That’s a good point about the pics. I recall my college son posting pics of his group’s Halloween celebration one year. They all went out together as different Alice in Wonderland characters. The pics were taken by someone else but ended up on son’s facebook page, and I really enjoyed them. I would never have seen those pics otherwise. Same for when he visits friends at other places and he is not taking pics. Yet they all share their pics on facebook so they get communicated through the whole network. Son and a friend took a mountain hike this summer and posted facebook pics of the day which, again, I would never have seen if not for facebook because to son it was no big deal.</p>
<p>In the other direction, I posted pics of my son’s summer birthday celebration at our home on my facebook page, and my son copied the pics to his page, and many of his college friends enjoyed seeing the pics. So it goes both ways.</p>
<p>For me and my kids, facebook sharing is not a problem and has enhanced our communication. But I have no issue with anyone who decides that for their family it would not work for some reason. We are all entitled to whatever level of privacy we wish to set for ourselves.</p>
<p>My oldest son (recent college grad) asked me to friend him so I could see his photos. I didn’t even think of friending him while he was in college. (I wasn’t interested in facebook. I got on only because a friend insisted I look at her photos of kids/grandkids. Now I find it useful for keeping in touch with a few old friends.) S doesn’t post much. He and his friends are EXTREMELY conservative and there would never be anything questionable on his page. My D–college student-- is not my FB friend. I never tried to friend her–she’d probably refuse. However, my younger D is her friend, so whenever D sees a comment from that sister, she knows it is really from MOM. It is sort of a joke in our family and she hasn’t un-friended (de-friended?) that little sister to keep me from seeing her stuff. She doesn’t mind knowing I see it. She probably thinks it is creepy to have parents as friends. There isn’t anything truly inappropriate on her page-- however, I don’t like some of the comments her friends write, and some of the photos might not give the best impression (no drinks in hand, but silly girl stuff). It is not to the degree that I’d tell her to take it off, but I have talked to her about it. I tried to friend one of my high school sons. He never uses FB and has TWO friends (older brother and sister). I don’t think he’s ignoring me–I think he hasn’t been on FB since I made the request. I’m not asking my younger son. He’d think it’s uncool. He’s a very straight kid, so I’m not worried about it. I have looked at his page before when he left it open on my computer. It was boring. This S is friends with some of his aunts/uncles/cousins and sometimes THEY comment to us–and him-- about stuff S has posted. So he knows there are no secrets.
If he had something to hide, he’d have to unfriend all his relatives.</p>
<p>^ Huh? Seems to me the past several posts did talk about sharing pictures. It is just one of many aspects of facebook. Monitoring is another aspect.</p>
<p>oldort, yes, one person did post about her view that being FB friends with their kids is important in terms of monitoring. </p>
<p>Others have said one main thing for them with FB is the chance to share photos.</p>
<p>For me, as mentioned before, I would not need to monitor my kids as they are adults (it would be different perhaps if they were minors). </p>
<p>As far as photo sharing, I do think it is a convenient way to do that as many have shared and in the ways they have done it. It just is not the only way to share photos (or to keep in touch). But I can see it being one way that people enjoy or find useful. As I mentioned, my younger D doesn’t take photos ever. She does share certain photo collections with me via links and so forth. We also send her photos (we mostly photograph our kids, always has been this way, LOL). Older D, to my knowledge, takes travel photos and sends us the collections. I guess we are missing photos that OTHERS send to our kids. However, on occasion if they are visiting us, they are happy to show us photo collections on their computer that others have sent to them. I don’t really feel like I am missing out on anything by not being on FB with my kids. As I said, we share through other avenues. But I have NO problem if others keep in touch or share photos via FB with their kids. </p>
<p>I do have a problem with the notion of being FB friends with my kids over age 18 for the purpose of monitoring them or making sure they are safe or some such.</p>
<p>I am a student. I accepted my parents’ (and other family members’) friend requests, but to keep my own privacy, I put them on a special list that I can change the privacy settings for.</p>
<p>For example, my family can only see certain photos, can’t see my friends’ posts on my wall, etc. It allows for contact without opening my entire social drama to them. Plus, if one of my friends posts a rude comment or a scandalous photo that I wouldn’t want my family to see, I don’t have to worry about deleting it or explaining it.</p>
<p>A simple and yet mature solution which I suspect many teens and young adults have used to keep their ‘privacy’ and yet still allow family or family friends to participate.</p>
<p>On the one hand you are saying parents who do not monitor their kids FB are not doing their jobs because that´s what the experts have told you that´s what good parents are suppose to do. Now, you are saying that the main reason you are on your kids´FB is to share fun time with them. </p>
<p>As we are debating why we are friends with our kids on FB, I am just wondering what´s your (denise515) position? Monitoring, sharing or both? </p>
<p>You did come down pretty hard on Natalie Holloway´s parents for her tragedy for lack of monitoring.</p>
<p>Actually I was making the point that age or college attendance is not an exact indicator of their maturity or decision making ability. I simply used Ms. Holloway as a sad example of that fact. </p>
<p>And to your question the answer is both. It’s not an either/or scenario. IMO, parents should be monitoring their minor children internet activity. If they are dong so then they are already friends with their kids on FB (or elsewhere) so it’s not an issue by the time they are in college. The kids are used to it and the parents are in a position to keep in touch via that avenue.</p>
<p>Ultimately my favorite aspect of FB is the photos and videos submitted by my kids friends or my friends kids that I would not normally get to see. So I guess that would fall under the ‘sharing’ category.</p>
<p>Denise,
Hopefully, you can understand that there are thousands of parents like myself who were not on FB until well after their kids were in college. You are coming from it from a perspective of having joined FB and keeping tabs on your minor children and now they just happen to be heading to college (your oldest). But many of us were not friends or even ON Facebook when our kids were minors (it wasn’t available to them at that time). I didn’t even join until the latter part of their college careers. </p>
<p>You have said that parents monitoring kids doesn’t end when they go off to college. But I think it does. (I am not saying FB is for monitoring, but that subject came up as ONE reason you have for using FB, beside sharing and staying in touch). Once they are in college, I believe they deserve independence and the parental role shifts from monitoring and supervising and making any decisions for them, and instead is one of guidance, support, and sharing of lives. </p>
<p>You are saying that just because a kid is in college, it is not an indicator of their maturity or decision making ability. That is true and perhaps each parent needs to decide how long the leash is depending on what kind of kid they have. But even so, once they are in college, most parents should allow their kids to make their own decisions, even if they are not mature ones, and of course can keep ADVISING their kids. Advising (which we do) is not the same as supervising or overseeing or monitoring or making decisions that should be up to them (such as what they major in). How will they gain independence if parents still make their decisions and still are “in charge” of them. I understand that in your case, you have only experienced kids pre-college so far to date. But the role REALLY does change, or should change, once kids are in college and independent. The closeness doesn’t change and the sharing doesn’t change but the parental role does change. </p>
<p>Not to mention, some of us KNOW our kids are mature enough to handle decisions (or come to us if advice is needed) and are highly responsible and thus we are not worried whatsover about their activities on Facebook. Ya know, even if you DO monitor your college kids on FB, you can’t know everything they do. They are coming and going at will and you will not know every person they associate with or where they are every single minute. Sure, they stay in touch (my kid just called me from France to say she arrived by train as she is going to be living there for nine months) and she asks for advice or consults with us on things she wants input on. I know basically what she is doing tonight and tomorrow but at any given second, I don’t know exactly where she is or who she is talking to and I shouldn’t. And my kids are allowed to make ALL their own decisions, starting with where they wanted to go to college and from that point forward. I no longer am in charge of them but I am still their parent.</p>
<p>Seriously, any college kid is smart enough to make two facebooks, if they don’t like their parent’s monitoring. There is no point in babysitting your kid on facebook.
Once they are safely tucked away in their dorm, they are out of your control.</p>
<p>Just, if we are to be honest we would admit they are ‘out of your control’ the minute they can drive. Possibly even before then. Maybe the moment they realize they can lie and have a good chance of getting away with it. For that matter, they could be in an accident while away from you and you had no control over that situation. When do we ever really have ‘control?’</p>
<p>If that is truly the case and parents literally have no ‘control’ then why bother trying to teach them right or wrong after grade school? What’s the point?</p>
<p>I’m speaking rhetorically here. Lest someone misunderstand my question.</p>
<p>denise, it is a discussion. You post your thoughts. Others respond. Now in post 174, you wonder why I “care” what you say or think and tell me to “let it go.” I don’t care what you say or think, and respect your own choices. I shared what I think on topics you posted in your posts, because it is a discussion forum. Then, after saying to let it go, you put up another post sharing your thoughts. Should I not share mine now? I don’t get it. :rolleyes:</p>
Thanks.</p>