<p>While I think some of the guests are being very rude, I think some of the hosts are going out of their way to take offense. It’s okay to say “no” to a request!</p>
<p>Actually, in a lot of these cases the hosts did say “no” or ignored the request/demand, but it still is really awkward and uncomfortable.</p>
<p>This thread is red hot!</p>
<p>My story. I know college age children will bring girlfriend or boyfriend home for a visit and parents have had to deal with the issue of them sleeping together. But have you ever had to tell your own dad that he can’t sleep in the same room as his girlfriend because his 8 year old granddaughter was in the house? It happened to me. Awkward.</p>
<p>Talking about not being able to say “no!”, my friend’s MIL sends her bedding ahead of her so DIL can prepare her room for her visit. She also sends a grocery list of preferred food.</p>
<p>
jym, so are you going to continue to participate in the birthday lunches. Have you told any of the others that they skipped you?</p>
<p>lilmom–the first time my son brought a girlfriend home, H and I had just built a first floor addition with a master (mistress?) bedroom/ bathroom. I just made up all the 2nd floor bedrooms and told them the 2nd floor was theirs.</p>
<p>To early to decide, CTTC. There are 4 of us (sometimes 5) who celebrate each others birthdays. A few tend to cluster within a few months of each other. Lets call the other ladies #1-4. Ladies 1&2 and I went out twice, maybe 3 times, I forget. Once for Lady 1’s birthday and for sure for an event for lady 2 (right around the time of my birthday). I paid half at each of these events. My birthday got skipped by lady 1. Lady 2 and I exchanged small birthday gifts at that event for her (where I split the cost with lady 1). Our birthdays are close together. I dont recall if we have taken each other out or not. Right now I forget. </p>
<p>Ladies 3 and 4 and I each went out for my birthday (lady 3 joined me with another friend, lady 4 and I went alone). I took lady 3 out for hers (with lady 2) and am about to take lady 4 out for hers. Havent heard if there is/was a get together for lady 4’s birthday, which was a few weeks ago. So right now lady 1, whose birthday is in the winter, is the one who for sure overlooked my birthday even though I took her out . It seems petty. but yes, it is a little hurtful, especially as she knew my birthday had passed but decided the event for lady 2 had to be addresses on its own and not shared with a birthday celebration. Sigh. Whatever. She is a sweet person, so I dont wnat to make a big deal.</p>
<p>I can see how this can get complicated, jym! But, I’ve had it happen, too. If it happens twice you have to re-think how you celebrate with that person.</p>
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<p>I’m not sure it’s always about being “too uppity”. In some cases, it may also be because they were raised in a family where “having manners” means being never being disagreeable/saying no to the point one becomes an effective doormat to others, grew so frustrated at being dragged into doing many thankless tasks while being taken excessively for granted, and decided living as the “ill-mannered” person was much easier on one’s dignity and freedom to live their own life without such aggravations. </p>
<p>Noticed this was a major issue with many young women and a few “Mama’s boys” raised in old-school upper/upper-middle class manners where manners == extreme agreeableness/obsequiousness uber alles. Lost count of how many times I’ve heard them complaining about this issue. </p>
<p>Could also sympathize to some extent as I had extended relatives who tried pulling that BS on me. Unfortunately for them/fortunately for me, I was a bit too rebellious, free spirited, and anti-authoritarian to accept all of that. </p>
<p>Plus, I tend to take great pleasure in driving authoritarian/domineering types up the wall…especially if they are part of the “establishment”. :D</p>
<p>Guest request with a twist:</p>
<p>Earlier this year we were invited to an out of state wedding, located a few minutes away from the home of some old friends. We booked a hotel nearby. The couple wouldn’t hear of it - they are empty nesters who had just completed a whole guest suite and bathroom renovation in a separate area of the house - they weren’t taking no for an answer. We stayed, had a lovely visit, and made definite plans for them to spend a weekend at our home a few months later.</p>
<p>A couple of weeks beforehand, we confirmed plans, with the specific understanding that they would be staying here with us. So, just before their arrival, in addition to the cooking and shopping, I spent a decent amount of time cleaning out the guest room, which I had been using that month to stage a current project ( involved moving heavy objects) , doing extra loads of laundry so linens would be fresh, and making up the room --the usual. </p>
<p>They arrive and I look around for their luggage. “Oh, we booked a hotel. We NEVER stay in people’s homes, but we thought you’d insist if we told you ahead of time!” Um, no… I would have been completely fine with that ( though wouldn’t have agreed to stay with them)but I think the considerate thing would have been for them to tell me their “real” plan…</p>
<p>ok roshke, that is really annoying! I would not have been happy. </p>
<p>Last year my H invited some of his buddy’s for a golf outing. He told them they were welcome to stay at our house and they accepted. Great, I cleaned the house, bought steaks, breakfast food, a case of beer (we do not drink beer). They never showed up instead staying at a relative’s cottage about 2 hours from here. It’s a golf outing with a potluck afterwards and I made extra food because my H didn’t want to ask them to contribute. They didn’t come to the dinner, left right after the golf to return home. </p>
<p>This year, same thing. My H invited them and they said yes. I cleaned the house but that was about it. H’s brother called, could he come and stay as he had a race he wanted to participate in and could he bring a friend. Thinking that the same thing was going to happen and the fact that we would not say no to his brother, we said sure. You guessed it. Our original guests decided to come. And his brother and a couple friend of his. And then another buddy called and asked to stay at our house. We offered him the floor as we slept on an air mattress in the basement.</p>
<p>Anyways, everyone had a great time. I made reservations, they drank year old beer and had a grand old time.</p>
<p>I was planning a large grad party for my daughter. SIL told me to let her know the date ASAP because she was trying to plan her summer vacation. Within a few days I text her the date we have chosen(this is 2 months in advance!). Shortly before the event, she tells us that her scheduled vacation conflicts with the party and her family will not attend!</p>
<p>I guess I misunderstood why she needed to get the date. She wanted to miss the party!</p>
<p>Deb, you are a saint! It is irritating when people ask to stay & then make other plans after you have done such elaborate prep. Glad they enjoyed the old beer & enjoyed dining out! Sometimes the more the merrier, if you keep relaxed about everything.</p>
<p>^^^We are going through similar thing as we are preparing for the arrival of TS Isaac. We’re eating all the frozen dinners, have tons of batteries and nonperishables, and are losing money because our offices are closed. Then, of course, the darn thing heads west or fizzles out, and it takes us a year, at least, to recover the financial losses!</p>
<p>Oh, montegut, I know this will cost you in the longrun but for me, I HOPE it fizzles out!!! Sorry. :(</p>
<p>Ok, something’s been on my mind for a while…
Last spring we went to a neighborhood party. A couple was there with their 3 month old baby. I fawned over the child and the dad offered that the baby was number 5. I asked how old were the others and he said 23-29. I just about gasped and started saying, Wow that’s amazing", etc. I just couldn’t get over it. I think I even said something to the wife about being a child bride… neither of them looks older than 45.
Well, I find out a few minutes later that the guy’s first wife died years ago! If I had known, of course, I would not have been gasping. I kinda feel the H set me up. Very weird but it still nags me. Thoughts?</p>
<p>^Yes, there could have been more explanation offered.</p>
<p>How about hosts who are not sensitive to guests dietary needs? When you invite people for dinner, and they mention that they (or one of them) are vegetarian, wouldn’t it be good manners to offer a vegetarian option? I mean, hamburgers on the grill, throw on a couple of veggie burgers.</p>
<p>My H and I were at a barbeque years ago at the home of one of his co-workers. We did not keep kosher at the time, but one couple (OBVIOUSLY Jewish) did, and the host casually said, “Well, I guess if you don’t eat pork you’re out of luck!” Yes, pork was the only option for dinner.</p>
<p>Maybe this depends on the part of the country. In some areas they wonder why you don’t eat pork, and in some areas they wonder why you do.</p>
<p>I was waiting for my youngest who was in her first week of nursery school. There was a gentleman waiting as well. He was OLD…like 70s old. But we live in the country of 2nd and 3rd wives…and plastic surgery…So I said, “Which child is yours?”</p>
<p>Turned out…he was the father of my daughter’s new best friend. He had children older than his wife…I NEVER ask if someone is the grandfather or mother. I assume that they are the parent…Especially after another parent assumed that a mom was the maid. She wasn’t…the maid.</p>
<p>
What does “OBVIOUSLY Jewish” mean? </p>
<p>Perhaps the host didn’t know they kept kosher, or what that means exactly. Many Jews don’t keep kosher.</p>
<p>My BIL and his family do keep kosher. They don’t eat at people’s houses who don’t also keep kosher, because there is almost nothing they would be able to eat.</p>
<p>It’s a bit of a pain when they visit us. We have to keep a spare set of kosher cooking gear, they will only use paper plates and plastic utensils and cups, and we have to go to some effort to bring in foot they will eat, or they will only eat crackers and other packaged food with the symbol on it.</p>
<p>Obviously Jewish: Husband wearing a yamulke. Wife with a head covering. Obviously Jewish.</p>
<p>We always have veggie options…even when I know no one is a vegetarian. Kids always bring extra kids. A big salad, eggplant stuff…bread will do the trick.</p>