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<p>Totally. I dare not criticize anything American.</p>
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<p>That’s not what I am talking about at all. You know what is offensive? It is the general notion that Asian kids must be really oppressed, and the only way to know what they really want to do in their life is to see if they chose something non-Asian. Any Asian kid who chooses to follow the Asian mold must have been totally brainwashed by their parents. </p>
<p>This basically implies that Asian kids must all be super dumb who can’t think for themselves. It’s obnoxious. It is also obnoxious to endlessly parrot that these kids have no social skills, are nerds, will not procreate, may get into the top schools but never succeed in life, will be unhappy, so on and so forth. I initially thought that this was pure jealousy. But I have come to believe after reading the posts on this board that people actually believe it! They are making judgments based on racial stereotyping. </p>
<p>It is one thing to claim that a certain parenting style will help with college admissions. Indeed, it does. The stats prove it. Asians are over-represented by a factor of 5-6x in HYPSM. Unless you believe that Asian kids are somehow smarter (which I don’t), then it must be the upbringing. You can’t argue with facts. If the Chua style upbringing works (forget Chua’s kids, look at the over-representation instead) then it works.</p>
<p>But to denigrate a whole group of kids as mindless robots destined for unhappiness and failure in life based on their culture and ethnicity, that’s really wow! I can understand if teens were doing this. But parents? Damn, I don’t expect parents to do this to other kids. I expect much more maturity. In fact, initially I even tried to explain the situation with my own kid, who has some strong preferences that do not match the US mold. I was told that he must be under my thumb.</p>
<p>The funniest thing was that when I said that I would help him pursue his passion, all hell broke lose and everyone came out with advice on how I should have backup plans for him. So I set out to see how the shoe fits on the other foot. It clearly doesn’t very well.</p>
<p>I think what Blossom is saying is if you don’t like it here and you don’t have anything nice to say, flights leave every day. (And I tell this to my older son who continues to bash everything about the government…not that I love our government, but I realize living here is a gift and I treat it as such)</p>
<p>Once again, IP, your lack of logical reasoning confounds me.</p>
<p>I never said that my anecdotes counter the media report- I said that kids who are unemployed make better copy than writing about kids with jobs. If the unemployment rate in my state is 10%, I’m not going to read about all the folks with jobs-- lots and lots of folks with jobs- I’m going to read about those without them. </p>
<p>I never told you or suggested that you were a second class citizen. I did say that you would find better receptivity to your ideas if you were more nuanced in your criticism. I don’t care a whit if you assimilate or not- my parents did not, and they led wonderful lives here anyway. But they were extremely grateful to be here-- a quality which all of their children inherited and absorbed- and I doubt your children will have that sense of gratitude as I read your posts.</p>
<p>Do you think there’s a reason why so many people have told you that you shouldn’t openly criticize things in America? Perhaps it’s your tone. I know lots of immigrants and they criticize all the time. And lots of their observations are spot on accurate. And somehow they don’t offend people with their observations. So you have extrapolated from my comment an inflammatory intent-- and countered it with an escalated comment of your own.</p>
<p>You are obviously very smart. You may want to modulate your tone; it will go a long way. And it makes me sad that someone smart and capable who has emigrated here is so hostile to many of the values that our culture promotes. Does it somehow devalue your own education if someone else’s kid who you believe is not deserving of a college degree ends up in college? Did someone take something from you in order to let a non-STEM kid who doesn’t “need” his degree get a college education? Isn’t there something great about a society which can support both MIT and Mass Bay Community College, and can encourage its students to go as far with their educations as they can go?</p>
<p>And don’t you thank your stars that you’ve come to the USA- even if you think we are weak and terrible parents who let their kids major in Renaissance Studies? And encourage them to get jobs in museums and magazines instead of going to medical school?</p>
<p>IP,
Maybe what you dont understand is that here on CC, conversation is not a combat sport- one doesn’t come here to “throw down the gauntlet”, challenge parents with provocative questions in order to win “points” or a “match”, as a man might converse with other high powered men. Posters [ most of whom are very intelligent women] come here to share experiences, learn from others and ask questions in order to gather information.</p>
<p>GHF, If someone passion leads to a lucrative career, they should go for it. Otherwise, they should stop and think whether they should have a backup plan other than waiting tables. You think it is temporary. It may not be for the coming decade as the economy implodes. No line of work has a guarantee, but some just have better odds.</p>
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<p>I think what I am saying is that this is not Iran.</p>
<p>IP, when have you found time thoughout the day to supervise the 1000 squash hits, or whatever you call them? Are you interacting with your son on a meaningfull way, or your wife for that matter? I’m being serious. For somebody who is so family oriented and rigid on monortoring their childs EC"s, you are here so much. When do you work? When do you have family time?</p>
<p>Don’t evade the questions with other questions.</p>
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<p>That must fit right in with the Asian parenting bashing, eh?</p>
<p>IP, when have you found time thoughout the day to supervise the 1000 squash hits, or whatever you call them?</p>
<p>He mentioned days, or at least 10,000 posts ago, that he subcontracts out household chores/repairs & the like. I imagine that having trust funds to cover that sort of thing along with products like [Dragon NaturallySpeaking,Voice Recognition and Document Imaging Software](<a href=“Dragon Speech Recognition Software and Solutions | Nuance”>Dragon Speech Recognition Software and Solutions | Nuance)saves a lot of time without all that messy face to face interaction. ;)</p>
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<p>Truth be told, I don’t really work that much any more. I mean, I work some. But seniority has its rewards. The kid and I played squash for an hour today. Right now he is doing his geometry homework and I am sitting next to him, ready to help, though I don’t want to. The 1000 squash hits were all done with the coach (the kid is upset, as the coach promised a game and not drills for today). This is summer, so he spends 3 hours every day with the coach. My wife is writing a grant proposal right now.</p>
<p>Does that answer all the questions in details for you? I am here to help and totally open up my life so that others can criticize it and make personal attacks. I would request however to keep the kid out of it, especially the autism comments. Those were mean even for CC.</p>
<p>blossom, There are some thing I absolutely love about America. First, I love the graduate studies. The research being done here - albeit often by immigrants - is just dazzling. In my experience, few other places in the world does that kind of research. That is what USA will always have going for itself, as long as we don’t start to cut education funds (which we have been doing). The next thing is free market capitalism and meritocracy. The rewards are truly amazing. That’s what I like about America. The rest of the stuff I sort of put up with. The culture … is fine. I can easily avoid it.</p>
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<p>Frankly, I do not think Americans are weak and terrible parents. I think American parents are doing for their kids what they think is best. They absolutely have the right to do so. I am not one who would go and tell someone how to raise their kids, mostly because I just don’t care what others do with their lives.</p>
<p>But I expect the same courtesy in return. That’s all really. Live and let live, folks. You are parents here. If some Asian kid is upset about not getting into college, treat them as you would treat your son or daughter. They are obviously hurting, so whether or not you agree with them, just be patient and listen. Why go and bash them and their parents instead? That’s not exactly parent like, is it?</p>
<p>See how you react when someone like me criticizes your parenting style? See how it feels? That’s how the endless Asian parenting bashing feels like to Asians.</p>
<p>i know someone who coaches squash up in CT 
cool sport</p>
<p>I have no trust funds EK. I would if I were in India, but you can’t take the money out of the country. But America has rewarded me very well financially.</p>
<p>How do you think Indians would react if I went on to an Indian parents board–they do exist–and posted as follows:</p>
<p>"I’ve lived in India for many years. I send my kid to a private British school because no Indian school is good enough. Even the British school isn’t good enough because it just doesn’t teach the kind of creativity American schools do, but it least it is superior to anything Indian . My child is bored out of his mind because the school is so oppressive. I have hired expert coaches and teachers to help him develop the sort of creativity and out of the box thinking that Americans excel in. I also have him tutored in all the subjects he is learning in school and as a result he is 3 or 4 years beyond grade level. </p>
<p>My kid is a musical genius. I force him to practice at least 3 hours a day. I also have a baseball coach for him. He spends 3 hours in the batting cage every afternoon. He is a very good baseball player but he doesn’t excel in the same way that he does at the piano. I think it is essential for him to learn baseball so that he can relate to American culture. He is well aware that I think that cricket and the other sports his school offers are inferior to baseball–why? well, because they are. Have you ever seen a cricket match? </p>
<p>I ask the teachers if he has any friends, and they tell me he has some. I send him to school to socialize with other children; I know that he will not learn anything worth while there since he is so far ahead of Indian children. None of the other children are as smart as my son and lets face it–they are little automatons without an ounce of that creative spark that Americans possess. </p>
<p>How can I get the teachers to accelerate him further? The silly school doesn’t allow me to reward teachers by treating them to dinner at a top restaurant or giving them tickets to expensive cultural events to reward them for doing what I want them to do for my son. </p>
<p>Oh, until you told me I didn’t know there was a parents’ organization at my son’s school. I really have no interest in improving the school for everyone. I only care what the teachers do for my child. "</p>
<p>Do you think I’d be popular? What if I then whined that "Oh, I know, I’m just the ugly American. Indians can’t take criticism? "</p>
<p>I suspect that you are a ■■■■■–I certainly hope so.</p>
<p>I’m sure you are all aware of the path of Steve Jobs.
[Steve</a> Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address - YouTube](<a href=“Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address - YouTube”>Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address - YouTube)</p>
<p>And the work of Daniel Pink, author of A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the Future
[Daniel</a> Pink: A Whole New Mind - YouTube](<a href=“Daniel Pink: A Whole New Mind - YouTube”>Daniel Pink: A Whole New Mind - YouTube)</p>
<p>The OP makes a very valid point that student loan debt slows down the next steps after college graduation.</p>
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<p>I called you out IP for that weird post about Caucasian dr’s being screw ups. It was toally illogical but you didn’t try to make it any clearer. I haven’t seen one post on this thread bashing Asian parenting. </p>
<p>I think you work really hard to get the response that fits your stereotype of Asian parenting.If you don’t get a negative response from people, all you do is dial it up a notch. You can’t stand it when other posters don’t meet your racist stereotypes.</p>
<p>I’m just sayin…</p>
<p>jonri, But that’s exactly what American expats do! They live completely isolated lives in their own circle. Indians don’t care. They think the IITs and cricket are the best and focus on that instead. You think a book like Amy Chua’s would get any response in India? People don’t even read parenting books there. It’s all very tribal, people learn from their friends and family what to do and then just do it.</p>
<p>You are still not getting the point Lima.</p>
<p>Daniel Pink is a personal friend of mine from college, and … wait for it … he was a linguistics major when there.</p>
<p>IP, when you make comments about things like there not being a lot of openings for director of a children’s theater, I have to wonder … Is it because you don’t value that world that you don’t see a lot of what is out there? Because practically every high school in the US has some kind of theater department … so call that 30,000 theater teachers right there. Many communities have children’s theater and/or local, community-based theater – they certainly have need for teachers, directors, etc. Just like there are aspiring musicians and squash players, there are aspiring actors / actresses who attend these places. I think you might be interested in reading the alumni magazine of schools with good theater departments (such as my own alma mater). You might be pleasantly surprised at the interesting things that all the theater majors are doing. Of course, the same can be said for any other liberal arts major – just referencing theater since that was the topic at hand.</p>
<p>But more to the point, there’s so much talk about “lucrative.” But what do people who make a lot of money do with it? Well, let’s see – they go to the theater. They go to art museums. They buy art. They read literature, join discussion clubs and attend lectures in topics that interest them. They watch documentaries on historical events that are of interest to them. They travel, which might entail learning or practicing another language, or engaging in the history of another culture. All of these are linked back to the liberal arts. </p>
<p>I almost have this mental image of the engineer who is so proud to be the engineer working on a building that he forgets that the whole purpose of this particular building is to be a beautiful art museum housing works that touch people’s souls. We need both STEM and LA in this world – please don’t make it into a competition where one is better or more important than the other.</p>