<p>
That’s always been my impression as well. Away messages also often include information that students wouldn’t want their parents to know (i.e. “at the frat party”; “hungover”). Some of my friends’ parents are on AIM, and my friends have all been questioned before about their activities after their parents see when they were online or what their away messages were.</p>
<p>Both DDs are home this weekend. Last night I realized this is the first time we’ve all been together since last Christmas! DD1 will not be home for T’giving. She’s going to Florida to meet the BFs mom. DD2 was a little sad, I think, since I think she wanted to introduce her new BF to the big sis that weekend. Looks like Christmas will be the next time we’re all together again (sigh) and that will be a short visit for DD1 since she has a crazy job right now. </p>
<p>We’re doing a girl trip to Saratoga today to bet on girl jockeys and gray or Irish horses. </p>
<p>Re-launch DD2 on Thursday for her 3rd year. </p>
<p>I’ll come home and talk to the cats between mulitiple phone calls from both of them.</p>
<p>He’s been attending cc for a couple years and did a residential program at state U one summer, but I don’t think he gets the magnitude of this recent move. I was after him for weeks to pack and make sure he had everything he needed, but he didn’t even look at his “required items” list for his dorm until the day before we drove him to school. Consequently, he arrived without the suggested desk lamp, and found that his room had NO lighting at all, not even a bare bulb! Also, he packed very lightly, and left most of his cold weather clothing at home. I went into his room and found that he didn’t even take any shoes other than the sneakers he was wearing and a pair of flip flops. He’s in northern New England, so it won’t be staying warm for long.</p>
<p>I had to laugh at the initial post about the son studying astrology… umm, I think you mean astronomy? Also, very funny about the LIFE cereal. That is hilarious! </p>
<p>One way or another, I guess we’ll get through this transition. It is helpful to hear that it gets easier with practice, as I don’t know that I could stand having my heart ripped out three more times. </p>
<p>warm regards to all the heartsick parents- </p>
<p>Rellie</p>
<p>Oldfort-- is your D at Tufts? If so, we probably crossed paths on Wednesday. I think that getting stung by a yellowjacket during matriculation actually helped me keep my emotions in check, at least until it was time to say goodbye.</p>
<p>I also considered IM’ing, but decided against it, because it might be weird for S to be “chatting” with Mom one second, and in the next telling a friend the teenage details of what went on at a party or whatever. When someone is IM’ing, do you see the messages they’re typing to everyone, or just to you specifically? If the former, I’d think that could cramp their style…</p>
<p>Cell phone and emails will have to do for us. S. will call occasionally if there is no one else around, or if he’s walking across campus. If a roomate or classmate arrives, the conversation ends VERY abruptly, but I’ll take what I can get :)</p>
<p>“One way or another, I guess we’ll get through this transition. It is helpful to hear that it gets easier with practice, as I don’t know that I could stand having my heart ripped out three more times”</p>
<p>Nicely put, Rellie! Hang in there!</p>
<p>IMing is peer to peer.</p>
<p>If I ever comment on D’s IM message she says “Mom, you are lucky I don’t have one IM name for you and another for everyone else…”</p>
<p>When my D went off to college four years ago, the first few months were really tough, but it was much easier after the initial separation. Before I knew it, she was home for the holidays, then summer. She graduated last spring, and we are now spending Labor Day weekend together at the beach. Meanwhile, my brother, wife, and two little kids are camped out at my parents house who are now in their 80s. I think as long as you let your kids grow up and be independent, they like to stick around.</p>
<p>Also keep an eye out for the needs of the younger sibs to hear first-hand from the eldest, at least once in a while. We parents didn’t realize it until the youngest objected loudly, but we parents were hogging all the news. </p>
<p>So we actually clued in the eldest to write out an email with the sibs’ name as the recipient, or phone and ask specifically to talk to a younger sib. Although it’s great to have more of the parents’ attention, the younger ones usually miss the older ones after departure. Some get very lonely, even depressed for awhile, so watch out for them.</p>
<p>We made a point of saying explicitly how much we were enjoying new time with the younger sibs, so they didn’t hear an unending chorus of “we miss #1.” If you don’t tell them, they might think, “what am I, chopped liver?” so say it loud and clear that you enjoy being with THEM at the smaller table. </p>
<p>We also found the eldest keenly interested in the progress of the younger sibs through highschool and their own app processes. He was a big, big help for advice and loved being consulted!</p>
<p>I know that in some families, the kids are more indifferent to each other; but if yours have a history of closeness, keep nurturing that through the college years. Everyone will say to the younger ones, “it must be great with the big one gone; you get all their stuff now…” but that’s not how they feel entirely.</p>
<p>Well sometimes I have to rely on kids for news about the other. They are allowed to text each other!</p>
<p>Hello everyone, i’m not to familiar with how to post or reply,I just need to vent. my oldest son went away to college, we are from Nyc and it was my idea for him to “get away” and go to California and now I’m having such a hard time dealing with it. I feel like i lost my best friend. i dont want to crowd him but i blew up on him because i was unable to contact him on his cell phone and he informed me that he wasn’t carrying his phone and that he was out making friends and I felt so stupid because he quickly turned it on me as if i were a nutty mother . </p>
<p>After i sat here and read some of these comments i texted him and explained my side and how it’s going to take some time for me to get use to it and how last year while he was away at boarding school we spoke all the time and now it’s different, his reply was it"s understandable" </p>
<p>oh and did I mention that in the midst of the semi argument he stated to me i should be use to him being away, since he attended a boarding school for 3yrs!</p>
<p>The reason he attended the boarding school is because he had a severe learning disability that only got worst as time went by and letting him go was the hardest thing, I had ever done and i knew of this school while he was in middle school and I tried everything under the sun before I made that heart wrenching decision of sending him to boarding school.</p>
<p>I’m so sad because i truly fee like i lost my best friend and I think one of the reasons we are so close is because we sort of grew up together, see i had him a month before my 15th birthday.</p>
<p>So now can you understand my dilemma? We spoke everyday through text IMing, all day while at work and him in class at home and myspace and now he is not even online,usually he would be logged on with an away message now, nothing.</p>
<p>Please can someone give me some advice on how to move on.</p>
<p>Emeykay33: Wow! that is tough. I also feel like I lost my best friends. Girls are easier; my son doesn’t talk much either. First, props to you for putting your son’s needs first; you may be young, but you are a true parent. Perhaps this separation, as hard as it is, is necessary for both of you. Try to find the place inside yourself where you can experience the love you have for each other even without the contact. It’s hard, but it can be done. </p>
<p>The other thing we can do is make new friends and see the ones we have more. They come through us, but they are not ours, as Kahlil Gibran says.</p>
<p>I hope you stop hurting so much soon. Good luck!</p>
<p>“I’m sorry to admit that our family has been known to IM each other and carry on entire conversations while all being logged on to different computers within our own house!”</p>
<p>Astrophysicsmom: That’s our family too. Now that they are in college, I never IM either of my kids first, but sometimes they see me logged on to AIM, and I’m sure they IM me out of pity knowing that I am missing them.</p>
<p>Thank goodness my kids had been away to summer camp for many years … that helped me acclimate to the emptiness a bit … It’s still so hard though.</p>
<p>Once again, an interesting thread- much food for thought. I laughed at the original post, wondering why there weren’t more postings on this subject at this time. We were too busy getting all the separation business done to even look at the CC website.</p>
<p>I knew it was going to be hard, but this way I am feeling is crazy. It started the night before. My older D who is starting her third year of college came home to help. They had went to do errands and I was alone and broke down sobbing at the thought of the middle D leaving the next day. I thought to myself ok, I had a good cry should be fine. Well I was terrible. Her best friend and mom came over to say goodbye and I lost it again. In the morning I held it together ok. We took two cars and hubby and our yougest were in one and myself and my two D’s were in the other. As we pulled out of the driveway college bound freshment started to wipe tears away and older D started to get teary eyed as did I. Moving in we were so busy it was fine. Leaving I was a little tearyeyed but ok. The nest day (yesterday) when I woke up and was walking into the kitchen my eyes just started running tears no warning. Yesterday I was pretty much a mess crying at the drop of a ghat. The thing is I know this is what is best for her. It’s not that I don’t want her to go to college its just that I am sad. Sad that life will never be the same.</p>
<p>Remember when your first child was born and you wondered if life would ever be “normal” again? A wise person said that yes, life will be normal, but it will be DIFFERENT normal than before you had kids. I think this transition is the same thing. We all have to look for the best way to get to that “different normal.”</p>
<p>Emekay33, there have been some great suggestions made in several threads on this subject. If you don’t have a pet, consider getting one. They’re always happy to see you come home, even if no one else is there. If you get a dog you have to walk it, which means exercise and a chance to meet other dog-owners. If you like to read, check with your local library and join a book group. Volunteer somewhere. If you have the room, you can take in a foreign-exchange student (but don’t expect them to become another son for you!) Or a less extreme idea is to become a Big Sister and help a lonely kid who needs some guidance. </p>
<p>Remember, it was always our goal to raise our kids to be healthy, independent adults. We just didn’t realize that if we did our job right, we’d have to let them go. Hopefully we develop a healthy, loving “adult” relationship with our kids, and that can be the “different normal.”</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions, I think our daughter misses our son, but we can’t get her to call him. She says they can talk on IM, but I think they’ve only done that once in the week and a half he’s been gone. Maybe she’s afraid to admit that she misses him?</p>
<p>Emeykay,
Glad to see you are posting. Reading CC helps to pass the time, & you feel that you can make friends here who understand what you are going thru. Then, you become interested in other people’s kids, as they search for colleges, get accepted, and later, learn to accommodate to roommates.</p>
<p>Even tho your S was in a boarding school, you had more communication than many parents do with their kids. You’ve done a good job, given your S lots of opportunities, and he seems mature enough to want to stretch the independence. Turn to friends, hobbies, work, & the separation will get easier.</p>
<p>We have let our first born go and are adjusting. My mistake was we bought a collar for the dog at the campus bookstore and now whenever I see the dog, I think her her and the tears start to come!</p>
<p>Lafalum84 wrote, “Paying3tuitions, I think our daughter misses our son, but we can’t get her to call him. She says they can talk on IM, but I think they’ve only done that once in the week and a half he’s been gone. Maybe she’s afraid to admit that she misses him?”</p>
<p>I have boy, girl, boy. When the oldest went off to freshman year, I found that the best thing was to semi-manufacture reasons for my big one to phone out to help solve a confined, focussed matter that the younger ones were working on. Not a huge emotional issue, like girlfriends, but something pragmatic, such as talking with a familiar teacher within the high school, tips on dealing with the h.s. principal or GC, fixing the bike, computer help, stuff like that. Once there was a practical reason, they then moved on to talk about other things. </p>
<p>So often, they don’t know what to talk about, so I prompted this way. The oldest couldn’t resist “helping” especially when I wrote that I had run out of ideas and the oldest knew so much more about that topic… It was manipulative, yes, but I didn’t want them to drift apart. That worked for my boy.</p>
<p>For my girl, I had to just tell her how sad her younger brother was not to hear from her. She lives on emotions. I said, “you can’t see his face but I can; please just take a moment to invent something to write out to him.” </p>
<p>I meddle.</p>
<p>EDIT: Remembering: they also like to congratulate each other on small triumphs, but I have to spread news of the triumphs. “J-J got an 89 on his first photo project and is thrilled, remember how tough that teacher was. Maybe send him a congrats…”
and that did happen because it was so EASY and the big college kid didn’t have to think what to say. Really, their heads are off in another college universe. So they sometimes have trouble tuning back into the younger sibs’ world, even when they were closer just a few weeks ago around the dinner table. It;s like when you go off on a vacation and suddenly can’t remember details about the home plumbing or which bills were due…</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions, I think our daughter misses our son, but we can’t get her to call him. She says they can talk on IM, but I think they’ve only done that once in the week and a half he’s been gone. Maybe she’s afraid to admit that she misses him?"</p>
<p>My girls are 8 years apart- they are pretty close- but when older D went away to college- her sister rarely if ever called or even emailed her.
I eventually asked her about it & she said it was just too hard for her- I respect that.
However- I appreciate that older D attended school on the same coast- so that when she didn’t come home after graduation, it still has been easy for her sister to go visit- in fact that is where she is right now! :)</p>
<p>We left our only child (D) at school yesterday, and much to my surprise I cried. Only a little, but still… </p>
<p>Since then I have felt sad and on a bit of a roller coaster myself. She hasn’t called, and neither have we. No texting either. No email… SNIFF… No news is good news, right? I am really trying hard not to contact her. I know it’s not a good idea, at least not yet. But… what if she just doesn’t ever call… Not possible, right… right??? Aw shucks…</p>
<p>To Be Continued…</p>