Through February.
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Honestly, I’d consider asking her if she’d like to go dress shopping with you one day (IF you are emotionally okay with helping her do that). She’s aware time is not on her and Bob’s side, and maybe helping her select a special dress to wear to the courthouse would let her know that you recognize it’s her life choices not yours or SIL or DH’s, and that while you may disagree with their plans to marry and to sell her house, etc, that ultimately you support her and want her to be happy.
(Bc that’s what we would all want if it was our kid say getting married etc; we may not be thrilled with a decision to marry, but we don’t want them to be sad or feeling judged. Thus, put our feelings aside a bit and try to support our loved one as much as possible.)
(I’ve had my Lunesta so this may be rambling. My apologies!)
Hugs to you Hoggirl! This is hard, I know.
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Whoo boy! I have some thoughts and a suggestion
Maybe your mil is a conflict avoider. If she is, I would take what she says with a big grain of salt. (Is that the saying?)
She might be saying what she thinks is the path of least resistance. She thought if she told sil that she wasn’t going to sell the house, that sil would be appeased. Being cagey about getting married? Doesn’t want the conflict and doesn’t want anyone to rain on her parade.
It could be that now that mil has moved in, Bob isn’t willing to drive back and forth. It could be in a moment of clarity, mil isn’t sure that Bob should be driving that far. Who knows
My one piece of advice. If mil wants to sell the house, great! Let her figure it out. It’s one thing to say you want to do something, it’s another to actually go through the work to get the house ready and to go through all the stuff. That’s why so many are going through their parents piles and piles of stuff after they’ve passed away or are moving.
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It’s a done deal. She knows her mind, she knows what she wants to do, and she’s even got a timetable. @Hoggirl : You’ve been a great DIL, and from ere on out you’re just going to be an observer. And supporter, but it’s a done deal.
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Agree. It’s a done deal. Sort of shocking for everyone. But I’ve always felt it was more about a change of scenery than about Bob. He was just the catalyst for a change she’s needed. I’m sure it’s very hard to be in your 80’s and sense death knocking at your door and your life just boring. This is something to take your mind off of it and have some fun. In her mind her family has several decades to live, enjoy Life….but she’s on borrowed time. How her family feels about it….well, in her mind they’ll get over it. I’ve seen this attitude with my own MIL.
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I don’t believe both parties need to share their balance sheets for a prenup. Both of my kids have one. It says joint accounts and assets are to be split in a certain way, and they each keep accounts and assets in their names.
D2’s husband bought an apartment before they got married, and it remains in his name. They have a joint account where they each contribute equitable amount to pay for their joint living expenses. In the future if they should buy another real estate they would own equity share of the real estate proportionally to their contribution of the down payment.
Even if your MIL should not do a pre-nup I would have her open a joint account with Bob and only transfer necessary money to pay for their joint expenses. Do not add Bob to her other accounts.
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This particular pre-nup requires a balance sheet to be provided by each party. As well as a consultation with each party’s attorney outside the presence of the other party. Both balance sheets are incorporated by reference into the pre-nup. I’ve read the document. It might not be necessary, but this is how this one is drafted. My dh had a house before we married. I was never added to the title. I like the idea of a balance sheet because I’m not sure Bob has been particularly forthcoming with mil about what he does (or does not) have.
Mil’s attorney did mention that they could open a joint working account for bill paying. But otherwise said not to commingle assets.
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Why not get a different lawyer? The language could be very straight forward - whatever is in your name is yours (past, present and future), and whatever is joint is split X% wise. If you use balance sheet, then do you need to update it whenever you get new asset?
I assume that the prenup is to protect the assets each had going into the marriage.
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@hoggirl‘s husband drew it up and both parties agreed to it. No need to change things now, imho. As to future updates of balance sheets, nothing she’s posted here would indicate that.
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In our state, full financial disclosure is required for a prenup, I believe. So is independent advice of counsel. Otherwise, it might be unenforceable. So this could be a legal requirement in HG’s state.
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Consulted ChatGPt, in a state like CT, “disclosure of assets, liabilities, income, and the nature of the property is statutorily required.”
In NY state, “The statute does not explicitly spell out the precise level of financial disclosure required. Rather, enforceability hinges on whether the agreement was entered into voluntarily, whether there was adequate knowledge or disclosure, and whether the terms are fair.”
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My husband and I did not have a prenup (and perhaps had never heard of it back in 1985). The one that I’ve seen did have addendum sections with asset list for each, I assume as a way to document the “before” net worth etc. It is not clear to me whether the two parties always see the other asset list of if it could just be filed with prenup at lawyer’s office.
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Respectfully, “consulted ChatGPT” is not a reliable method to source information; it is occasionally correct, and repeatedly, terribly wrong, incomplete, and misleading. And if one doesn’t know the answer to the question themselves, they will not be able to evaluate whether or not the result is accurate, applicable, or complete.
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Realistically, if a couple is saying “the assets that I bring to the marriage will remain mine as will my liabilities “, attaching the list of those – a balance sheet - is the easiest way of laying those out.
I have been the executor for estates where the deceased had a pre-nup, and it was very helpful to have this delineated this way - for everyone involved!
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Respectfully, that’s why you need human in the loop. The source AI is referenced can be checked. If it is incorrect, you can give feedback to AI and can help train it. The statues in both states referenced by ChatGPT were checked out by me.
I have two young staff on my team who are working on an AI project. They are learning to write prompts for AI to get good results. One requirement is every result needs to have reference so we could check on the accuracy.
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I live in CT…correct for CT.
Oh, no, no, no!
My husband did the balance sheet required by the CCRC for her buy-in. He would update it (since she now has $109k less…) for the pre-nup. my dh is not an attorney.
Each party provides their own balance sheet before they marry. It isn’t updated. Each party is to seek independent counsel - with the other party not even being present.
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Got it - you’re indeed using it in a way that most people are not!
AI and ChatGPT use are akin to the saying about credit cards being like chainsaws: incredibly useful and incredibly dangerous.
For the majority of users, distressingly, ChatGPT is leading people astray—while making them even more convinced that they’re getting better results than they ever did before. It’s something we’re all needing to grapple with these days. 
Balance sheets are not required to be updated. The initial balance sheets just provide lists of their individual assets and liabilities prior to marriage.
Nothing prevents mil and Bob from commingling assets in the future. The hope is that they would NOT. But, Mil can give every dime she has to Bob tomorrow. She can add his name on anything she owns. She has to be the one to insure asset traceability and how any future acquired items are titled (though, it’s not like they will be acquiring any real estate together) and whether or not she co-signs any debt with him.
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