In my personal view, the OP, yikesyikesyikes, already sees the parental perspective far too well. The biggest challenge in the OP’s life might be to at least begin to get out of that worldview and establish his or her own. The parental worldview is actually not a sophisticated one in the context of US college and work options.
Yikesyikesyikes if you do not seek counseling, at the very least please talk with career services and others who can help you see the many career options open to you. (My son majored in CS and is very successful. Great major for those whose college is about career.) Perhaps someone could talk to your parents and help them understand career options in the U.S. It may very well be that an eventual MBA after a few years of working will do far more than an undergrad degree at Ross.
For future reference, you shouldn’t go apply/commit to a less competitive school at a university that you don’t want to do with the hopes that you will transfer into the school you actually want.
@CaliCash You’re a bit out of your lane as I’m not sure you understand how Ross works at Michigan. Only a small number of incoming students are pre-admits to Ross (acceptance rate is something crazy like ~10%). Most students come to Michigan, do their freshman year in another school and have to apply to Ross while at Michigan to transfer in as sophomores. Even then, that cross campus transfer acceptance rate is in the low 30’s.
@yikesyikesyikes Are your parents talking to you now? If not, what is going on? Are they simply ignoring you?
Have they said ANYTHING that suggests that they will not continue to pay for UMich w/o Ross??
I’m asking because since they’re not affluent, they may balk at paying $55k per year for OOS UMich when your instate option would be just as good for CS (LSA version) for much cheaper.
@OP, if you have been around CC for a while, you should’ve expected what responses you’d get to your question. You are getting a lot of sympathy and your parents a lot of blame, for good reasons. But your parents are not here telling their side of the story. So is it fair to judge someone just based on what’s said about them by someone else? More importantly, would it help for you to be more assured that you are right and they are wrong? That’s the reason I think you should set aside the judgement and focus on communication. Have you parents acknowledged that you have done all you could’ve done and still blame you for not making a goal? Or was the misunderstanding and conflict about the different perceptions of why you could/would do to achieve the goal? Or was the goal just your parents’ and not yours?
@Fatsquirrel, I am a Ross grad. And I tell students who are not pre-admits to go someplace else if they are set on studying business. Unless they have a backup plan at Michigan that they are really excited about, they should pick a school where they are sure to be able to study what they want.
@intparent For all major decision points in life, everyone should have a back up plan or 2. If everyone who wanted to study business and wasn’t a pre-admit went somewhere else they could teach the BBA cohort in a basement somewhere. Competition shouldn’t preclude one from even trying.
I believe they should have a much larger pre-admit class. It is really pretty rotten the way it is done now. Too many students are confident that they will get in, and don’t. My opinion is that if you really want business for sure and aren’t pre-admit, go elsewhere. They will still fill their class with people who do have an alternate major plan.
It’s one thing for an instate non-pre admit student to risk, but for a full-pay OOS to do so?? I agree with @intparent.
Now this student will be an LSA CS major…which he easily can be in NJ for about half the cost. Since parents are making a very good, but not especially high salary, it may be hard for them to justify paying about 1/3 of their gross income for an OOS public.
“Have you parents acknowledged that you have done all you could’ve done and still blame you for not making a goal? Or was the misunderstanding and conflict about the different perceptions of why you could/would do to achieve the goal? Or was the goal just your parents’ and not yours?”
These parents explicitly showed disappointment in their son when he didn’t make the Ivies. It’s clear as can be that these are the unsophisticated kinds of people who think the Ivies are the only game in town, and have no problem playing the “comparison game” with friends. Their true colors are blindingly evident here. I don’t know why we are beating around the bush or “trying to understand.” Their behavior is shameful.
I agree that the system to get into Ross is terrible. I know lots of OOS students who go to UM planing to go to Ross and then don’t get in and have to adjust plans. In all honesty, I do not recommend going to UM for business and paying OOS rates without the Ross pre-admit.
I still think we should give the parents at the background some benefit of the doubt, and offer the kid constructive suggestions instead of further the judgement and confrontation…
“These parents explicitly showed disappointment in their son when he didn’t make the Ivies. It’s clear as can be that these are the unsophisticated kinds of people who think the Ivies are the only game in town, and have no problem playing the “comparison game” with friends. Their true colors are blindingly evident here. I don’t know why we are beating around the bush or “trying to understand.” Their behavior is shameful.”
Did we hear OP’s parents saying that? Or we just judge them based on what OP said without hearing their part of the story? As far as I understand those parents are still paying a full sticker price for OOS public.
I think now is the time for the OP to put together the B plan and discuss with the parents. It is always a risk and in this case an expensive risk to choose a public with a barrier to entrance to the desired major. If the OP wants to be in B school then a transfer might be needed. If the op is willing to major in something else to keep the UofM degree then that plan can be discussed with the parents. Everything before is water under the bridge which the OP can point out to the parents…but only if need be…chances are they already get that.
@yikesyikesyikes: I’m a mom, and I’m proud of you. You have worked hard, and sometimes hard work doesn’t pay off the way you hope. But you are showing maturity and resilience in the face of your disappointment. Bravo!!
Figuring out your next step is the best move. Getting a plan you are happy with will help YOU feel better. Connect with friends, have some fun. Personally, I wouldn’t try to discuss anything with the parents until they’ve digested this. This is about your life, not what the parents want for you. Focus on that.
PMing @romanigypsyeyes for ideas/help/resources is a great idea.
I’m trying to understand in what universe it’s acceptable for parents to be disappointed in a child for not getting into a college with acceptance rates at under 10% or less, as if that somehow means they’re failures. I suspect the OP’s parents are paying for the OOS school because for them, it’s the “best of the worst”. People like this wouldn’t even consider an in-state college-they think of them like remedial schools.
I don’t have to wonder what the parents’ side of this story is-I’ve seen the same thing repeated over and over, year after year, on CC. They think that bullying and shaming their kid for not being the best of the best of the best will somehow magically change them into their definition of “success”. My heart breaks afresh every time I see one of these threads.
My D had a friend with parents like this. She was cutting by 7th grade over the pressure. And for what?
OP, I am a mom and I am proud of you too. The only advice I can offer is to choose a path that makes YOU happy and go for it. There is more to life that rank, prestige and certain name schools. You’re very bright, and I’m sure you’ll do well no matter what. Then put some distance between yourself and your bully parents and promise yourself you will break the cycle and treat your future children better.
What is the matter with people?! I cannot imagine not speaking to my child for not getting into an Ivy (geez, D2 didn’t even apply because she and we knew she wasn’t Ivy material, and that was A-okay).
I can’t imagine not speaking to my child for any reason. Yes, there have been times of frustration along the way with both our kids, but at the end of the day, there is no one I love more than my husband and two daughters. And I make sure they know it every day!
Your parents likely feel the same way about you, but for some reason cannot articulate it as well as they can express displeasure. You have my sympathies.
I bet some judgmental parents would be really surprise to learn what their own children have to say about them sometimes. It is not always black and white. Maybe we should ask OP if attending U of M was OP’s choice or he /she was forced to attend.