Same for our school. Our high school heavily pushes trades, tech school, and local publics. We rarely get reps from oos schools (and typically its for sports recruiting). In talking with my kid’s friends parents, most of them went to instate or nearby state publics as well.
I think of college lists with a bit of the Dunning-Kruger effect. I knew my kid didn’t know what he didn’t know. And honestly, I had more free time than he did. Thus, I crafted a diverse list of schools and included big, small, public, private, warm, and cold climates that had the potential for affordability. From there my son could add to or take away based on whatever opinion he had.
My 5 all drove, and drove very differently from each other (since they are different people) and it all worked out. They drove all through HS too. I haven’t seen a college application since 1984, I have no idea how to get standardized scores sent to college, or teacher recommendations. I’ve proof read essays (some, not all, #1 said no way). They had access to my credit card. When they were very busy (which was always) I’d sign them up for SAT/ACT tests that they wanted to take, and I found the tutor. I do think some parents get too invested (we applied, our test scores are, we are waiting on our acceptance… personal pet peeve). They were aware of budgets. One applied to a pretty sure thing ED, one applied to 20 schools, one applied to oos/private schools that were not options (the fact that he even bothered impressed me a bit, unlike him), since there are 5 of them, they helped each other. Whatever we were asked to do, we did, but for the most part they were pretty independent.
We had been on college campuses while the kids were growing up (class reunions, a bike trip across a very pretty campus when everything was in bloom, speakers we thought they’d enjoy, visiting a college art museum, several trips for special exhibits at libraries or rare book rooms) and although some of the content was over their heads, they pretty much loved what they saw as “college”, i.e. not living with Mom and Dad, exploring what you want instead of having a set curriculum, being surrounded by smart people.
So by the time it was appropriate to talk about specific colleges-- they were already fully engaged and in the driver’s seat. Yes, they knew that they wouldn’t be eating ice cream three times a day even though we’d stopped on the way home from a vacation on a college campus to eat the “made by our own cows” products, and yes, they knew that the famous professor who gave a hilarious April Fools lecture wasn’t going to be so hilarious during a regular seminar… but they got the gist of what it was all about and had a reasonably good idea about what they were looking for.
Our efforts to “manage” the process once senior year rolled around were thwarted for different reasons (they are different kids after all). But we did make suggestions (if you want to drive to XYZ college for a tour, mom and dad would really like to include College A or B which are on the way) and did point out what we observed on these trips that a kid would likely miss.
But we were lucky. The notion of moving out of the house was so exciting to all of them, that most colleges pretty much sold themselves.
This is important and excellent advice. If you can figure these parts out, the list becomes a lot easier and you don’t necessarily have to make a trip to the college that makes the list now that there is so much virtual stuff. After pinpointing these preferences, we focused on visiting ED contenders. The rest we left for after acceptance and only engaged online.
I always suggest people start in Boston if they can. So many types of colleges within a manageable radius.
So far, her school hasn’t done anything since she’s a sophomore, but I think the expectation is that they’ll do more come junior year. She gets the “upper class” guidance counselor next year who is in charge of helping with the college process.
And I don’t have a concern, per se. Just curious to see how others have managed the process. Personally, I did all of my own legwork when looking for colleges way back when. My daughter at this age seems less interested in that, but I’m not in a rush to push her into colleges.
As a student myself, I think it should be the student driving the process. I personally could not handle constant oversight from my parents, and I think that sometimes if the parents give to much of it, it causes unecessary stress beyond what it already a part of the process. Sure, it’s fine to help, but I don’t know if being in their portals everyday or forcing them to apply to schools they don’t want to (both of which I have seen here on CC) are productive or helpful. Plus, if a student can’t run this process by themselves, how will they be successful in college much of the work is expected to be completed independently. The guidance counselor at my school says that the process is oftentimes the first big project that is similar to what you will eventually be doing in your career. I agree with this. I think it’s fine to give help, but not drive the process. It’s preperation for the future.
I agree with you. Ironically, most parents grew up at a time where we did it all ourselves with little/no parental involvement - despite the fact that we had many fewer resources to help us figure it out. Personally, I think part of the over involvement on the part of parents is the expense of college today - if you are thinking of writing a check for $20, 30, 40, 50 thousand or more, it makes you feel you need to “get it right”.
I know someone whose parents insisted on reading all of their essays, spending an hour+ every night working on it, and will probably have more say in the college choice than the student. This kid is stressed out.
DD’19 was very interested in the idea of college so she did a large part of looking. But I had to be on top of it for budget sake. And she wasn’t the best at figuring out the costs.
She was also very busy with EC’s. I love college stuff and researching online so I did a lot of that to show her when she was free. And TBH I kept track of everything she needed to get done because I wasn’t about to let scholarships, etc. slip by her.
We are in the process of transferring a car to her in another state. It is a lot of paperwork and different places she has to go and I spelled it all out for her. Yesterday she sent me a reel about ‘helping my straight-A daughter with the most basic questions’ and the girl says “so where it says Social Security Number do I put my Social Security Number?” Sounds about right
You bring up good points. I would never force my kids to apply to schools they hated. There is way too much pressure on kids to apply to “top schools” which is ridiculous. Too many parents pushing their kids to do careers that maybe the kid doesn’t love. Too many parents saying if you don’t go to a T20 school its a waste of money. Even parents get hung up on rankings and “name brand” schools.
However, you also note your guidance counselor is educating you on the college app process. I can tell you that is NOT the case at many high schools (including my kids school which is highly rated in our state). Add in the fact that all their friends are planning on entering trades or applying to maybe 4 in state publics so there is no discussion about college apps. My kids are simply not educated about the college app process in school so I have to supplement their learning so to speak at home.
I had lots of discussions about post graduation plans with my kids and all 3 have very different goals and ideas. My kids spend 60 hours a week at school between class and ECs. Add in 10-20 hrs a week with a part time job and all the hours doing homework. Meanwhile I am working 36 hours a week and work partly from home. I see zero issue with me narrowing down a list of colleges to about 25 or so from the thousands that are out there.
Also, I wouldn’t assume that a parent leading much of the process means the kid is doomed for failure. I was the one watching my kids college app email account yet my kid was the one presenting a study he did at a national conference and recording music talent supplements that resulted in him receiving close to 200k in merit money at a variety of schools. He is a college freshman and doing just fine.
I read an article about how this family spent like a million dollars or something on a private college counselor. The article was talking about how that person sent the student a text everytime something was due to make sure they turned it in and made them take the SAT an ungodly amount of times. That students must have really been feeling the stress. I feel so bad for them.
The point is not to identify Boston as a likely place. Boston and surrounding areas just happen to be very college dense, so you can visit many different types os school in one reasonably easy trip.
Hmmm…. My kid will say that I am an excellent executive assistant. And I did it all for free. What I don’t understand about these stories is, if you have that kind of money, why don’t just buy a building? Seems a lot simpler.
Another note, I am doing a fair bit for my class of 25 kid, who gets very limited support from their HS. I have another kid, in a different HS, where guidance is very different and there is ton of 1:1 time, small counselor to student ration, true expert in admissions, etc. I expect to do very little helping for that kid’s process… The school context matters (as does the kid!).
I have an S26 and we live in a region where most people’s college aspirations stop at the state flagship, which is in commuting distance. Most kids apply to one or two schools, the flagship, a state directional and or the local HBCU. Vals and Sals routinely go to state flagship. So I’m not surprised that S26 also shows zero interest in talking college. It’s not part of the culture here and most kids never go on any college tours (add to that the feeling that liberal arts colleges have to be something devious, because it contains the word “liberal” ).
We were complete outliers with D22 as she was certain she did not want to attend the flagship or any other state school (who also did not offer her major). We teamed up, we both did research, she put some schools on the list, I put some on the list and so on. Our budget is low, so finances were (and will be for S26) the decisive factor and drove some of the schools on the list as well. She drove most of the process, my role was as coach, proofreader and NPC “filler-outer”.
In the first case the kid has to do a ton of work (even if lots of handholding). Though, micromanaged, these kids are putting in hours to study for class, SATs, doing research or interning or what not. They are putting in effort…
in the second kids know their parents purely bought their way in.
Despite my best efforts, mine only ended up with two properly in the Midwest, although one of those was almost his ED2 school and may well still be his top choice outside his deferred school.
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