<p>I think Parents’ Weekends have the potential to be unsatisfying even with the sweetest child. What are the kids supposed to do with us anyway? My own parents never attended a parents weekend - I never invited them; I don’t know if they even knew there was such a thing. What would we have done? Most of the reports I’m getting involve taking the student to Target and/or to dinner.</p>
<p>I think Son will be glad to have us whenever we choose to visit. D (a HS junior) on the other hand would be *totally *the type to ignore us when we are there…I can foresee going to her parents weekends only if she begs us, or if we want to do something in the area anyway.</p>
<p>missypie - I totally agree with you on Parent’s Weekend. Freshman year, however, especially with the son 8 hours away and not having seen him since the end of August, we WILL BE THERE! I’m pretty sure we won’t really do any of the planned college stuff, and I don’t expect my son to spend that much of his free time with us. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to have dinner with us both Friday and Saturday evenings, and then he’s welcome to go off to whatever party he so desires. He has classes most of the day Friday, so the hubby and I will explore on our own - maybe venture into the nearest city (about an hour away). I figure a trip to Walmart or anything else that strikes his fancy during the day on Saturday, and then basically we’ll hit the road relatively early on Sunday. I am hoping to meet at least some other parents while there. And I’d definitely like to be the folks who take the kids with no parents there out to dinner, rather than my kid being one of those who is taken out. Hopefully, it will be a “fulfilling experience” for all parties!!!</p>
<p>Next year, however, we will definitely pick another weekend to visit. We can stay in the really nice campus Inn and not have to worry about lots of people roaming around.</p>
<p>I think the lack of interest in having parents visit in college comes with the age and trying to fit in.</p>
<p>As a result of the learning disabilities, my son definitely communicates more with me than other boys seem to and expresses his gratitude for the help my wife and I give him. Nonetheless, when we dropped him off to start orientation, it was clear that he was ready for us to go and when I dropped him off last Sunday night, it was clear that he wanted to get me into and out of the dorm as quickly as possible. I think we parents are just uncool (and this from a kid who is unusually thankful of what we do for him).</p>
<p>Just ordered items for a care pkg through alice.com that was talked about in the cafe. Very easy, good prices and no shipping! Ordered toiletries, candy and gum and some snacks to try it out. WIll wait to see what D2 thinks but, wow, it sure was easy!</p>
<p>D2 is looking forward to us coming next weekend for two home games. She has to attend a concert on Sat for a Humanities class so she invited us to go with her. Asked if we could do dinner and the concert. I think it will be fun. She has her first tests this week.</p>
<p>China… I agree that keeping expectations in check is probably the most important thing I should remember, and believe me when I say I never let my sensitivities show to son. And like I said, the mixed review is only in that it probably would have been better to make our own plan completely independent of him than our sitting around waiting for him to blow us off. Friday, I had no expectations of seeing him except for dinner really and felt happy that S invited D15 to eat lunch with him in the cafeteria and basically hang out with him. We did have the advantage of getting to know what has become a good friend to him on both nights of dinner. (And the tip there is try to make early dinner reservations… 5:30/6 pm seemed perfect.) And S is going home with him for their upcoming fall break because we are entirely too far to even think about coming home. </p>
<p>But let me also be really clear, there wasn’t a chance I wasn’t going to go and see him. Next year I will go strictly as a get away for H&I because there is so much to do that four years of family weekends is not going to do it. And also, it’s nice to meet some of the other parents so it makes getting blown off kind of fun after dinner hours. But I also think that if S were playing sports, we’d see him less as a matter of course. </p>
<p>What was really rather interesting though is that he was kind of ticked on Sunday morning that the a cappella concert was so crowded with parents there was no where for him and some friends to sit so they could watch some other friends perform. He did pass on however that it was really awesome.</p>
<p>Didn’t attend the parents weekend for D this past weekend. I still wished that we had gone but a 8 hour drive one way for the weekend was just out of the question this year. That being said I wished we had gone. D was fine about it. I hoped that some parent would take pity and take her out to dinner but no one did. I know that I would have done that for someone else had I gone. Next year hopefully. I did mail a care package last week and it arrived today. She emailed that it had arrived and thanked us for everything in it – which was nice. She also had us on the phone yesterday for quite some time. I think she was lonely with only her around. It was nice to talk with her for a while though. Sounds like she really enjoys school and where she is which is great.</p>
<p>modadunn - I laughed reading your post, I so had the same experience at my d’s parents’ weekend. as shawbridge identified it, I definitely noted the “I’m too cool to really act like I can appreciate your presence thang going on”. we did enjoy some together, unpacking some items I brought, bike, rug, suitcase with more clothes, and food, and touring her lounge, student center etc. watching her ride her bike glowing with smiles was heart warming…</p>
<p>she did benefit from the occasional reminder to be a bit more er, um, “thoughtful”, bc I am from the school of thought that we all do better when that self centered snippy thing is addressed, rather than let tensions build, (esp after I have put much effort in, figuring out bike rack myself, road closure adding more than an hour to trip, and angst about arriving in time to get her to passport agency/court for a winter trip) </p>
<p>d similarly invited her guitar playing 13 yr old brother to the college’s woodstock like activities, which he was thrilled about. I picked up quickly on the not so subtle cue that I would not enjoy same activities so I enjoyed finishing my book at the hotel pool! I came up with the creative idea to do a beach picnic lunch on Sunday so we could have some simple family time. d loved this. of course as we were leaving she did acknowledge she’d miss me. and she called today saying same thing. so, I think this growing up thing is truly a challenge, and behaviors are not all they appear to be. perhaps they sometimes protest too much…</p>
<p>rochestermom–d’s roommate’s family could not visit, so I insisted on her very sweet roommate joining us for nice dinner at lovely Greek restaurant. d and she have become fast friends but my d still imagined she would feel too awkward – but I convinced her we would all enjoy the dinner and we certainly did~great opportunity to have an open dialogue about travel and culture. (can’t believe noone did same for your daughter?–I did this last yr at my s’s freshman family wknd for his new friend as well–clearly there will be times I cannot be there for some event)</p>
<p>lindz126 - Sounds like you had a good trip. I would have taken my Ds roommate out as well if I had been in that place. D and her roommate get along well. Not sure why roommates parents didn’t offer. Perhaps they just didn’t think about it. Next year I’m hoping to convince my H to take the week after parents weekend and do our vacation in Vermont. We can spend the weekend with D in Maine and then drive to a lovely B&B that we have stayed in in the past in Vermont. Colors should be great and it sounds like a fun time. Hopefully I can convince him since we would need to make reservations for both well in advance.</p>
<p>Modadunn- I am grateful for your sharing your Parents Weekend experience, as we are three weeks away from attending our freshman S’s PW. Yours is a reminder that it may not be a Hallmark Card weekend, that there may be conflicting feelings going through his, and our, heads that could make for awkward interaction. Because of your reminder, I resolve to look at this upcoming weekend as an opportunity to spend some time away with my spouse, in a beautiful part of the country we otherwise don’t get to experience, and will view any quality time with S as a bonus!</p>
<p>Lindz - I too appreciate your comment about not letting snippy comments go unaddressed or unresolved. I hereby resolve that, should S act snippy or in any way unpleasant, we’ll go into “time out” mode and address it in a positive way rather than reacting and responding in kind." </p>
<p>Now: Lord, give me the strength to follow through on my resolutions. :0</p>
<p>D is leaving to go back to campus today - it was a nice visit, got a lot more out of her than she was revealing on the weekly calls. She is just so used to the balance in her life here that it is a challenge adjusting to the running being 80-90% of the life there (besides classes of course) for a while. She is missing out on a lot of the fun and opportunities to meet new people - that should change once the season ends though!</p>
<p>Anyone else get little hints from your kids of spring break plans yet? My D was synchronizing schedules with friends during her break, and is planning a Florida trip with a friend who is at a service academy and has a family place there…I looked at the flights and most of the best choices for that week are gone ALREADY, so I told her that it is going to be on her dime regardless…hopefully she will get a holiday job.</p>
<p>We can’t go to the Parents Weekend because of a musical commitment for me and a hockey commitment for D2, but I plan on a visit the next weekend. I’ll be spending most of the time taking D and various friends out (whose parents have been treating her in our absence, lots of favors to repay!)</p>
<p>I wish Son would make Spring Break plans but it is highly unlikley…I assume he’ll come home. We usually take terrific family trips, but this year, D has a drill team practice on the Saturday at the beginning, then her drill team goes to NY for a competition Thurs-the next Tues. That leaves us 4 days for a family trip, or 3 days for a trip without her.</p>
<p>Son’s friend’s parents weren’t coming (as he was going to see them over fall break which son is joining him on), and so it just seemed natural that we take him along. However, I admit that originally when I asked son about taking friends to dinner, he didn’t jump on the early bandwagon but then texted to ask if he still could join us. The next night son’s roommates parents were the impetus. I think I was so cautious about offending son or doing something even less cool than already being me so maybe that’s what happened with your D, RochesterM? Point is, as parents we should definitely make sure to ask.</p>
<h1>TM - Happy Birthday to YOU! Hopefully, your son is getting lots of added attention today. I wouldn’t expect my S to call until after the day was over to share what all went on. Son went to a party on Saturday night for a girl’s 19th. I guess she asked everyone to kinda dress up – and they did! Never met her, already like her.</h1>
<p>Laxtaxi… I got some really good advice recently and that was to not let my need to feel loved get in the way of an otherwise great opportunity to see the kid. :)</p>
<p>Have not heard from son. I am sticking to the plan of waiting him out. But I admit to wanting to know how he did on his exams. When we were there he said he rocked the calc exam but for cell hell the exam was formatted a little harder than he expected. He had another yesterday and while I half expected to hear from him, I wasn’t bummed to have not. I take this as a good sign that I’m evolving.</p>
<p>Trying to find an old article that was posted about how difficult the junior year in HS is . Thought I had kept it but can’t find it. Anyone remember it???</p>
<p>Happy birthday to #theoryson! I don’t think Son will ever have a birthday at school (early January birthday). My husband, Mr. Dec. 26th, has never been at school or at work for his birthday.</p>
<p>It’s a terrible birthday - I guess only the 25th is worse. He’s a twin, and another brother came along 3 years later on the 27th. They never had parties and opened all gifts - Christmas and birthday on the 24th. Last year for his 50th, I got two other couples to meet us at a nice restaurant as a surprise - that’s the closest to a party he’s ever had.</p>
Friday, I had no expectations of seeing him except for dinner really and felt happy that S invited D15 to eat lunch with him in the cafeteria and basically hang out with him. We did have the advantage of getting to know what has become a good friend to him on both nights of dinner. (And the tip there is try to make early dinner reservations… 5:30/6 pm seemed perfect.) And S is going home with him for their upcoming fall break because we are entirely too far to even think about coming home. </p>
and food, and touring her lounge, student center etc. watching her ride her bike glowing with smiles was heart warming…</p>