Hi all,
A brief note as I am off to my glass fusion class.
Sorry to hear of your friend’s death kmc.
Thanks all for asking about H’s health. He is feelign better, thank goodness. He has a doc few appointments coming up to learn more. In the meantime we continue to plan. He has made a list of all hospitals with information for me, just in case.
Glad we were not planning a safari.
More later.
So sorry to hear about your friend kmc. Hugs.
MP - A work friend recommended a book called “Being Mortal” by Alul Gawahde for those of us with aging parents. I have not read it yet, but will be ordering it. Might have some advice there. Also, meant to say I am glad you posted about your S. I was wondering how he is doing at school.
NM- congrats to your D and SIL on the house.
Last week was interesting. C_Q we missed each other! On my end, it should have been a very quiet week at work and it wasn’t. In addition, FIL was ill and H flew home to see him on the spur of the moment. FIL is fine now and H has returned home, but I had plans to go to NYC and had to make some rearrangements re: transportation and dog care.
I ended up getting to the city and having a nice time with D. We went to MOMA (her work ID gets her in free and $5 for me as her guest), shopped, saw a show, went out afterwards for drinks, etc.
The show we saw was Beautiful- The Carole King musical. If you get a chance to see it-go. Just don’t sit behind two middle aged drunk women who talked (loudly) and made hand gestures throughout the show. Others near us were singing along, using cell phones, etc. I was embarrassed for our generation’s behavior and told D so.
We had a Snow Friday Afternoon…what a great thing to have happened (assuming you weren’t flying anywhere or didn’t have a car accident.) Imagine all the school kids and workers being told to go home early on a Friday afternoon! I stayed at work until about 2 pm, because I live so close. We had freezing rain/ice/snow most of the day Saturday, too. I thought it was delightful…got through a lot of the book I was reading. (A book on the industry in which I am currently working.)
Son is doing fine at school - As and Bs. He is still quite the procrastinator, but makes decent decisions about what to put off until the last minute. He was writing a short paper for Sociology class; the topic was violating social norms. He needed to disclose his Asperger’s because some of the things that supposedly violate social norms don’t bother him a bit. I told him that if she doesn’t already know it, the Prof will see that all of Sociology should have a big asterisk beside it.
We will see middle D three times this month. It’s the month of the first wedding of a HS friend.
Hooray for pieson. Really glad to hear that things are going well.
We were out to dinner last night at a new local restaurant and next to us were the parents of ShawSon’s Aspie friend from middle school and college. Very bright kid; extremely hard-working – probably valedictorian of his college class (though they don’t quite call it that). ShawSon took a gap year and his parents told us that the kid was so happy when he saw ShawSon on campus at the beginning of his sophomore year and his last three years were so much better because of ShawSon. I think ShawSon let him hang out with his friends and smoothed out some of his rough edges (no small talk, fascinated with particular topics, etc.). They still talk regularly and he is in a very good PhD program at HYP. ShawSon has always said he would love to hire the kid at his next company. He’s so bright and so good at getting things done. His parents said he’s not interested in money at all (he has save a significant amount of money on his graduate student stipend) but he might do it if ShawSon persuaded him it would be intellectually fun.
ShawSon is working so hard. Last week, his assignment for the week for one of his three course was to write an equivalent of the Shazam app. In a week? ShawSon was up all of Wednesday and Thursday nights and finished it at 5 AM on Friday. Not fun. He did tell me that he might decide to take a summer job as a programmer at Google instead of a business job someplace so that everyone reading his resume will know that he is a technical stud (not his words, but good short-hand) before he goes to run a business unit. (Just in case summa in Math/Econ undergrad and MS in Data Science wouldn’t be sufficient).
kmc, it is the same person. I didn’t give it last year, though I gave a good raise. This year there is a lot less room for movement. There is a question as to what the market would say if she looked. If the compensation she’s talking about were on offer, it wouldn’t be with the quality of life and flexibility (short commute, easy to work at home if son is sick/school is canceled, etc.) that she has in my shop. So, I think I just have to make it her choice.
FallGirl, Glad you got to see Beautiful. That will be in my sister’s Broadway Series in October and she has already suggested I come to Pittsburgh then to see it with her (she always buys a subscription with two tickets and takes a friend or me if I happen to be visiting). It sounds great but hope we don’t get stuck behind people like you were seated near. Sorry that happened to you.
MP, Glad to hear your son is doing well in school.
shaw, If your son already has an offer from Google, a summer job with them does sound like a good plan.
I’ll be in DC later this month, so we will get to see both kids soon. Haven’t seen them since Christmas.
kmc-- I’m sorry about your friend, and can only imagine what her husband is going through. No guarantees in life, that’s for sure.
MP–How lovely that PieSon is doing so well. What did he end up choosing as a major?
More snow on the way for us. I chopped down a 7 foot icicle yesterday. Would’ve killed someone for sure if that thing had come crashing down on a skull. Still trying to figure out how one other icicle has circular rings on the surface, like a vacuum cleaner hose. Even the resident engineer was puzzled at that one.
My brother is trying to buy a house in our school district because of the schools, but the market has nada at any price range he can afford – and he’s not trying for low end. Apparently houses are selling for quite a bit over list at the moment They are really trying to get moved before my niece starts high school, but I’m not sure it is going to happen. They’ve been thinking about it a bit too long, I guess – though there was no way they’d have been able to sell their home in the 2009-11 timeframe when there were houses around here for sale. I realized when I went out for a walk a couple of weeks ago that there was only one house with a for-sale sign up on a solid 25 block walk. Tight, tight market.
Missy, that’s awesome re pieson 
Also glad to hear you got a bit of time off, even if it took snow to do it!
Fallgirl and Sevmom, I’m jealous of your past/future broadway shenanigans. I don’t seem to have had an excuse or any spare time these last few years to get to NYC, and likewise haven’t caught much off-broadway either. On the ship I was given to recall just how particular I am about quality theater (terrible musical one night) and how I used to at least make an effort each year to see a few shows. I think I shoukd shoehorn that into a to-do list this year!
Shaw, glad to hear shawson is pushing through. I think his idea for a google summer is a good one for a number of reasons. Hope your assistant gets with the program.
Arabrab, the market is quite tight here too…it would appear I’ve made quite an equity killing on my foreclosure we picked up back in '11. But of course I’m enjoying it too much to sell it! I think mch thought I was nuts at the time but I had predicted the rebound. As strong as the market is, I can’t rationalize selling the old house either. I worked out that I couldn’t beat the revenue stream long-term. So at the moment, I can’t take advantage of the market. I actually wish I’d have picked up a few rentals like some of my friends did back when things were depressed. Then again, at the time, I was a very reluctant landlord. A good property mgmt co. has made all the difference on that front.
Missy…glad to hear pieson is doing well. Great news!
Would be lovely to visit Broadway! Miss NYC.
There is a tight real estate market here, also. D2 and her H got through the inspection and had the sellers put money in escrow for new windows. Now they are waiting for the bank appraisal.
Had a very interesting talk with D2 this weekend. She was telling H and I about some of her cohorts from her grad program. Seems like many of them are unhappy with the companies that they chose and are looking to move to other firms. One is even contemplating leaving the industry after 9 months of employment… H and I are always surprised to hear these stories. These young people are well educated and have had work experience in the field but seem to be quick to move around if everything is not perfect. H says he sees it in his industry, too. Son-in-law reported his friends are also looking to move on if companies don’t respond quickly enough to meet their “wants”. Many of them say the issue is “work/life balance”. I find this fascinating.
NM, when we “old folks” try to be honest with our associates about what it takes to become an equity partner in a large law firm, there are definitely those who don’t want to hear it. And for those who say that “life is too short”, it probably is. When you think of toiling day and night, missing time away from your family, to prepare a contract to sell widgets or to help rich people pay lower taxes, it does seem like a poor trade…except that one has to find an alternative if one wants a certain level of income and whatever the income, it beats chicken processing by a long shot. I’ve stopped being concerned about it (at least with respect to other people’s kids/our young employees). Some will stay and some will leave. We will do our best to provide a pleasant and collegial environment, but work is work.
Yes, it’s amazing how tight the residential RE market has become in a few short years. I had this idea that I would buy a house for Son to live in while he finishes school, but the market is too tight and we do not possess the skills to take on a fixer upper.
Son spent last semester as a History Major, with a Secondary Ed minor. At the end of the semester, an advisor told him that if he changed his major to Social Sciences and took a few more classes, he could be certified to teach in many other areas, i.e. Econ, Sociology and Psych. So now that is his major. (Thank goodness for one on the ball advisor!)
Middle D is tagging along with a couple of friends on a weekend trip to NYC in a couple of months, The firends are moving to NYC after graduation. The friends are allegedly apartment hunting but D is just going for fun. She asked my opinion on Broadway shows to see last night. (Because I read the NY Times, not because I get to Broadway very often.) What I would LOVE to see is Hamilton. I read that it is going to open on Broadway this summer after the short run where ever it is now.
missypie, a church member with a musical theater background saw Hamilton with her H. She said it was the best musical she’s ever seen, EVER. Said no one wanted to leave their seats when it was over. But I think it’s currently sold out.
That’s one thing I have yet to do in NYC. I need to see a show! I need to talk to my nephew about getting discounted/day-of tickets.
kmc, it is my office manager. My assistant is a gem. Gave her an unexpected raise before the end of her first year. The office manager is quite good as well, just has an interesting idea of her “worth.” I hope we can work it through.
ShawWife and I are contemplating where to live now that the nest is truly empty. ShawD will stay in the condo unless she moves to another city after getting her MSN. ShawSon will likely be in Silicon Valley/SF (though both kids say they would love to live in our town when they have kids). We now have a 5 BR house and a separate studio building. One of the BRs is my home office. We need a guest BR so that means at least 3 BRs. If we have one for each kid, it would mean 4. Two different couples have talked to us in the past week about cohousing – sharing some common facilities like extra BRs and a large kitchen in a community that we jointly develop. Not sure how that would really work.
Shaw, there are a number of cohousing options within a few miles of me. One began as a conclave of psychotherapists. The houses were built around the same time and are nestled down a hill. They have classes and groups such as sand box treatment from time to time.
The second conclave has small condo/townhouses and share dinner in a communal dining building -people having certain obligations. There are facilities such as guests rooms and such. The third is a group of lovely smaller homes, about 14, that share a common lawn and view. I do not think they have a community building but that they live in this slightly seperate neighborhood for the community such as taking care of the pets, plants, etc. This last one would be very interesting to H and myself except for the fact that it has no place to take walks without going on a dangerous road.
The whole downsizing idea is ongoing here. Our prices are sky high, which is great for our equity, but there is nothing I would want to buy for those prices. I am back to looking for a lot, such as a flag lot, for a last build.
NM, S has resigned from his postion of 6 months. It was a start up and not well organized. As he has worked for a very successful start up in the past he was dismayed re. this one. His commute was 1.5-2 hours each way. His Dad did not support him but I did in this case. They will move into the city this summer and hopefully he will be working again by then. That said, I would have stuck it out until I found a new job for the simple reason that I had to eat. I once worked one week in a position that I took out of desperation when I landed my dream job. It was a carreer move and a good one. D talks constantly about quality of life and work balance. She is one of the hardest workers I know but is very concerned about this.
I wonder where this comes from as most of our kids saw us working and stressing. Why do they get a pass?
And is it good for them?
So my LOL for the day:
S calls and tells H that he is resigning and H makes it clear he does not approve.
The following day I text from my phone and tell S that “I” support him. Not “WE”. I give some ideas about how to present leaving and to say resign and not quit and about his resume and such.
H had not yet talked with his supervisor yet so knew this was helpful to him,’
“WE” got a lovely reply thanking “US” for support and understanding and how much it meant to him…
-O
Congrats to pieson!! a great direction and kudos to an outstanding advisor
Congratsto happy vacationers and theater going.
Congrats!! to house buyers. A maturing feat for sure.
Oregon, best of luck to your son.
This generation may have a legitimate “quality of life” battle to fight. Back in the day, you had to be in the office all night to work all night. Now you can be home, on vacation or anywhere and still be expected to work. I appreciate what technology has done for an office worker like myself…I remember having to drive all the way downtown just to read a fax, doing rush courier packages for a client who was only in town for a short while, etc. But there are boundaries.
No boundaries today, MP. D’s management job at a tech startup (well, or whatever you call a company that is six years old and still growing fast?) comes with that always-on concept. “Unlimited vacation,” but nobody seems to take all that much, and fully catered lunches so you can work right through. And a paid cellphone because you’re always on call.
Luckily, she’s young. It will be interesting to see what those in her generation decide to do going forward. She elected to live fairly close (25 minute walk or 20 minute subway ride) and doesn’t seem to mind doing a lot of work when at home – though I think that’s one reason she splurged on a nicer-than-expected apartment with a lovely view.
Some of it reminds me of Apple before Steve Jobs had kids. And some of it is totally unnecessary from a workflow design standpoint – they’re still very locked on the calendar month as the measuring tool – reminds me of the craziness of the tech companies trying to get every last thing possible shipped in the days leading up to fiscal-year or quarter-end, with all of the attendant challenges on quality.
Oregon, I think I will stay away from psychotherapists in a sand box. When the co-housing owners get sick or die, is it easy to sell?
arabrab and MP, they say that many in the millennial generation is focused in part on work life balance and has rather unrealistic assumptions about compensation (they expect salaries people earned when they worked full out but want it for balanced work/life). That is certainly true in my employ.
My kids don’t have that at the moment. ShawSon is driven to succeed and lives in the startup philosophy, where work comes first. He is explicit that he wants to be an owner, not an employee or advisor. ShawD is working very hard as well. She’s in school full-time, has a 16-24 hour a week job, and on top of that, she may take on a nurse/aide responsibility for a very wealthy couple downtown (lives in condos in a very fancy hotel). She was asked by the hospital CEO she knows. Not clear what the latter would entail.
“Hamilton” is on my list to see. It is easy to get to NYC from where I live and with D living there I always have a reason to go.
D works in a field that she loves, but it is not a high paying one (at least at her level). She has realized that her friends who make a lot more money than she are also working a lot more hours and that the quality of life is a tradeoff.
^But I want to watch the psychotherapists analyze one another at close range - just jesting, Oregon, but an evil mind like mine could devise at sitcom around that one…
Actually, my running joke (that might not be so funny in a few years) has been that I plan to convert the mcfamily compound into a home for aging boys and girls so that I don’t have to subsist on cat food when i can no longer work my fingers to the bone.
My local gal pals and I plan to convert the pool into a greenhouse and tilapia pond to get off the grocery grid. Nursing staff can live in the pool house and we’ll get our own driver who will double as a roof raker in the winter. My daughter-of-a-dairy farmer pal will milk the cow whilst the rest of us play croquette or paddle around the river. By my calculations we could live quite well for less
So its unsurprising to me that some folks are actually doing this…the logic of pooling resources is quite attractive! I’m wondering, though, how human nature plays into that. A dear friend of my was raised in a commune in the Nevada foothills. She said communal life was rife with bickering and interpersonal shenanigans…
On the work front, I’m not sure what to make of the state of affairs these days. I watch mcson, who has previously sworn that a combo of over-work and materialism is something of a social ill and not the key to happiness, and it might just be that a lot of peeps in his generation are live/resistant to exploitation by companies who are no more loyal to them than the reverse. I almost buy the argument, though my own habituated work ethic stands in the way…there is that element of work for the work itself.
But then last night, I’m on the phone with a client at 8 p.m., no dinner yet, etc., and I get off the phone and see him knee-deep still in code. No imminent deadline or anything. So I say son, pick your spots, I don’t want you working OT when you’re ahead of schedule. I only had to work OT because i have a boatload of client communications to resolve. Save it for a crunch. He says he’s enjoying getting a set of tasks done together in the comparative quiet. He says sometimes to enjoy the work, he just wants to continue until a section is complete.
Well, that’s pretty much how I usually feel, and is usually why I find myself working late. So we’re not really that different. Then again, in his case I suspect he feels more vested than an average employee.
Yet the other week while I was away, my part time content producer’s grandmother was hospitalized. Unasked, she completed a major piece of her work for that day while sitting in the waiting room. She didn’t want me behind schedule when she returned. So on my return, I’d said she hadn’t needed to do that. She’d submitted hours that excluded that day. I paid her for the day anyway, because I really appreciated that despite a family emergency, she took responsibility for the task and completed it.
So my general sense is that there are a number of 20-something’s out there who demonstrate a healthy respect for work, even though I regularly see the other types as well. I might be lucky in the young ones I’ve surrounded myself with, or because we’re small and they see me doing the work right along with them, they behave differently. Its hard to say.
I do know that mcson felt his former gf, who’d had quite a soft upbringing economically, didn’t “get” the whole work thing My hunch is the new on gets it much better, and hopefully, this is a source of shared support.
I have never owned my own company and have never wanted to. Stepfather owned his own company and really that turned me off of that ever happening. I know that I’m at the point where I really don’t want to put in more than 40 hours a week. I have too many other things in life that I would rather be doing. 
I am of the mind that I work to live - not live to work. Unfortunately I’m surrounded at my company with many people who do live to work. They can’t seem to understand that I have other things that I do and need to leave at certain times to do those other things. Yes occasionally I will stay to get something done but I would rather that be the exception than the rule. I understand those who do put in the the extra work and great – just not for me anymore. Been there done that and didn’t really enjoy it then. Lately (months now) I haven’t work less than 45 hours a week usually closer to 50 and I’m finding that I really resent the time that I’m not doing other things.
I can see why the 20 somethings want a more balanced life. I see it with my kids. They are willing to work hard and will work long hours but don’t want that to be the norm for them. Yes even my lawyer son is of the opinion to get his hours in and not much more because he would rather be with his family. Don’t get me wrong – I think that there are other people that do want to work more hours and like that – more power to them! As long as they are happy I think that there is room for everyone.