<p>After my dad passed away earlier this year and I received so many kind emails, cards, plants, flowers, etc., I started to feel guilty about all the people whose parents’ passing I had not acknowledged. So I vowed to at least send a card when the parents of friends and acquaintances passed on. Wouldn’t you know it, within less than a week of Dad’s death, the father of a co-worker in another office passed away. I heard 2nd hand that he “couldn’t stand” his father…what to do? I still sent a sympathy card - very generic, and just wrote something about “Thinking of you…” And I was sincere…it’s still a transition and a stress, no matter how one felt about the parent.</p>
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<p>Just trying to understand this sequence of words …</p>
<p>Haha! Can you believe it Z?!?! 
I don’t drink tea or soda, either. Make it water, wine or an occasional martini. It’s the simple things that make me happy. 
H doesn’t drink coffee, either. We don’t even own a coffee pot!</p>
<p>NM, so you are going to have this beautifully remodeled lake house, and everyone is going to want to come visit…then they will wake up on a chilly morning and start hunting for coffee…might keep the guest count down! is it all part of a brilliant plan?</p>
<p>We have been going for years to Kripalu, which used to be an ashram and now is a New Age-y spa. In the old days, the cuisine was drab vegetarian (though not vegan). There was no sugar of any kind in anything. Generally, I think seasoning was viewed as suspect, but it was great if you liked brown rice and steamed kale. And most meaningful for me: they had no coffee or caffeine anywhere. As a certified caffeine addict (CCA), I used to spend my life there hunting for coffee – like MP’s vision of guests at NM’s remodeled lake house. After a while, to get me to agree to go, ShawWife would bring a portable espresso maker and ground up espresso beans and, when the craving was strong, I had special dispensation to drive into Lenox for my coffee. </p>
<p>Now, as a New Age-y spa, they sell coffee (not part of the provided meals) down in the gift shop. The food has transformed from tasteless vegetarian to tasty vegetarian and IIRC I think you may be able to get fish/chicken/turkey. [The founder Gurudev must be turning over in his …; he’s not dead. Although it was a community that took vows of poverty and celibacy, Gurudev got kicked out because he was working on his own brand of enlightenment with the otherwise sex-deprived females (the community was almost entirely female) and had his hand in the money jar]. </p>
<p>I like it much more with taste and caffeine and without the hypocrisy on the side.</p>
<p>missypie…you made me laugh out loud! H’s parents had a coffee maker at the cabin. We will keep it there since they will stay there during the week when we aren’t there. ;)</p>
<p>I am Shaw’s twin in my fondness for coffee, so according to seinfield, I probably think I need a LOT of help much of the time ;)</p>
<p>(I also prefer my coffee without hypocrisy on the side :))</p>
<p>We have a couple of business associates who seem to think there’s something magically delicious about our coffee and who stop by for same. Makes me suspect their wives are not coffee fans or usng fresh beans. We don’t do anything special to it, but generally use a dark organic roast and filtered water. The difference is our coffee maker has a built-in grinder, so brewing coffee is especially aromatic.</p>
<p>Last night I did the first run to the grocery store for bar-stocking for the grad party next weekend. The logistics of being out of town the day prior yet being ready are going to have me hopping this weekend, that’s for certain! I hope those of you doing he meetup have a great time. I’ll be thinking of you as I lug the power washer around and slog trough errands!</p>
<p>Tminus 1 week!</p>
<p>Have no fear shaw, missy, oregon, zetesis, kmc, etc. I’m showing up with a Keurig!</p>
<p>eddie - It’s always good to hear from you. So glad that the long winter seems to be finally over and the sunlight is beginning to shine. Enjoy the weekend with your D.</p>
<p>I join others in wanting this thread to continue. Even on the days when I don’t post and don’t look at anything else online, I always check this thread. I feel very connected here and do not want this to end.</p>
<p>I feel inadequate.</p>
<p>[Graphic</a> Designer Dad Illustrates His Kids? Lunch Bags Almost Every Day Since 2008 | Colossal](<a href=“http://www.thisiscolossal.com/2013/04/graphic-designer-dad-illustrates-his-kids-lunch-bags-almost-every-day-since-2008/]Graphic”>Graphic Designer Dad Illustrates His Kids' Lunch Bags Almost Every Day Since 2008 — Colossal)</p>
<p>And untalented.</p>
<p>And jealous.</p>
<p>arabrab, one of my college roommates, who is now a distinguished professor of medicine, told me that his father wrote something (a joke, aphorism, saying, many of them original) on his lunchbag every day for 12 years. The kid was truly wild (his nickname in college was “Crazy Jim” (name but not adjective changed to protect the guilty) – he would throw grapes up to the 100 foot ceiling of our grand gothic dining hall and catch them on the run in his mouth and would stand on the table to lead the folks in the dining hall in a rousing and very loud Happy Birthday to someone (even someone he barely knew). I assume his father was pretty hilarious also and recall that the comments were often very funny. </p>
<p>Two signs of emerging maturity. First, we and my MIL bought a sleeper sofa for ShawD’s apartment as a birthday present. FedEx delivered to the porch of the building, but it had to be carried upstairs to her apartment – she was able to get a male neighbor to help. But, she spent three hours assembling it (following in her mother’s footsteps) and was very proud of herself. In the old days, she’d try to find some way to absent herself during chores.</p>
<p>Second, after months on a quest to get a dog, she decided that it was not the time in her life to get a dog. Yay. Of course, she didn’t decide to go without a pet. She’s decided to get ducklings. Apparently, you raise them in the apartment for a while. then you move them to the deck but feed them one meal a day. Then you bring them to the local park, which has a pond, and visit them there, I guess, until next season when you start again. The good news: ducks don’t need to be walked, although ducklings will follow you around if they imprint on you.</p>
<p>Morning–yes, kmc, that is the coffee method we use and I usually check on all of you as I drink my first cup each morning. I have a large mug and then another half. That is it for the day. Don’t feel awake without it.</p>
<p>Shaw–do they smell? do they use a litter box? fascinating. I thought ducklings were a bit like “don’t give your kid a bunny for Easter” --?</p>
<p>I have enjoyed rereading posts and emails about my mother and her death. We had dinner at a friends home last night and I went with the request that we did not talk about it. They gave me an orchid and nothing was said. The H’s mother is getting close to her end and he is devastated. He is not at peace. My GF was very close to her mother and still misses her. Each experience is so different from mine and that is OK.
I am looking forward to the small celebration of her life I will have when D returns. I think D is actually going to miss asking what her grandmother “did this time”. There was nothing to do but find the crazy humor in the things she said to people. A few months ago my she called D at least three times to say she was sending her something. It turned out to be an sweatshirt with painted flowers that had belonged to my sister who died 15 years ago. It reeked of my mother’s cigarettes and perfume. Of course, D sent a thank you. That was at least well meaning but it also had to do with the fact that she believed everything she owned was very valuable.</p>
<p>It is another beautiful day and we are off to the nursery and the veggie garden should be ready to go by the end of the weekend.</p>
<p>I am such a poor story teller–the point of the sweatshirt gift as she told my D “it is an extra large so it will fit you”. D is a medium. Went along with the “I was going to buy you a hat but decided your head is too big”.
See why I need a wake for her?!</p>
<p>LOL, oregon. Yes, I can see how you had to search for humor!</p>
<p>Finally found my summer organce hibiscus and lantana. Will have to find time for serious planting this afternoon or tomorrow.</p>
<p>Yup – emerging maturity indeed when they figure out how to assemble their own furniture! I remember getting the call from D that she’d managed to assemble – by herself – the IKEA bed, dresser, and nightstand. </p>
<p>And I think she just escaped a bullet. She was seriously considering an apartment in a very nice apartment complex (resort nice) and sent me the blank lease agreement to look at. And the number of things for which fines were itemized was amazing, as was the list of prohibitions. And the requirement that you never post any negative reviews about the complex or management on any website. That one left me flabbergasted. </p>
<p>The icing on the cake was that the few complaints we did find related to the towing company they use – which was recently busted by a state/federal task force after an undercover investigation for repeatedly illegally towing cars, stealing items from towed cars, refusing to give the cars back, stealing the stereos from inside cars, stealing cars and selling them on the black market. What kind of business continues to business with a company like that? Luckily she decided that, nice as it was, it was not worth the degree of hassle and is instead pursuing the somewhat less nice option with management that gets good reviews.</p>
<p>D1 just learned that her thesis adviser is moving to accept a really peachy offer elsewhere. D has had a difficult year with setbacks in research and proposal and relationships with this adviser. D was supposed to finish preliminary research and submit her proposal this fall. So the question is: now what? Work from a distance with a somewhat “distant” adviser anyway? Switch fields/topics just as she is getting to work on the proposal? She’s extremely discouraged and uncertain what to do. It is really hard to even know what to suggest.</p>
<p>Zetesis –
I’d suggest that she look upon this as a gift from the gods. A distant relationship with someone who was not easy to work with is not going to be a lot better than it already was. There ought to be some significant sympathy in the department for her being left adrift, and it is the perfect time to seal the deal with someone with whom she can have a better working relationship. (I guess it depends on how much the topic would need to shift, but I’d think that the faculty would be a little more flexible in this situation.)</p>
<p>Beautiful day here today! Thank Heavens! Went to the cabin to check on things and then came home to relax on deck with some wine. H and I had some great discussion on completing construction and solving all of the worlds’ problems. Fighting some melancholia with D2 graduating and figuring out where I am fitting in this next stage of life. Made some appetizers for H and dropped the cookie sheet on my arm! Yikes! Watching the blisters and trying to decide whether I need to to head to emergency room. Think I will visit my neighbors instead who are both physicians. Wish me luck! For someone whose H works for a healthcare company I hate going to the hospital!!!</p>
<p>arabrab – I think there is also a question whether anyone has the funding to take her under their wing (this part is not entirely clear to me, but a lab would apparently have to fund her). D2 gets on fine with her adviser in person; but on email the adviser is often short and sharp, and often seems not to have read D1’s own emails carefully. So, carrying on the whole relationship by email (or skype),etc., esp. when the adviser is in the midst of setting up a new lab, seems a recipe for stress. (And it has been a stressful year for D already.)</p>
<p>On the other hand, switching advisers would mean starting the thesis/research over (and D1 already switched advisers once when it was clear her initial topic wasn’t working out). At this point she’s just trying to gather information, talk to some other faculty, etc. At least one of the faculty won’t talk to D until the adviser’s resignation is official! I hope something falls into place soon …</p>
<p>NM, your post made me tingle all over and not in a good way. I think I handle my own pain a lot more than that of others.</p>
<p>I called my mother tonight…I guess she needed someone to listen to her, because the call clocked in at 1 hour 42 minutes. She is so lonely.</p>
<p>Got my plants planted. I’m sure I will be sore in the morning.</p>
<p>Ouch, NM! I hope you are OK.</p>
<p>missy- It makes me sad to hear that your mom is so lonely, I can’t imagine losing someone after 50+ years together. You are visiting her soon, aren’t you?</p>