So far, it doesn’t appear MIL invited anyone to wedding or even shared exact details so anyone could be present.
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“You don’t marry the man; you marry the family.” Said my mother. She was right. Those people are with you for a hellishly long time.
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True dat.
I remember when we first got engaged, both H and I were a little daunted by the size of our respective families. Between siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins (many generations of cousins) it seemed like a LOT of names, histories to catch up, etc.
Now after decades- thank GOD. You know there will always be someone to talk to at a family event even if you are avoiding the toxic ones, the needy ones, the pathetic ones. There will always be someone really interesting who is interested in you, when you get tired of the “Can you believe Joe left his fiancee at the altar and ran off with Marilyn?” (NB- Joe is 75, the fiancee in question has been happily married for 50 years, and the altar in question wasn’t so much an altar as “Fiancee and Joe were about to elope when they both came to their senses”.) When you are new to the family these stories are fascinating and charming- after the 498th retelling, and now that you’ve figured out that there was no scandal, AND that it happened when Nixon was president…. well, first, second and third cousins are really a relief sometimes!!!
OP- you are the kind of DIL every mother wishes she had!
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A gift article from today’s NYT -
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Thank you for sharing that. I can only hope mil and Bob have a few nice years together. There are definitely some similarities - the secrecy, the speed, the not needing anyone’s permission (which is true). This seemed like a mostly happy story with the bittersweet inevitability of aging woven through it.
Countdown is on - T minus 10 days…
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Such a sweet story. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for sharing that article - really sweet.
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Oh, that made me tear up. It’s hard seeing my dad like a woman other than my mom, but I know she makes him happy, and that’s what counts.
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TL;DR
Apologies this got VERY long and rant-y. Bottom line is we are concerned about long spans of no communication, a lack of judgment, and mil acquiescing to whatever Bob wants.
So - Bob and mil went to NOLA last Wednesday - Friday. She said she was getting the sniffles when they flew back to Bob’s/our town on Friday. They were driving back to her town on Sunday. Her text Sunday morning was, “I have a horrible cold, but we’re coming anyway.” We received that text at 7:30 yesterday morning. Then radio silence. We did not know what time they were leaving, but at 2:30 sil texted her on our group text of three, “Have you made it yet?” At 3:50 I texted on there as well: “Piling on! Are you there yet?” Even with his refuse-to-drive-on-the-interstate driving it should be a max of four to four and a half hours (with stops). At 6:00 pm sil called. Straight to voicemail. At 6:45 my dh enters the chat. Now, we don’t know when they left, but they only drive VERY short distances after dark, and it is long after dark. So sil was trying to decide if she should go over to mil’s house, but mil finally texted around 8:00. “Sorry. We got here around 4:30 and went out to dinner.” Y’all may disagree, but we find this lack of consideration maddening. It takes three seconds to text a, “here,” or, “made it.” These are two 86-year-old people driving 150 miles. Let us know when you get there! I should add that this has historically been the M.O. in our family when any of us are traveling. It’s common courtesy!
The interior of the CCRC home is being painted this week. So, that was one reason they went to her house/town. On the agenda in her town were her going to sign the pre-nup (supposed to have happened today) and their attending two parties. This morning at 7:30 mil texts - “Do you think we could postpone my signing the prenup until later this week? I need to go to the doctor or if not available, urgent care.” Sil says to call atty’s office at 8:30 when they open. She can take her any other day this week. Radio silence again. At 9:30 sil texts, “Any word from the atty/doctor’s offices? Sil finally has to call at noon. Mil sounds horrible. They were heading out to the doc’s. Again, we are worried!! Communicate!!! Welp, she tested positive for the flu. So, now they can’t do the fun things on this week’s schedule.
But, THEN, after sil does a ding dong door dash of soup to mil’s house, mil texts her that they are thinking of driving back here tomorrow! So they can be back before Bob gets sick. ??? What?! “So he can drive.” So, it’s like they are coming back to his town in anticipation of his getting sick. Sil: “Why would you do that?” Mil: “So Bob can drive.” Even though SHE is the one with the better vision and who will drive on the interstate. But, please see above where I wrote the CCRC home is being painted this week! So, they’d drive back and stay in a hotel. What kind of cockamamie idea is this??? Gee? I wonder who came up with it? It isn’t the pre-nup - the law firm has an office in our town, too. So, she could go sign there. They can no longer do the fun things they planned, so they figure they should come back to Bob’s/our town. And pay to stay in a hotel?? When she has the flu. When they could just stay put until she (or both of them if he also gets it) is well!!
Sil called mil and said she lost it trying to explain why this idea was nonsensical. To no avail. Then she called dh. He texted mil. Seems like his reasoning changed her/their minds. Stay put until you are well!! In your home which is free! It was the exact same reasoning as sil’s!
IMO, Bob expects women to submit. Mil is used to submitting. When she finally responded yesterday after not hearing from them for over twelve hours, it was a response to dh. When dh stepped in, this driving back to Bob’s town idea got dismissed (at least we hope). We all talked about this on the phone tonight. It isn’t dh’s fault that mil is wired this way, but she is more responsive to dh than she is to sil. I think it’s simply because he is a man. I know it’s hurtful to her.
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You probably won’t be surprised, but our family is the same way when traveling. We let people know when we’ve made it to our gate or arrived home after a visit. That kind of thing.
Has Bob signed his prenup?
ETA: My mom listened to my brother more than anyone, even when he was clueless about something. A penis is a powerful thing! 
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Glad they listened to your husband. Who wants to stay in a hotel with the flu when you can stay in your own home? And who wants to go on a three-hour drive with the flu?
As an aside, did they not get flu shots?
I hope she gets better soon.
Also, yes, when you have an ongoing understanding of letting family know you arrive after a trip, it makes it worse when one skips doing that because it was expected and adds worry.
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I’m dying!!
Yes, he signed last Monday.
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We don’t know. Don’t they also give more potent ones after a certain age?
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Yes, I think the dose for the flu shot is higher if over 65. I’m over 65, and that’s what I got.
Hope they got the flu shot, as well as the Covid shot.
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Yes but I’m betting that they didn’t get their flu shots.
Idk if it’s a man thing. It may be that your husband asks less and so it’s more of a I guess we should listen to John (not your H’s name) since he only asks when he really thinks something should be done. Could be a man thing in that he’s not one to get in the weeds with his mom. That’s how my husband is.
Still annoying
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Wow, I’m sorry you guys are having to deal with these irresponsible people who don’t show the courtesy of letting you know that they safely arrived after a prolonged drive, especially if that’s the norm for you MIL.
Hope MIL gets appropriate treatment and is soon better. Tamiflu is best taken shortly after symptoms begin, so she needs to get it pronto if she’s planning to take it. For ME, it makes a world of difference when I start Tamiflu. It really nips my symptoms in the bud but I start it immediately.
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First thing I thought is , there is a lesser respect for women here.
The second thing I thought is I’m concerned about the judgement of both people here - I. Addition to other things already mentioned, why would someone who is ill want to go out for dinner and how is that a good idea?!
I’m really concerned about this long drive between the two places.
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I’d have your dh talk to her about doing location sharing on her phone. He can tell her that he’s worried about them driving back and forth and since communication/texting isn’t happening this will give him comfort that she got where she needed to be. All the kids are doing that these days 
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The listening to men but not women is a real thing with a lot of women in that generation. My MiL and H’s aunt were definitely like that, as was my mom to some extent. Very annoying.
As for not letting you know what’s going on, that can be dangerous, but again my parents and in laws didn’t always get that either. I asked my mother to take her phone with her when driving in case something happened and she said “ someone will come along and help “.
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Her symptoms (sniffles) started Friday. She received her TamiFlu and an antibiotic (?) yesterday.
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