<p>My thought in that case, Zoosermom, is don’t attend if it isn’t something you want to do.</p>
<p>Not really on original topic, but all the rural Southern weddings of my family are cake/punch in the church hall, or now that we’re “high class rednecks,” finger foods in a rented American Legion hall or empty airplane hanger. No alcohol or dancing though, we’re Church of Christ! Another southern tradition - displaying the wedding gifts at the bride’s mother’s home before the wedding. And folks come by for a couple days to view the gifts, drink iced tea, etc. This sounds weird to me as i write it, but that’s what I grew up with.</p>
<p>I do live in a city now - still mostly cocktail party receptions but alcohol is served. I only experienced sit-down meals when I lived in Chicago.</p>
<p>May I add an outrageous bride request? I grew up Baptist, so we had a lot of “punch and cake in the church hall” type of receptions. My friend had been asked to be one of the two young women who served the cake and punch (two steps down from bridesmaid and one step down from guest book attendant.) She and the other girl went to the church hall before the wedding to get the lay of the land…there was the cake - and that was it. Nothing whatsoever to drink. She didn’t know that serving the punch apparently meant providing the punch. </p>
<p>She and the other girl skipped the wedding, scoured the church kitchen, made a big urn of coffee and made instant iced tea to put in the punch bowl.</p>
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The cynic in me says this tradition helped drive up the value of the gifts (since they are publicly displayed). I have heard of an old wedding role as “announcer of the gifts” … being the first to have their gift announced was probably OK and you could get away with giving one goat or something … I’d hate to be the family 50th in line trying to look OK compared to the 49 families before them.</p>
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Not having affection for the bride isn’t the same as not wanting to go. I won’t rehash, but the reason I went is to provide assistance for the physical needs of my disabled mom.</p>
<p>zoosermom, I remember the thread well. That’s when well intentioned, polite people are in a pickle. For the folks who go to an event - say a Baptist wedding with no alcohol - then complain, I always say “just don’t go, but don’t complain if you do.” But life is full of complications and sometimes, like you, we have to put our own desires aside.</p>
<p>I wasn’t really complaining about the thank you note. Mom and I were both seriously not sure if our gifts hadn’t been received based on the wording. We thought we might have placed the envelopes in the wrong place or something. We had to leave before the bride came around with the bag to collect envelopes, so it was entirely possible that a mistake had been made.</p>
<p>Enjoying this thread. And being nosey, I want to know the name of the rock star!</p>
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Flower children and ring bearers don’t really count, although they are often removed fairly early in the reception. Even if there are children in the wedding party, the invited guests might be just the adults.</p>
<p>Digressing to the Thank You note topic: at our nephew’s wedding last month, pre-printed “thank you” notes were placed on every other place setting at the reception. These notes thanked us for attending and for our gift and also announced that a donation had been made in our name to a charity associated with the father of the bride. Earlier in the summer, the bride used the same method at her shower – pre-printed thank you postcards at each seat. Last year at the engagement party (with 120+ guests) she opened each gift in front of the crowd and verbally thanked us.</p>
<p>My SIL/MOG was horrified, but that’s the way the bride’s family wanted it.</p>
<p>Like zoosermom’s dilemma, we really have no idea whether the couple received our monetary gifts. Well, we do know that our check was cashed, but both of my sons gave cash gifts with no acknowledgement.</p>
<p>Vast majority of the weddings I’ve been invited to attend allowed children. With a couple of exceptions, they all tended toward the formal church/wedding reception(corporate suit and tie) in high-end country-clubs/hotels. At the family weddings, the kids…even babies were never an issue. </p>
<p>The idea of adult-only weddings would have struck everyone in my extended family as odd as they considered weddings a family affair involving everyone…even little kids/babies. And they’ve held wedding receptions at some real high-end hotels…including a historical high-end hotel in Honolulu. </p>
<p>IME, the few “adult-only” weddings I’ve been to have been such that when I am invited to one, I know to be psychologically prepared for what invariably turns out to be an overly stuffy ceremony/reception.</p>
<p>I am thoroughly enjoying this thread, but reading with some dread since I’m hosting a quinceanera party for my daughter next month. The worst I was anticipating were RSVP problems, but now I’m wondering what else I will experience. [??!!]</p>
<p>I’m already getting a little pushback about not allowing some young relatives to bring guests. I only added “and guest” to those invitations where the invited person is in a formal relationship, i.e., has a girlfriend or boyfriend. So now some of the others appear to be a little miffed that they cannot bring guests, so they’ll have “someone to dance with”. Oh well. I had limited spaces and I thought I did the right thing.</p>
<p>Great thread. </p>
<p>On the baby at a wedding topic, we had an interesting experience. Our infant was 6 months old and our eldest was 4 when friends were getting married. We were all invited to their relatively small, gracious and informal ceremony at a bed and breakfast inn. While gathering for the service, 2 older women stared at me carrying the quiet baby and loudly remarked how wrong it was for the baby to be there. Tssk, tssk. I did not know who they were relative to the couple, but brought the quiet baby to the porch and waited out the service. She never made a peep and neither did I. It was not our day. </p>
<p>Re: outrageous guest experiences-
Host: Oops, you just spilled milk on the carpet.
Guest: Oh… (while using his shoe to rub it in).</p>
<p>I am noticing that most of us with recurring bad guest behavior are related to said guests, and therefore it is very hard to eliminate all visits. Above scenario is just the tip of the iceberg.</p>
<p>I’ve been to some very nice (expensive) weddings in the last few years where the pre-printed thank you cards were distributed at the reception. Very disappointing, IMO.</p>
<p>“From my small sample of somewhat famous people they overwhelming want to treated like everyone else … not fawned over and not ignored.”</p>
<p>I think this is so. </p>
<p>What was weird about my niece’s graduation dinner was it was just the two families and my sister expected my parents to sit there mute!</p>
<p>“My SIL/MOG was horrified, but that’s the way the bride’s family wanted it.”</p>
<p>I would be horrified, too.</p>
<p><<<<< raising hand here>>>>> I am so very glad that zoos took my idea from another thread and started this thread, where we can vent and hopefully laugh about the outrageous things we have been asked to do, or have heard others ask or been asked to do. Can we maybe stick with that?</p>
<p>I think it’s wonderful to have well behaved kids at the wedding but when it now costs around $100 per plate, I can certainly understand why they are not invited. $100 for a four year old to say she just wants a grilled cheese? Perhaps they discount for kids? </p>
<p>My husband, who is in a band that plays at upscale weddings has told me that a new phenomena is people that RSVP yes to a wedding and then don’t show up at the last minute. Even with a good reason, that’s got to be troublesome for the wedding planners. Something that I’ve seen at weddings is that people like to take their drinks on to the dance floor. What’s up with that?</p>
<p>We had an evening church wedding and noted on the RSVP card that infants were welcome at the receptions and that childcare would be provided during the service. We had several teenage girls from the church who regularly worked in the nursery and the 3 infants who were in attendance manged fine there for 45 minutes or so until the reception.</p>
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<p>I can’t think of a circumstance in which I would, either (well, especially because I had two). That’s what a babysitter is for. </p>
<p>My niece was about 8 months old when my kids had their b’nai mitzvah. They brought her for family pictures that were taken ahead of time, and then my BIL took her home, got her settled with a babysitter, and came back. She wouldn’t have gotten anything out of the service and certainly not the evening party!</p>