<p>I walked into a drycleaning business once with my four children, ages 6, 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 9 months. The owner proceeded to remark something about stair steps and asked, “Are you Catholic or something?” I answered, “Yes, why do you ask?” He didn’t answer. It is amazing what people will say.</p>
<p>Sorry for going off-topic.</p>
<p>We had a friend who had TWINS (fraternal). One had very pale, fair skin and hair while the other had dark hair and skin. She was asked by total strangers if they were REALLY twins and whether they had the same father!?!?! It was so odd (& offensive) to her that complete strangers felt comfortable saying these things to her and her adorable twins!</p>
<p>I cannot imagine the pain that it would cause me if my spouse were to have a mistress at any event in our home & preparing to leave me, at a PARTY we were hosting, no less! Wow, that is unbelievable to me!</p>
<p>Himom - the ignorance and sheer gall of strangers! I can’t imagine how hurtful that would be. Obviously some people need a lesson on multiple births and recessive & dominant genes.</p>
<p>“Once a total stranger asked me if he was adopted (H was not with us).”</p>
<p>Oy. My sister lives with this crap every day. She is white and married to a man of Korean descent. They have two biracial biological children and one child adopted from Korea. LOTS of strangers seem to think this is a good topic of conversation. My favorite is people who ask “Are they yours?” No, she stole them!</p>
<p>One silver lining, I suppose, is that people tend to assume that ALL the children are adopted…I think that it may help the adopted child feel that he stands out from his siblings less.</p>
<p>“Do they have the same father?” A geezer in the grocery store asked me that when my girls were infant and toddler. (blue eyes, dark hair, fair skin vs. blonde, brown eyes) I was so stunned I think I stood there slack-jawed. What does that say about me? Was he actually asking if I was a slut?</p>
<p>Hanna, I know enough people with adopted Asian children that if I saw an obviously Caucasian woman with apparently Asian children I admit I would probably figure they were adopted. But I would not be rude enough to SAY anything about it!</p>
<p>Love the silver lining, though. :)</p>
<p>I was once assumed to be the nanny. Guess that says something about me, too… ;)</p>
<p>Yeah, I’ve been assumed to be my son’s nanny too.</p>
<p>I like “what the heck is wrong with you that you think it is ok to ask that question?” or “Wow, are you always this obnoxious?” as comebacks.</p>
<p>Put 'em on the defensive and watch 'em squirm.</p>
<p>To continue with this digression,
When we took our newborn (and newly adopted) daughter our for a walk on a beautiful early autumn day we were approached by a random woman who questioned our parenting. “In my day we would never have taken out such a young baby!”, she clucked disapprovingly as she reached to take a look at her.</p>
<p>“Well our pediatrician says it’s okay for us to have the baby out in the fresh air as long as we protect her from the germs of nosy strangers!” I responded, pulling back. My husband and I chuckled as she strode off indignantly. It’s amazing how holding one’s own little one can turn a previously patient, forgiving woman into a mama bear. =)</p>
<p>When I was a kid, there was a rude woman who asked my mom if the three of us were her kids. We were platinum blonde/blue eyes, red hair/blue eyes, and brunette/green eyes. Apparently mom was used to getting this question and smartly answered yep-- the butcher, baker, and postman. The woman who asked the question left in a huff. </p>
<p>I guess you shouldn’t ask questions where the answer may offend you.</p>
<p>BTW- we have the same mother and father…genes are funny.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this was calculated or not, but it worked exactly as planned:
DW was buying a car for her dad about 10 years ago, and after getting a general idea of his likes and dislikes, we went to a few dealers to triage the wares and bring him in to pick out of a short list. After looking at one of the cars, DW said something to the effect of needing to check with dad for the final decision. At which point the sales guy turned to me and said, “OK, what do you say?” DW lit up and essentially indicated, “Sold!” with her eyes.<br>
She talks about it even today.</p>
<p>It was kind of sad to me when someone thought I must be my son’s nanny. We were staying at a nice resort and I was playing with my son in the pool. A woman said she wished she could find such a loving nanny when she had a child and I told her I was his Mom. She looked confused and said, “I never thought about raising my own children”. Clearly, she hadn’t been raised by her parents.</p>
<p>It was sad to me when my sister said her friend had to bring the sitter for picture taking so the kiddo would smile for the camera. 
It’s also interesting when I read about families debating about whether to bring sitter/nanny on cruise/family vacation or not. That was never an issue for us, as I have been the primary caregiver all my kids lives & wouldn’t have traded it for the world. Have loved travel with them as well as the great times we’ve had at home & school & everywhere else.</p>
<p>Opposite of Bethievt’s story: I approached a mom in my kid’s nursery school class and told her she was the kindest most loving mom in the class–she made the rest of us look bad! She informed me she was the nanny.</p>
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<p>My sister babysits for a couple sometimes. I know at least once they have taken her along on a trip so that she could babysit the kids. They paid her pretty well for that too!</p>
<p>I worked part-time and my next door neighbor who had a son the same age babysat my oldest. I got her a double stroller. One day someone asked her if the two boys were twins. She replied, “No they were born three weeks apart.” The woman said, “How can that be?” We got a good chuckle. Funny because the two kids looked nothing alike - though my kid looked more like her than her kid did.</p>
<p>Back to guests’ behavior. I was taught not to ask for something that wasn’t on the table. Back in my parents’ day, if people didn’t put lemon out for tea, for instance, it was because they didn’t have any lemons so it wouldn’t be polite to ask.</p>
<p>Nowadays I don’t think this is a consideration, so people freely ask for condiments and other additions to the meal. But one still needs to be sensitive and not put the host out with unusual requests. SIL once surveyed the 6 bottles of salad dressing in front of him and asked, “Do you have any oil and vinegar?” :rolleyes:</p>
<p>I would have just eaten my salad undressed if I didn’t like any of the choices I saw.</p>
<p>Reading all this makes me wonder how people can be so rude. Maybe they are just so self centered. At first, one could say it’s a generational thing or maybe they were not raised right, but then I see I have two SIL’s about the same age. One that will say, “eww I don’t eat that” or offend you while saying “no offense but…” and the other that still writes hand written thank you notes. Yet, the well mannered SIL’s brother will come to your house and not even greet you while eating all your food. Strange.</p>
<p>I am with oldfort, I am at an age where I don’t feel it necessary to spend time with people that I don’t like. Family is an issue but we try to keep it to the mandatory events and now and then when we feel up to it. I heard they are calling us unsociable and that we must be having “problems”. I just laugh.</p>
<p>Yes, manners have been given a bad rap! People sometimes think of manners as something put on to be “uppity” but manners are really about thinking about the OTHER person and how THEY would feel. Nothing wrong with that! We need more mannerly people around.(IMHO)</p>