S25 got admitted to Rutgers Newark for applied math 3.2UW/ 3.6W / 1420
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Congratulations! I went through the Rutgers system for graduate school. Great, great academics and super smart kids.
Your child has a high SAT score. I hope theyâre submitting that score. Probably over 700 on Math, yes?
Howâs everyone doing so far? S25 was rejected from ED1 school which was a bit crushing. I went there for grad school, so we do have apparel from the school and they handed me all of the spirit wear. Sigh. Theyâre applying to a couple of RD schools over winter break, but mostly just want to be done. (We have a few acceptances from EA so far, but not yet from any of their âtopâ schools.
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Merch was verboten until there was a decision made - I am always amazed at the videos I see of kids opening their (super selective!) decisions in rooms totally decorated in the school merch, whole family in gear, etc - the confidence! And expense!
This time of year last year, my kid had one rolling admissions acceptance to a school she was very meh about, and then got a waitlist and deferral from two she liked (including her favorite). It was a real gray cloud to go on winter break under - and I remember almost wishing theyâd all just said NO and moved on. Post holidays she was rejected from the least selective school, and at that point she applied to one more RD. In the spring, on the same day she got admitted to the deferral and the RD - both much more selective than the rejection (and the waitlist she opted to remove herself since she had two preferred acceptances in hand, but Iâd like to think sheâd have gotten in there, too.) It was a slow burn, but very exciting when the decisions arrived. A lot of her friends were ED/EA and done - and I think they were able to be even more excited for her because their own decision uncertainty wasnât hanging over their heads!
Always cheering on our underdogs over here!
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S25 was rejected from their ED1 school, and then an EA rejection from their #3 school and a deferral from another near the top came right after. It was soul-crushing. They have some solid school acceptances from EA and rolling (Pitt, Ithaca, Wheaton, New Paltz), but none that they are thrilled about YET. I love three of the accepted schools for them, but they also need to learn to love them. We will see what happens in January for the remainder of their EA schools, wait until March for their long-shot RD schools, and then pick three admitted student days to visit. Decisions on what ends up in the top three will be partially based on finances. I hope S25 falls in love (or strong like) with one of them.
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Iâm sorry to hear about the ED1 rejections, though itâs great that there are EA acceptances in hand. For the kids who are not enthused about their EA options yet, maybe some nudging to help them get excited might help? If they had lists from before they applied about why they liked the schools (as in, why they ended up applying), maybe reviewing those? Or perhaps some parent-initiated interest, like, oh, I was looking at the schoolâs website and I saw this that I thought you might like. So maybe feeding them some weekly nuggets of cool things about their acceptances might help them to become more excited about them?
But thanks for the updates and Iâll be keeping my fingers crossed that all the kids find a place that is a good fit for them and that they are happy to enroll in.
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Ive lost count of acceptances and only 1 deferral from EA to RD (because school didnt push through stuff). But as shes clarified her major the deferral school is off her list anyways.
She has 3 free tuition offers through Tuition Exchange (my employer benefit) but only 2 are true options right now. Her top choice is a non TE school that with merit would likely end up under 20k/yr.
Current contemplating list
U of Indianapolis (not Indiana U)
Central Michigan U
Lindenwood
Mercyhurst
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My S25 applied to 15, all EA.
He is in at 5 (although not the preferred campus for one of them, so that is off the list), deferred at 5, and waiting on 5. Fingers crossed that we all get good news in the New Year!
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S25 only applied to 3 and was accepted in all of them. Already made a deposit for the one he committed for his sport.
Wishing the best of luck to everyone still waiting/deciding!
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D is in officially at Susquehanna. A week after her audition she received a letter with the offer and an additional $3,000/yr scholarship. Total scholarship of $47,000/yr bringing price down to $29,000/yr. I was hoping for a little bigger music scholarship and if it ends up her #1 in April I might reach out and ask. Sheâs heard from the instrument professor from U of Puget Sound but nothing official from the school or financial information yet. Sheâs strongly considering adding special ed as a teaching credential and UPS doesnât offer that so weâll see how it looks in April. She still has to audition for UDelaware and West Chester in Jan and Feb. Both schools have special ed as an option but UD is $55,000/yr and not sure they can come close to the price of Susq, West Chester is full price $34,000/yr and seems like if awarded a music scholarship could really be a contender. D likes all 4 schools, all would set her up for success so once she has offers in hand she will have a big decision to make!
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My SILâs other niece (her sisterâs daughter) went to High Point and transferred after 1 year to University of Maryland-College Park. She was blown away by High Pointâs campus when she visited in high school, but ended up not liking the school and was bored.
There was a girl from the private school where I work who attended High Point (at this point she probably graduated from there about 5 years ago) and apparently she loved it. But, she is one of those students where High Point would be a good fit for herâŠ
On another note for those out west, here are some good schools for kids in this GPA range to think about (many of them are WUE):
- Northern Arizona University Flagstaff, AZ
- University of Idaho
- Western Washington University
- Oregon State University
- Southern Oregon University
- Boise State
- University of Nevada-Reno
- Colorado State
- University of Wyoming
- Ft. Lewis College (Durango, CO)
- Western State University (Gunnison, CO)
- Montana State
- Whittier College
- University of Redlands
- St. Maryâs College of California
- Dominican University
- Sonoma State
- Linfield College
- University of Seattle
There are a lot more I can list, but these are good places to start!
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I have a question for the group⊠My S25 has had a GPA on the low side all high school and the main reason for that is that he does not do homework. He does probably 35%-40% of the homework. And itâs not because he does not understand the materials. He simply refuses to do it. Well, I never see him studying either and I have no idea how he still manages to stay afloat.
I tried everything over the years except leaving him 100% alone, which is what I am contemplating doing now. Deep inside I of course am scared he will fail a class or more and not graduate!
Has anyone had experience with this and/or any words of wisdom? Thank you.
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This is tough. When my kids were getting mediocre grades not due to intellect or trying but due to executive functioning or organizational skills, we continued to encourage them and help them find solutions. We got help and continued to remind them of ways to organize and succeed. Slowly B/Cs became A/Bs.
We know a child that is similar to yours. Just stopped going to class or trying. Grades dropped and she graduated from continued education school. Went to a JC but still did not really try. She did transfer after two years to a four year top 40. Sheâs doing better now, but Iâm sure her classes are very tough.
My suggestion is to first continue to encourage them and listen to them. Find out what the issue is and why your child does not want to try. Listen and encourage. You will know best how to encourage your son.
There might be some deep reasoning for the lack of trying. Or maybe not. I would try to find out what it is, but not to be judgmental or lecturing but to be open to listening and learning. Have him open up. Have him be honest. You should be honest, too. Share your feelings and concern out of love, but there needs to be balance. Honest and truthful but loving and caring. You do need to hear him but you also need to share that there are ramifications for his decisions. You cannot coddle but you need to share concern.
Seek some help, maybe counseling. The counseling can hopefully allow your son to open up and maybe decide to try. Other options would be to try to find him some help. Maybe he really is not understanding the material? Maybe he also needs to figure out how to organize his time or efforts?
Although if you have tried everything sometimes it takes being patient. It took our friendâs daughter more than four years to begin to try. Maybe a change in environment could help? Change in environment?
Maybe like you say, stop ânaggingâ him may get him to study, but at the same time, keep an eye on things. Talk to his teachers and get their thoughts. Keep open communication with the school counselor.
Finally, maybe look for some Spiritual guidance, if you and your family are. That has helped with our friends and with my family, too. Find some families to help encourage you. Thatâs always good as well.
Hope things get better
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Some kids hate academic work. And thatâs ok. What are his interests and hobbies? I wonder if he would be happier learning a trade and actually DOING rather than sitting with a book all the time.
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If youâve already had them checked out for ADHD, issues with executive functioning, or similar, then maybe itâs just a maturity issue. Some kids are just not disciplined enough for self-motivation without seeing instant rewards. Especially in this world of constant âinstant gratificationâ, itâs hard to SEE how homework and studying pays off - itâs a long game which many younger people just donât grasp. As a parent, all we can do is just nag them until we are blue in the face, but honestly, they need to learn that actions (or inaction) have consequences. Some kids get their ish together just later in life. Maybe a community college would be a good way to start. Or maybe going to a state school nearby where you can check in on them more often would be better. At the end of the day, all we can do is support them the best we can.
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My ADHD kid had a 3.4 UW/3.8W and 1410 SAT at the end of senior year. He would forget homework, lose homework, it just was not important to him. He had no learning disabilities, but did have a 504 Plan for the ADHD and received medication/case management to stay focused on his goals.
He went to UMASS Amherst to study Animal Science and is now in his second semester of sophomore year. He has made Deans list every semester. His GPA is 3.9 he is employed by the University (works in the barn) and he was just accepted to the Honors College. He is not taking medication and accesses no services. Sometimes he forgets to hand something in but he reaches out to a professor and gets some grace (I assume because he is such a strong student, but do not know)
When he started, I was not at all confident it was going to go this smoothly, but I think maturity, studying what he wants, and taking ownership of his goals is what made the difference.
So it can happen.
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I hound my S26 about homework. He has ADHD and takes medication, which helps him stay focused during the day. But homework can be a real challenge for him as his brain is very much âout of sight, out of mind.â He has gotten better over his high school years, but at least once a week I find Iâm asking him about turning something thatâs not turned in. Not only that, heâs often DONE the work already but hasnât uploaded it to Canvas.
I do worry about him in college. We have another year to go (sorry for posting in the 2025 thread) and Iâm hopeful his exec functioning continues to progress. We are seeking colleges with more open curriculums because he does better with subjects he enjoys. If he hates a class, he really blocks it from his mind!
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Hugs. This is hard.
Iâm assuming the try everything has included counseling, talking, coaching, tutoring, evaluations, etc.
Assuming it has, I think that leaving him 100% alone with respect to schoolwork is a good idea. Whatever he plans on doing after graduation (college, community college, learning a trade, work), he will need to be responsible for getting things done. Maybe that will be homework, maybe itâs cleaning his work uniform, whatever. If heâs unwilling to do it in his last semester of high school, then perhaps he needs to experience the natural consequences of his actions. On the other hand, perhaps once he realizes that you really are leaving it up to him to be responsible, he will rise to the occasion. Either way, best he learn while he still has a comfortable spot to land and an easy way to ask for help. College (or other next step plans) will have lots of opportunities for distractionsâŠrather than hurting his college record or his reputation with an employer, he can try and pull it together while still in high school (even if that means repeating part of his senior year).
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Thanks all so much to everyone for taking the time to reply. This is a big help. Yes, over the years we tried counseling, talking, tutoring⊠He has always been lagging in executive functioning, but each year it gets better, little by little, and this year is the âbestâ yet. He had an executive functioning professional from school in 7th and 8th grade work with him on scheduling and managing his work. He was in therapy after covid and that helped at that point in time, right as he was starting High School. He does not have ADHD or depression. The results make sense to me because he is only like this with school. He is a swimmer (trains anywhere between 2.5-4.5 hs/day) and loves it. He is never late for swimming, never misses a day even when sick, never forgets anything related to the sport in terms of schedule (waking up at 4:50 AM as needed), preparation, etc., and has many friends there. Aside from swimming, itâs video games and he will play for as long as he is allowed- endless hours if we let him (taking that away hasnât helped either). He used to build gaming accounts up and sell them.
We tried to get him to go back to therapy about 2 months ago, he went to 2 sessions and said it wasnât for him, he doesnât need it. He is 18 and there is no forcing him. The therapist wonât work with him either unless he wants to do it.
He is an introvert, deep thinker and very aware of his feelings as well as the feelings of others (he does really well in Theology, Philosophy and Psychology, although he isnât interested in pursuing those).
Over the years there was a lot of drama and anger in how my husband handled the school issues too, so at this point he doesnât want to engage or talk about any of it. Thatâs where leaving him alone seems the best option here. I truly believe it will be good for him to be on his own in college - even if he fails. I believe he needs to be completely on his own to experience the consequences of âreal lifeâ. We evaluated together the alternatives: community college and trade school, and he decided he wants to go to a 4 year college. CC would mean living at home, which I am sure he no longer wants and he concluded that he does not have the profile for trade school (we agree). Plus he wants to swim in college.
Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to share this.
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