for a year?) but they are both buried with original spouses in different states, and everyone was fine with it (all their children and relatives.
Financially it was just better to live together and file separate taxes
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