<p>But since you did put up some new thoughts and even asked a QUESTION in post 175, Denise, which comes across as looking for a response ;)…you ask why teach right and wrong after grade school? This isn’t about teaching right or wrong. As I posted many times, I continue to guide and advise my kids who are over 18. That likely will NEVER end as long as I am living. LOL. But I don’t supervise or monitor them to make sure they behave or do things I approve of or are safe. They are independent and make their own decisions and hopefully make safe choices as well. But unlike when they were under 18, I cannot control their choices or decisions, nor will monitor those.</p>
<p>I continue to guide my children but through discussions about issues. As far a their decisions I just like to say “before you make your finsl decision…” I realize I have no control. but that is how I raised them to be independent.
I am on facebook with my kids but limited. They think I have more interest than I do. I dont know who is there or what they are doing its really hard to tell. besides I find their pictures somewhat boring as kids like to take pictures of themselves making one face after another. I dont friend my kids friends, only if they friend me. On of my D’s friends had asked me to be her friend, then put it so all I could see was her info page, I defriended her. for me it was the principal of the thing. Its funny, I think I would rather be on limited with my kids, I really dont want to know.</p>
<p>Kids are annoyed when their parents stalk them. Kids act differently when they are around their parents. Their parents have all sorts of expectations. Facebook is a safe-haven for these kids. Once parents join, kids lose their sense of independence.</p>
<p>Speaking of safe havens…^INTERLOPER! This is the parent cafe!</p>
<p>jkjk</p>
<p>Sooz, I think we’ve covered lots of the same area over and over and bored people to death. I’d like others to get in on our discussion. That is why I said LAST NIGHT that I though we were going around in circles. I’m trying to politely say that I’m pretty much ready to move on as far as our discussion goes. Not sure how else to say it at this point.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap, now THAT’s funny (184)! :D</p>
<p>Those of you worried about kid’s independence and privacy should not talk to people I know who have gotten involved in fights and trash talking that their kids were involved in online. Talk about monitoring and meddling. </p>
<p>They give us appropriately involved parents a bad name.</p>
<p>denise, I respectfully do not get it. You want us to move on, yet keep posting about the topic of monitoring our kids. If you can discuss it, so will others. </p>
<p>It is one thing if parents and college kids both choose to be FB pals and like to use that mode of communication for their sharing and news, and photo exchanges and what not. </p>
<p>That’s different than the objective of friending your kids in order to be monitoring and keeping them safe, and interfering with conversations they are having with their peers. Very different purpose. </p>
<p>I’m not sure why in order to keep our kids safe, we must monitor their online behavior once they are over 18, just because we CAN. I mean they are in lots of situations that are not online. So, should we have video cameras in their dorms to make sure they are safe there that parents can view at any time? We can’t monitor our kids or ensure their safety when they are living independently. That goes for full time 24/7. Since we can’t monitor them at college, not sure why we must monitor them on FB to keep them safe and make sure they are responsible and all that?</p>
<p>Isn’t it great that wherever our kids are (or if you do not to think of them as kids or children, whatever term you prefer 
that we have the means to hear from them and know what they are doing, almost instantaneously?</p>
<p>I think it must have been incredibly sad in the past to send a young person off to marriage or an ocean or train or buggy voyage or whatever, and not know if you would ever see them again, or hear from them or know if they were alright.</p>
<p>My kiddo left to go back to school today, and I haven’t heard anything, yet. I am going with the “no news is good news”, that the move in was stressful or traffic took a long time. If I don’t get a text in a couple of hours, I may worry a bit, but then realize that he is really bad about letting me know these things. </p>
<p>It’s hard for some families to find the right balance of letting our kids go. For others, there is a worry, perhaps realistic, perhaps unrealistic that our children may be unsafe.</p>
<p>There is no one right way to deal with a young person’s emerging adulthood. Or even when they are fully grown, with youngsters of their own. Once they are your child, you will always care for them…and yes, worry.</p>
<p>I’m ready to discuss this with others and move on from discussion with you. Sorry to be so blunt but apparently I don’t make much sense to you. Hope that clarifies things. Thanks. I did enjoy our discussion until it became redundant. Agree to disagree. Peace.</p>
<p>I find it interesting that in Western cultures there is an emphasis on ‘letting go’ where in many other cultures around the world the family unit is intact often times in the same household (or right next door or on the same street) for generations.</p>
<p>I’m not saying I’d want that. God, no especially with my Mom but it is an interesting dynamic that is Western culture.</p>
<p>We live in a multi-generational home. It’s been a blessing…and, yes, sometimes not so much. This experience has it’s ups and downs. </p>
<p>My immediate family all lives within a 5 square mile radius…my in-laws, 2000 miles away. It’s definitely harder to be as close to them, as the family we see on a regular basis.</p>
<p>Samurai, I know immigrant families who do as well. The entire concepts of ‘letting go’ and cultivating ‘independence’ are foreign to them. Their adult kids willingly live at home and help lessen the load of their aging parents not because they need to live there. They have gone off to college and come back to assist their families and to continue to be a family. The idea that they would live on their own before marriage or unless absolutely necessary is just not something they desire or understand. </p>
<p>The whole concept of parents ‘letting go’ is not something in their DNA. LOL. I seek a happy medium of what Western culture dictates and what these immigrant families live. I don’t think I could stand either extreme but I do admire the tradition those families are living and especially maintaining tradition in a society which really doesn’t understand OR appreciate it.</p>
<p>I imagine we’ll be seeing more of this in the US because of economic reasons and not because of tradition and cultural reasons. On the contrary, so many articles and segments are how ‘deal’ with your adult kids being at home. Or how to accept your empty nest being populated again. Kind of sad.</p>
<p>I guess I’m “second” or “third” gen; My dad was African and Native American, born in 1913 or 1918 (bad records), my mom born in Brooklyn, and her folks on a tiny island in the West Indies. My H was 1st gen; born in Jamaica,WI. I couldn’t ask for better in-laws, but didn’t think twice about moving 3000 miles away. Some regrets, but hard to imagine any other way. D is 3000 miles away too. We get along WAY better now. Maybe we have assimilated.</p>
<p>back to #163: “We are not talking about sharing pictures here, we are talking about “monitoring,” as it was mentioned few pages back by denise515.”</p>
<p>LOL!–funniest thing I’ve read on CC in a long time. </p>
<p>Actually, what we are REALLY talking about is whatever people are talking about. . . ;)</p>
<p>denise515 - you can’t come on a public forum and decide who you want to continue to have a discussion with. You state an opinion and if someone doesn’t agree, he/she will counter.</p>
<p>atomom - what are YOU talking about? Try to follow the discussion.</p>
<p>Samurai, I hear ya as I am a parent who worries and must be in touch with my kids. I just don’t use FB to accomplish that but have no problem if others like that method. Today, my D also moved…from her summer job in Switzerland to her job for the next 9 months in France. She called upon arrival. She does that every time she changes location (other than within her area of course). I could not wait like you are doing, and so hats off to you! My kids know I need that. They have no problem complying. :D</p>
<p>Oldfort, yes, I don’t get how on a public discussion forum, someone makes a comment but either doesn’t want people to respond to it (saying we’ve moved on from that subject), or tells another member to “let it go” but keeps talking about it herself, and doesn’t expect others to respond, or only wants to allow certain people to respond. It is a discussion forum. Anyone can post responses. Nobody can control who chooses to respond to their posts or what can be discussed. If you don’t want to read a certain person’s posts, put them on ignore!! It is supposed to be OK, however, to disagree respectfully. Maybe denise hasn’t been on CC that long to know that many disagree and that is the nature of these forums. I’ve been here for more than 8 years and I think the discourse on this thread is typical, and is respectful. We don’t all agree on every issue that has come up. Welcome to CC!!! :D</p>
<p>Of course not Old. I just didn’t want the conversation stuck between two individuals one of which was me. It’s boring. Thus, I wanted to agree to disagree with Sooz and move on to discussing the issue with other people. She can respond to me if she wants but I’m done responding to her. Not because she was rude or because I find her offensive. I just found the redundant nature of the conversation BORING and <em>I</em> was in it. I feel for the others witnessing the broken record. I prefer to have a more open dialogue with many voices vs. just two rehashing the same points and not getting anywhere. JMO.</p>