<p>“We met the DD’s roommate’s parents during move in and exchanged contacts for emergencies etc. We are thinking of sending them a seasonal greetings note and mention briefly how sorry we are for our DDs negative impact on their DD this term and apologize. We want to let them know that we now know of this situation and don’t approve of it.”</p>
<p>I would NOT do this. You don’t know what roommate has said to her parents in the first place. </p>
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<p>Oh good god, seriously? Talk about a waste of tuition money. </p>
<p>lol Romani, maybe dealing with parents is a full time job so they hired someone to do it for them ;)</p>
<p>@SadParent1 </p>
<p>I hope you’ve read my and another poster’s concern about you contacting the roomie’s parents. DON’T DO THAT!</p>
<p>You already know that they’re very conservative and likely would not approve. Therefore, you have no idea what that young lady has had to hide/lie about in order to be able to stay at that college. If the parents think that the school is a bad environment for their D because of YOUR words, they may pull their D out or yell at her for lying to them or not telling them about this situation.</p>
<p>The roomie is an ADULT. You should not be contacting her parents. </p>
<p>Yep, I agree with those who advise against contacting the parents. My impression is the roommate has "white lied"to her parents as to what is going on. If so, you do NOT want to get her into trouble with them.</p>
<p>Parents are so cute.
It is * so* easy to push their buttons.
It us unfortunate however, that for the pleasure of proving she is a grownup by telling her parents “she is doing grown up things & they can’t do anything about it”, she treated her roommate badly.
So glad my kids took a gap year, so they weren’t in college when they were busy proving how young 18 really is.
:-/</p>
<p>I expect in 6 months she will be very embarrassed by her behavior, but I think people learn so much more by making mistakes and figuring it out, than simply adhering so closely to " the rules", that they never have a chance to learn from their mistakes. </p>
<p>Honestly its not that big of a deal. Agree with your D, that’s kind of what college is like these days. As a current college student (and not to delve too much into my personal life) but I am able to have partners in my room most nights (and do) because my roommate spends most nights in somebody else’s room. This is the experience with most that I know, and those whose experience differ are either in the hookup scene or are abstinent.</p>
<p>My understanding is this was NOT the experience of my kids and their friends. It would have been very awkward–they shared bedrooms with their room mates. </p>
<p>It may depend on how academic the school/ courses are.
I can’t imagine either of my kids having much time to be playing musical beds in between attending class, doing homework, working and recreational activities.</p>
<p>I mentioned this thread to DD yesterday. She was aghast that college freshman are cohabiting/behaving like a married couple after only 4 short months. She wondered how one can explore all that college has to offer while being connected at the hip of a SO. </p>
<p>“Musical beds”. LOL!</p>
<p>Both of my kids shared a very small bedroom with someone at their sorority house. When D2’s roommate came for a visit, D2 told the roommate to get a hotel room because she wanted to sleep in her bed. As far as I know neither one of kids is abstinent. </p>
<p>I feel bad for the roommate in this situation but that is the extent of my outrage.</p>
<p>If there weren’t issues with the roommate, I have no issues with cohabitation. Back in the stone age (late 1980’s) this behavior was very prevalent at my LAC. My senior year, my GF and one her best friends had double and the friends BF and I had singles. The double was basically unoccupied at night. However, we didn’t feel the need to share this information with our parents.</p>
<p>Last spring my daughter stopped sleeping in her room shortly after spring break. When we moved her out, we moved far more stuff from her BF’s room than hers.</p>
<p>I also disagree that co-habitation leads to lower grades. </p>
<p>Hi, thanks for all your input. We value opinions from both sides of the argument. Simply collecting data points to educate ourselves. </p>
<p>In response to pro-live-in posters, please note we are talking about freshman year 1st term. I see a number of posts about senior year living conditions so I wanted to stress the distinction.</p>
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<p>With the exception of non-traditional older college students, there is usually a major difference between a first-year student fresh/recently out of high school and a junior/senior with a few years of experience navigating college life including relationships. </p>
<p>I think the living together is fine… maybe not optimal, but she will learn from relationships. I’d only be concerned if the relationship seemed abusive in some way and would try to retain a good line of communication with your daughter. The roommate situation does seem bad though and I feel for her… There are plenty of stories about roommates being Sexiled, etc. and it’s not a nice thing to do… Your daughter really could wait until next year or next semester and try to get a single room or he could if they maintain the relationship. I think the biggest danger is that in the long run your daughter might regret the relationship… personally I was monogamous in college serially - with a different live in boyfriend every year… but we did have single rooms so no roommates were involved. It was a choice… I might have missed out on some other things because of putting so much time into a relationship, but it’s where I was at the time. Again - I’d just try to keep your relationship with her open so she can benefit from your wisdom without having to be judged too harshly.</p>
<p>My view isn’t different for 1st year, 1st semester vs. later in the college career.</p>
<p>Putting out the roommate is never acceptable but other than that I have no issues.</p>
<p>I would tell the boy to start paying rent to the roommates.</p>
<p>Yep - the roommate is the one who is losing value that she and/or her parents are paying for.</p>
<p>I will say this. Teen girls tend to “be all in” when they are in love/in relationships. Everything in the outside world becomes insignificant. The world stops and the beau becomes the main focus. Too much for someone fresh out of HS in my opinion. I think OP feels the same. First semester of college is not meant to find a SO, especially not one to live with. Those types of relationships should be saved for when you are older and can make better decisions. And able to consider everyone’s feelings involved. Most importantly, the roommates! </p>