<p>^^BCEagle, I think that everyone out there has some kind of baggage, just some that have more than others. Since your friend is not interested in dating someone with baggage, his baggage is that he is lonely. BTW, my own mother was like this after she became a widow. She made a conscious decision not to share any of her assets, not to be “someone’s meal ticket”, and not to be a “nurse to someone ailing”. The result is that she is lonely, often bitter, but she did not take on the baggage of “meal ticket”, or “nurse”. She took on the baggage of “living without a partner who loves her or that she loves”. Life is all about choices.</p>
<p>BTW, your friend may have a lot more baggage than you know about too. He may not be the “prize” that you think he is. You see that he is short in stature. I am not saying that being short is baggage (it may be to some and not to others). Being short might be small baggage next to what people who date him find.</p>
<p>As I stated before, this issue is bigger than a motorcycle. OP wrote that she thought H was considering construction contracting as his second career at some point in time, and THAT would be too risky, too.</p>
<p>If OP is seriously thinking about ending the marriage over this, marital counseling is definitely in order. You should not walk away from a 20-plus year marriage with kids without at least trying to fix things first. If after marriage counseling you still think you would be happier without him (and he thinks he would be happier with the Harley), then call it quits.</p>
<p>I don’t think that he’s being unreasonable in wanting a partnership of relative equals. He was dating someone that was financially secure, stunningly beautiful and quite a bit younger for many years but they broke up because she wanted a child and he was done with raising children.</p>
<p>I’ve known him for a long time and change isn’t something that comes to mind as a description. He has a lot of interests and those will hopefully sustain him if he doesn’t find someone.</p>
<p>Reminds me of a cartoon I saw in Barron’s this past year. A man and a woman are talking at a cocktail party. She says to him–“I’ve got my emotional baggage down to a small carry-on case.” I like that…</p>
<p>BCEagle, everyone comes with baggage, even the “beautiful, financially secure woman”. She wanted a child and I guess she was insisting and he was not going to start over with kids, “his baggage”. End result, he is still alone, and that is okay if that is what he prefers. BTW, is a short financially secure guy “equal to” a beautiful financially secure woman? You decide, but I thought that the way you see “equal” is interesting too.</p>
<p>We think you are interpreting the word “prospects” differently than we are. IMO, it means opportunities. So, when she says her prospects are excellent, IMO it means she has future potential, and it looks promising… not necessarily that she might have some warm bodies waiting in the wings.</p>
<p>They were compatible in every other aspect that I could see. Similar interests, political views, etc. In the end, they’re both single, doing their own thing. I was fairly surprised that height is such a big deal with women - it clearly wasn’t for her as she’s fairly tall.</p>
<p>Any relationship or potential relationship can have a dealbreaker in it. For me, I would never marry a smoker. I dated a smoker once… briefly. Yuk. Absolute deal-breaker. Don’t care if he was the greatest guy in the world. Its a deal-breaker. The short, wealthy guy-- sounds like the deal-breaker was that he didnt want more kids, not that their heights were disparate. Is this correct? and just curious-- what heights (for him and for her) are we talking about here??</p>
<p>There are issues that can become dealbreakers later in a relationship. Trust is a biggie-- and it can take the form of fidelity, good fiscal judgement/responsibility, substance abuse issues that affect honesty, safety, financial/emotional security, etc. I am trying to glean if the OP is facing a dealbreaker, or just a source of conflict. These are different, IMO.</p>
<p>“^^^So, barrons, is your philosophy that a wife should submit to anything the husband wants, does, or controls, because after all, he can find a much younger woman just fine??”</p>
<p>No, but if I say these are my things I do to make my life enjoyable don’t presume they are unimportant. The idea that having a motorcycle is just a toy is absurd and shows no appreciation for what makes men tick. Our “toys” may be what makes life worth living to a fairly large degree. Some men like to hunt and fish, some golf, some race cars or build ships in bottles. These vary in cost but are often the thing that keeps us sane and happy. A motorcycle is about being out in nature somewhat free and unfettered by other cares. You can ride with friends or alone but it’s all about the ride and being out in the air on a nice day without a care in the world. I don’t know what gives women that kind of escape and enjoyment but it’s certainly true for most men who ride or have other serious hobbies. </p>
<p>If they were barely scraping by it probably would be too much but in their position we are talking just 2.5% of their net worth. To me that is chump change and will have no measurable impact on their retirement, etc. Other forces they have no control over could have a FAR bigger impact on that. See your 401K statements over the last few years. You would have been better off buying Harleys with the money that you dumped in the market which is GONE and you had NOTHING to show for it all. You might as well have taken the cash and thrown it out the window. At least somebody would have been happy finding it. There are no guarantees and all the planning for tomorrow has to be balanced against getting something out of the days you have right now.</p>
<p>Also trying not to hijack, but I’m surprised that you’re surprised. I can tell you from personal experience that height is a huge deal for many women, at least in terms of not wanting to date someone shorter than they are. (How many women’s personal ads have you ever seen specifying that that they’re looking for short men?) </p>
<p>I still haven’t quite gotten used to going so quickly from being in the bottom 1% when it comes to height, to being only an inch or two below the average. It’s been quite an adjustment in outlook!</p>
<p>Lots of men and women are into running which can get expensive but you buy things in pieces so it doesn’t feel that expensive.</p>
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<p>It sounds like they’ve done fairly well weathering the recession with their rental properties.</p>
<p>We have a big thread on diet, exercise and fitness and many of us are working on getting fit and lean for the last twenty, thirty or forty years. It’s a lot easier to enjoy life at your optimum weight. It’s a considerable hobby too.</p>
<p>I’ve made money through the recession and I know others that have too. For them, the market would have been a better place than buying Harleys.</p>
<p>I think that we’ve seen a lot of immigration from countries where the average height is shorter. My wife is 5-3 and she was considered tall in her country.</p>
A “toy” is a non essential item. A hobby can be a passion, but it is still a hobby. If a man doesn’t understand that certain passions may be unacceptable to women, then he doesn’t understand what makes women tick.</p>
<p>When I got married, I happened to have 2 cats. My husband was a bit allergic. As a wedding gift I gave him a cross pen/pencil set and a package of 1000 antihistamines. I loved my pets, but if my H could not have lived with them, they would have been gone. He was more important than the pets. They were important, but he is more important.</p>
<p>If a man just has to have that crotchrocket to “feel the wind beneath his wings” then he can do so with a woman who will accept that, with full understanding that there are women for whom that is a deal-breaker. There are other ways to be out in the air without a care in the world. This sounds like the kind of silly rationalization that has the OP’s blood boiling.</p>
<p>I guess you could look at my experience as the equivalent of immigrating to a new country. It’s been five years now, so I suppose I’m eligible for citizenship!</p>