<p>My nephew is not gifted. Its not the same but my daughter has a significant unilateral hearing loss, when she was young they would say: tell her to let us know when she cant hear", the problem was she didnt know she didnt hear it. Most of the problems have been with tapes in language classes and because she has always compensated so well they didint believe the problems she was having listening to a monotone tape with no visual cues. All this is well documented at her college , but so far so good. Moda it reminds me when I took my D2 to the public school (we always did private) for eval of a speech problem, the lady told me I was making her self concious and it was me who had the problem I took her to a private place payed by insurance. then we moved to another area of town and she received services at that school. It wasnt my imagination she said her s’s like sh like sound.like a slurring that was not approp for the age Thank goodness I didnt listen or she would still talk like that and would not be too happy.</p>
<p>Missy… weird. I was just going to that hallmark site and Bam! Saw a commercial for them on TV. Sure wish I had heard of those a week or so ago. As it was, I sent a lame email wishing son good luck and to remember to have fun.</p>
<p>D1 is into working out didint like the fit of her pants a t Christmas, I bought her a sigg water botle. healthy snacks, a little candy and a livrstrong shirt. We sent it quite a while ago and she just got it on sunday. between the federal government being closed down and the slow mail service at school. It took at least 2 weeks.</p>
<p>Modadunn-- As I like to say, it’s so easy to parent someone else’s kid. Whatever your kid’s problem is, they wouldn’t have had it if they had had the benefit of my superior parenting. 
This belief is particularly prevalent among people who have no children of their own, and fathers not involved in parenting.</p>
<p>Hey Moda, when you send him stuff do you use USPS Priority Post online? If so, it will twig him to go ASK the dorm sorters to get his package. We’ve shaved DAYS of off McSon’s timely receipt of goodies in this way. He received his VDay package on WED. Then called to pout about ‘how was he supposed to lose weight and win our bet with a big box o’ chocolate and was it really LOVE or fierce determination to lose more weight than him that inspired such culinary generosity.’ To which of course I answered “a bit of both.” The goddess of parenting then struck me down this weekend by adding five pounds of (hopefully) fluid. Apparently one cannot do ‘girls night’ and ‘b52s’ and expect the geriatric dancing to offset the calories. Who knew?
I blame Owlice. She hasn’t been around with her cyber treats to keep me fit!</p>
<p>Moda…we grew up as neighbors! Also from the South Hills!</p>
<p>kmccrindle…LOL! geriatric dancing!!! Too funny!</p>
<p>Modadunn and NM - another Pittsburgh girl here - grew up in Point Breeze and went to Allderdice. (I almost ended up in Minnesota after college too, but that’s a story for another day.)</p>
<p>Crazy weekend here. D2 hosted a reunion of camp friends - the house has been full of loud, happy 16-yr-old girls. I got to do my super-mom Valentine’s Day thing, with heart-shaped foods of all kinds and way too many sweets. The girls kept saying I was “adorable” - that’s a compliment, right? ;)</p>
<p>D1 is home for a few days too, but seems to mostly be catching up on sleep. Seems like old times - she sleeps forever and emerges from her room periodically for a shower and food. It’s so nice to see her smiling face.</p>
<p>I WISH someone would tell me how to parent this extremely moody 16 year old I have living in my house. I don’t care how long you’ve been a parent or how many children you have, there is always something to learn. While said very much tongue in cheek, when my Grandmother was alive my sister asked her how the heck she handled seven kids with five of them boys… she just laughed and said, “Oh we could beat them in those days!”</p>
<p>Will look into the USPS online thing. I usually send with the flat rate packages but I take them to the post office to mail. So… what does “If so, it will twig him to go ASK the dorm sorters to get his package.” Is that a typo that I can’t see?</p>
<p>I too liked the geriatric dancing. Very good. and I don’t think Cheesecake factory cheesecake works well with the diet thing either.</p>
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<p>CF-This is soooooo true.</p>
<p>Moda, it generates an email notification and reference number as soon as you enter it that he gets right away so since it’s usually something he believes will be yummy or cool, he then loiters at the mail desk daily asking if his package has arrived. Before I used the notification approach, he wouldn’t get an email from the mail staff until a day or two later telling him it was there, then it would take him a day or two to get around to getting there when the mail center was open etc. This way it seems to circumvent the sorting and notification and goofy student delays ; ) And btw, I only send the flat rate and you still have to take it to the post office – it’s just the email notification and ref. # that is the online advantage. That and you can save the address in an online address book, which makes it handy when you’re rushing.</p>
<p>And re: geriatric dancing, I truly resemble that remark. After a little swan lake impersonation with a truly geriatric but high intoxicated character, my hip was so dislocated I spent the next morning during my “relaxaton” massage getting it worked out. Sigh. No more can can kicks for me! Wish I’d taken yoga more seriously.</p>
<p>On the cheesecake front, however, I’ve heard one can train the mind to metabolically erase the calories. I keep practicing but I’ve not yet perfected the Tao of Weightless Cheesecake. But I will sacrifice myself for science!</p>
<p>The subject line on S2’s email yesterday was “valuable lesson.” I was pretty sure that was an email that wasn’t going to be good news, but it turned out not to be as bad as I feared. He simply found he had to ask for help after spending hours and hours trying to figure out a computer science project and not getting anywhere on his own. He doesn’t like to ask for help and prefers to work independently but he gave in rather than get a zero on the assignment. Of course he discovered this need at midnight the night before the assignment was due. Luckily his RA is a computer science major, lives next door, was up, and was happy to help him.</p>
<p>Analyst, that sounds like good news to me.</p>
<p>Good for him, Analyst. For how much my son is unwilling to ask for help in certain areas, this doesn’t apply to academics. There is a facebook group for one of his classes where they post questions etc with problem sets. I guess they figure a ton of people will, at some point, be on facebook throughout the evening and someone will answer.</p>
<p>Son had first practice yesterday and claims that after some initial nervous energy it went alright and he played better at the end of practice. He is concerned however that the assistant coach doesn’t like him - something he is not necessarily used to. However, I would like to remind him that he felt a little like that earlier in HS and managed to prove himself. At the same time, I want to boost his confidence but also want to point out that he may have to step up huge given that he quit football at the beginning of the year and so his dedication and/or commitment might be rightfully in question. I told him to just keep working hard and it will work itself out. I guess it will all work out as it should… but I know how he can get in his own head for either good or not so good! So… hoping today goes better for him.</p>
<p>Last semester, through my daughter’s AP bio paper, I’ve been learning about epigenetics, which has to do with why your genes sometimes do and sometimes don’t express themselves (that is, become active). For example, two women can have the BRAC breast cancer genes and only one gets cancer. Why? Well it turns out that there is something thing that binds genes to the helix or not. IIRC, if covered, the gene doesn’t express, but if it becomes less tightly bound, than it can attract and bond with other proteins that lead to its expression. In some cases, nutrition or exposure to chemicals like pesticides turns the epigenome on or off. This can silence tumor suppressor cells, for example, making a particular type of cancer more likely). Quite amazing stuff, as it can affect not only whether your genes are expressed, but also in some cases, whether your offspring’s genes are expressed or not.</p>
<p>Autism, Asperger’s, dyslexia and other LDs are passed on genetically. I wonder whether there is something that controls whether those genes are expressed and whether there were things that we could do that might cause them not to be expressed. </p>
<p>Well, for another life. ShawSon’s problems are not as debilitating as autism or Asperger’s. But, we had the same responses: “He’s reading fine” (he had just memorized EVERY book in the classroom). “He’s just delayed a little bit in reading but he’ll grow out of it.” We had to do all of the research ourselves and with that, were able to move the schools, but we never found them proactive in diagnosing or in suggesting what kind of remediation/accommodations should be done. His SpEd caseworker in HS, however, was this lovely young woman whose heart almost burst through her chest as she worked with my son (and I assume other kids as well). She really went to bat for him when there were problems, so she really did help his HS experience a ton. I’ve written several commending letters to the principal and Superintendent of Schools on her behalf as well as the head of SpEd. But, they all relied on me for suggestions of what to do. I suspect the same would be true for Asperger’s, even when there are obvious kinds of social skills training that could be done.</p>
<p>Incidentally, with my nephew, I spoke with ShawWife, who says that he knows he’s alienating people with his OCD behaviors but doesn’t know how to stop. She didn’t ask him about the excessive talking. She did suggest a cognitive behavioral therapist who specializes in kids ages 10 and up and my SIL is going to take her there. That is very positive. If the therapist treats what’s in the kid’s head but does not really learn about the overall family situation, she will miss critical aspects of what is going on. My SIL doesn’t think her behavior is abnormal so won’t think to bring it up, I’m sure. ShawWife got mad at me for pointing out that her sister might not be perfect, so I’ll stay out of it. Ah well.</p>
<p>And, on the V Day front (I’d actually written VD front, but that doesn’t sound quite so good), the expensive flowers (calla lillies?) that I bought were really disappointing (small bouquet, not showily or beautifully arranged IMO) and I called the florist who agreed to swap for another arrangement. The delivery guy came with the other arrangement and asked if ShawWife liked the first one. She said, yes, but it wasn’t what I wanted. He said, “Well. Just keep both.” Then, ShawWife made a fabulous dinner – she found a way to order my favorite food (foie gras) and paired it with a 1996 Sauterne that we had brought back from Paris 5 years ago. She served it in a reduction sauce of balsamic vinegar and port, which was a deep purple color. Unbelievably good dish. Wild red snapper (it was pink, actually) with a sauce made from tomatoes, mushrooms, onions and olives (again red). So, everything was the right color. We were too full for the dessert. So we had our romantic dinner one day late, but it was great. </p>
<p>She had to search all over town to get some foie gras – no one carries it and they all had to special order so she thought none would arrive by V Day. She only cooked half last night, so we’ll have it again. And then, another store that said they didn’t know if they could get it has an order arriving on Friday. This place carries everything (yak, rattlesnake, etc.) and is the butcher shop/market that Julia Childs use to frequent – one time she corrected my wife who was discussing with the butchers something about a butterflied leg of lamb. In any case, my taste buds and brain will be in heaven but I’d better start exercising harder.</p>
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<p>I admit to some back seat parenting as well. For me, I can’t help but second guess the parents of kids with disabilites that I think are in denial or are otherwise blowing it. </p>
<p>My BIL and SIL were the worst possible parents for their son. He is somewhere on the autism spectrum and frankly, has below average intelligence. But they’ve been in denial all their lives. Instead of putting him on track to learn a trade, they’ve forced him to enroll in various colleges where he flunks out because just isn’t very bright. Sweet kid but not bright. They even put him in military school for a while to improve his grades - surprise! His grades didn’t improve because he isn’t very bright. So at 22 he lives in their basement and has a part time job driving a day care van. But the worst thing is that his parents can’t stand him because they see him as a failure and themselves as failures.</p>
<p>How can parents stay in continual denial? I know that it must be difficult to see those early below 100 IQ scores, but then don’t you buck up and figure out how to help him have a productive life?</p>
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<p>Some scientists think that increased pollution levels have increased the frequency of developmental conditions. Humans are at the top of the food chain and accumulate some toxins over generations. Sandra Steingraber’s books discuss fetal toxicology and are exquisitely written, in case you’re interested.</p>
<p>Analyst, I congratulate your son on asking for assistance!</p>
<p>Wow Missy… seems like this would fit with that theory of that book about downs syndrome - Road Map to Holland. Makes no sense to pack for the beach.</p>
<p>But a 100 IQ is perfectly average and I would guess (and certainly don’t know these people) that their expectations were clearly higher than achievable and that, in itself, was debilitating to his success. As is so often said here, you really do have to love the kid on the couch. </p>
<p>I will also say this about IQ scores… that flat score doesn’t take into consideration a lot of differences in learning. I know my IQ as tested, but through testing it was determined that there are certain difficulties I have AND certain gifts I have that make actual IQ hard to determine in a static way. Basically, it depends on what I am doing. 
Makes sense to me!!</p>
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<p>I actually said “below 100”. I don’t know his actual IQ and I’m too far away from my Special Ed major days to remember the IQ of someone who is barely “above the line”, but he’s definitely in the category of “low normal.” Every parent is entitled to a period of mourning when there is any kind of issue with their child. But you’d think that two college educated parents would, after a while, pack for Holland and stop thinking about the beach.</p>
<p>The heart breaking thing about these parents is that they detest the kid on the couch.</p>
<p>Shawbridge, I got very hungry reading the description of your V Day dinner. What a nice gift!</p>