<p>Is there any state where a sahm would not get half of everything accumulated during the marriage? In NY, where I was divorced, in addition to half of everything, I got a significant portion of future income because having put ex DH through grad school, I was deemed part owner of the degree.</p>
<p>mousegray,</p>
<p>I took the comments about posters’ own experiences about separate bank accounts or inheritance, etc as merely that- a reflection of their experiences and how it relates to understanding what other posters are going through. I didn’t take it as being directed “to” phone 30 or the OP. </p>
<p>My H has a corporate credit card that sends his statement to him on line. I cant see what goes on the card (well, he does keep the receipts, so I can see the ones that make it home and into the "receipt " envelope), but the payments, often quite big, come out of our joint checking account. Some corporate cr cards can restrict what kinds of purchases can be placed on them. I don’t think his is one of those. I am fortunate that he is not one to ever hide anything or put anything inappropriate on a cr card (as far as I know!!).</p>
<p>NY has among the worst divorce laws in the US. Another good reason to stay away. For one I don’t think paying for part of a degree creates any ownership position. Did you do the readings and take the tests? At best you made a loan which could easily be computed with due interest.</p>
<p>In fact, I wrote the papers. And took on a relatively low paying career to be home afternoons and summers with the kids. And did all childcare while he traveled 5 days a week. No free pass.</p>
<p>*I don’t agree with limiting H’s spending on himself. This couple’s probelm is saving too much for someone else’s need. They should spend on themselves and their kids. If any money is left after spending for a comfortable life and funding kids’ future plans, they can talk how much could go to helping others. *</p>
<p>He shouldn’t be spending excessively from the income of JOB #1 and then demand that she manage the household on whatever is left, AND be the sole decider of how the income from JOB #2 is spent. He can’t have it both ways. Period!</p>
<p>*Is there any state where a sahm would not get half of everything accumulated during the marriage? *</p>
<p>I don’t know of any…but the problem sometimes is this…</p>
<p>With the economy the way it is, some couples don’t have a lot in assets. They may be upside down in their mortgage and their “non 401k savings” may end up going to lawyers and home debt. </p>
<p>So, a SAHM who gets divorced after 15 - 25 years of marriage may end up with little or nothing…except for half of the current value of the 401k which she’ll need for her own retirement years.</p>
<p>"In fact, I wrote the papers. And took on a relatively low paying career to be home afternoons and summers with the kids. And did all childcare while he traveled 5 days a week. No free pass. </p>
<p>Well then both are guilty of acdemic fraud and there should be no degree at all to own.</p>
<p>I suppose, but no one turned us in and he continues to earn high wages there’s no reason I should not share in.</p>
<p>Barrons is just annoyed that any ex-wife would get any future earnings.</p>
<p>Anyway…in many SAHM situations, the mom has stayed home because that is what the couple (including the H) has wanted. </p>
<p>And…sometimes, the dad has the kind of job that is not conducive to having a working wife because he wouldn’t be able to do his “fair share” of household and child care.</p>
<p>And…often…the dad PREFERS having his wife do nearly all household and childcare, so the couple agrees to have the wife stay home.</p>
<p>And…sometimes a working wife either takes a lower paying part-time job or “family tracks” herself at her full time job because the H’s demanding job doesn’t allow for him to share home and child duties. Many couples with children cannot each have careers that require long hours, have limited flexibility, and/or require frequent lengthy business trips (unless they have relatives who can step in and help).</p>
<p>When a wife gives up her job, takes a low-paying part-time job, or “family tracks” herself because the family can’t have 2 parents with jobs that demand a lot of travel or time, then in a divorce, the woman needs to be compensated for what she’s financially given up for the sake of the family/children.</p>
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<p>You’re being gender specific saying it’s the woman. What if it is the man that stayed home. Does he then get a share of his ex-wife’s future earnings?</p>
<p>And then what if she says he really didn’t need to stay home, but he was lazy and chose to stay home, and she doesn’t want to keep supporting a lazy man?</p>
<p>(As a younger person, I know many stay at home dads.)</p>
<p>Marriage is for richer, for poorer, in good times and in bad. Whatever wealth or debts a couple accumulates during a marriage – whether both were working full-time outside the home, or one was, or whether one was earning a lot more than the other – should be divided equally if the couple divorces.</p>
<p>I agree with whatever4 that marital assets should be divided equally. </p>
<p>babyontheway, I think the situation being discussed earlier was in marriages where there was a SAHM because the couple MUTUALLY decided to do this so that one parent was available and so on. The parent who stayed home may have worked for no pay but contributed to the marriage in a different capacity. As well, the parents who stayed home had to lose momentum in their career track for a number of years and if going back to work when the kids leave the nest is not at the place they may have been had they not given up those years to stay home. Please no assumptions that one stayed home to be lazy and didn’t want to work. I think the other members were discussing situations where the couple decided together that one stayed home and the working spouse was glad for that arrangement.</p>
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<p>Why not? My sister is going through a divorce…and she was married to a stay at home beer drinker. And dad of two kids.</p>
<p>She was the bread winner, but for a variety of reasons, if the divorce goes through he will probably want lifetime spousal support because “he gave up career opportunities by being married to her”. She’ll protest of course.</p>
<p>babyontheway, the point was that in certain marriages, the decision for one spouse to stay home and raise the kids and do other daily tasks for the family, is mutual. The working spouse also wanted that arrangement. The one at home wasn’t lazy. I understand there are other situations but that was the one being discussed some posts back.</p>
<p>By the way, when your baby comes, is your wife planning to stay home or work full time?</p>
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<p>She was also a women. Most stay at home moms are anything but lazy. </p>
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<p>Work full time. She’d be bored silly staying home with kids.</p>
<p>*You’re being gender specific saying it’s the woman. What if it is the man that stayed home. Does he then get a share of his ex-wife’s future earnings?</p>
<p>(As a younger person, I know many stay at home dads.) *</p>
<p>The same rules apply. You may know many stay at home dad, but stay at home moms still far outnumber.</p>
<p>And…</p>
<p>And then what if she says he really didn’t need to stay home, but he was lazy and chose to stay home, and she doesn’t want to keep supporting a lazy man?</p>
<p>The length of years of the marriage is going to tell much of the story. If a working spouse (either gender) stays married to a lazy stay-at-home spouse for 25 years, then the length of the marriage is going to imply that the working spouse was fine with the situation and the lazy spouse could get support/money whatever.</p>
<p>However, if the working spouse divorces their lazy spouse after a few years, then obviously the working spouse wasn’t fine with the laziness and the lazy spouse didn’t give up career opportunities by being in a short-lived marriage.</p>
<p>Someone with a stay-at-home spouse in a long term marriage is essentially accepting financial responsibility for that spouse. If the spouse is lazy-good-for-nothing, then why stay married to them for decades???</p>
<p>Why the heck did your sister ALLOW HERSELF to get pregnant TWICE by a lazy beer drinker? (and, why the heck could she bring herself to have sex with such a person? Sorry to be harsh, but I have no sympathies for any woman who stays married for ONE DAY to such a person.</p>
<p>Anyway…if she wasn’t married to him for a very long time, she doesn’t owe him support. However, if she STUPIDLY stayed married to him for a long time while he was being lazy most/all of the time…then she made her bed and must live in it.</p>
<p>*Work full time. She’d be bored silly staying home with kids. *</p>
<p>:rolleyes: So, you prefer someone else being bored silly taking care of your kids? LOL </p>
<p>BTW…she has no idea if she’d be “bored silly.”</p>
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<p>Twins, so one pregnancy. But none of us know why she put with him as many years as she did. My mother told her that before they got married, and of course she got married and stopped talking to her. That’s a subject for another.</p>
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<p>That’s fair and equal treatment to both genders. Fine with me.</p>
<p>How does your wife know she’d be bored silly staying home with the kids when she has never done it? I’m not against working mothers, no problem (though I was primarily a SAHM though worked at some points while having kids part time). I can tell you that raising children was anything BUT boring!! There was no time to be bored!!! (I say this as someone who worked full time prior to having babies, and am well educated…graduate degree from Harvard, yadda yadda).</p>
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<p>I dunno, ask her that one.</p>
<p>I leave the decision whether to work or not up to her.</p>
<p>But you already announced that she’d be bored silly. You mean you will actually now let your wife think and speak for herself? ;)</p>