<p>^^ I think this is a good thing. There are a lot of fundamental issues involved in the whole subject – fitting in as a value itself (or not), going against the broader popular culture, standing up for values in a group when everyone is going a way that might not be the best, finding ways to have fun/release inhibitions that don’t involve an external crutch…the list goes on. </p>
<p>I’m just impressed that NM’s daughter had the maturity to take a stand…lots of kids don’t.</p>
<p>missypie—I totally get that re: the legal consequences. Referring more the dealing w/a teen’s response to the statutory/etc. argument. </p>
<p>I love hearing other parents’ views on this, because it’s great to get other ideas/approaches/arguments!</p>
<p>Lots of catching up to do here. I’ve been reading but not posting so much. I need to run DS to practice soon so will try to be brief. </p>
<p>I truly hope all the sick ones are getting better and the parents are worrying less. DD had a cold for the past week or so. Of course when I saw her facebook status as “sick” I instantly imagined the worst. (That is one downside of being a “friend” with one’s child btw) </p>
<p>Happy to read about the visits home and to campuses. It’s so wonderful to share these moments with all. </p>
<p>Owlice–hope your son enjoys the birthday cake. My DS, not in college, just turned 16. I have to worry about a new driver very soon. </p>
<p>Regarding the drinking. NM–DD went through a VERY similar situation in HS. She felt a bit out of it because her HS teammates were drinkers. The coaches knew it and refused to act. In one instance two players were arrested just prior to a big meet. No punishment from the school or coach was forthcoming. Very disappointing. At the time I wondered if the coach would have reacted differently if he had been a parent of a teen. I don’t know. It’s as hard a call for a coach as it is a parent because alcohol is accepted. I do know of a D1 coach that kicked several freshman off a team because they were drinking and destroyed some property. I happen to know the rules of this team. They clearly prohibit alcohol use even during off season. (the team trains year round). At the same school though other coaches have let players get by with worse. It’s just a shame the coach permits this though. You and your D have my full empathy. How long is her season? Is it possible she could transfer to the school your older D attended? That sounds like a good program. </p>
<p>We’ve always emphasized two things with our children when it comes to drinking: NEVER, EVER, EVER get into a car with a driver that has been drinking, and it’s illegal. Whether it’s right or wrong that it’s illegal, it is, and we expect our children to obey the law or be willing to suffer the consequences. It’s not like they’ve not seen DH or myself drink, but we’ve explained to them that we do impose “rules” on ourselves. </p>
<p>Reading 10 or so pages at once, it becomes very evident there are some great parents of some awesome kids on this site.</p>
<p>NM–obviously the situation is much worse for your DD as college is different from HS. At least DD got to come home, etc. Didn’t mean to imply otherwise.</p>
<p>NM, from what you’ve said, it sounds like something else bothers your D even more than the drinking. If there is hazing going on, there are probably explicit rules against that and she may find some administration support.</p>
<p>I do not get how a HS does not have consequences. Here, a kid doesn’t even have to be arrested! If a kid gets a minor (which is basically a ticket for drinking), he.she is on the bench for two weeks. And it escalates. At our school, they do a good job of enforcing this and is what might have made life a little easier for us as parents. Our school also does a good job of imposing the consequences while not perhaps always notifying the state high school league officially. This might happen in a case when parents turn in their own kids or some other situation where there is no real proof per say but they still want accountability. It’s also supposed to be that if you’ve ever gotten in trouble it should exclude you from being captain, but it doesn’t always work that way if it’s self reported. </p>
<p>College is an entirely different game on a number of levels.</p>
<p>The thing about trying to get on the same page with other parents is how that really evolves as a kid goes through HS and into college. I was disappointed that so many relaxed their standards as the years passed to the point where I felt more on edge senior year than any other year only because I wasn’t sure where the other parent stood! So freshman and sophomore year there is a lot of talking with other parents, junior year I felt I had a good handle on where the “good” places to hang out were and so felt like it was showing some trust in growing independence to not call all the time. Senior year I felt like it was freshman year all over again. Anyway… heard on the radio this morning something about kids and how after they’re born parents spend the next 18 years worrying about them. I thought to myself… who are you kidding? You NEVER stop worrying!! I used to laugh at the joke until I realized there was no joke here.</p>
<p>D’s college is now has the H1N1 flu and it seems to be spreading fast. They are at the point already where they aren’t testing kids as they have past the number for testing. They did have the nasal spray their last week but of course D couldn’t get it because she was gone for a meet. This week they have the shot. Hopefully D can sign up and get the shot before she gets sick.</p>
<p>They did not test #theoryson either, for the same reason, so many cases of it. I suspect that H1N1 is what he had tho. Nausea and vomiting, high fever, chest and throat involvment. Out of class for a full week!. Ugh
RMom, hope RochesterDaughter can dodge that bullet.
Modadunn, no, you never stop worrying…:-(</p>
<p>D15 said today that there were only 5 kids in her chemistry class (the rest were out sick in a class of 15-16 kids). Got a phone call from one of her friend’s parent to say that her d came down with the flu yesterday, so I am on watch. </p>
<p>Texted son asking him if a lot of kids have the flu. His response was… not that I know of. Of course, he just might not be paying attention.</p>
<p>Howdy all…I made a mistake and took a little trip into some other CC threads, ones I knew would be contraversial shame on me. But all it did was make me mad and a bit sad. So I came back here to read about what my admissions cycle buddies were up to.</p>
<p>North Minn I remember from the earliest days of the 09 thread that you weren’t sure about your D2’s school. I sure hope it improves when the season is over but do think a transfer is warrented. BE brave little buckaroo we will be here for you.</p>
<p>To all of you with sickies so sorry for you too. # theory he missed a full week! Yikes! I wanted you and Counting Down to know that I thought about you over the weekend when a friend was talking about the complex math her D was doing at UC Davis. </p>
<p>My two are doing well. Asked E if she still felt sad about the Scripps decision and she sad “mostly not” so that is progress as she was unhappy and took it personally. None of “the universe has a plan.” for her. She really took it to heart.</p>
<p>K has found a great co-ed group of friends who don’t drink. E has a group of girls on her floor that she spends time with who also are non-drinkers. In her nerdy dorm they do nerdy things and the alcohol culture seems to be non-existant. Instead they have Bake offs, game nights etc. K has drinkers on her floor but has been able to avoid it all.</p>
<p>Hope all of your kids with mid terms are sailing through with flying colors! Thaks for being positive and making me smile! Hope those of you with difficulties find glowing bright solutions!</p>
<p>modadunn-try explaining the lack of consequences to a 17 year old. We never did come up with a good explanation because it didn’t exist. I will add though that the incident was self reported by the teammates. (although every single teammate knew what had happened). There was a legal consequence for them though. Interestingly enough one of the mother’s of one of the girls also thought the school should have done something more. My question was why didn’t she do it instead of looking to the school? </p>
<p>H1N1 has arrived here. I’ve heard reports that several middle and grade schools here are seeing 30% absence rates. My neighbor’s young children have it. I keep hoping DD can stay healthy for the next month. I scheduled her to get a vaccine asap, but it’s a few weeks away. Same for DS in high school. </p>
<p>Historymom–great to hear an update on the twins and glad they are doing well. </p>
<p>One never stops worrying. The source and content of the worry just changes. I always have a secret chuckle when my B or SIL, with their 17 month old, first born, says “I can’t wait until we can stop worrying.” I don’t have the heart to tell them that it doesn’t go away. For the next 3 years I’ll worry about D’s grades, if she’s safe, if she’s happy, then whether she’ll find a job or grad school, is she happy, etc. I can see the future, and the worry doesn’t go away. It comes with the love.</p>
<p>Before school started I posted a question regarding whether Son really needed to secure his ADD meds in the dorm. I received excellent advice - he keeps the bottle out of sight and keeps a supply in a 7 day pill container like an old person and hasn’t ever talked about what he was taking.</p>
<p>However, it is common knowledge that his suitemate takes Adderall. Last week everyone on the floor was in a real crunch to finish their First Year Seminar papers. Sure enough, a guy came to the suitemate’s door, asking that he give or sell him some Adderall as a pick up. The suitemate didn’t do it, but the situtation shows the wisdom of the advice I received on CC.</p>
<p>S2 reported that he ate lunch with a kid from his English class who is also studying engineering (from Nigeria). This is the first time he has indicated branching out from his old group of friends, except for when playing sports, so a big step for him. We told S to invite him home for Thanksgiving. I had to look Nigeria up on Wiki as I didn’t know too much about the country other than they had a good soccer team. He told S2 that Nigeria is not very different than here except for being warmer. After reading the Wiki descriptions, I can see his point. What a huge economy!</p>
<p>Eggson is back at school after long weekend. He reports that sweep of flu seems to be over and that classes are “fine.” He is not into the party scene, but seems to be making new friends and is involed in music and service activities already.</p>
<p>Also he is growing a rather bushy beard.</p>
<p>I tried to keep a straight face when he told me that there are a lot of nerds at his school:</p>
<p>“But they are cool nerds, the kind you want to be friends with.”</p>
<p>The only glitch was that he forgot to bring power cords for laptop and phone. By the last day home, he was internet-less and text-less. Eeek.</p>
<p>For those of you out of the high school scene, today is PSAT day. This year, our high school is requiring all 9-11th graders to take it (and thus, is paying for it.) Knowing that my D will not approach NMSF territory, no nervousness at all (by me or her). Remember two years ago, when it was such a big deal to some of us?</p>
<p>Missy, I am proud of your son’s roommate for not caving into begging friends. Good for him. However, if he is like me he knows you can’t just “get more” due to how often you can fill the script. And too… once you go down that road and give it to one, it would be hard to get off the path and then everyone would start bugging you. </p>
<p>I will say, however, that I was surprised that my son had started drinking coffee when we saw him. Yes, he added milk and sugar (whereas H&I are purest and drink it black unless headed to starbucks or the like), but I suspect that the caffeine is new enough to his system that if he needs to stay up or wake up, it’s doing the trick.</p>
<p>Eggmom… losing internet and the ability to text would be huge incentive for my son to get back to school as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>Today my D15 is taking the PSAT with the rest of the sophomores (and juniors of course) at her school. I think they do it as a way to get them used to the testing, but she was absolutely freaking out thinking she was sure to fail it. I tried telling her you can’t “fail” and that she shouldn’t worry so much. Conferences are this afternoon so we’ll hear how she is doing (or not as the case may be). She genuinely tries really hard and cares very much, but it doesn’t come nearly as easy as it did for son. I am preparing myself to walk on a tightrope of her emotions this afternoon. Girls can be exhausting.</p>
<p>Modadunn, the only emotion my D had about the PSAT was excitement that she didn’t have to come to school early for drill team like she does every other day of the year…an extra hour of sleep - a fair trade for a three hour test!</p>
<p>DS is also taking the PSAT today as a soph. Our state is really pushing sophs to take it, and is paying for it. He came home last night and did the practice tests in the booklet on his own! I just told him to do his best. We’ll use it as a tool. I’ll probably have this child do some practice tests next summer for the PSAT. He’s a pretty good standardized test taker. </p>
<p>It was my ignorance about the “importance” of the PSAT with DD that lead me to this site a couple of years ago.</p>
<p>S15 is taking the PSAT today as well. I really have no idea how he will do. He’s a real math/science kid but will sometimes surprise us in other areas. We really played it down with him as just a chance to see what these tests are like. </p>
<p>D is back from fall break in Boston and has to buckle down again. I’m glad she is having a chance to pursue some of the adventures that she dreamed of when thinking about going to a far-away school.</p>
<p>What is so ridiculous about the PSAT is how long it takes to release the scores - it takes the CB a long time, then lots of the schools don’t release them until January. By then, a student could have taken the Oct., Nov and Dec SATs and had the scores back for all tests!</p>