<p>Absolutely. I wonder if it relates to personality type. About my job - for which I am generously paid compared to most of America, which gives me educated colleagues, lovely surroudings and free coffee, I always say, “If you have to work for a living, it’s a nice job.” Never “It’s a blast.” I am really trying to be “present” rather than just checking duties off a list, but it’s difficult for me. When we go on vacation, I feel satisfied if the logisitics go well…that is what I am thinking about - will we catch that train and will it be in close walking distance to the next attraction? Not, “I’m about to see Chartres!”</p>
<p>Moda, loved your post and love your decision. When I watch those staging the house shows on HG TV, it always makes me sad that the family doesn’t get to live in the newly spiffed up place for a while.</p>
<p>Good for you, Moda. I spent yesterday reducing the stuff around here. Part of the problem is that we (siblings) have been the ones to empty several houses (ongoing). Some of that stuff ends up here so I can go through it carefully. We will need to move eventually too. I need a stager now to decorate for us!</p>
<p>Good post Moda! Life is too short…
When I found out I had a heart attack (through a routine checkup then sent to cardiologist) my attitude changed about how I spend my free time and who I spend it with. :)</p>
<p>I wish we had unlimited funds in younger D’s college account. She is starting to thinking about what she wants to do as an adult and may just come up with something creative and quirky that works for her. But her grades and scores won’t qualify her for much, if any, merit aid, and she hates the thought of staying here for school.</p>
<p>Zetasis - glad your D and her advisor came to happly place.
Moda - Actually, I was having a little anxiety about what you all have done and wanted to do this year. I’m glad sunriseeast’s post helped you see an alternative path.
(And what’s this nonsense about never having a ‘career’? You raised three great kids (I reached my limit at two.) and kept a busy household running. Just because they’re out of HS, doesn’t mean parenting ends.)</p>
<p>TA and Missypie, it may have to do a) with personality types; and/or b) choices. I suspect that some people are very even keeled and just don’t have highs or lows while others have lows but not highs. In some cases, internal work may change that – some how they learned a lesson early in life that it isn’t OK to have fun or be delighted but they can also unlearn the lesson later in life – but in some cases, I’m sure it is just hard-wired. </p>
<p>I wonder also whether there would be another way of wording things that might work for you. TA and MP, does your work (or do other parts of your life) give you a deep sense of satisfaction even if you are not ecstatic? I suspect that there are some jobs, like working in a call center, that don’t give anyone deep satisfaction. Based in part on the lawyers I know, MP, I would hazard a guess the vast majority of lawyers don’t get get deep satisfaction in their jobs (although the income/perks are good), but I think there are some who do. [I can think of one I’ve worked with and a few others whom I’d guess really love what they do].</p>
<p>For many, choices do matter. Thoreau was, I believe, thinking about work when he said that “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” and go about their lives in resignation. I am elevating my pro bono project on career choices as a goal for this year (although I may need a ghost writer to actually help me complete it given how busy I am). But, I am trying to give people some diagnostics that help them find a trajectory toward things that give them deep satisfaction.</p>
<p>That totally describes me. I always say that is the difference between transactional lawyers (like me) and litigators. The litigators crave the highs (and endure the lows)…at some point, on some days, somone - jury or judge - tells them that they won. I don’t feel a need to win/defeat anyone.</p>
<p>Did anyone see Bill Gates on the Today Show? He seems a lot less Asperger-y than in the early years. I wonder if he’s been well coached, or whether he just studied good interview behavior.</p>
<p>I saw him this AM and thought the same thing. Most adults would not be so poised and articulate. He seemed at peace, too. Having read an early bio of him, it is amazing. I always wonder if it is a show. I saw some really rough bosses speak to customers or superiors and thought they were different (much nicer, more respectful) people than we peons experienced.</p>
<p>Great post Moda! So glad you will be taking some time to enjoy the year ahead at a slower pace. Just think…a wedding at the Nook!!! How exciting is that!!! And a graduation for S who blossomed at a wonderful school! And on top of that D2 playing college lacrosse! Such big and wonderful life moments that you will cherish and share with your family. Selling the house will happen but that project doesn’t need to happen at this time. </p>
<p>I used to say I am only as happy as my unhappiest child. With the girls gone from home I find my time with my lady friends is where I have most of my laugh out loud and hilarious moments. I love my book clubs where I can have intellectual discussions and then goofy silly talks. I also love my scrapbooking getaways with different friends where we can be creative and supportive. As I age I find my girl friends are what keeps me young!(At least until we have grandkids!) H and I have been together since we were 15 yrs old and our relationship is so easy. We have great times together and can finish each others thoughts but I do cherish my girlfriend time.</p>
<p>Morning! Moda that was a great post and congrats to you. It is so wonderful that you are able to step back and understand your own life and priorities. You have also been inspiring me to take the risk of moving in a year or two. But we can get back to that next year :).
cq–congrats to your D!
Love the discussion on happiness/joy. Last year I vowed to “learn to be happy”. Read books and had a log and failed miserably. It is not that I am unhappy…I just am…well rather neutral I quess. And more inclined to see the down than the up. Once a friend and I watched the same sunset and I thought it was very nice while she thought it was absolutely and magically wonderful wonderful wonderful. That got me to thinking about highs and lows and hard wireing and childhoods. I do think so much is just caused by temperment and then, of course, nurture gets thrown in.</p>
<p>Now, quiet desperation is a feeling to which I can often relate, although probably more personally than professionally. NM, I admire your ability to find joy in your relationships. Of the three legs to the typical life satisfaction stool (mastery, autonomy, and purpose), I have the first two, but struggle with the third. Not relevant to this topic, but I like Thoreaus comment on the process of writing. Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it short. I think I would have enjoyed hanging with Thoreau. When we were in Boston last year for the marathon, we stayed with friends in Lexington and walked around Walden Pond, which I hadnt done in quite some time.</p>
<p>taking the time to stand back to admire my life’s work and our biggest investments: our kids and their success."
Well Moda there is a future in writing for you as you always put things so well.Good for you for deciding the train was running too fast. You need to enjoy life’s moments especially your D’s wedding and spend time with family. kudos to you for realizing it and your H for supporting it. I am too emotional to want to clean out a closet let alone a whole house.
I did the above in a smaller way this fall, I became anxious overwhelmed and depressed. I was working to much and not doing anyting liked. I love nursing but to be honest the environment has me in a box I dont belong in and is focused more on young people. I have been struggling big time with getting older and more"invisable". I made some changes and stopped doing the things that dont matter. Funny how you can lose your zen so quickly I may stumble but I get right back where I need to, its almost like my mind/body refuses to allow it anymore. I do deal with the daily spector of cancer,many people think when you are done its over, but it never is. This drives some of my anxiety, how much time… However I do think that life is better dealt with one day at time. and everyday I try to find something that brings me joy, small things, a bird, a flower, a song. I am confused because I am not happy doing what makes most people happy, and I dont know who I really am. Quite frankly I am bored. S I have decided to persue graduate studies, just a class to start. I love to learn and am so happy doing this. We are going to travel which we are looking forward to, and spend more time at the lake. for now.I am making more time to be wth my friends and doing fun things. went to see Spank the 50 shades of gray parody it was fun, and naughty.</p>
<p>Shaw, my D last night was very upset also she has two big tests one in micro, and the other in AP, her friends said no fair your mom is a cardiac ICU nurse. Her test was on the heart. Her teacher gave her some wrong info, and I wasnt sure if I should have her do it the right way or the way he wanted it. Her micro teacher is a witch, my D is not a complainer she is smart and a hard worker, the micro teacher says the test wont be just on what she has taught and they will have to read the book to figure it out. while she doesnt want to be spoonfed, micro is too hard to memorize every minute detail. It is hard to explain but the attitude of the teacher is she doesnt want to teach undergrads, and when asked to go over some questions on a quiz during office hours is quite put out. I know it is part of the college thing, but her grades are very important to her. I told her to take the test and see what pattern the teacher seems to follow. for now. IDK, seems my micro teacher was a witch too. I am going in to bring cookies and me. I may take her to target or something. BTW made these awesome Nutella cookies, I only put two aside for H but they are killer.
MP the bars do require peanut butter, but you could use almond butter, I think you are having issues with all nuts though.???
CQ i keep forgetting to comment on your D, as I did on FB. So awesome and she looks like she is doing so well. Nothing makes a parent happier. It is so exciting.</p>
<p>As long as we are complaining about HS teachers…last semester younger D struggled in APUSH, managing a high C. Bless her heart, I don’t think D will be ready for a “college level course” until college. So then her teacher, who she really liked, decided to move away, and they gave the job to a woman who student taught at the HS last semester. So now D is failing, and not by just a little. She says that the teacher doesn’t teach, and expects them to learn it by themselves. I can believe that, because the newby teacher really didn’t have time to prepare lectures. Of course, not everyone is failing and others are managing to teach it to themselves. But a switch to a totally inexperienced teacher is about the last thing D needed. (I’m not saying that all new teachers are bad. But a new teacher hired at the last minute to jump in the middle of an AP class is facing an uphill battle.)</p>
<p>dt–bored here too. I like my work when I am actually doing it but really dislike all the surrounding responsibilites (billing, chart notes). Have realized that I do not like to volunteer. That alone makes me feel something is wrong with me. I just have no patience for disorganization or, at the hospice where I volunteer, just not having enough to do while I am there (they have too many volunteers per shift).
I keep looking for that thing that is exciting and affordable. Envy those who have lots of interest.</p>
<p>dte…I fantasize about going back to school! I can audit classes for free at D2’s university but it seems like I always have a project going that prevents me from committing. (wedding, house and now cabin remodel) I have also thought about taking some more cooking classes or a class that would teach me kitchen knife skills. Also think I would like to learn to reupholster furniture or even learn some basic furniture making skills. But then again I want to travel! Ha! So many things to do. H is planning retirement and thinks he will follow me around all day. Uhhhh…not happening! I think that’s when I will take my classes!
I think I will do part time day care for my grand kids when that time arrives. I was always big on doing story hour at the library, getting a zoo membership for weekly visits ( or daily here in the winter to walk the kids on the Tropics trail to escape the cold and snow!) and taking the kids to Early Childhood classes. Loved to expose them to new adventures/experiences. It makes me happy to think I might be able to share that with future grand kids!! :)</p>
<p>Oregon, I bet that you have lots of interests, it’s just that they may not be “socially rewarded” interests. If someone really loves to volunteer, they get big Brownie points. If they love to read romance novels or technical manuals, no Brownie points. It’s hard for me to imagine a nicer Saturday afternoon than reading a good book, falling asleep on the couch, and waking up naturally. I guess maybe both of us need to figure out a way to lean toward our own interests, but in a way that involves other people. For me, a book club would be a natural, but the ones I know of have been together for years if not decades.</p>
<p>Forgot…has anyone seen the Taylor Swift ad/video for Keds? I really like the words…good for young kids starting out and for those of us who might need a reminder to enjoy our present life. Here is a link to the short video:
[Taylor</a> Swift Exclusively for Keds - YouTube](<a href=“- YouTube”>- YouTube)</p>
<p>Hope it makes you smile! :)</p>
<p>edit: Oh, missypie! I wish you were in my book club! I had way too much wine last night! Great discussion on The Kitchen House and roles of women, what makes a family, slavery. While we do enjoy our wine we also discuss the book and relevant topics that the book leads us to.</p>
<p>TA, I tend to think that what most of us need in life to be mentally OK are community, meaning and structure. Some Stay-At-Home-Parents (SAHPs) lose meaning (if they saw the primary purpose of life being to raise their kids), structure (get up, get kids ready for breakfast and school, …), and community (we made lots of friends through the kids’ various schools and lose some of them when the kids move on to the next phase) when the nest empties. Jobs can provide structure and maybe community. But, they probably only provide meaning if there is a higher sense of purpose combined with mastery and autonomy.</p>
<p>DTE, it always astounds me how teachers teach. Some are outstanding. Some not so much. I would always provide my kids with the correct answers/ways of thinking, but counsel them to use their judgment about whether and how to correct teachers who are wrong.</p>
<p>Thoreau was a wise man but a bit of a curmudgeon personally.</p>
<p>Moda, I admire your post and your decision to step up to be present to those that matter most to you. Sunriseeast weighed heavy on my thoughts last night and this morning, as well. In spite of the incredible sadness, something so beautiful happened in seeing her reach out to others–her family, friends, and us…irl complete strangers. </p>
<p>TA, ShawB’s stated blast at work also struck a chord with me. I took what I call a permanent sabbatical after my first kid was born. Leaving work was one of the most difficult things I ever did. At that time in my job, my research was going gangbusters, and I so remember feeling absolute ecstasy–that blast–when a particular thing had succeeded. After having kids, and settling in to my new life as a stay at home mom, I still felt those times of fun, even joy, but they tended to be the kind that had their source in others’ accomplishments…the kids, husband, sibs. Of course, those same joy makers could bring me up cold. I’ll never forget driving my D to shop for school clothes when she was on a semester break early in her college career, when she told me that she really wanted to make something of her life and her degree, unlike ME, who had kind of wasted hers. Sigh. Or, when after homeschooling all three of my academically intense kids for years and years, D and S1 agreed that I didn’t really do anything all day. Those things hurt. But I got over it, mostly </p>
<p>When I think of what is fun now, I think of some simple things: hiking with some friends and enjoying a beautiful day, identifying new plants, getting a great photograph. Or having a delicious (and healthy) dinner with H, alone on the lanai–sipping a fantastic wine, walking the beach when we get precious vacation time. Or going to a concert, a rock concert or classical performance of a piece I love, spending time with family who all live too darned far away. It’s a different kind of fun than before, although I suspect that maybe some of what was perceived as fun long ago, wasn’t perhaps as happy as I remember it? </p>
<p>Enough of my ramble. Today I had step 2 in my experimental endodontic procedure. The only fun was artificial–happy pills which have worn off :-(</p>
<p>I tend to be a fairly happy person, but when I think about it the times that I really have “fun” are not so many these days. Not sure why. I enjoy my job (most days), family and friends but I do feel as if I am missing out on some fun. And oregon, thank you for admitting that you do not like to volunteer as I have come to realize that after many years of doing a lot of volunteering I really do not want to volunteer now. Perhaps I will feel differently in years to come, but not now.</p>
<p>Moda when I thought about your post later what stood out to me was how much you have on your plate. I often find myself telling people that when my kids were younger I thought that when I was at this stage in life with my youngest child a HS junior (driving and pretty independent), that I would have lots of free time. Ha! It doesn’t really slow down, it’s just being busy with different things.</p>
With the girls gone from home I find my time with my lady friends is where I have most of my laugh out loud and hilarious moments. I love my book clubs where I can have intellectual discussions and then goofy silly talks. I also love my scrapbooking getaways with different friends where we can be creative and supportive. As I age I find my girl friends are what keeps me young!(At least until we have grandkids!) H and I have been together since we were 15 yrs old and our relationship is so easy. We have great times together and can finish each others thoughts but I do cherish my girlfriend time.</p>
I had way too much wine last night! Great discussion on The Kitchen House and roles of women, what makes a family, slavery. While we do enjoy our wine we also discuss the book and relevant topics that the book leads us to.</p>