<p>@Apollo6 - I am so very sorry. I know there are no adequate words to address your pain. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
((((hugs))))</p>
<p>My thoughts and love are with you and your family Apollo… I CAN.NOT fathom the pain and shock you must be feeling. I know that there are no words that can take away your pain… please do not blame yourself. We all are doing our best to be the best parents we can be. I’m not sure my day or week will be the same…</p>
<p>@Apollo6, this is devastating news. My deepest condolences to you.</p>
<p>@Apollo6, I am so sorry. I am crying openly. We, as parents want what is best for our kids and want them to be happy & healthy. I am sure your son knew this. Please do not blame yourself. You are in my prayers. There are no words. </p>
<p>Dear Apollo6 - I am so sorry - I am in shock…devastated - My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.</p>
<p>@Apollo6 - a friend of mine whose brother took his life once told me of how her brother’s death made her feel guilty for so long…that she should have seen something, that she could have prevented it - it was only after a long time that she realized that she had not an inkling of the kind of pain her brother was going through, and that it had little to do with anything she had ever said or done or not done for him. You son sounded like an incredibly bright, gifted child. There would be no reason to think that he wouldn’t want to be challenged in education and experience all the best the world had to offer. It sounds like you gave him the freedom to go his own way with his gap year - you loved him, wanted the best for him, wanted him to live a full and rich life. There is no reason in his action - it came from a dark despairing place that could not be touched or saved by love or concern or reason. I hope that as you endure this most painful of times, you save a shred of hope that someday you will find meaning and love and laughter in your life once again. I send my deepest condolences to you and your family. </p>
<p>@Apollo6 - I am just stunned. Had to reread your post to truly believe you were writing about your own son. I am so very sorry for your loss! I remember your many helpful posts when you were with us 2014s before your son went to China and became a 2015 and how supportive you were of many on this thread both then and just recently. Know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family now. We know how much you loved your son and how you only wanted the best for him. I cannot even imagine what you are going through and hope you have as strong a support system in real life as you have on CC. Hugs to you all.</p>
<p>Apollo6: My heart breaks for you and your family. May God provide strength and comfort. Hugs.</p>
<p>@Apollo6 Like everyone else, I so wish there were something we could do. Sending you many virtual hugs as you go through this horrid time.</p>
<p>@Apollo6, my heart sunk reading your post. I am so sorry.</p>
<p>@apollo6…my mother in law lost three of her boys (Accident; Suicide; AIDS) and my best friend lost her oldest daughter to brain cancer last August (she was 18 and a senior in HS). The pain will never go away, but the many joyful memories you have had with your son will slowly overlay the pain and make it possible to live with the pain and find joy again despite the pain. My heart goes out to you.</p>
<p>@apollo6 I can’t imagine what you are going through…even though it is, as you say, the call that a parent fears the most. I know it can happen and I do worry about it, and like you I question how much and when I should push or encourage or not push. I know that depression is a devastating illness that can leave us all powerless to help or to understand. But that doesn’t stop us as parents from trying or wondering if there was something we could have done differently. So, know that you are not alone. Lighting a virtual candle for you and your son.</p>
<p>@Apollo6, my heart is breaking for you. Please don’t think to blame yourself at all; some things we will never know. I am so very sorry for your unspeakable loss.</p>
<p>@Apollo6, I cannot adequately express how I feel after reading your devastating news. It takes great courage and strength to share such pain and I thank you for sharing it with all of us…you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can find peace…and your son may now live in the light of God. I’m so very sorry…</p>
<p>@Apollo6, speechless here but I wanted to convey my condolences. There is no way I can understand your pain, but we are all here to support you in any way that we can. </p>
<p>@Apollo66, words are so inadequate. You have my deepest condolences.</p>
<p>@Apollo6 - Saying that I am deeply saddened and sorry for your loss seems inadequate in light of this tragedy. I cannot imagine your pain, or the courage it took for you to share this with us on CC. The entire community grieves for you. In my experience, the most exceptional people often struggle the most emotionally. Perhaps their gifts give them a purity and clarity that make this world too difficult to bear. Please don’t find fault with yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.</p>
<p>@Apollo6 - I am so sorry … My heart is breaking for you now. Keeping you and your family in my prayers. :(</p>
<p>@Apollo6 I too, am a survivor of suicide. I lost a partner many years ago. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The pain was almost unbearable. Know that you can survive this and you are not alone. There are survivors groups in most areas. The one I joined saved my life. </p>
<p>You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers today.
Octavia</p>
<p>@Apollo6 So sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine to pain and sorrow you must be feeling. I hope that you have the support you need right now to help you get through this very difficult time. I will be praying for you.</p>