I did the exaxt same thing and almost posted a pic on this thread!
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@Hoggirl don’t they need one or two witnesses for the ceremony?
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Nope. Not in our state. No waiting period and no witnesses required. $60 cash
Now, if they think someone is just going to be hanging around the county clerk’s office who can marry them, they will be mistaken.
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Got it. It’s different here.
@hoggirl, I think your position sounds like a sound one with regard to the wedding. It’s one you are comfortable with, understanding all the dynamics, which is so important.
I hope you have a very pleasant tea with MIL.
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In our courthouses, they usually have someone who will witness the marriage. No need to bring anyone else.
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I assume you’re in Vermont? This claims no witnesses are necessary for a civil ceremony.
I didn’t read it very thoroughly, so I don’t know if there is a waiting period.
No, I left Vermont 11 years ago. One of my daughters got married in NYC at City Hall. I was there. Her sister was the official witness. They had a marriage ceremony there. One witness was required. You have to wait 24 hours after obtaining the marriage license.
She had a second wedding ceremony at a synagogue.
I didn’t live in NYC at the time (I lived in Boston), but I do now.
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Just a guess, but I think the feeling of complete dislike and disgust for Bob is a predominant reason.
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You don’t need witnesses in Colorado but there are two lines on the marriage license for them so most people want them so the license looks pretty. In fact you don’t even need a license and can just say ‘we’re married’ but life is a lot cleaner if you get the license as then you can prove it easily
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I mean I get that. I am not going to choose to make people in my life who make choices I don’t like that disposable. It’s an hour or two. We all have to make our own choices.
There are times you do things because it’s what you want to do and there are times you do things because it’s the right thing to do. No one needs to kiss Bob on the cheeks congratulations but this is a life milestone for MIL. Who knows maybe having someone there would help give her a last minute change of mind and get away! 
.
Sorry I forgot the 
. I do not advocate doing the I’m watching you gesture. But hopefully being there will convey that message.
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Good news - no mention at all about my presence being desired at the courthouse. Those concerns of mine were unfounded.
Bad news - she seemed very disengaged from me. I felt like she didn’t want to be there at all. She was polite/cordial but not warm. I felt like I was carrying the entire conversation. She answered my questions, but there was not a natural conversational flow. The most pointed thing I asked was how her siblings reacted when she told them she was getting married. “I haven’t told them.” I told her I’m sure her younger sister would be sad she was moving away. No comment.
She doesn’t seem particularly happy to me. Her eyes seem, “vacant.” She seemed tired to me. All that initial giddiness is gone. I think they are trying to work through the pre-nup stuff. She said, “All legalese.” I told her to ask her attorney questions about things she doesn’t understand. They’ve gotten a quote from a mover. I think they are trying to work through all the various logistics, but I think she (probably him, too) is overwhelmed. She failed at getting her mail forwarded. She can’t figure out how to change her voter registration. They (she???) are STILL cleaning out stuff in the CCRC home. No idea why that is taking sooooo long. Don’t know if it’s his accumulated stuff or leftovers from wives 3 and 4 or a combination of all of the above.
I am not inclined to want to invite her to continue to do things with me because today was not fun. However, i do fear further isolation if I don’t. I think our being local to her is an inconvenience to her/them.
Sorry I didn’t wait until the teapots and goodies on tiered plates were displayed before taking a pic.
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I’m sorry she seems to already be withdrawing. I hope things improve over time. So kind if you to take her to tea. I’m sorry she never mentioned the marriage to her siblings. Maybe she’s starting to realize the enormity of what she’s doing?!?!
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That sounds pretty weird to me.
Maybe she was stressed out with the mechanics of everything that has to be accomplished?
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Probably
Can you imagine at her/his age having to manage the merging of two households, a few hours from each other. The physical let alone the emotional toil would take a toll.
It maybe felt so easy to them. Fall in love/like, have a partner again, someone who is there when you wake up and go to sleep…but the reality is, it’s a lot of strain and for her leaving her life she has known really.
Your summary of today makes me sad for all of you. You have tried so hard and not Overstepped boundaries.
It seems like here you are a couple Weeks out from a wedding - and no one is happy.
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It would be good if MIL took a significant “time out” and really thought this through because it doesn’t sound like there was any of that so far. I am sorry she doesn’t sound happy—reality intruding on the daydream for her. If BOB is always there it must be hard for her to have time and space to think on her own.
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Hoping MIL is simply overwhelmed by how much needs to happen and isn’t feeling unhappy about what they are.
Totally different situation, but my mom – who had decided herself to move to a CCRC, and who was actually handling the logistics pretty well - hit a point in the process where she just sort of shut down. To the point that now, several years later, she still regrets that she didn’t hang on to more things that meant something to her because during that period, nothing much mattered to her at all. That shutdown was how she put one foot in front of the other.
I’m sorry that being with MIL was so much work for you but am glad for MIL that she has you because honestly, it sounds like she needs support and has isolated herself from most who could provide it.
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