<p>You should set an example for your daughter…IMO, your best options are either to confront him yourself or to tell your husband. Your daughter shouldn’t have to say another word to this creepy dude. </p>
<p>If it were my husband, I would certainly tell him, but I think I’d have to remind him first that I still wanted him to be around for our kids (i.e. don’t kill the guy and go to prison), but a basic “I’ll break every bone in your $#*%@ body” chat would probably care of things. Heck, I’d be the first in line to have that specific chat with the creep myself. (If you want to give me his phone number, I’ll even volunteer to have that long-distance call with him!!!)</p>
<p>Thanks, all. I needed the bucking up. Spoke to my husband last night and we barely went to sleep discussing it and thinking through options. He is much calmer than I expected. Wants to consult a lawyer which I guess is a good idea to really understand our position.</p>
<p>I agree with most here. This guy sounds very suspect and I’d warn you against allowing your daughter to have close contact with him. I’d be wary of those pics he’s taking as well.</p>
<p>I think you should confront him, but DO NOT do it alone. Have some back-up and don’t attack him. Just inform him that some girls are uncomfortable with those types of comments. Don’t call him a perv or tell him he’s a molester. Just be forthright. If you’re afraid of the repercussions, maybe you should ask an administrator to do this.</p>
<p>OK, now let me say something that everyone will be very angry about. First, let me reiterate that middle aged men should not be “checking out” teenage girls. But come on, be honest. There are plenty of 15-16 girls that have almost fully matured bodies. There are plenty of them that look significantly older than 15-16 and have the womanly figure that older men find attractive. To say that 15-16 year olds can’t be attractive to an older man is absurd. To say that it is inappropriate is correct though.</p>
<p>If any of you have ever been on a crowded beach, there are always grown men staring at the young girls in bikinis.</p>
<p>I have to say I don’t notice anyone unless they are being very obvious ( and some are of course)</p>
<p>I agree though that it is totally inappropriate.
A fifteen year old is. a. child.
Somebody’s child.</p>
<p>Plus- men who find children attractive no matter what their bra size is, is leading with his lower brainstem ( or something lower)</p>
<p>I like what Miss Sayer had to say to Mr Allnut when he was trying to defend his behavior by saying it was human nature.
" Nature, Mr. Allnut, Nature is what we were put on earth to rise above."
;)</p>
<p>We are most worried about the digital photos. Husband thinks we need legal representation right now to make sure he doesn’t publish anything on the internet or “share” her photos inappropriately. Does anyone know if you can get a restraining order against a coach while your kid is on the team? Forgot to mention he is a part-time coach at our high school. He and his wife both graduated from it. </p>
<p>For our peace of mind and the safety of our daughter, we would like him disallowed from riding on the van to meets with the kids. Also would like him kept out of the group prayer circle which involves holding hands before the meets (we’re a Catholic high school). And obviously no more picture-taking at the meets.</p>
<p>*oes anyone know if you can get a restraining order against a coach while your kid is on the team? Forgot to mention he is a part-time coach at our high school. He and his wife both graduated from it. *
I was wondering why the lawyer.</p>
<p>Now it sounds worse- I am sure you know that predators set themselves up in positions where they can groom victims.
I don’t think she could get a restraining order if she was still going to be around him.</p>
<p>Legal advice is always a good solution. At least you will know what your rights are etc. I’m sure that once the school gets wind of this situation, that coach will be removed from that position. The Catholic church is trying hard to avoid these messy situations. The lawyer could call the school on your behalf. Thats probably all your involvement would need to be.</p>
<p>I think people are also hyper sensitive about inappropriate behavior. When our girls were younger, my husband would refuse to drive any of their friends home by themselves. He would always have one of our girls in the car with him. He feels often some innocent behavior could be interpreted as inappropriate.</p>
<p>Getting back to OP’s situation. I am wondering if you and your husband could have a private conversation with the assistant coach, “We feel uncomfortable by some remarks you’ve made of our daughter…You may not mean anything by it, but it makes her feel uncomfortable…For privacy issue, we would prefer if you do not take any pictures of our daughter without our knowledge or permission.” If he values his reputation in the community and his job, he may just stop there. If nothing else, you have put him on notice and you are watching him. At the mean time, I would not let my daughter ride with him.</p>
<p>I agreed with most of the advice here until I reached post 46. Are you kidding me? This guy is the assistant coach of the team? And he makes remarks about your daughter’s “taut, curvaceous body?” That is absolutely and totally 100% inappropriate and should be reported to school officials immediately!! My daughter has been a swimmer for club and school teams for the past 10 years. No coach has ever made a remark like that. That is way over the line, friend or not. His access to young girls should be limited before it’s too late.</p>
<p>jesterbouy, I think you are wrong about the pictures being no big deal. </p>
<p>Your logic in comparing someone taking pictures for a legitimate purpose, like yearbook pictures or sports illustrated, versus a 40-50 year old guy taking pictures of a 15 year old in a bathing suit, who is not his daughter, for his own purposes, while simultaneously making inappropriate sexual comments about her body, just doesn’t work. Think about this for a minute, what kind of person does this? Not someone that I would let within 10 miles of my kid.</p>
<p>The comments are bad. The picture taking is bad. The two combined are screaming out for parental intervention.</p>
<p>I share the opinion of those that believe you need legal advice. </p>
<p>I am not a lawyer myself, though there are more than a few he that could chime in, but I think something like this should be done with all the (t)'s crossed and the (i)'s dotted.</p>
<p>Peachy267 is correct. The fact that the man is a coach raises the issue to a whole new level. You should express your concerns to the school administration. Today.</p>
<p>Since this a Catholic High School, I would check the school and diocesan policies. Ever since the pedophilia scandal all dioceses have been required to put on place policies for the protection of children in these areas. I would guess your school has a stated policy about how to proceed with concerns. To protect your standing in the school, it would be wise to consult these policies. </p>
<p>Usually, but not always, the first step would be the direct approach- you and your husband, (perhaps others for safety) to the man - describing the behavior, that it must stop, with the statement of what will happen if it continues- ie. you will go up the ladder. This needs to be directly about his behavior with your daughter. I would also suggest that you encourage any other parents with whom you are close to do something similar if they have issues with the guy.</p>
<p>P.S. - If his behavior-the texting specifically, ever took place during school time, or during a school event- (ie job related for him), then immediately go the school authorities- don’t do the personal one on one approach.</p>
<p>sewhappy, my husband is a coach at a Catholic high school. Given the Church’s recent unpleasant history, our school is absolutely vigilant about inappropriate behavior on the part of teachers, coaches and volunteers. My guess is that your school would be the same, and a word to the administration will probably trigger immediate action. As an aside, you should also pursue a no-camera policy at meets, which is becoming more common at high schools.</p>
<p>P.S. Cross-posted with pipmom–we expressed some of the same thoughts. I do think that since the man is a coach, it’s not necessary (or perhaps even wise) to approach him personally at this point. Talk to the principal.</p>
<p>How sad a day it would be, when pictures of the kids aren’t available of their season because of one bad apple! There is a huge difference between legit photos of our kids on swim blocks or hitting the finish line or in a match, or whatever sport these kids might be in than the types of photographs these pervs take. You can tell what is innappropriate photos on deck at a swim meet…you know, the ones that are taking pictures of kids out of the water, hanging out…not getting ready to compete. </p>
<p>I can understand the point - but it would be unfortunate for those girls to not have a record of their season. The parents on my D’s water polo team help put together a DVD of highlights of the season, and it culminates in a banquet in their honor while we feast and watch the good and the bad plays and especially the bloopers!</p>
<p>My daughter graduated from a Catholic high school and I can tell you that the policies to protect students (and the Church) from inappropriate behavior were pretty strict. Is there a priest at the school you could talk to and then make further plans? I don’t know how it is at other schools, but at my daughter’s school, one could always say “Father I have a problem” and get great advice and perspective. Also confidentiality. When he died, thousands of former students over 4 decades came to pay respects.</p>