No, I have not. I hope I am not. It will just be at the courthouse.
I’m honestly not sure what I will do/say if she asks me to go. Our ds will be in town then, too, since it’s the week of Thanksgiving.
3 Likes
Thanks for letting us accompany you on this fascinating journey!
13 Likes
I am very appreciative to have the support provided here! 
9 Likes
Well, I could just be at the courthouse hanging out, and then report back to this thread.
I’ve never been to Arkansas…
11 Likes
Leaves are beautiful here right now!
2 Likes
I thought of this thread last night when my (just-turned-80) dad announced that he and newish wife had signed to buy a new condo. Totally unprecipitated, and this from the person who live-posts every thought to the family.
6 Likes
Ugh. I don’t understand the, “secrecy,” element at all.
Mil has still not told her siblings she’s getting married.
9 Likes
Wait what? MIL’s siblings don’t know??? Talk about a red flag!
4 Likes
The youngest sister knows because my sil told her. The other two brothers (one older, one younger) do not.
1 Like
Maybe she’s not close to her siblings but to me that is a sign that she KNOWS she is going to get hassle for it or that others won’t approve - or that she knows it’s not the best move - but that she is going to do it anyway!
9 Likes
Ding, ding, ding!
She is (was??) close to the younger sister
5 Likes
Since she and Bob were high school friends, do you think the siblings might know/remember him from then? And not like him …from then?
2 Likes
My dad behaved this way when he got married to his current wife. He tried to hide it from people leading up to the wedding ceremony because he was embarrassed and ashamed of the potential blow-back from people.
In his case, he had good reason to be a bit embarrassed and ashamed of his behavior because the woman he married was still married when they were dating. And he proudly stated that he was the one that pursued her. And he actively pursued her a mere 3 months after my mom died of cancer. And while the woman was still married, he tried to add her to his medical benefits at his workplace, claiming she was a domestic partner. That didn’t work because HR told him that you can’t claim someone as a domestic partner if they’re still married to somebody else.
He wouldn’t even tell anybody what the wedding date was or where the wedding ceremony was going to occur. We learned about it a few days after the ceremony occurred. They had 2 witnesses present for it (friends of his wife). The ceremony occurred on the 1st anniversary of the day that my mom passed away.
Life is short. We all get only so many trips around the sun. If your MIL was going to make a wise choice, she’d tell her siblings ahead of time. Especially if she wants to maintain a relationship with them. Not telling them, in most cases for most people, would be a big mistake and will not help her relationship with her siblings.
My fear for your MIL is that because of Bob’s behavior and how he appears to be, she will become a lot more socially isolated than she currently is. There are some red flags that signal the possibility of some troubled waters later on. However, if her prior relationship was at all similar in nature to how Bob is, maybe that’s what’s familiar to her. I hope everything turns out ok for her.
8 Likes
This is hilarious.
I’m in HR (on the talent side, not the benefits side, but we hear everything). You cannot imagine the hoops people jump through to get random people (i.e. neither domestic partners nor a legal spouse) added to their benefits. And on the backend- you cannot imagine the rage of the current, lawful spouse when the employee sadly dies- and the current lawful spouse discovers that the original, most hated spouse is the beneficiary on both the life insurance AND the retirement benefits. Hey, go yell at the insurance company. We’re just the dopes who sent your spouse a reminder- every single year, often for decades “Please update ALL your personal information including checking your beneficiaries if you’ve had a change in marital or lifestyle status”.
12 Likes
They did a, “sibling,” tour on one of his visits to her town. This was after the Transatlantic crossing but before her buy-in at the CCRC. So all three siblings have been around him recently. But just for an hour or so.
I think mil’s younger brother knew one of Bob’s younger brothers. One of Bob’s two younger brothers has passed away. He did not attend his funeral. I believe he is estranged from the other brother.
3 Likes
That says a lot right there.
2 Likes
I think that estrangement is related to the multiple divorces. I believe he is from a pretty conservative Christian family.
1 Like
Not necessarily. I’m not trying to give Bob a pass, but there are many reasons for sibling estrangement.
Ask me how I know.
15 Likes
In today’s polarized environment, I wouldn’t read too much into not having a big relationship with a sibling
Also after the death of your parents, that thing that you had in common, you don’t anymore. Maybe they don’t have much in common. Maybe there’s not a huge reason other than people are busy with their own lives.
My uncle died a couple of years ago. My mom was in her mid 80’s. She didn’t go to the funeral because she doesn’t travel like she used to.
8 Likes
Yup, there’s a whole host of reasons why siblings might not be on good terms with each other.
4 Likes