I can feel for you. From what you shared, it may be good for him to be “left alone” but to be reminded that you are there for him. I’d also share this with his school so that they can also be on the lookout. Maybe just keep some tabs from “afar” just to make sure he doesn’t go completely off track, but giving him more autonomy to make his own decisions and to learn from both his successes and mistakes. So hard to do. But sometimes it just takes some time and maturation.
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thank you @Mystics I agree that makes sense.
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S23 is diagnosed adhd (as is S19 and myself but we are all a bit different in how it affects us). He only agreed to start meds senior year. Still, meds did not make him care about homework. He was a 3.3 gpa and 35 ACT (first take no studying). First semester at college was good. Second semester horrible (truly near academic withdrawal). First semester sophomore year in college was okay, slowly turning the corner. Second semester sophomore year he is now a TA for class and working a few hours a week.
His whole life he was naturally good at everything. Sports, music, school. I know he struggled (and still does) with what to focus on to make a decent career where he can support himself yet still be true to who he is because he had so many interests. I think he felt lots of pressure to follow in his dads footsteps doing a trade to MBA to CEO career yet not feeling like that was right for him. He did an internship the summer after high school, wrote up the results of his study/findings and won a national award. We know he is capable of anything he puts his effort into. But if he feels pushed or that others are making decisions for him, he will completely shut down and purposefully not do things. (lots of emotional trauma and hurt from his parents turbulent divorce and him being stuck in the middle but thats another story).
His current gf who is intelligent, a year ahead of him at a different college, graduating early with a double major and taking next year to apply to law schools helped a ton too.
So the biggest lesson I have learned in the last 2 years from hs graduation is that this kid just really needs to have options and be in control of his own choices. Yes it was hard to see him stumble a bit but he had to find his own way. And yes, very worried about MY checkbook but we made him take out the 5500 loan and pay for some of his college tuition as well. He was/is the kind of kid where money talks and he needs to have some skin in the game.
I think we as parents need to step back sometimes too because the fact that so many people view his gpa range as “failing” is ridiculous. Our kids are NORMAL! Some kids are super competitive and thrive on trying to be the best. My kids were all perfectly content doing what needed to be done but not losing sleep over thinking they should have done more. None of them have defined themselves based on their grades. I think all of us delay doing things we don’t like. I mean, I hate emptying the dishwasher and I will avoid it until I absolutely need to do it (because I have other dirty dishes to put away).
I myself have been in and out of therapy and its made me look at my life and my kids a bit differently. I teach college in a program of second chances so to speak. I know that most 17 and 18 year olds don’t have their lives planned out and that is normal and okay. I was a first gen college student who now has their doctorate yet I am financially struggling. Meanwhile my father in law was a high school dropout who was able to retire at the age of 50 and is living life to the fullest off the money he earned.
I guess all I am saying is I think it will be okay. The path may be as straight as you would like but just love your kid and don’t count them out just yet!
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Both of my kids have ADD-I, as do I. When S23 was in 8th grade, he was in a great school where I felt a strong partnership with the teachers and we decided that I would back off and “let him fail”. Guess what. He thrived. He was also lucky enough to always be in schools that were very experiential. While there were lots of things he liked to study, many of them resulted in careers where the day to day work would have been mind numbing for him. He is a wildlife bio/GIS/ bioinformatics major, but has already done many internships and works on a few professors’ research teams. It is the perfect mix for him. Time outside, time to hyperfocus, time in a lab, time to be creative. I think he’s done so well because he was able to find something that not only was he passionate about, but that fit his neuro needs.
With D22 it was just affecting both of our mental health too much for me to keep checking in on her work and then getting in fights over it. She took the path of least resistance and ended up at a small state school and is thriving in a major that also fits her Neuro needs.
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Would you mind sharing what school your S23 thrived in?
He was in a small Montessori school from 4th to 8th grade, then went to Foman (which is a boarding school) for high school. The key was that both schools were very hands-on, project-based, and fit his neuroprofile (he is actually 2E - gifted and ADD/and mild dyspraxia that only affects vision and speech, but you would never pick up on it if you didn’t look at his testing.) The key was to find schools that allowed him to explore his passions and get really into projects. They also “gave him enough rope to hang himself” but also enough grace to self-correct and learn from it. We had a very close relationship with both schools so that I could sit back and watch it happen knowing that it would be a learning experience rather than something that he could never recover from (which is why he wasn’t in public school). He’s actually a really, really good kid who never had any disciplinary problems, it was more that he would get behind in work in one area because he was hyperfocusing on another area or an extra-curricular activity. Or, he was struggling and wouldn’t say anything so would just cover it up and get in a deeper hole. Although D22 was definitely in this GPA range, S23 actually had a much higher GPA, but I identify more with this group because if he had been in public school, who knows what his grades would have been. Most probably in the toilet like his ACT scores. He forgot that he was even signed up to take them and had to be pulled off the bus on the way to an away baseball game. (See the above “hang himself” and getting overly focused on other activities statements). I had told him when the school registered him and tried to remind him once. He gave me the “I know, stop reminding me”. Narrator voice: I stopped reminding him. He did not know. Luckily, we had already determined that all of our college choices were test-optional.
He is currently a sophomore at Colorado State University and he is thriving there as well. He was definitely ready for the independence of college (but some of that was because he went to boarding school) Yesterday, he blew off a class for the first time ever to go skiing and I am biting my tongue. Good thing I’ve had 6 years to practice.
He was lucky enough to be able to deeply explore areas of interest at a younger age, but a think a lot of ADD kids actually do better in college because they finally get to focus on things they enjoy and see how they are interconnected to other areas.
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What incredible stories - thank you so very much for sharing. This is tremendously helpful.
@2plustrio I had tears in my eyes reading about your S23 and I think my S25 also needs to have control of his own choices. I like the loan responsibility and I think we need to look into having that as well.
@vwlizard how wonderful that your son had the opportunity he did in the schools he attended. If I had had the knowledge/foresight I would have looked into the same environment for S25. He instead went to public schools from 1st-8th grade (he was at Montessori before that and loved it). He is also very much a kid whose only “problem” was getting behind and digging himself into a hole exactly as you described. He still does that to this day.
Hello all,
Coming in to say that I hope all of the '25 kiddos are enjoying senior year. This process has been..a lot, but S25 has done well, all things considered. Thought I would share results for future kiddos that fit the 3.0-3.4 GPA profile.
My kiddo has not made a final decision, largely because he was waitlisted at the school that has been his top choice from day one (Boulder). He will be committing to choice number 2 (once he figures out which of his schools that is!). If he happens to get off the Boulder waitlist, he will pivot. I think he could be very happy at several of these schools.
3.3UW GPA at New England independent school at time of applying. He brought that up to just over a 3.4 after the first semester of senior year. Only 3 honors classes and 1 AP, though his school offers many. He has ADHD and was just not ready for the advanced level classes until second semester of junior year. Steady upward trend.
Applied as a design/industrial design/architecture major where possible. Otherwise, it was a mix of communication design and exploratory studies.
Involved in various club and school athletics, museum docent, leadership experience in our community, part time job but no extraordinary ECs.
Submitted his 1270 SAT to only 4 of the 15 schools.
Also submitted a portfolio to the 4 schools that would accept one, was accepted everywhere he submitted a portfolio.
Results:
Virginia Tech: Accepted EA
JMU: Accepted EA
U Denver: Accepted EA (Merit)
Indiana (IU): Accepted EA
Miami OH: Accepted to Architecture EA (Merit)
Pitt: Accepted rolling
Butler: Accepted EA (Merit)
Utah: Accepted EA
Colorado State: Accepted EA (Merit)
Providence College: Deferred EA, then accepted RD
Elon: Deferred EA, then accepted RD
U Delaware: Deferred EA, then accepted RD
Penn State: 2+2 guaranteed transfer program
South Carolina: Deferred and then Denied
Boulder: Deferred and then Waitlisted (This is the one that stings)
Would love to hear updates from others!
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Congratulations to your son! He may still be hoping for Boulder, but he’s got some terrific acceptances in hand!
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Thank you. He has a lot to be proud of and I’m sure he will do well wherever he lands. He is just having a hard time switching gears and thinking about college life at a school other than Boulder. He is my very social, very active, outdoorsy kid.
Being accepted at 12 schools is wonderful, but he is having a hard time culling the list. We’ll get there!
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Is anyone else dealing with a kiddo getting a lot of rejections? my D25 is trying to take it all on the chin but I can tell it is really starting to get to her.
Stats:
-Mixed Race
-Small rural public school
-1st Gen
-3.3 UW GPA
-8 AP
-6 Honors
-President of NHAS
-Secretary of MUN
-Journalism Major
-I felt she had strong essays due to her love of writing
-We moved states between Sophomore & Junior year which did complicate her transcript somewhat, but she is ahead on credits needed to graduate high school and is now taking 1/2 her classes in her senior year at our local community college
I knew her UW GPA looked low, but we explained in her application how the move impacted her transcript and that she was dealing with a family crisis/mental health concerns freshman & sophomore year–her grades improved Junior and Senior year.
Decisions so far:
University of Hawaii-Manoa: Accepted (but too expensive even with the merit aid & tuition discount)
Whitman College: Accepted (slightly out of budget after aid)
Bard: Waitlisted
Santa Clara: Rejected
Scripps: Rejected
Smith: Rejected
Tufts(major stretch): Rejected
Middleberry (another major stretch): Rejected
She is still waiting on Reed & Bryn Mawr decisions. Both of those schools she fell in love with years ago. Maybe I misled her in encouraging her to apply to some of those schools. I never went to college so this whole process was very new to both of us. She has worked so hard to get where she’s at and I know all these rejections must be really stinging.
Is anyone else experiencing anything similar? I’d love to hear from someone in the same boat.
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I am sorry, this sounds, super super hard. She sounds amazing, and has great ECs and rigor, and with an upward grad trajectory, and sounds like she has a compelling story/narrative.
I think some of those are reaches for kids with all APs and 4.0s (Tufts, Middlebury), though I am an Ok with kids giving things a shot!
So do you have a school that might be affordable? A lot of places are still rolling! My kid is still getting emails from Hofstra and Redlands (both really solid schools!) though don’t know about merit or your NPC, etc. I know tons of others are rolling after a point, too, though.
Ithaca has a very, very good communications school and takes applications still: Application Deadlines | Ithaca College
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Congrats on the acceptance at Whitman; I’ve heard great things about the community there, and hope there might be a way to get it to work financially.
I don’t have experience with this, but have heard that appeals to the financial aid office can sometimes work. Is there any chance of them flexing a bit on the aid offered?
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agree with this, my friend called a number of schools last year and always got a little bit more!
And agree I have heard amazing things about Whitman - I tried to get my kid to consider it.
Thank you! these are great suggestions! I’ll have her take a look. 
I didn’t think we could appeal for more financial aid! thats great to know. Thank you!
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Yep. I’m not a parent, but I don’t mind commenting on this because it’s relatable.
My stats are somewhat similar:
also mixed race, attends a high school where the graduating class is ~280, gpa unknown but we submit weighted only, learning disabled, but my UW is 86.11/W is 86.90 which is in the 3.3 range. 1 AP (AP CSP), 2 College Courses (College Spanish 4 & 5), (hopefully?) 3 Honors (Spanish 2H, 3H, and hopefully taking Marketing for Honors credit), NYU STEP Program (Pre-College program over the summer/AY), artistic coordinator of friend’s non-profit, robotics club, key club, track & field/cross country JV athlete, etc. I thought my essays were good, considering my main one was about being learning disabled, felt like LORs were pretty nice…from Algebra 2 teacher (Junior Year), English teacher (Junior Year), and Physics teacher and Robotics Coach (Junior+Senior Year).
i’ve also gone thru a couple of mental health concerns thru the process/HS in general but I feel like I had somewhat of a ‘trend’…freshman (87 UW/88 W), sophomore (84 UW+W), junior (86 UW/88 W), and senior year is pretty good right now.
I applied to Engineering for all my schools that had it, but my backups were GPH (Global Public Health), Neuroscience, or Comp Sci. (women in STEM!! 
)
Decisions:
SUNY University @ Buffalo: Accepted to SEAS (no aid)
Rochester Institute of Technology: Accepted for a major I don’t want to pursue anymore ($19k/year, turned down)
Scranton (via. Niche Direct Admissions): Accepted for Neuroscience ($33k/year).
Northeastern (stretch): Rejected
GWU: Rejected
NC State: Rejected
Clemson: Rejected
SUNY Binghamton: Deferred->Rejected
SUNY Stony Brook: Deferred->Rejected
Still waiting on:
CUNY Baruch/Hunter, Wellesley, NYU (#1!!), and Columbia.
Same here 
Yes, I’m kind of sad about it but rejection is redirection. That’s my mantra for this process. I know I’ll end up in some place (do I know where? Not yet. But I’ll know soon)–super grateful for my acceptance(s). Best of luck to your daughter! ~Liv
Hugs!! 
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Oh for sure! There is no harm in appealing financial aid, and let them know if anything has changed since last Tex Returns etc
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Is your daughter open to any other rolling admissions schools?
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I’m so sorry to hear about this. Sending virtual hugs to you and your D.
Does she have an acceptance to an affordable school yet? If not, I’m sure there would be people willing to look for schools that might suit her interests and your budget (I know I’d be happy to help).
I’ll keep my fingers crossed that an appeal to the financial aid office at Whitman will bring the school within budget.
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