<p>Thanks for advice mamom and mathmomvt - think you are right that likely more my issue than his and he always handles things better when we’re not around anyway…</p>
<p>Idinct - Good to hear positive news about your S.</p>
<p>It is much easier watching the HS Class of 2012 countdown and wait this year than it was going through the agony and anxiety of waiting last year. I do not envy their situation one bit.</p>
<p>My S1 is quiet and reserved and it usually takes a while for him to warm up to new people he met. I encourage him to involve in organizations or clubs that do the activities he enjoys or have like-minded students. Last two years of his HS, he worked as a cashier at food concession. It required him to be around many people. When shy people have to provide services to others they tend to be not as conscientious about themselves and that may help them to come out of their comfort zones.</p>
<p>I also agree with what mathmomvt said “Make sure you are only helping him fix things <em>he</em> sees as an issue”.</p>
<p>Some kids who are shy just don’t have a lot of need to deal with people. They may or may not have developed the strongest social skills for when they want to engage. Some, like kids with Asperger’s-like symptoms, may not feel the need to engage but typically don’t have the tools to do so when they need to. For that group, I believe that there are ways of teaching them social skills.</p>
<p>I’d guess that a higher percentage of kids who are shy actually are shy because a) fear of rejection in social situations; and b) lack of social skills. For those kids, “shyness” is actually more withdrawal from the chances of being hurt and it is a self-perpetuating cycle – if you don’t have the social skills, you get worse responses from folks and if you avoid engaging, you don’t develop the social skills. There are definitely approaches (CBT combined with social skills training) that work. I’m sure the group joining and employment suggested by sunnydayfun help, but poor social skills and rejection avoidance are quite likely to hurt performance in many jobs (those jobs in which one works with people). </p>
<p>I recall that when this has been raised before, I think, in another thread, a significant majority of CC parents were sure that their precious shy one didn’t engage because he/she didn’t want to rather than a self-perpetuating set of behaviors that have arisen in part to avoid potential painful rejection. I don’t know the kids but I’m generally skeptical. Those who are shying away from rejection are frequently going to say/act as if they don’t care even when their lack of human interaction saddens or deadens them. </p>
<p>Even if the issue is rejection avoidance combined with poor social skills, I agree with mathmomvt and sunnydayfun that you probably can’t fix the problem unless the kid in question thinks there is a problem and likely shouldn’t attempt the fix unilaterally. </p>
<p>siemom, I discovered that the subject of the article you listed generates very strong opinions. Someone asked about a similar situation in a prior thread. I discovered that my approach/beliefs seemed quite threatening to a subset of people. I actually had several hostile posters, at least one of whose posts were banished. They seemed very uncomfortable that someone would challenge their implicit assumptions. Since there wasn’t a lot of real interchange, I stopped posting so that subset could happily agree with each other (and share their unexamined assumptions).</p>
<p>There is a difference between shyness and introversion, fwiw. </p>
<p>I have a very introverted son who also has some social anxiety. The latter we try to help him “fix”. </p>
<p>The former I believe is inborn and not changeable. And it impacts the amount of social interaction a person both needs and tolerates. </p>
<p>Having a job where had to interact with a lot of people, I believe would not benefit him. It would sap his energy and make him less sociable in actual situations where he might want to interact with friends, clubmates, etc.</p>
<p>Great article - thanks. Really need to get Quiet off my bedside table and read it!
DS back at school after relaxing week home. Sorting out housing and courses in next few weeks. Next time we see him, freshman year will be over. So very hard to believe.</p>
<p>Shawbridge, I don’t think that most of us felt threatened by your beliefs. Many of us plainly disagreed that it was okay for college students to sleep together and like the writer in the article thought that a guest bedroom was a more sensible solution all around. If everyone felt the same way about everything, we would be living a pretty boring life. I am all for civil discourse.</p>
<p>Well S is on his way back to school. We have had several calm discussions with him about his grades. Together we came up with a plan to hopefully put him on a road to success. He is not happy about some of out suggestions, like seeing the therapist he saw fall semester. I am afraid he will go see her and tell her he has it all under control and she will send him on his way telling him to come back if he needs help with his EFD. Exactly what happened fall semester. YES, he does need help, for crying out loud she is the professional doesn’t she know the kid is going to say he is doing “fine.” So I am going to send her an email with my concerns Monday. Hopefully, she spends some time with him to figure out a “root cause for his failures” and together they work on a plan to recover. …sigh.</p>
<p>I am also researching a coach for son to work with to help him with his EFD. Actually, I think what would really help is a nag. Someone to check his HW, make sure he is doing the reading and prepared for class. LOL. Yes, I know that only works for as long as nag is around. And I know he needs to “learn to fish” so he can get past these deficiencies he has. Son does not agree with us his EFD has anything to do with his poor performance. So it is an uphill battle. We did give him a check for next years dorm deposit knowing that he may not be back. But, we are hoping he can pull this off. </p>
<p>oh well. He is a great kid and I miss him already. After he checked his bag, he came back out of the terminal ( I was baby sitting the car because last time there was an issue with his bag) because he forgot to give me a hug. Gotta love him. </p>
<p>shaw - I am all for other POV. I am probably more with you than not, but even when I am not, it gives me food for thought. I have relatives I never talk politics with because they aren’t interested in my POV only in wanting me to agree with theirs.</p>
<p>mamom - love the hug. We know you love him. If you didn’t care, none of this would matter. It is b/c you love him so much, you want the best for him. His time will come. He may just need to take an alternate route. I doubt Steve Jobs or Bill Gates moms were happy when their sons dropped out of college.</p>
<p>We made it to NOLA late Friday night; saw the French Quarter, the Civil War Museum and D’s regatta yesterday. </p>
<p>We saw the end of the regatta today and then went to a tiny little blip in the road to an even tinier Catholic cemetery that was miles away from the nearest Catholic church and saw the graves of H’s great grandmother and step great grandfather, who happened to be the brother of his great grandfather. S (age 13) is the one that just recently figured out these people were buried there, so we were happy to go pay our respects and let our sensitive S shed a tear or two at the grave. It was an interesting day.</p>
<p>Have been out of pocket for a bit now.
Did the spring break “this is what colleges can be like” with kiddo 2. Flew into PHL and had a week of crazy weather, much warmer than usual. Saw 5 schools over the week and then spent a couple of days in DC.
Since kiddo2 had been in the hospital and is still behind in work–several days I had to nag and cajoul so that some wrok got done. Hard to be motivated to work when friends are on cruises, the beach etc and you have left over homework and a paper to write.
Enjoyed the tours and some may stay on the list–we will see as it is waaaay too early. Still I am hoping it will be a bit of a motivator.</p>
<p>Skyped with kiddo1 who has been on spring break and had 2 weeks of spring training. Kiddo1 got very severe sunbrun–to the point that without having hands in cool water–they were terribly painful. Got face burned. I am worried about the long term effects–The mdeical center gave kiddo some oxycodone for pain. I have never heard of that and from what kiddo describes, then pain has been terrible.</p>
<p>Then–kiddo1 has sustained a pretty serious injury while training. So painful that kiddo1 was taking leftover codeine to continue training. I am sooo not happy to hear this --at all. And after looking up what kind of injury the coach thinks it is–there are several levels of this injury elites athletes can get–and the most severe involves surgical repair. I am worried. We asked kiddo to call us today after seeing the trainer. I hope they send kiddo for an MD visit and to get an MRI. This is not something you let go with icing it down.</p>
<p>Kiddo1 did say that the team enjoyed having the campus to themselves…with training, eating etc…they had a good time and kiddo said that having everyone arriving back to campus was just “ok” haha Two weeks ago kiddo1 was sounded lonely as the campus emptied out–that quickly changed!</p>
<p>FogFog - I would be interested to hear which schools you visited in Philly and what you thought of them - I am heading there next month for the same reason.</p>
<p>fogfog - So sorry to hear about your son’s sunburn/injury problems. I hope he gets some positive medical news soon.</p>
<p>D is home on spring break and I am really enjoying having her around. Most of her friends have already had their breaks, so when the last one heads back to school tomorrow, she’ll be stuck with just her brother and me for the rest of the week - which is great for me, maybe not so much for her! She has a couple of interviews for (non-paying) summer internships scheduled, and we are trying to sort out the logistics if either of them comes through since we just have one car. One of them is about a block from a train station, so hopefully that will be the one that she gets.<br>
It is next to impossible to get paid summer work around here unless you commit to continuing into fall, which obviously she will not be doing. I told her I would be flexible about what I expected from her over the summer, but just hanging out was not an option.<br>
Two college trips for S (class of 2013) next week - I can’t believe we are starting that process again, but S is a far different kid and there is no overlap in potential schools.</p>
<p>Hi, everyone. Took a hiatus here and am back. DS is at Pitt. So far, so good, academically, and he loves the school. Socially it’s been rough for him for all of the reasons we told him, but doesn’t make it easier. He, too is an introvert. He had gone to a private high school where it was easier to get to know everybody and camraderie was encouraged. Now he is at a big OOS public where not a single person from his school is attending, and most people know of each other. Am catching up on everyone’s stories.</p>
<p>Avon - It truly seems like last month we were all waiting for results. Time flies. </p>
<p>Cooker - Our S’s spring break did not coordinate with his friends either. He ended up using several days to go out an visit his friends on their campuses. One goes to a large state u and others are at a small LAC. He decided his school is at least as good a fit for him as both the others would be. Maybe because he was gone several days, not sure, but the week flew by. Good luck with the college visits. </p>
<p>fog - sorry to read about kiddo1’s sunburn. My S got a very bad sunburn one time and I was on the verge of bringing him to the ER when my SIL was able to relax and calm him down with Reiki. I am not normally a fan of Reiki, but it helped my son get a good nights sleep and by the next day the sunburn had healed enough for him to live with it. And kiddo 1 has an injury on top of that? yikes. I agree with you, I hope he sees and MD. Glad to hear kiddo2 is doing better. </p>
<p>bajamm - sounds like you had a nice trip. I think a visit to NOLA is on our agenda sometime in the next few years. </p>
<p>S called H yesterday and he has made some progress on the “plan” he agreed to before he went back to school. He will see his advisor on Wed., is probably going to drop acct., made an appt to see the therapist he saw last semester (although I don’t have great faith in her) and is meeting with all his teachers. He says he got a 60 on his theology midterm because he studied the wrong stuff. We have encouraged him to form a study group for just that reason, but he is resisting and it is unlikely to happen. I am still searching for an EF coach. I hope to have something today. </p>
<p>I am rereading The Hunger Games in anticipation of taking 12yoD and her friend to the midnight release on Thursday. I put in to take Friday off. After taking both kids to several midnight releases of the HP movies over the years, I know trying to go to work the next day would be awful.</p>
<p>Welcome back cpt. Been quiet out here this past week. </p>
<p>fog - sorry to hear about the sunburn. Sounds incredibly painful - hopefully, he gets help with it soon.</p>
<p>mamom - good luck with finding an EF coach. It’s good that your S is following through with the plan thus far.</p>
<p>Not much going on out here. D is back at school after spring break with the team. They got back late Sunday night and she had a test Monday morning. Who does that?? She was worried sick about the test and was very upset yesterday that she got a B. Told her she can’t beat herself up for every single thing - to put this test behind her and work on the next. </p>
<p>S really wants to go see the Hunger Games movie. We’ve both read all the books - but I am not so sure I really want to see the movie - guess I’ll go with S if he wants me to :)</p>
<p>Spoke with kiddo1 yesterday (who did not call us, even with a text asking for more info and a message from DH left on the cell asking for more info after seeing trainer.)
Seems kiddo will be seeing a trainer for rehab and elec stim/icing every day. I am praying thats all that is needed. I asked if kiddo mentioned taking the left over codeine for pain, …uh no that slipped the mind.</p>
<p>Kiddo2 seems to have cut a deal to get all left over homework tests, quizzes and papers in before the end of the quarter. Thats more doable. The teachers had been hounding for it all–This quarter will be bad–with a likely F in English and some Cs, which after a great first semester is quite a shock and disappointment. Sending kiddo to school to try and keep up wasn’t worth it.We were too worried about kiddo2 being home for all that time…though it may have been better to make up work than try to keep up and do poorly. kwim?</p>
<p>FAFSA and Profile…anyone done with theirs for next year? I just completed our drafts–as our taxes are done and will be electronically filed (if they weren’t already done today)
We are worried about aid for next year…Anyone else? I went on the schools fin aid calc and frankly according to using last years #s, kiddo should have gotten 1/3 more aid than was awarded. This year though looks alot thinner. yikes. How do I do a SHOCKED face here, idk.</p>
<p>Haven’t posted here in ages but have kept up with all of the postings. D2 was home for SpringBreak and now back at school. She didn’t really do any homework and is super stressed!! She has 3 papers and 1 midterm this week. Yikes!! I did try and encourage her to do work while at home but got evil glares! Trying to be supportive…hard to say I told you so:)</p>
<p>D1 has 2 weeks for SpringBreak and is home now. She went to visit friends at other colleges and was gone for a few days. </p>
<p>I just completed the FAFSA and CSS for D2 but am also worried about financial aid. D2 had a nice job last summer and made really good money and not sure how college will assess. She won’t be working this summer since she will be doing an internship most of the summer so hopefully the college takes that into consideration. Will do FAFSA for D1 now that she has completed her taxes. She barely made any money last summer since she left mid July to study abroad…Hopefully, we won’t have any huge surprises this year:)</p>
Gotta love him. </p>
This year though looks alot thinner. yikes. How do I do a SHOCKED face here, idk.</p>