So it may be Bob’s fault about the car but I also think expecting an 86-year old to drive 3 hours on the interstate is a LOT. I wouldn’t be surprised in MIL decided that was beyond her and is saying so in a passive/aggressive way. My own mother who is a little bit older can barely manage the mile drive to her church. There is no freaking way she would drive even a short distance on the highway at this point - and she was a good, competent driver until a few years ago.
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You’re right. There are exceptions of course but this age - later 80’s is when we are on another thread talking about taking keys away.
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We used an estate sale company for some of my MIL’s stuff.
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Funny you say that. I’m thinking that if there was some way to have wrested the car from my 86yo mother, I would’ve taken it! This could be a blessing in disguise. Do two 86yos really need two cars? It would irk me that the decisions was made because Butthole Bob couldn’t be bothered to clean his garage, but the eventual outcome isn’t entirely undesirable, IMO.
@Hoggirl , can y’’all keep her car at your place?
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And isn’t there non-garage (outside) parking at the CCRC?
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“Butthole Bob.” 
If only Bob were his real name! However, I can also think of an adjective that is both apt and alliterative with his actual name!
I agree on the driving. She drives Bob’s car when she is here. But not much. They have a straight shot to Walmart. He knows his way around because he’s lived here over 55 years, so I think he does most of the driving when they are together in the car. When she rides with me she gets turned around.
When they have been driving back and forth between the two towns, she does drive on the interstate. He will not. He chooses back roads that are windy and full of woods and deer - brilliant idea (sarcasm).
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@mominva - they have a driveway, but I’m guessing for aesthetic reasons and rules, visible parking is not allowed long-term. There is visitor parking at the CCRC, but most of that is near the apartments - not near the homes where they live.I have read complaints online about parking shortages as well.
@Youdon_tsay - we do NOT have room for her car. We have a two-car garage and a very short driveway that isn’t full-length.
I don’t think it’s our responsibility to store her car anymore than it is sil’s responsibility to, “temporarily,” keep some things (even if some are things she eventually wants when mil passes). I think either of those would be kicking the can down and enabling both of them to not deal with the circumstances they themselves have created. To me, now is the time for some, “reality discipline.” Face the consequences of what you have chosen.
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I was thinking that having the car in town might force Bob’s hand a bit in terms of cleaning out the garage. I wouldn’t want you to keep it forever, of course. But I can appreciate your thinking.
If her car is in a garage in HER house, pack it and leave it there, ready to go when she’s ready. If it never goes to the CCRC, oh well, then she probably doesn’t need the stuff packed in it
Suggest SIL take the table she wants and the monkey prints now. MIL doesn’t have room for them, no way to transport, etc. Suggest that it will go a long way toward calming SIL and her thinking she’s going to lose all the things she wants when MIL passes, like the table and the monkeys.
You and your husband have been very accommodating to MIL, but I think it is time to be a little strict. Say ‘Listen Mom, you need to make some decisions. Do you want this stuff or do you want to start donating it. You want to sell this house in February and that doesn’t give us much time to clear it out. What do you want to do?’ She still has control but has to start making decisions.
My friend is trying to clean out her house. Her husband has lived in this house for 45 years (it was his grandmother’s house) and grew up next door in a TINY house. In between, there is a building that was his grandfather’s workshop (like a triple garage. The ‘shop’ ifs full of stuff, the house they live in has a basement that is FULL of stuff, and the mother’s house is, you guessed it, full of stuff. None of this stuff has been used in 45 years. Friend just had a big breakthrough in that she found Christmas ornaments that haven’t been used in 45 years. Husband has agreed to DONATE them. He never agrees to give up anything, including old tupperware, little kitchen tools, a lifetime collection of National Geographics.
So even old people can change their ways and agree to declutter if they have no other choice. And when she gets through her basement, there is always the shop and her MIL’s house to keep her busy. MIL is 103 so it may be sooner rather than later.
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I do think MIL could have invited SIL and nephew for the holiday celebration, even though SIL will not go (which I think itself is a shame). I hope your DH lets MIL know you guys are making a trip to spend a different day during the holidays down by SIL’s, in case MIL would like to join (then again, problem will arise that SIL doesn’t want Bob to join, but that is a shame because in order to do the holiday with MIL, Bob is part of the picture whether SIL likes him or not).
So, what happened about the plan that when DH and SIL were at MIL’s old house yesterday, that SIL was going to indicate things she is interested in and then discussing that with MIL, either for SIL to have now or otherwise upon MIL’s death and the concern that possessions that are in Bob’s home may never make it to SIL if MIL dies first, and asking if possibly these items could be added to her will.
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Re: older people driving. A friend of ours just helped his mother purchase a self-driving Tesla. She is absolutely thrilled.
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Based on what I know about Bob, he could care less if MIL’s car is at @Hoggirl house - no motivation for him to clean up at all. Meaning if he didn’t “clean up” to have his new wife move in, why clean up for a relative that he’s met once or twice?
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I am assuming she is indicating those things as they go along through the house. I know she was going to take pictures of everything.
This isn’t the only packing trip. Bob and mil will have movers to bring what she wants to the CCRC. This is primarily a sorting trip and a removal of things dh, sil, or nephew want that mil is NOT taking to the CCRC that she never wants. Clearly mil wants to being more clothing and she wanted to bring her China, and I don’t know what else. Whatever could be brought between their two cars. Once everything is out that somebody wants, someone will be brought in and paid to clear out the rest - likely an estate sale person.
Thanks, I guess I read earlier posts that seemed like there was some concern on SIL’s part that she may never get the things she is hoping to have once MIL passes away (if before Bob) and if these things are in Bob’s home. You had mentioned a piece of furniture (a table I think) and art prints, and a diamond ring. So, I hope SIL put that out in the open and if MIL is amenable, might put these in her will because of SIL’s worry that items in Bob’s home may be lost to her if MIL should pass away. So, I was wondering what happened with that. Taking pictures is not quite the same.
Oh, I did. You are correct! I had suggested all those things to her. Telling her mom, having her mom make a list to attach to her will. And said the same to dh. Idk if that’s happening or not. I hope so.
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Yes, if SIL could offer to keep the items she wants “for safekeeping” until Bob helps make space at CCRC, that sounds like it would achieve many objectives, especially since those are very few items enumerated in the post above.
My H is 83 and still a great driver. I dread the day he doesn’t want to drive in cities when we travel because I navigate and he drives. It works pretty well. I guess I will have to get used to driving in those cities or we will get other transportation.
When we met the geriatrician yesterday, she was frank that many elders should NOT be driving, for their safety and everyone else’s.
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Oh dear.
Run over a child because the car didn’t stop? Swerve through an atypical traffic lane? Fail to recognize a wheelchair or a bicycle?
Someone who isn’t wholly capable of driving should NOT and can NOT be monitoring the safety and choices of a self driving car; they won’t be able to immediately take control when it’s necessary.
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Some found treasures in addition to the scrapbooks!
Dh’s dad played in a college all-star game in 1957. This is his commemorative sweater and jersey from that game. Specifically it was the Chicago Charities College All-Star Game (which was discontinued in 1976). The college players played the NY Giants, losing 22-12. He also found his dad’s two NFL offer letters. He played pro for one year. 
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That looks fine to me.if you want to see cluttered, I’ll see if I can find pics of my mom’s place! We had movers mover her. Zero furniture, but 44 boxes of “stuff” she couldn’t part with. We had 12 boxes of essential delivered to her new place. We had 15 or so boxes delivered to our garage and took a box or two over every weekend to unpack. The rest of the boxes went into storage.
It took us two years to go through all of the remaining boxes after my mother died.
The best gift MIL can give Hoggirl’s DH and his sister is trying to reduce now. And yes, I know that is hard. But reality check…unless she plans to sell the house filled with its current contents, it will need to be emptied.
I hope this weekend goes well, and some progress is made going through things.
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This is the CCRC house, not mil’s house in her town. My point with the photo is that there is already so much furniture, they have the sofa going past that wall. There is no good place to put it because he won’t get rid of anything.
The many boxes of crapola and other random pieces of furniture are in the garage. This is what is preventing mil from bringing up her car. He hadn’t cleaned his stuff out. The garage at the CCRC is where the clutter is.
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