<p>Sharon, so sorry your D had that awful experience in the past. The drunk accident and subsequent death which she witnessed surely impacts her strong feelings about this issue. I can see why her boyfriend’s actions bothered her in terms of his plans, more than they might have bothered perhaps another girl. One of my D’s roomies had a 17 year old older sister at the time, get killed by a drunk driver and so she doesn’t imbibe at all and has strong feelings on the subject understandably.</p>
<p>In your D’s case, this really wasn’t all about the weekend he planned at the beach. There was more such as his seeming interest in other girls and then lying about it. Your D stood up for what she believed and for her own comfort level and it doesn’t make this boy a bad person. It simply means your D has confidence to stand up for her own limits and standards. Good for her.</p>
<p>Soozievt, thank you so much because there WAS more to this and she cares deeply about this boy and still wants him to be safe whether they are together or not. She was worried about him drinking and what could happen because she knows firsthand that sometimes the consequences are irreversible. Our neighbors’ son had issues with underage drinking that his parents were aware of BEFORE he went off to college and at the time of the accident he was home due to being suspended for excessive drinking and partying at a college that is known for that behavior so it must have been pretty bad. They have suffered tremendous guilt over the accident and his bestfriend that was driving never meant for it to happen…it was just consequences of too much drinking and being careless. Life is short and we never know what lies ahead and even when we are careful it only takes a second for it all to change. The UNC Mascot that is in a coma from being hit by a car is a perfect example. His family lives in our community and this young man is a devout Christian and there was no drinking or drugs involved by him or the person that hit him last Fri. night…he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and now his (their) life is changed forever…</p>
<p>hazmat…I just got an email telling me Jason died but thanks for posting. His head injuries were so bad that there was no way he could have survived.</p>
<p>Although his parents are in shock they are very thankful to know without a doubt that Jason lived a full life for his 21 years and by all the support they have received they know he was loved by many. There is great comfort in knowing that their son’s life mattered and that he touched many lives here at home in Concord and at Carolina.</p>
<p>SharonD, just my warped cynical sense of (?) humor. My attempt to be funny. I’m actually a mother of two fine young men (18 & 19), but if you want to email pictures no doubt they’ll be glad to look. The 19 year old is already in college, he spent his break (not brake) here at home, ‘cuz’ we already live on the beach (FL). Last year he wanted to go down to the Keys with a group of kids after his graduation. They were planning to do something similar to that young man. I told him he’d have to use his own money, and we’d drive him down and drop him off and pick him back up at the end (I could just imagine a bunch of hooligans packed into an SUV driving down I95 with a cooler of beers in the back, passing a doobie). After figuring out he’d be spending almost his entire hard earned nest egg on 5 days of drunken haze, he decided not to go. The 18 year old…right now he’s too enamored with a girl to want to do something like that. I guess we’re fortunate living where we do; the allure of sitting on a beach getting burned and drunk for a week just isn’t where it’s at. Mine would rather fish.</p>
<p>doubleplay…pics are on the way cause your boys sound like they have some sense. Just kidding, but IF I had 2 boys I think a warped cynical sense of humor would come in very handy…instead I just have one boy who happened to be kicked out of the military for smoking pot so yes I know exactly what a “doobie” is. He is now 26 and somehow he managed to see the light (after he returned home and we wouldn’t let him live with us and he had to make it on his own at 20) and grow up and is now engaged to be married next spring. It was a loooonnngggg hard road with him and he pulled some of the same things D’s X-boyfriend is trying to pull at the same age and he lost a wonderful girl because of it. Her parents refused to let her see him anymore, they drifted apart and now she is married with a 3 year old little boy. I understand that some boys/girls will go this route and they have to learn the hard way, but I will be darn if we’re going to sit by and let this boy try and ‘find himself’ at our daughters expense. It would be very different if our D was ok with his wanting to drink, party, and see other girls while they are supposed to be exclusive. But she said she liked him because he told her he didn’t do those things and hasn’t til recently. I just keep telling her he is going through a phase and she just needs to distance herself for awhile or maybe forever…time will tell.</p>
<p>“Who ever said don’t bet it’s over is right. Everyone is enjoying the drama too much. If your daughter told him to get lost in a serious way (not lets be friends and go on a double date to the prom) he would take her seriously unless he’s a psycho.” </p>
<p>I agree with the above comment by SPS. It seems that now that Sharon has seen her D has done the right thing and hasn’t fallen apart, it’s becoming mildly entertaining to watch the bfriend crawl back and beg. Being the stronger, less needy one in a case like this can be exhilarating. That’s human and understandable, but she should be mature, take a firmer stance, and quit answering the phone or the door and block those texts.</p>
<p>Since this is CC, I thought I’d add that Sharon and D should discuss how D’s social preferences will impact her college choices.</p>
<p>TheGFG, you are right on the mark as far as us discussing where/what type of college she may want to attend and that was an issue before and still is. </p>
<p>But as far as D being mature I think she has already demonstrated that trait in many ways and she will eventually ignore his attempts to contact her, but my goodness let her have a little fun at his expense. Ever heard of “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”? I think it is doing him good to see the consequences of his actions or is that too much to ask? If he’s dumb enough to keep calling I personally think it would be a great idea to put him on speaker phone so everyone can hear him whine and make promises he has no intentions of keeping…oh wait a minute that was HER idea…you go girl!!!</p>
<p>LOL, Sharon. But remember that she knew what he was made of before she starting dating him and even so was quite happy with him for months. After all, you mentioned that he had a history of irresponsibility (drinking etc.) and the boy himself admitted to your D that he had been in the habit of dating girls for whom the label “nice” would not apply. So, why all the scorn now?</p>
<p>TheGFG…very good point and the scorn won’t last too long because she will probably see that he won’t be able to follow thru with all the promises he’s making. We felt that in the beginning, even though he came to our home for dinner and was very polite, does well in school, participates in sports, is an Eagle Scout (throwing everything out here) comes from a good family all the way down to his grandparents which we have met both sets and even 2 of his uncles, feeds their dog by hand, and taught his younger sister how to swim…I think that’s it…because he told her of his rondevous in the past and she told us, we were skeptical but still decided to let her date him as long as he treated her well and there was no drama…until now. He was great for the most part but he’s 17 and the hormones must have kicked back in and I think he just wants to go back to what he was doing before and that is fine but if he had only been honest with her and told her and THEN did so.</p>
<p>She is so hurt because she thinks she’s in love…remember how real it seemed at that age? Actually I married the boy across the street and we have been married for 28 years but that’s rare. She is not the type to date more than one person at a time like we suggested so for now she has sworn boys off…wonder how long that will last? Have any idea…any clues at all? :)</p>
<p>Being the mother of sons, I wonder if “girl moms” have mulled over the ins and outs of the relationships my sons have had, and questioned their motives and character when they broke up with their daughters. </p>
<p>My oldest recently broke up with a girl he’d been dating a long time, years in fact… He had his reasons, and I understand them - he was too young to be in so deep; but I’m sure that from her family’s perspective, he’s a rat. I hope his reputation isn’t being tossed about by her family and friends.</p>
<p>SharonD, I think you should think this through a little more. What are you teaching your daughter, that revenge is good? That fury and acting on it is normal and fine? Why does she want to be friends with someone she knows to be dishonest and who has hurt her? Isn’t the idea to move on with dignity as opposed to continuing the silly drama?</p>
<p>With all due respect, I don’t think this will help her have good, mature relationships. I’m also really wondering if you have the full picture. From what you said after your first post, it seems she was worried about other girls if he went to the beach and drank. In other words, she didn’t trust him. Ding, ding, ding!! Time to move on, stop reading his private texts and remember that he told her who he was at the start. Really, who cares if his grandparents and parents are nice? It doesn’t make him nice. And just how well did you get to know them or do they just go to the right church and dress properly?</p>
<p>My mother would not be standing by the phone put on speaker and would think I was crazy if I did! A little fun at his “expense”? Sonds really middle school to me.</p>
<p>ag,
If her heart was broken, you can be sure he is a rat, a cad, a ne’r-do’well. That’s the way it has been and always will be. My son had the same experience dating the same girl for years. Things got too smothering and everything went south. I told him on the eve of the “breakup” he was going to be the cad, all her friends would hate him for a while, and life was going to be quite uncomfortable. I was right. He got through it. In a way it was probably harder on him than her- she had a big support group keeping her company and he was the odd man out. But that’s life!</p>
<p>BTW, it was not the same situation as SharonD’s young man- S was not seeing anyone else and has never had a bad reputation.</p>
<p>doubleplay, In my s’s case, all the friends were glad he broke up with her and have stuck with him. (not because she is a bad person or did anything wrong, only because they were better/longer friends with him than her). Luckily, they are at different colleges and only run into each other back in town.</p>
<p>But, even when one of my sons was the unfortunate dumpee, I never wanted to exact revenge or trash the girl who did the dumping. Now, if I found out my son was being trash talked about, then I might start a smear campaign ;)</p>
<p>But, we are talking about highschool relationships for God’s sake! :)</p>
<p>Opie…no one I know is tossing around his reputation but him by the direction he has taken recently. With time and maturity and learning from his mistakes he will probably turn out to be a fine young man.</p>