<p>Threekids…Imo it is never okay to send a generic thank you note, or worse…no note at all.</p>
<p>It happens from any type of event. Bar/Bat mitzvahs: we have usually always received at least one line. However, sometimes they don’t, along with weddings, baby showers, housewarming, graduation, etc.,etc.,etc.</p>
<p>I recently got a “thank you” card of a picture of the bride & groom with the words thank you printed on the flat card and nothing on the reverse side…I also received no note at all from a cousin…</p>
<p>Imo rsvp’s and thank you’s are the absolute worst…it’s rather sad how rude people are and think nothing of it.</p>
<p>I have to be honest, I rarely see a lot of kids at weddings -perhaps a few nieces/nephews, but not whole gaggles of kids. Most weddings I’ve been to, i can’t imagine kids would particularly enjoy.</p>
<p>Outrageous requests: while at my own wedding reception in bridal gown, backyard in my dear parents’ hom in rural NH – my new BIL came up to me, orange in hand, and asked me to peel it for him so he could eat it. No, he is not cognitively delayed…he’s a top level academician. When I asked my H about this, next day, the look on my H’s face was like impending murder. Fortunately we were already travelling, so it never came full circle. </p>
<p>Also while in my bridal gown, a lady from H’s congregation approached. “We’re so happy you’ll be moving to our city. Our temple’s rummage sale – we hope you can run it.” I thought: is it something about my dress?</p>
<p>On the thank you note theme…We have been invited to six weddings from May to October this year. I sent a gift ahead for a wedding we will have to fly to. The gift card included both my husband and my names and the gift was from their registry. The thank you said, “Dear MD Mom, Thank you for the cups and platter. Bride”</p>
<p>I said this in another thread, but will repeat.</p>
<p>DH and I sent the son (and bride) of a friend a rug which was on their bridal registry. We received a lovely thank you card * with a photo of the rug in place in their family room* enclosed in the card! I thought it was really thoughtful, and loved seeing our gift in their home. The thank you card was hand written by the groom-since we were friends of his parents, I suppose the task fell to him. I was impressed, and I’m really not one to keep track of thank you cards and such after we send a gift.</p>
<p>MD Mom
Your post reminded me of something that just happened to my daughter. </p>
<p>She received a wedding gift from a friend of my mothers and promptly sent a thank you note. As it happened, my mom was visiting the day the thank you note arrived. My mom called my daughter and reamed her out for only addressing the card to the wife and not to the husband and wife. My daughter then had the fun task of informing my mom that the gift came with a card that was only signed by the wife so the thank you was only sent to the wife. Sometimes you can’t win for trying.</p>
<p>I think the bride-to- be may think it was a shower gift, which was the reason I was careful on the card to address it to both of them and sign it from both of us. It was approaching $200 worth of cups and platter. </p>
<p>I notice thank you notes, but I am most interested in knowing whether the gift was received, especially when a registry is involved.</p>
<p>At my parents wedding, my dad’s uncle told him not to marry my mother because she was Catholic. He’s Jewish. Meanwhile, his son married a Protestant and it wasn’t a big deal at all. My grandfather (dad’s father) isn’t that fond of us Catholics. Oh well. My mom’s Italian/Catholic side couldn’t careless. I (and along with my siblings) were raised Catholic. My dad isn’t even religious (hasn’t been to temple in years) and his uncle/father only go a couple times a year…</p>
<p>OH my, what fun we have when hosting/attending events!</p>
<p>When D was about 6 months old, we were invited to the wedding receoption of DH’s client. It was about an hour and a half from home. DH really thought we should attend…I wasn’t too happy about the drive/leaving D, etc. Off we went. The wedding had been held a few weeks before…second marriage for groom, 3rd for bride. We arrived, lovely large home. The reception was in a tent in the backyard–in the pouring rain. Couldn’t go inside to use the lady’s room–outside portapottie across the lawn in the rain. The bride spent more time changing into the “next” wedding gown then she did at the reception. </p>
<p>They split up before they sent thank you notes.</p>
<p>I have to admit that I have been guilty of bringing an unwanted dog with me. In my defense, it was when H and I drove down to Hilton Head to stay with my parents. My parents had almost always had at least one dog, and when we went on vacations as a kid we always brought the dog with us. It never occurred to me that they didn’t expect us to bring the dog. (Who was very well behaved in a house, I might add. Never got up on furniture, chewed, ran around, or had accidents.) They were astonished that we brought him, I was astonished that they objected. A failure of communication: live and learn. They made him stay in the garage.</p>
<p>I think it’s outrageous to make same-day requests/demands of a host regarding your table seating, or be grumpy how she seated you.</p>
<p>Recently at a Bat Mitzvah I took pains to travel to attend, I was steamed to find out that some young adult cousins took the placecards of my adult son and me. They swapped table number assignments on our name-tags to resituate themselves to their own pleasure. Our card numbers had been written over in a different pen, which was odd.</p>
<p>Because of this, S and I missed an opportunity to share a meal with a very special cousin from overseas. That cousin and I shared homes for a year as children and haven’t seen each other since elementary school. The cousin/hostess knew that, as we’re all agemates. She might have seated us together for a reason. </p>
<p>I was also embarassed that the young adult cousins had treated me that way, as if I didn’t matter at all. I learned about it by a slip-of-the-tongue by someone else at that table, “Oh, you’re the aunt that got switched out…” I was embarassed to be treated that way by a different side of the family. But above all, I thought they were rude to the hostess to mess with her plan.</p>
<p>This might be the most entertaining thread on CC!
I’m feeling very lucky – I must only have polite relatives and acquaintances, so I have nothing to add. But, I’m astounded at some of these posts!
Carry on.</p>
<p>I’ll own up to being the “outrageous guest”…cept I wasn’t a guest in any sense of the word. </p>
<p>I was an 18 year old wedding crasher with two older friends who were graduating seniors after we brainstormed ways to get a cheap/free meal with an adventure or few thrown in. </p>
<p>It was certainly an adventure. I was shocked at how well I was able to carry on a near hour-long enjoyable adult-level conversation with older wedding guests while retaining their respectful interest and attention. It was moreso for an older friend…especially after he ended up having to fend off a wasted 50-something librarian whose displays of l’eau d’amour was such that he wanted us all to leave immediately. </p>
<p>Being more concerned about getting free fancy foods/desserts* and glad he’s effectively running interference for us by being the object of that librarian’s “romantic overtures”…we opted to stay. Admittedly, we were also quite amused at his situation…we even urged him to “see where the relationship goes”, hummed parts of “here comes the bride”, and asked him to “invite us to the wedding”. </p>
<p>Am still close friends with the older friend who was the romantic object of that 50-something librarian’s eye. A big part of that is to not bring up that sore point of his graduation week. :D</p>
<ul>
<li>3 servings of filet mignon, assorted hor d’oerves, and some upmarket chocolate desserts/cakes(i.e. Godiva). While there was plenty of wine available, just didn’t feel like having it at the time.</li>
</ul>
<p>I have an interfaith story. My grandmother is Jewish and my grandfather was Catholic (now Buddhist). They divorced when my dad was young and she married a Protestant. At some point about 20 years ago she decided to actually practice Judaism. She tried to convince my step grandfather to convert but he declined. She announced they were getting divorced at my mom’s baby shower for me. Lovely woman. Needless to say, she’s never been involved in my life. She attended my cousins’ weddings because they’re Jewish and she made it perfectly clear that she wouldn’t go to her grandchildren’s weddings if they aren’t Jewish. That’s fine by the rest of us! She was never getting an invitation from the rest of us anyway as she’s never been anything more than a grandmother by blood. </p>
<p>Families-what can you do? I’m fortunate to have a step grandma who is an absolutely wonderful woman.</p>
<p>About 4 years ago, during the big storm that lasted the entire weekend, I had 3 unexpected guests, 2 teenage boys and a thirty-something woman who was a family friend of my husband. The boys had come after school to play my son’s new video game and decided to spend the night when the roads got bad. The woman came a day later when her car got stuck and she couldn’t drive to her house an hour away. The boys were great guests, sleeping on the floor and cleaning up after themselves. They were very appreciative of the home-cooked meals and thought the removal of 4 feet of snow from our lengthy driveway was so much fun that they also cleaned the driveways of 2 of our neighbors. “A”, on the other hand, perfectly fits on this thread.</p>
<p>With the last of my eggs and bread, I made French toast. The boys ate first, complimented my recipe, loaded the dishwasher and left for the video game upstairs. When “A” finally appeared, my H served her orange juice. She looked at it and asked if she could have a fresh orange instead. (Sure, I’ll run to the store because I can’t drive a car on uncleared roads. Oops, no stores are open in a state of emergency, so No, you can’t have an orange). When I took the warming French toast from the oven and added the final piece from the grill, she complained about that. It wasn’t what she wanted–and then she proceeded to empty the whole platter onto her plate when neither my H nor I had eaten. He skipped breakfast; I used the last of the egg mixture with 2 halves of a whole grain bun that I had in the freezer to make something for me. When the roads were finally opened, she wanted my 70 year old husband to drive her home an hour away and shovel her walks so she could open her door. (My son and his 2 friends were not available and I don’t think I would have let them if they were). Oh, and my brand new tube of toothpaste was missing from her room when she was gone.</p>
<p>“We were instructed not to approach the rock star.”</p>
<p>At the dinner the night before my niece graduated college my sister gave strict instructions to my mother she was not to speak to the very famous rock star father or his wife of my niece’s roommate (and BFF) unless spoken to. My mother was appalled that my sister would think that she would somehow say something embarrassing or inappropriate and did not follow her instructions. The rock star and his wife were lovely and very engaging in conversation with both my parents.</p>
<p>Post #125: handwritten thank you notes are really the only way to go, imo…even a short one. The fact that they included a picture sounds really nice! :)</p>
<p>Post #134: Sorry you had that experience with your own Grandmother. I was actually much closer to my Great Aunt (my grandfather’s sister) who acted like my grandmother, then my own grandmother. What a shame that she chose to distance herself like that! Speaking as a Jewish mom, hope that’s the exception rather than the rule…no matter what the religion is!</p>
<p>Choc, it’s absolutely the exception. She’s a bitter woman and religion is nothing more than a weapon for her. Most of my close friends are Jewish and I love their moms. They always send their children and friends the best food up at college :D</p>
<p>Re the rug story -I have the opposite, an embarrassing story. When we got married, med school classmates (married couple) gave us an earthenware vase that was, honestly, just awfully ugly. I mean, atrocious -the kind you’d give as a joke. We thanked them and I put it in a closet somewhere. </p>
<p>Some time later, we invited them for dinner. I took out the vase and put it on the fireplace. Sometime after dinner, we were sitting and chatting, the conversation ebbed, and H looks over and says, “What IS that thing on the fireplace?” I quickly jumped in (while giving him the stink-eye) and we somehow converted it into “Ha ha, we were just kidding, we love it so much” but … Ugh. So moral of the story is - tell your spouse if you’re going to resurrect bad presents.</p>
<p>I’m living it now. Newly graduated friend of newly graduated son wants to come visit. That’s fine. Has a list of things he wants to see and do while in our NYC area. That’s fine too. Want’s us to set him up with some job interviews for a good paying job too. ??? We are still trying to help DS out in that regard.</p>