Thread caught my eye after opening this forum after a long time (a PM reminded me of this place :))
I am one of the few who switched from boarding to day after a year of boarding. There was a confluence of factors, my family moving closer, me missing my family, feeling lonely despite being surrounded by well meaning adults and friends, etc. Ultimately though, my situation was individual to how I dealt with independence as a new adolescent. Entering BS I was a kid who was constantly in my parents lives and very involved, to then transitioning to barely calling, not consciously so but because I lacked the understanding communication is intentional and must be practiced and worked upon.
I agree with most of the posters above, social interactions, parental interactions are all dependent on the individual. There are children who live at home and barely say a word to their families during the whole day, there are others who use the distance away to develop communication skills and foster deeper relationships with their loved ones (adult skills! ones needed in college!). I don’t think the boarding aspect is to blame for creating distance, adolescence, adulthood, and the exploration of independence will create it naturally, it could be in boarding school, in college, or the first big long distance move.
To the point of over-policing adolescent mistakes and explorations, it certainly was not the case when I was in BS. Dorm parents were kind and generous, teachers were open and not punitive. In MX big disciplinary actions were rare and when they happened, they were announced and talked about in a whole school assembly (anonymized, factually, and honestly). It taught me key lessons about acceptable behavior, risk taking, and consequences from people other than my parents. It was part of the social training and unofficial curriculum that I value the most.
I am now a med student, interacting with people at their most vulnerable, having the privilege to understand their stories and hurts. Yes boarding school gave me an fantastic education and academic polish, undoubtedly so, but moreover it taught me social skills and refined my ability to judge situations and modulate my responses, it taught me to understand my privilege, it taught me how to deal with situations where I am uncomfortable. The most common feedback from attending physicians as I learn in the clinical space is that they appreciate my tone, openness, and poise–those were skills that I had to learn from 10th grade, after nearly a decade of practice, they come naturally.
Does everyone exit BS with newly learned polish, grace, and understandings of social dynamics, no, but being in community spaces without your family (and the understanding that you family will always forgive and accept you) begins the process of social integration into society at large. Everyone needs to learn these skills eventually, and the earlier you practice, the better you get.
