Most of the families I know in similar situations to yours do not become the Brady Bunch. But some modest level of connectivity is helpful when one of the parents falls, gets sick, needs a higher level of care, etc. It’s tough when the first “all together now” meeting is with the attending physician at the local hospital….
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I can see that, for sure.
None of us even has Bob’s contact information
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Wow, that seems like a big red flag. I text my dad’s Lady Friend pretty frequently. And she contacts me if she has any concerns about Dad. I still don’t want her marrying Dad, though, ha.
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I’ve been following along and agree with others here that Bob is of questionable character. I know you don’t want to make it about the money but what about framing it with the money being something she and your FIL grew together and that her deceased husband wouldn’t like to see his hard earned wealth going to a 2nd husband’s children. The prenup approached as preserving her wealth for her living and if anything left going to her children and grandchildren.
I’ve had several friends whose parent remarried and the 2nd spouse and her children ended up with the assets. For one friend the saddest was the disposal of items that had been her mom’s without asking did she and her siblings want them.
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Have seen this with the second family also. And I’m not talking about a big “money grab” situation- one of the objects in question was an ashtray a friend had made her dad at summer camp. It was pretty ugly, but he kept it on his desk for decades and told his D “I look at it and all I see is that it’s as beautiful as you are to me”.
Who throws out an old arts and crafts project out of spite?
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I wasn’t sure what emoji to post @mom60. But agree 100%. No matter how much/little you MIL has, the assets she and your FIL ( if any) should go to their kids.
I really hope the prenup happens.
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Even though they had a pre-nup, my dad’s wife threw out all the family photos in her purge of his condo. Neighbors actually rescued them and gave them to me. I will always wonder what prompted them to go through those boxes - curiosity, witness to their dynamics, some interaction with her, etc. - and will always be grateful for whatever it was!
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I’m not a big Reddit fan, but it never ceases to amaze me the number of posts on “IATA” that have to do with second or third spouses and their need to erase the previous spouses (and sometimes kids).
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Since MIL will be selling her house and Bob doesn’t seem interested in her stuff, this might be a good time for DH and his sister to request any items of sentimental value.
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Maybe ask your MIL for Bob’s phone number. Say that you’d like to have a back up in case you are trying to get ahold of her and cannot - which is 100% reasonable. I think it’s reasonable for people of all ages but especially those in their 80’s to have back up phone numbers to give people “just in case”. Make it about her, not him.
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Great suggestion.
Or when all else fails- “DS and DH want to invite Bob out for an informal “bachelor party”. Can I have his contact information so they can find a convenient date?”
The last time I had a friend with – let’s call it a questionable significant other, the ONLY way to get his phone number was with the bachelor party ploy. She kept insisting “you don’t need his number (giggle giggle) I pass on every message to him every night”. Or “it’s just more fun when we all get together as a group (no, not fun, he’s an obnoxious and self-righteous prig) so why do you need his number?”
The notion that her friends husbands wanted to spend alone time with him to bond finally did the trick. Got the number. The most paranoid among us (who watches CBS procedurals and is addicted to true crime books) claimed that without his cellphone number the cops wouldn’t be able to trace him if he absconded with her money and passport….
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Delete
No way is my dh going to do that.
Depending on how dh’s pre-nup talk goes with mil, dh may be asking her directly for Bob’s number. I think he was going to reach out to mil today about when they could talk about the status of that. Unfortunately, it is a VERY busy time at work for my dh. Just a terrible time for him to have to be dealing with this as well.
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A bit of good news (I hope).
Dh emailed mil’s attorney yesterday morning and cc’d mil and sil in. Texted mil about the email and also asked for a good time to talk. They spoke on the phone and had a good conversation. By 1:30, mil had emailed her attorney back providing her with all the necessary info re: Bob’s attorney. The wedding date was re-stated, but mil also wrote, “We plan to marry on November 24th, but we won’t proceed until all the necessary documents are taken care of and signed.” Something to that effect. I think that is a very good sign.
Hopefully, Bob will cooperate in all of this. There is no reason he shouldn’t - it’s a completely neutral document and one would think he would want whatever he has to go to his own progeny as well.
Bob is supposed to confer independently (outside the presence of mil) with his own counsel (that happening is attested to in the document). Sil is worried Bob will want mil to go with him. I think because of his poor hearing. If sil gets an inkling that is happening, she will suggest his son go with him. It’s very clear in the document that they are each to meet with counsel away from the other.
Bob will have to pull together a balance sheet. We shall see.
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That is very good news indeed.
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If your MIL has moved into the “Trust but Verify” stage of her romance- hooray!
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Hog girl should go too. My friend let her H and BIL go through their mother’s stuff. They discarded a huge amount of very expensive collectible pieces–just trashed them because they had no idea the value.
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That’s a relief for everyone! Have you been invited to the ceremony?
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Also, do you get a plus-100 for all of us? 
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I don’t think 100 would be enough!
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