<p>LasMa–I PM’d you</p>
<p>Thank you.</p>
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<p>I know I’m not in your shoes, but perhaps the number of conversations should be curtailed? Agree with ilovetoquilt – I wouldn’t listen to all the whining.</p>
<p>Las Ma, I’m wondering if the school she’s (on facebook) trying to make her friends at home and BF feel as though she’s NOT moving on, even as she is. Could she be conflicted about going so far away–and earning a place at her school–while her friends are still at home, and she’s trying to have a toe in both worlds? That would explain why she sounds more rational, even happy, to you, but is trying to put a different “spin” on facebook.</p>
<p>^^I would agree, don’t continue to entertain multiple daily negative conversations. It will only serve to reinforce her negative feelings. If the topic of discussion turns to misery, reiterate the commitment to complete the semester and reevaluate in December, then move on to another subject. If she continues negatively, direct her to contact a counselor to continue that discussion. You don’t have to stop communicating daily if that’s what she needs, just stop listening to the negativity.</p>
<p>I do think contacting her old counselor is a great idea. He/she may be able to give you some tactics to use to help her get past this hurdle. Hang in there.</p>
<p>LasMa, I think I would stress the limited academic options if she leaves school. It sounds like she went to that particular school for a particular program. Play that up. Point out the other limited options. If she wants that partcular career, she may have to endure some “fake people” or whatever her complaint is. If she had always wanted to be a military pilot, she’d have to endure basic training. Because she wants to do ___, she’ll have to endure this college. (And hopefully “endure” will quickly turn into “enjoy.”)</p>
<p>LasMa,
We have a family friend who studied butterflies in South America and attended Chico. (He has a heck of a collection!) Sounds like the fundamental pieces to success are there – but she needs to be comfortable letting go of some things and embracing the new.</p>
<p>LasMa, We guilted our D into seeing the counselor: “We are doing what you have asked (considering letting her quit summer school) and now we are asking you to do this for us (see the counselor).” Like your D, she insisted that it would not do any good. We acknowledged that it might not, but we wanted her to go anyway. Also like your D, mine is prone to irrationality and stubborness. Was the school really as bad as she thought? Only until she felt better. But until then, she was not open to hearing any arguments in favor of staying.</p>
<p>I think the key is to letting the counselor (or other trained professional) see her. A friend had a crisis situation with her D early in HS…her D was making all kinds of threats…99% of fellow parents would have said “call her bluff”…but her counselor told the parents that the threats were not bluffs and to tread softly because in his professional opinion, the D would carry out her threats.</p>
<p>A trained professional who works at a college should be able to tell the difference between “homesick freshman” and “person on the verge of a serious breakdown.” Once you’ve confirmed you’re only in “homesick freshman” territory, you can feel better about making her stay.</p>
<p>Well…I must say it has been a LONG while since I posted here. Launch of D went really well. I thought I was going to be a river of tears, and to my surprise I did really well. I think seeing her in her element and so excited about her new dorm, her suite mate and band made a huge difference. We moved her in and the next day she was off and doing band camp. Driving in the big city like she had lived there all her life.</p>
<p>I’m hoping all of your kids do just as well. I know there have been tears and surprising moments here and there, but I think we have all prepared our kids really well to take off. It is just really scary to see them fly, you do think that you have to be there just in case they need you…but as much as we want to think that they do, they can manage quite well by themselves if we give them a chance to shine. Just my two cents.</p>
<p>The only thing we asked her was to call us at least once a week to hear her voice. She said “Why don’t you call me?” To which I said…“You know your schedule better than I do, I don’t want to interrupt anything you have going on”. I thought that was really brave of me. We have also done one video teleconference via msn already. I really think she liked seeing all of us in front of the screen just for her. </p>
<p>Hope all of you are healthy and well. I have to catch up on my reading to be able to add anything else. Hugs to all.</p>
<p>LasMa: I can’t imagine that after a week your dd truly has a bead on the environment available to her; by the same token if you truly suspect she’d prefer to leave and is very clear on the consequences I guess I’d rather see her do it now while tuition can be refunded, etc., rather than after xmas. Heck of a lot of money to spend for 3 mos. of misery if indeed, she is “stubborn” – b/c now her attitude will CREATE the negative environment.</p>
<p>That said, at s.'s university, for parent orientation we were warned a little about how to assist (as opposed to enable 
with integration and fend off excessive homesickness. They asked us to avoid encouraging visits home for the first semester and avoid talking/texting etc. more than say, 1x per week, and certainly to completely avoid daily communication. They said that same seriously interferes, in their experience, with social integration for some kids. Makes sense to me. Maybe wean her a bit if you’re comfortable with her general stability/mental health and can involve the counselor instead (eg. new one?) Just a thought. Best wishes.</p>
<p>^The above also includes not to encourage daily texting, etc. with high school friends who are now going to different colleges. Could impede social integration with the new group.</p>
<p>DD just called…locked her keys in her car. Is waiting for the roadside assist folks to come and help her. I suggested she called the campus police. We will see how it works. I’m so glad we added roadside assist to our car insurance, and I insisted she learn how to use it before she left. Not really happy she is by herself in the parking lot. ugh…biting my nails here.</p>
<p>Happy to report DD made it safely back to her dorm. Yeah, for her.</p>
<p>Bandie— glad to hear that. BTW-- a spare key in her wallet would go a long way in making you and her feel better.</p>
<p>After rocky entry I haven’t heard much from D2 this week. Nonathlete freshman are now on campus for orientation and we haven’t heard a peep!!! Keeping fingers crossed that all is well or at least improving! Classes start tomorrow and she will be gone for game but I think it will be ok…think positive thoughts!!! :)</p>
<p>I am feeling like this whole experience is a let down. D’s classes are all large lectures…one lab…she takes notes…there are two multiple choice exams per semester…is this all there is??? I am beginning to think this is just an extension of high school…she did join a club. It is about the Twilight series. She is in class for less than 2 hours a day (and one day, 4.5 when she has an afternoon lab for 2.5 hrs)…lots of down time…Unsettling for me.</p>
<p>I have been concerned that S2 would find the work in college too demanding since he did not work hard in high school or bring home particularly good grades. He is taking 18 credit hours, as required by his major, and they are all hard classes. But so far, so good. He sent one email that said he was assigned more homework in 24-hours than in all of high school. That was a couple of long writing assignments and as an engineering major not a favorite activity, so that had me worried. However, his most recent email was very upbeat. He says his roommate feels sorry for him because he is always in the room doing homework, but says it is “definitely straight” because he enjoys the math problems. He says he is “able to figure out the toughest engineering problems given in class”, etc. </p>
<p>I don’t think any of the quantitative stuff will be a problem for him, but I am a little worried about the English. If he worked really, really hard on a paper and gets back a D or an F, this child may be the type to say, forget it and stop trying because he just doesn’t see a connection between how hard he tries and the outcome. With math, he can accept when he gets a wrong answer that the fault is his and he needs to fix it. I’m not so sure on the writing, so will be interested to see how those grades come back for him. </p>
<p>UVA has “English for Engineering” which was a God-send for our oldest son. It’s like the school understood engineering students may need a little extra TLC in English, at least as freshman. His writing assignments were all based on short technical articles rather than novels and he loved it.</p>
<p>LasMa, hope you and your D are hanging in there. I’ve heard numerous stories about kids who are miserable the first month or so, but by the end of the first year are settled in. Here’s to that being the case for your D.</p>
<p>We moved S in last week, and I have to say it went great. Both of his roommies are nice young men, his RA is great, and the last day with S found him talking more than he had to us (well, me anyway) in ages. Welled up a little at the goodbye, but he was smiling and laughing with a roommate and it was just time to move forward, for both of us.</p>
<p>Now…silence. He called once to ask where a paper was. I called on Sunday, but after a “yeah, it’s fine” got a “mom, we’re doing something here, bye.” I liked the “we’re” part, but would have liked more than 10 seconds! Got a text the first day of school middle of his first class, “do you know where my 10:00 class is?” ARGH. Apparently he left the dorm knowing where to go, but not where to go after! All part of the growth process.</p>
<p>So, it’s been a week, and really, no communication to speak of. THAT’S the hardest part of the launch so far. He did add his school (finally) to his Facebook page, so that’s progress.</p>
<p>Any other parents in silence land?</p>
<p>cpeltz, I sent my kid an email this morning, letting him know that his mother misses him and would like a note letting her know whether he’s gotten any packages, how he’s doing, and how his classes are. </p>
<p>I will not send any more cookies until the ones I’ve already sent are acknowledged!</p>