<p>S1 is also allergic to bananas and raw apples (cooked are ok) as it is related to his allergy to pollen. He is allergic to many fruits and vegetables. He just avoids those he cannot eat.</p>
<p>Deb922,
It would have also been wise for the sister who has all the allergies and who brought 2 vegetarians to a traditional meat meal (turkey is the traditional main event at Thanksgiving) to bring something that she and her child/friend could eat. It was unwise of her to expect her diet to be completely catered to. </p>
<p>Since we are talking about siblings here, it may have been reasonable to think that a sibling would cater to your diet, but it’s wise to plan for yourself also. And as a thoughtful guest, she should have contributed something to the meal anyway. Others did and she should have as well.</p>
<p>It is also difficult for people who are accustomed to eating one way to have to plan for another eating style/diet. People who have preferences/special diets should not expect everyone to be able to cater to them. It’s not always a reasonable expectation.</p>
<p>Especially when our kids were young, I always tried to bring along a dish that I knew they liked & would enjoy eating that went with whatever meal was being served. Similarly, if we have a house guest staying with us & are invited to a meal, we decline, explaining that we have a house guest. If they invite us with the guest, I try to bring along a dish that takes into account any dietary issues our guest may have so they will have something to eat.</p>
<p>The folks I know who have special dietary issues are pretty self-reliant and try to eat what is available without making any fuss. Generally, most can at least eat a salad and if needed, we/they can stop off on the way home to get something more. </p>
<p>It does seem unreasonable to have elaborate food issues and expect them to be catered to–more reasonable to alert about strong allergies & contribute a dish you can enjoy with the others. JMHO</p>
<p>mathmom, that is one scary story for those of us with kids allergic to peanuts! Could easily kill someone. </p>
<p>Living in CA years ago, we always cooked vegie and non vegie for most meals. Not so hard with a lot of cuisines, and it was just what we all did. But I remember visiting relatives in the very rural midwest, and my aunt, who would never offend anyone, didn’t understand how a vegetarian wouldn’t just pick the meat out of a casserole. </p>
<p>Typically, I’m thrilled to have guests, and am touched by their thoughtfulness. (Including someone on this thread) I do remember hosting some early teen girls from a more rural part of the state for an orchestral get together in our city. They were just amazed that I’d happily allow a stranger or two to stay in my house. I was glad that I was able to provide an example of an open house, if that was not part of their family culture. </p>
<p>“I’m a great guest, but an increasingly anxious hostess.” Very true, eastcoast crazy. It certainly helps to know your audience.</p>
<p>“I was glad that I was able to provide an example of an open house, if that was not part of their family culture.” </p>
<p>I was a teenager in the 70’s and one night, my dad was walking the dog and came back and asked my mom to take a look at the two French boys who had approached him about pitching a tent in our yard overnight. He asked if she thought we could invite them inside for the night. If my memory is correct, it was raining. She said, “Yes”. They were traveling across country. My parents provided them a bed for the night. They were very nice. I spoke a bit of my HS French with them. A few months later we received a post card from them! Quite the open house that night.</p>
<p>Love this thread. Really! A couple wore buttons of their kids to a wedding! .?.. Lol</p>
<p>After we adopted our 4 month old son we were asked MANY times “how much did he cost?”</p>
<p>I learned not to be offended. I figured out that many just wanted to know if they could afford to adopt.</p>
<p>How much did he cost? He’s priceless.</p>
<p>But buttons for a wedding? I suspect (hope) that the children would have been better behaved than their parents.</p>
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<p>I’m guessing you didn’t give the standard answer, “If you have to ask, you can’t afford one.”</p>
<p>I hate when people try to cook for me. I always feel so bad because I can’t eat a lot of what people cook without knowing what’s in it. So when people purposely cook a vegetarian meal (thinking I’m only a vegetarian) and then I can’t eat it, I feel like a terrible terrible guest. </p>
<p>I always insist that people just make what they normally would and I can eat what I can tolerate. I have so many dietary triggers that it would be difficult to expect anyone to remember, so I don’t try. I never expect (or want!) to be catered to. I just wish people would actually listen to me when I say “I promise, I’ll be able to eat something. Don’t do anything special.” </p>
<p>Now that I’m a bit older and wiser, I make my own dish to bring that I can eat. That way, I can at least not sit awkwardly at the table with a mostly empty plate!</p>
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<p>If only more hosts thought like you!! :)</p>
<p>oregon- oy. What a weird thing to ask. I can understand though what with all the adoption horror stories and the rumors that adoption is so expensive. (I say rumors because I have no idea how much they cost, but I have heard they’re very expensive)</p>
<p>I must admit, after reading this thread and knowing some of my own guest horror stories, I’m a bit afraid to be a host :p.</p>
<p>Well, it makes a host feel horrible to see that the guest can’t really eat anything provided. I do understand food restrictions, but I can’t mind-read them. I do salad bars lately, with all separate ingredients. No meat, no fish, no eggs, no dairy, no nuts, no to certain fruits and veggies…what is a host supposed to do? Oh and then low carb as well and no gluten. So no rice, pasta, dessert…what is left to serve?</p>
<p>When I was in college & grad school, we often made mostly vegetarian food that we ate & our guests ate. No one commented to us about the absence of meat. Sometimes we’d make some fish or meat, but not very often because there was so much wonderful produce available & it was mostly very reasonably priced. It worked pretty well for us.</p>
<p>I have friends whose loved ones have celiac and some are also vegan. They have had to study up on what can & can’t be eaten before they are hosts & hostesses. It is an interesting challenge and can be met as long as folks keep a sense of humor and the person with the dietary issues is flexible and willing to help with cooking and/or shopping.</p>
<p>It can be very challenging to be a hostess for folks with severe food issues. My sister once had a very young nephew house guest have to go to the ER for IVs–he got very dehydrated because he utterly refused to eat or drink while he was staying with her (his parents were also house guests at the time & did nothing to help keep the situation from reaching the crisis point). That was pretty traumatic for everyone. I think he only liked a certain type of bread & certain type of peanut butter and beverages or something–scary! I don’t think sis had them as house guests ever again.</p>
<p>As a hostess, I would much prefer to know of others’ food allergies or concerns in advance rather than have them say, “Don’t worry, I’ll work around whatever you serve.”</p>
<p>I entertain people with nut dislikes, mushroom allergies, corn allergies, diabetes and celiac disease without a problem–but I can’t choose a menu that meets my guests’ needs if I don’t know what they are! Not telling me of special needs implies that I can’t or won’t adjust my menu for a guest, neither of which is true.</p>
<p>Wow! While no one wants to see a child in crisis, if the parents were there and allowed their child to refuse food wand liquids to the point that he was ill, shame on them. He didn’t suddenly become a picky eater when they arrived there, they knew leaving their home yet didn’t make any plans (either bring it with you or let your host know ahead). When he wouldn’t eat that long they didn’t think to go to the grocery store?</p>
<p>I have a lot of compassion for people with severe dietary restrictions. When our oldest son was 11mos he was off all milk, soy, wheat, nuts, citrus, & eggs. Feeding the little guy to get enough nutritional things was challenging. We went overseas during that time & stayed with family. We did all the shopping and cooking for him. It was the only way we could control what he was getting. The less fuss we made the easier it was on everyone. Eventually we reintroduced each and were able to rule out all allergies. The only thing he has trouble with is raw apples.</p>
<p>Yea, it was very traumatic for sis & she was pretty unhappy that the parents did nothing to avert the crisis–the dad is a radiologist & mom is a pharmacist, so they were VERY medically trained! I think the kid would only drink one brand of soda as his only beverage or something like that (can’t remember, just thought it was all rather extreme). It wasn’t that the kid COULDN’T eat more, just refused to eat other than what he decided he wanted & ONLY that. I think that as a guest, if you have severe restrictions, it is good for YOU to help prepare meals that you think all will enjoy, including you. Also can see why hostesses would get very uncomfortable knowing the guest has severe restrictions but not being clued in as to what those are–spending a lot of time & effort trying to make appealing food only to have the guest not be able to partake would be upsetting.</p>
<p>My issue with food is that my allergies/intolerances aren’t consistent. There are foods I can eat during non-flare up times that I can’t eat during a uc flare up. For example, salads are my favorite food but during a flare up, I can’t eat any leafy vegetables. My flare ups can come suddenly and without warning which is why I’d rather no one cater to my needs. If it were a simple allergy, that’d be different.</p>
<p>HIMom, so strange but I wonder if the parents thought that if the kid got hungry enough he would finally eat. It was boot camp for the picky eater!</p>
<p>If you have kids with allergies do you bring in food that they can’t eat. For instance if the kid is allergic to nuts, would you make brownies with nuts in them? Would you buy trail mix with nuts one kid couldn’t eat?</p>
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<p>I do, too, because that’s a dangerous one! As an aside, I wonder why there are so many peanut allergies today. When my kids were young, there weren’t any kids in an elementary school of ~350-400 who had a peanut allergy. Today, you are likely to find many in a school of that size. My D who is a teacher had 5 kids in her class of 23 last year!</p>
<p>We have a close family member who is allergic to sulfites, also a potential fatal reaction, so it takes close inspection of everything that goes into a meal. She is extremely careful about what she eats, and never expects to be catered to, but I always plan accordingly and make things that enable her to eat everything that everyone else is eating. It’s challenging enough for her when she eats out, and I know that she appreciates my efforts.</p>
<p>We never could figure out that branch of BIL’s family. I had forgotten that episode until this thread evolved. I don’t see the point of putting the HOSTESS/HOST into such an awkward position and endangering the kiddo during a vacation–seems wrong on nearly all levels.</p>
<p>I don’t bring food that I and my family can’t eat when I contribute food to a meal. I don’t cook shellfish I can’t eat either, so if loved ones want it, THEY cook it or we all go out & eat it instead. My mom once said that they were making a lovely shrimp dinner for my birthday. I smiled and said, “Great! Can you also make something small I could eat too?” Then mom remembered I was her only kid allergic to shrimp! :)</p>
<p>I do try to keep track of folks’ food allergies & preferences whenever possible and try to include SOMETHING most folks can enjoy, when I am hostess. Colleagues are very grateful for the consideration, especially since they try not to make a big deal of it.</p>
<p>I am to a point where I just don’t accept any invitations which might involve somebody else attempting to feed me… it is making things like holidays complicated. I can’t eat ANY milk at all and it is a tough allergy to deal with-- many people think of people they know with lactose intolerance who can eat a little dairy here and there, and think “oh well, it’s just a little butter,” or they forget that butter is dairy at all, or they needlessly exclude eggs thinking they’re dairy. And few think to check labels, especially on odd things that you wouldn’t expect to contain dairy-- like gravy, or hot dogs. And even if they did, there are over 50 different words which appear on an ingredient label which COULD mean dairy, but it might not-- you have to be knowledgeable enough to know. And while usually it will still say milk in the allergen warning, sometimes it doesn’t and the milk is still there. It’s impossible to cook for this allergy without training. If I were to do all the shopping and cooking it would work out, and that’s probably exactly what I would do if I were going to be a house guest for several days at a time, but things like dinner parties or holidays are a lot harder to manage… most people aren’t comfortable with inviting you to dinner and then letting you do all the work, and that’s really about what it would take for me to be safe. People are mortified at the thought of me not eating the whole meal or bringing my own food because they feel insulted that I didn’t let them be a “good host” to me, but they don’t realize they’re in way over their head!</p>
<p>Speaking just for myself, I’d be perfectly fine with guests who have tricky dietary needs bringing their own food they can safely eat to a gathering at my house. If I invite people over, it’s because I want to spend time with them, not make them sick with a dietary error!</p>