<p>Modunn–we moved after 17 years (7 yrs ago) and I purged and then got a storage unit to show the house (we built and had to live in an apt. for 6 weeks) and then purged again as the storage moved into the new house. Actually, I love purging. But still, things build up no matter.</p>
<p>Oh–I lived in 14 houses my first 16 years and then another 10 not counting dorms by 27. Then 17 and now 7.</p>
<p>I so appreciate all of your sincere and insightful post about your kids. I am a therapist and your insights are wonderful for me. Thanks.</p>
<p>Well, as H wrote in his Valentine’s card (I actually got a card, not an IOU for one!), “In the future, I don’t know where we’ll be, but I know we’ll be together.” The not knowing where we’ll be part is about pushing me over the edge. At the moment we have an offer on a place in a CT coastal town. The sellers have accepted but it’s a short sale, the bank is taking forever, and we have no idea how things will work out. In the meantime, H keeps coming up with various places we could live. Sometimes the power of the web is not a good thing! Since I’m really not ready to move just yet anyway, every time he says, “What do you think of this house?” when he’s surfing online listings, I just cringe. He needs another hobby!</p>
<p>Interesting to see all the discussion of Asperger’s and autism on this thread. As a SAH parent who has been intensively involved with the autism community for over twenty years, I have seen both public and professional perceptions of autism change dramatically. (My children are deeply possessive of our family’s privacy, so no more specifics at this point…)</p>
<p>However, for those with teen and adult issues, I would recommend attending the annual Penn State Autism Conference if possible, for the information and networking opportunities. I would also suggest looking at Temple Grandin’s web page and attending one of her speaking engagements if possible. She is fascinating to listen to and very approachable during breaks. She is also open to discussion of issues related to adult diagnosis and disclosure, as well as disclosure issues for those who have become what professionals call “functional.”</p>
<p>I would also recommend taking a look at Tony Attwood’s <em>The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome</em> and <em>The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships</em> co-authored by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron. Roy Grinker’s <em>Unstrange Minds</em> is also an interesting read. These books would also be helpful for high school and college students.</p>
<p>Of course, there is lots more autism literature that has come out in the past ten years or so, some more valuable in particular situations than others. Behaviorists who have worked intensively with severely impacted children, sometimes taking them through the steps necessary to mainstream with (hopefully) gradually diminishing support, can also be a great source of insight into less severe social learning issues.</p>
<p>What a night! D2 had terrible snowy weather on her way back to school. A car crossed the median and went airborne and rolled and luckily stopped about 20 feet from her car. She was very shaken! There were police on the scene as another car hit the exact same area only a few minutes previously…D2 was sitting in bumper-to-bumper because of it and had no chance to move when she saw car careening towards her. She was really frightened. She said there must have been at least 30 cars off the road as she drove back to school. We are so thankful she is safe. I dont think she is planning on coming home for a while!!!</p>
<p>Oh, NM, I guess driving in bad weather is inevitable where you are from, but it would have made me a wreck to have sent my child out in weather like that. It’s 2010 - why can’t we beam people places yet?</p>
<p>We think my nephew has a form of autism possibly asbergers syndrome. HE IS 26 has graduated from college after many bumps along the way. never had alot of friends , but never seemed unhappy. My SIL a widow was in denial she is a widow. and had that on her plate. I t has become more of a problem lately as he remains entrenched in her home and has poor hygeine, and trashes the house. he saves strange things.He likes to wath kid movies on tv. She has started to see a therapist, because he wont. He is really a sweet kid and seems happy in his world. loves his family. When she asked him if he had any goals he said he had none. How did this slip by the school system? or because he wasnt a problem it didnt matter. I guess everyone hoped he would grow up except my H who had his doubts.</p>
<p>and this is a family you have to be careful what you say.</p>
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<p>You’re exactly right. If it was up to the public school system, Son’s Asperger’s would have never been diagnosed. He was never a behavior problem. His grades were okay. </p>
<p>Every issue we raised was answered by school personnel with:</p>
<p>“That’s a trait of gifted children.”<br>
“Boys will be boys.”<br>
“He’s a [middle schooler] [teenager].”<br>
“My own child does the same thing.”</p>
<p>Missy/NM - your discussion of perils of winter driving reminded me of my own experience as an undergrad. I was driving from Vermont to Maine along the northern border (less traffic). The route parallels a river on the left and a cliff on the right. It was snowing. I had three passengers, all of whom were snoozing. I lost traction on black ice and started a slow spin. I went around 360 once, sawing furiously on the steering wheel.</p>
<p>All those nights spinning donuts in snowy parking lots paid off. Once back around I was able to regain control and avoid a second spin. No on in the car even woke up. My heart rate probably hit 200, though. Later, no one the car believed me when I told them.</p>
<p>^^ reminds me of the scene in Planes, Trains and Automobiles when John Candy is trying to take off his coat and his arms get stuck. Funniest movie.</p>
<p>My father insisted upon a couple of things in our learning how to drive. How to change a tire and How to handle a sliding/spinning car (since we grew up in Pittsburgh where there was far more possibility of ice on a hill vs snow). I’ve never had to change a tire in my life, but I do know how. Problem now of course is I barely know where my spare tire is (and am glad I have 24hour road side assistance). Sliding/spinning car issues have been severely reduced since the advent of anti-lock brakes and whatever little trick my car has that makes this beeping noise before my car seems to stop itself. Even when I have tried to make it slip and slide in a parking lot, that little beep goes off and it won’t actually spin. Go figure. </p>
<p>OK folks… today is the team’s first practice… or rather the first practice for all of those HOPING to make the team. I admit to feeling a little anxious, but he did call on sat when they did the whole fitness test thing. He seemed pretty pleased with the results. For some reason the post office wasn’t opened on Saturday morning and so he never got my valentine box which had a new pair of argyle athletic socks for fun and good luck. There seems to be quite the lag time between delivery and organization of said deliveries to put the pick up slips in student’s mailbox. So… what is suposed to take 3-4 days, takes an addition two days to receive. Anyone else seem to have a lag time?</p>
<p>Missypie I think they wanted to chalk it up to a difficult birth otr his dad passing away. he is vey attached to the family and doesnt seem unhappy. she is freaked thinking he will not have a normal life. I say whats normal? In some ways he needs to decide what makes him happy, but how do you get him totalk to someone to be sure. I think it is good she is seeing someone because she is learning to handle him and set perameters I hope its not to late. We love the kid.
P.S. seems like my eyes are improving cross your fingers.</p>
<p>Modadunn…I am also from Pgh!</p>
<p>D1 didn’t get her Valentine’s Day gifts. The school post office wasn’t open on Saturday!
:(</p>
<p>If I had a child who checked his mail on a regular basis, I could comment on lag time. However…</p>
<p>Speaking of mail, have you seen the new line of cards - the Kids Collection - from Hallmark? They had commercials on TV over the weekend. I was in a Hallmark store over the weekend (weren’t we all?) and browsed through the cards. There are actually quite a few cards that would be appropriate to send to a college kid.</p>
<p>[In</a> Hallmark Stores - Kids Collection](<a href=“http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article|10001|10051|/HallmarkSite/GoldCrownStores/GCS_KIDS_TOP]In”>http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article|10001|10051|/HallmarkSite/GoldCrownStores/GCS_KIDS_TOP)</p>
<p>missypie…those are great! Will go out and get some!</p>
<p>Diagnosticians often fail to diagnose our Aspie kids until they are older and have had years of problems. I have a good friend whose son was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 15. She homeschooled him up until high school age, when the family decided public school would be best for him. All along, she had been trying to understand what was going on with her son, and all along she’d been hearing that he was fine, a gifted kid (which he is), and the problem was all hers. If only he had been going to school, they hinted, he would have no trouble at all. I joke that somehow when he walked through the schoolhouse door he developed Aspergers. 
My friend is so grateful that finally she understands what is going on with her son, after years of struggles.</p>
<p>The first time I took Fang Jr in for diagnosis, when he was eight or so, I was told that he seemed fine but I clearly had problems. (Yeah, thanks, I already knew <em>I</em> had ADD, I was trying to find out what was going on with him.) He saw various psychiatrists and psychologists over the years, but wasn’t finally diagnosed with Aspergers until age 19. We are relieved to have a diagnosis that makes sense, but wish we’d gotten it earlier. Now, finally, we have a therapist who explains to us how his brain is different, and gives him strategies to compensate.</p>
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<p>Sorry, but that made me LOL. When I think of the families I know with Aspie kids, we are all so different and have such different parenting styles and backgrounds. Wonder what one thing we all did “wrong” to create the situation.</p>
<p>Missypie, don’t you know? It’s all so simple. If only we had been more permissive or less permissive. If only we had homeschooled, sent our kids to public school, to private school. If only we had set more boundaries. If only we had not allowed them to misbehave in public. If only we had stopped embarrassing them by correcting them in public. If only we had enrolled them in more activities so they could socialize with other kids. If only we had stopped enrolling our kids in activities with other kids, because our kids disrupted the activities, or held the other kids back. If only we had gone with our kids to activities. If only we had stayed away from activities and allowed the professionals to handle our kids. If only we had pushed them more academically. If only we had stopped pushing them so much academically. If only we had hired tutors. If only we had a strict schedule at home. If only we weren’t so rigid.</p>
<p>It’s easy to not have an Aspergers kid, if you don’t have an Aspergers kid.</p>
<p>NM, glad your D is ok.</p>
<p>Her story reminds me of my scariest drive back to college… this was in the '70s (no cell phone, ya know) and I was within 10 miles of school in San Antonio. The brakes in that '64 Pontiac went out and I sailed through a red light at the bottom of a hill. (Anyone know Jones-Maltsberger?) eeeeek!</p>
<p>Did I pull over and get heIp? Heck no, I was an immortal teenager in a big ole car. I slid through a few more stop signs and lights. Shifted into neutral and burned up my parking brake. Honked the horn a lot. Got back to school and found someone to fix the brakes. </p>
<p>Uh. Never told my parents. (Hope you’re not reading this, mom.)</p>
<p>CF-- while I again, do not have experience with kids with official special needs, your explanation of what we did wrong as parents pretty much applies to every kid regardless of the issues. This is why, years ago, I threatened to stop saving for college and instead put it in a psychotherapy trust because, in the end, no matter what the problem, it would be my fault.</p>
<p>NMN - to be exact in geography, I was born in Upper St Clair then grew up in Greenburg. But what are the odds that we’d both end up in Minnesota!!?? I had never met anyone who had even BEEN to Minnesota let alone lived here before I met my H (and he is a transplant from CT and his parents moved here while he was in college).</p>
<p>Egg… LOL. My Ex burned up an engine while ALMOST to campus. he smoked his way back to school and then took the plates off and left it in the school parking lot. Probably the very first red flag I should have seen. Let’s just say he didn’t get much better at assuming responsibility and was always good at leaving problems for other people to handle.</p>