<p>I only know foi gras from Top Chef… and their talking about it.</p>
<p>Missy - that’s just sad. Admittedly, I don’t always like my kids, but I always always love them.</p>
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<p>It’s sad and heartbreaking but just a tiny bit understandable. Here we all are on CC, trying to figure out how to get our kids through college. Some have a diagnosis of something or other, most don’t. But they’re all bright enough to make it through school. </p>
<p>I think that most of us would have easily loved and accepted a mentally challenged child, and would have jumped into such a child’s education with the same zeal as we’ve jumped into the college process. But what if we had the “dumbest kid in the class” who wasn’t considered mentally challenged? It would be hard to accept that despite nature and nurture, you had the slow kid. </p>
<p>Society is not very tolerant of the below average folks. When a person with Down Syndrome waits on us at McDonalds, we are patient and polite and tolerant. But when a “normal” person is slow and messes up our order and gives the wrong change, many people get angry and mock the “dumb” employee. I think it would be painful to parent a “low normal” child.</p>
<p>I have a friend who teaches 3rd grade. She has said that there is very little she can do to help a kid who doesn’t qualify for special education. You have to have a diagnosable learning difference. You can’t just be dumb and get help. </p>
<p>And I don’t know what I may have done in that kind of position because, obviously, arguing with the school isn’t going to help. I’d like to think I’d try to do right by this kid, but it would probably be harder to do having no experience in alternate avenues of learning (vs college or even trade school).</p>
<p>We have an acquaintance whose first three kids are super bright. And the youngest…isn’t. The public schools had very low expectations for her. The mom is the type who enjoys a good challenge, but after a few years, she gave up on the public school and found an excellent private school for her daughter. It’s quite a drive and it’s expensive, but it gives them such peace of mind to know that she’s working up to her potential in a very small classroom environment, as opposed to being the slowest one in the class in public school.</p>
<p>It’s difficult to understand why my BIL and SIL didn’t have a similar reaction - after all, they paid for military school for a while. But they kept their son in regular classes and let him know how stupid and lazy he was when he brought home year after year of bad grades.</p>
<p>Really have mixed feelings after reading the above posts. D2 was invited to be recognized for combining athletic and academic achievement (above 3.5 GPA) at halftime of the university’s men’s nationally ranked basketball game this week. It will be televised. She has declined to attend. She doesn’t know we were notified. I am so saddened and,yes, disappointed that she doesn’t want to attend. Why does this bother me so much??? She is a smart, athletic, beautiful and funny girl who does have a wide circle of friends (from HS) but is quiet and shuns new situations and people. She is so slow to warm to new experiences (like college life)and, I guess if I’m honest, I’m afraid that she will be too easy to overlook when it comes time to get a job and be successful. This is depressing to me. So…I do love this kid on the couch but I also want her to see the value in stepping outside her comfort zone and that there is a wonderful world out there that is fun and exciting. Or maybe I just need to realize she has to learn this lesson in her own way or even not at all. Maybe I’m the one who needs therapy!</p>
<p>NorthMinnesota, I’ll be interested to see if anyone has any brilliant ideas for you - when, if ever, do you force a child out of his or her comfort zone? I’m aware of a couple of things that our middle child could do that she not only would enjoy, but would look good on her college apps. But she won’t do them…she’s perfectly content to be in the background. I fear that her college app will seem very “blah” when in fact she’s a great kid with a real passion.</p>
<p>Words of wisdom, anyone?</p>
<p>NM – Just a hunch, but maybe the reason is that she’s not happy with the balance of athletics and academics and doesn’t want to be the poster child for a program that didn’t live up to her expectations of what that balance should be –<em>especially</em> since she plans to transfer (BTW, has she told the coaches yet?). Not sure I’d attribute this one to shyness. </p>
<p>I know a number of kids who did not want big school system fanfare for their accomplishments because they frankly felt the school system hindered their pursuit of those interests. Why give the school the credit? was their reasoning.</p>
<p>NM, I was thinking exactly along the same line as CountingDown. Have you asked her why she doesn’t want to attend? Not being willing to stand up and be counted would be construed to be a real slap in the face to her coach and school, which may in fact be her intent. Her achievement shows that it is possible to be both an athlete and good student. Unfortunately, the entire student-athlete community, not just those at her school, benefit from being reminded of that as often as possible so with a televised event it is a shame she has taken the stand here.</p>
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Let’s see, able to achieve at a very high academic level, athletic level, and has the personal integrity to leave a program besieged by ill conduct. Appears to achieve for its own sake, not national televised recognition…; ) NM, are you willing to consider that your daughter is perfect in her perfect universe, designed to fit precisely who she is, and that prospective employers will treasure such quality? Just a gentle tease here, btw, people say I worry needlessly about McSon so I know first hand all about wanting for them. But ‘wanting for them’ is based on our own lens sometimes, not theirs.</p>
<p>^^^Believe me, I have thought of all of these possibilities and that is why I am so conflicted! That’s why I wonder why this bothers me so much! Yes, she has let the coach know she will not be back next year. No, I have not asked her about not attending. I was waiting for her to bring it up. I think she knows we would have strongly encouraged her to attend and I believe she wanted to avoid that conversation. It’s not just this incident. H and I see a long pattern of behavior in instances like this where we think fear of the unknown really hinders her. We want her to grow and push the boundaries but so far we haven’t been successful. So maybe it’s our behavior and expectations that need to change. Oh…kmccrindle, I pray that she finds her voice and success in her universe!</p>
<p>On a good note, she did contact an old soccer friend who is also transferring to the same school as she is and they will room together next year. She is also a very intelligent young woman who has walked away from playing college athletics. They should be a good match.</p>
<p>Yahoo
Great news dragged from #theoryson.</p>
<p>I wrote and asked about his midterms and how he did on them, what grades he got.
And he writes back- no midterms in any of his classes.
So I write back, so how do you know how you are doing if you have no tests?
He writes back, we have tests.
So I write back, well then how are you doing?
And he writes back:
98 on the last physics exam, 95 on the Calc III, and 86 on the Discrete Math exam. </p>
<p>These were not midterms but these were the last tests he took so should be indicitave of how the classes are going for him. </p>
<p>Big sigh of relief.</p>
<p>thanks for letting me share</p>
<p>NM, I had exactly the same instinct as CountingDown. She’s not happy there and doesn’t want or respect their accolades.</p>
<p>missypie, I’ve been pushing ShawD out of her comfort zone off an on for years. We’re not very observant Jews and are not especially connected to Jewish organizations on a day-to-day basis. However, my family is – all the other kids in my family go to Conservative Hebrew Day School, everyone else keeps kosher, aunt was a principal at a Hebrew Day School, … (lots more). Our synagogue is very undemanding (reading a couple of lines from the Torah and giving a dumb interpretation is perfectly OK) and I told my daughter she could do a lot more. She didn’t want to. Her Hebrew School teacher and tutor could not understand why I was asking her to do more. To make a long story short, I worked with her over the summer. She couldn’t really see well at that point – she had a major problem with her vision – and we would take bike rides on a tandem bike and she’d sing and I’d sing along with her. She led most of the service, read the Torah, the Haftorah, thoughtful interpretation (that I helped her with). It was beautiful, almost meditative in its quality, very moving. She got lost of positive reinforcement. One of her big lessons was that if she worked hard, she could succeed. [She’s a kid who has been afraid of failure and so doesn’t try or doesn’t give a full try so she can say, well I didn’t try that hard]. For HS, for social reasons, she wanted to go to a private HS that we knew was demanding and would be tough for her, instead of our excellent public HS, because we thought it would put her with a serious peer group academically and raise the bar for her. We talked with her about our expectations for her effort – no complaining about our efforts to make sure she is on top of the work, etc. After a tough start, it is taking. She’s going from all B’s and a C or maybe 2 freshman year to mostly A’s in tough courses (and there is a strict curve with a B- median). I try to set expectations for her. She doesn’t have much time for ECs except for dance, at which she is becoming terrific. She didn’t want to join the very serious company – I think she is afraid to fail – but the head of the program has been using her to demonstrate to younger kids and has talked her into it. But, our pushing is really to teach her that she can succeed. </p>
<p>missypie, I’ve always said that HS was about learning skills and learning to learn on the one hand and getting into college on the other. The former is more important but the latter matters. I’ve had the discussion with ShawD on ECs to do something that makes a coherent picture and shows passion. It might make sense to ask your D what she is going to do to show a coherent area of interest/passion. In our case, in response to this very same conversation, ShawD started a yoga club at school. 45 kids signed up although only about two to four show up and she teaches yoga. She’s been doing yoga since age 3 or 4 and has unbelievable flexibility and strength (good for dance too).</p>
<p>OOOOOH!! Nice, #tmom!</p>
<h1>TM, yahoo. Sighs of relief and beyond.</h1>
<h1>TM, can’t ask for better than that. Wonderful news.</h1>
<p>NM, sometimes being true to your interests and staying in your comfort zone is a good thing. I accepted a speaking invitation today even though I detest giving speeches, because I felt it was something I “should” do for a whole bunch of reasons–but not for any reason that would benefit me. Now, I have something to dread (not to mention a bunch of prep work). There is much to admire in your D for just doing what makes her happy.</p>
<p>Wow, great job #Tson! </p>
<p>NM- From what I have read here about your D, it sounds as if she will do just fine.</p>
<p>Great to hear #TM. Congrats to TMson.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, eggson’s academic news is “fine.” But he and GF are “FINE, MOM.” (harumph)</p>
<p>They went on V Day date to Olive Garden. Which is hilarious if you know my penny-pinching S. He considers this restaurant to be waaaaay too expensive. She is vegetarian and he prefers Whataburger, so this must have been some date. Afterward they went to Barnes and Noble.</p>
<p>Ha. That doesnt sound like a college date to me.</p>
<p>Congrats to TSon!!! Woot! </p>
<p>And one of my first dates with my H was lunch and browsing a bookstore. No, we werent in college, but you can learn a lot about a person by seeing what books he browses. 
I love a bookstore.</p>
<p>Got some really great advice today and am backing off of contacting S this week unless and until he contacts me. It’s going to be hard, but I think NMN has been given a lot of good advice as well and they will be who they are going to be. We can hope for all kinds of good things, that we think are good things for them, but we cant make them be who they aren’t. seriously… oprah is always talking about being your authentic self and so I am going to assume son is trying to get there for himself…</p>
<p>D just called from school to ask how to work the coffee pot I sent back with her at Xmas. It was pretty funny to hear her ask “Is the basket the thingy in the front that opens where you put the stuff?” Apparently she is making a mocha since she is giving up sweets for lent and she needs the caffeine. The boys on the third floor above her (she is on the first floor) decided to make a lot of noise at 2:30am waking her up. She sent a strongly worded text message (so she clearly is friendly with them since she has their cell numbers). I believe she threatened to go up there and kick some boy butt. They turned down the volume. You go girl!</p>
<h1>Tm–AND WOW–such a great amount of info.</h1>
<p>I did text S today–after not a single word in two weeks–and said how is it going–and reply–going OK.
and that is about it here</p>