Parents of the HS Class of 2009 (Part 1)

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
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<p>Can’t comment on shoe choices. They are preparing the kids for stress interviews? Not clear why. I thought she was already hired. Am I confused?</p>

<p>ShawSon and his team are at a banquet to get an entrepreneurial award. A local newspaper interviewed them. In total, they get I think $2K. But, all good experience, although he just doesn’t have time as one of his committee wants him to shorten the theoretical chapters – when ShawSon sets up the problem, he gets the idea and doesn’t need to see theme and variations to motivate it. Plus, he’s got to do bibliography, more citations, etc. It’s going to be a very long weekend/first part of the week.</p>

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<p>I have not posted anything about my mother for a few weeks. She died this morning in the early a.m. Thankfully she went quickly. She had been in pain but refused pain medication because she both was not dying (ever) and she was not going to have her mind messed with…
I have a great little brother and we are close and he was her main arranger of care for the last 6 years. He and I are doing fine. I have been working on words to tell friends as I want them to know but seriously know that they have had loving parents and cannot even begin to understand the truth of my family of origin.
One of my BF’s husband’s (who has know all for decades) called and said, “it is never easy at the end”. I responded “really? I am to feel something different now?” (puzzled)
He got it together and I love his response. “Well there are some people who it is just nice to not have ever met and that would be your mother”. Much better and supportive.
I hope I have not offended anyone but this death is a blessing and I am so glad she did not go into severe pain just to keep controlling.</p>

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<p>Just want to add that I also have two sisters who are acting crazy. One wailed for 3 hours…</p>

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<p>Oregon, having had a parent pass who I did not love and who did not make a meaningful contribution to my life (my birth father, not the father I lost to renal cancer), let me say that I am sorry for your loss of opportunity to have her make her own “recovery” with you, or as we’re taught to think in Landmark, for the two of you to “get complete” on your relationship.</p>

<p>Be kind to yourself. I am sending you the light to release any power she had over you that had you feel unloved.</p>

<p>Moda, I am also sorry for your loss with your therapist. In this case my prayer for you is that you keep near anything good and wise she gave you :wink: And thanks for the vote of confidence re mcson’s prospects!</p>

<p>On that front, while not of national import or distinction, the ever ever entertaining mcson has produced a small miracle.</p>

<p>He has managed to get a straight A on his senior thesis – and not just any A – but an A from the prof who has historically given him dramatically lower grades (eg at best, a C+) in the past.</p>

<p>Back when his composition prof left for sabbatical, mcson said he would ask this prof to be his thesis advisor, and I said he was nuts given his track record with him. Mcson said he learns more from this man than others and he wasn’t doing his sr. Thesis for the grade, but for the experience, ergo said prof was an excellent choice.</p>

<p>Needless to say, he is over-the-moon joyous over the A – as am I.</p>

<p>Which is not to say in the typical mcson way there won’t be some other shoe that drops in the greater scheme of mcson’s attention-distribution system :wink: But I am delighted that he nailed his thesis.</p>

<p>I am also realizing that I well may end up having to make good on a pact that I’d made last year after the abysmal term wherein I said I would adopt half of mcson’s loans if he somehow graduated above his scholarship GPA of 3.2, which at the time would have required a full point upward trend over two terms to compensate from the disaster year that was jr. Year. Indeed, he appears to be in a sprint to close that gap, and it will come down to fractions of a percent, methinks ;)</p>

<p>What fun! Hi ho.</p>

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<p>Oregon- sending you peace. Have never walked in your shoes exactly but did have a situation when my paternal grandfather died years ago. No one else ever really knows the complications of your family dynamics. Your brother sounds great and I’m glad he is there for you. Take care.</p>

<p>Moda- so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that it is a comfort to know that she was there when you needed her and that she will be fondly remembered.</p>

<p>kmc- congrats to your S!</p>

<p>NM- that critique lady sounds bizzarre! Funny thing about the parking, though. Years ago I went to an interview and when I parked I realized that I had run over a nail and punctured a tire. Could do nothing but just go in. Turned out to be a good omen as I got the job, loved it and worked there for several years.</p>

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<p>Congrats, kmc on the great grades. Oregon, it sounds like your mother’s passing will make your life less stressful so that’s a good thing. NM, the interview advice sounds off to me, which is a shame, so kudos to your D for ignoring it. Shaw, congrats to your S on his award. I’m sure he will be happy when everything else is finished.</p>

<p>S1 tells me I am putting too much pressure on S2 and should back off. H thinks I am not putting enough pressure on him. I admit that I spend lots of time looking at possibilities because I find the search to be personally entertaining. I toss lots of things out and if something catches his interest, fine and if not that is fine as well. I don’t expect applying for jobs over the Internet to be of any real value anyway other than to see the types of skills employers want and how job descriptions vary. Actually getting a job will come from picking up the phone, setting up informational interviews, and networking. I can’t do for him and so far he has not done that for himself. I suspect, however, he will get around to it pretty soon.</p>

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<p>oregon…wishing you much peace.</p>

<p>kmc…Yay for mcson! How wonderful for him! Look how much he has grown!</p>

<p>shaw and moda…yes, D2 will be offered a guaranteed paid position with a public accounting firm or private company while enrolled in the grad program but they do interview with various companies to find a good fit. At the end of the 11 month program they are guaranteed a job with that company if the student wants it. The interview practice is for the initial “draft” so she can look over the firms and the firms look over the students. The interviews will determine what companies you have to choose from.</p>

<p>TA… I think you are such a big help with the job search. I am like you when it comes to sending out info. Still sending good job karma his way!</p>

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<p>oregon, many hugs to you. Be good to yourself and go easy on yourself. </p>

<p>Your relationship with your mother was your relationship with your mother. She “earned” how you feel about her. Don’t feel the need to explain to people (except to trusted supportive friends) but also, let other relatives make peace with their own relationships with her. </p>

<p>You may need to let a lot wash over you in the coming days and weeks…my prescription is always a single glass of wine, but I’m sure you know what works for you. Just remember that while lots of people don’t know what to say when someone dies, they really don’t know what to say when someone they weren’t wild about dies. People may say all the wrong things, possibly because they think you want to hear nice things. Just seek inner peace and go easy on yourself.</p>

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<p>Great Post, Missy - and I second the advice to go easy on oneself. When my own mother was diagnosed with cancer, my one sister said she was going to do things so as not to have any regrets of should of, could of when she died. My other sister and I felt that she was not exactly the warmest place to fall when we were kids. While she has clearly mellowed (and seems rather forgetful of the kind of “Mom” she was when we were young), I have taken a middling stance. I try to call more often and have forgiven a lot, I no longer accept the “kidding” that she dishes out about the travails of raising me. It is my opinion that had she loved me for who I was and encouraged in me all that I am really good at, things would have been very different. Don’t blame her necessarily, but I do not credit her for who I turned out to be. She did not encourage. She criticized. </p>

<p>Of course how tacky is it that I am curious what now happens to OregonMom’s jewelry, including the class ring.</p>

<p>NMN - thanks for the insight on the clutch. I actually checked out the pics on facebook and again… I loved your dress and shoes! PLUS… I might suggest to D your lantern on ribbon Aisle thing. And noted your covered bricks on the runner and the petals. I thought it was perfect! </p>

<p>Have a cleaning today - I mean showing. Spring is finally springing… and yet another house seems to be coming up on the market catty-corner from us. I love the postcard from the realtor who had listed the house two doors down who snagged our original buyer. Headline was… Sold in record time, see how I can do the same for you! Or something like that. Well… all you need is a seller who is getting a big bonus to sell within 30 days and gets reimbursed the commission. Then you can lowball the asking price and your seller gets what they want and the buyer gets one helluva good deal! Down side of course is for folks like me who will pay their own commission and gets no said bonus for selling quickly or not! </p>

<p>Let’s just say… I would love to sell, but I can’t even think about the details here etc until AFTER this wedding. This is not to say I wouldn’t be perfectly willing to put everything in storage and sort it out at a later time. And if we should get a reasonable offer, I’d love to be done! It would save months of landscape expenses, cleaning people to clean, to say nothing of the mortgage, taxes and the rest. The realtor showing is one who really wanted the listing so I am hoping she does a good job if only to prove to me she would be the one who SELLS this house. I would love nothing more!</p>

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<p>oregon, Wishing you peace.</p>

<p>kmc, Congratulations to your son!</p>

<p>Moda, Good luck with getting the house sold. The couple of times we’ve sold a house I have found pretty stressful. Take care.</p>

<p>TA, Can your son’s department help at all? Sometimes a department keeps/has a list of employers that have hired their graduates. It would be nice if his department or Career Services could help him with his search.</p>

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<p>sevmom, there are lots of people he should be reaching out to, with career services just being one of many. He simply lacks any sense of urgency. Some might say he needs to find his passion in order to care. However, I never felt passionate about my career and H hates his job. I remember S1 being adamant that he didn’t want to do programming, yet that is precisely what he does and seems to like it well enough. I personally don’t think not liking to do something is any excuse not to do it, particularly if you have bills to pay. Both boys understand that value loud and clear, so I have no doubt he will be self-supporting doing something. I just think he makes things harder on himself than necessary.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the kind and thoughtful words. I am actually at peace with both the death and the history. Goodness, I spent way to much of my energy over the years trying to get something that my mother was simple not capable to giving. It helped immensely when I figured out that she was a true narcissist in a diagnosable way. That was only a few years ago but it gave me time to understand and let go of the baggage. Then I just took it like it came.
I need to put together some words to notify friends. Looking for some sincerity without sounding false. I do know that I can say with honesty that it is good that she died so quickly and in the house she wanted to be in.
The family drama has already begun. I am going to watch is as a movie. Name please?</p>

<p>NM–your D is in a great position. Very cool.
Kmc–I find your s fascination in a good way
mp–yes, recently heard some things to the effect that is someone is not there when the parent is in need it is because they did not have a bond. The relationship had not been meaningful. I like this because it is really just a non judgmental statement.</p>

<p>Off to send emails. Later, in a few months, I am going to gather an inside group and we are going to make a wonderful food and have many toasts and I will tell old stories. The laughter will be good. My type of memorial service.</p>

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<p>oregon, we had one and have one relative who were also clinically narcissistic (in addition to being very smart and deviously manipulative). I understand that when such a person passes, not everyone grieves. They didn’t leave a whole in people’s lives that a kind and caring person does. In our case, the remaining one has had a stroke and lives far in the UK, where very few people choose to visit her. I don’t know, kmc, if there is any way to “complete” (not sure exactly what the concept is) with someone as clinically narcissistic as these folks and likely Oregon’s mother.</p>

<p>I interviewed a 20-something prospective coauthor for my book on career trajectories. I think that having someone who loves and can contribute to the ideas and wants to promote a book is essential. I’ve got too many things going on in my life to promote a book on another subject.</p>

<p>But, TA, one of my key points is that most college grads and 20-somethings don’t know what they are passionate about. They find it through their experiences. In the ideal world, they end up doing something that is fulfilling. Sad to hear the your H hates his job. But, no need to have passion to get up and going, just determination or need.</p>

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<p>Sounds like a good plan!</p>

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<p>Thanks for the mustache-laugh RM. I’m glad I had just swallowed my coffee.</p>

<p>I help with some workshops on interviewing for high school students. A few things that aren’t always mentioned in some of the other sources:</p>

<p>-Girls who tend to touch their hair need to pull it back. If she tends to play with an earring then go without earrings.<br>

  • Everyone needs clean hair. And clothes.
    -Anyone who tends to fiddle with their clothing, cuticles, acne, privates (um, yes, I’ve seen boys give themselves a good scratch) or furniture (like the little crack in the leather upholstery) needs to go into the interview with a nice folder (resume inside) and then hold on to the folder with both hands when seated. Great to try and teach yourself not to twirl your hair, but not likely to be successful very quickly. The folder makes it easier to keep your hands still.
    -Girls need to answer questions without a question inflection at the end? (Well, everyone needs to do that, but girls really commonly have that habit.)
  • No perfume. No aftershave. (Especially, NO Axe!) No hair or body products with significant perfumes. If I can smell you from a handshake distance, you’ve got a problem. Even if it did cost $75 an ounce.
  • Boys who show bare leg gap when they’re seated need higher socks. Girls whose skirts ride up too much when seated in a low, soft armchair need different skirts.
  • It is fine to take think time before responding, but not on every question.
  • When asked about the biggest challenge you’ve faced, let’s not mention the eating disorder, mental health hospitalization, or alcohol ticket. There are ways to talk about these things constructively, but it is an unnecessary risk for the most part.</p>
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<p>arabrab–great list!</p>

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<p>arabrab, great list – very funny but captures things people really do. I always thought that the question inflection at end of sentence was weird. You are right. Mostly girls. But why? Are they insecure about the answer their giving? Want to make sure you respond?</p>

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<p>Terrific list! A couple of years ago, NPR interviewed an “expert” on some scientific something or other. She had a PhD in the something or other, but had that upward ? inflection, and in my mind, I saw a 15 year old…destroyed her credibility to this listener.</p>

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<p>Not sure? But I see it a lot? :)</p>

<p>On a less humorous note, I think it has to do with a lack of assertiveness in many teen girls when speaking with adults. They’re not comfortable staking out a position, or perhaps they want the adult’s feedback that the position is ok.</p>

<p>Many parents assume the things on my list go without saying. In my experience, sometimes those are the most necessary to say.</p>

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<p>I just watched the last of the memorial service for the first responders in West. Boy, no one does a service like firefighters. More bagpipes than I could count. The Obamas have visited both SMU and Baylor today. They must be drained. I know I am, from watching the memorial service.</p>