@PhilaSkiMom I went to grad school in Pgh and I’m from Philly - Pgh is a great place to be a student. And it’s not a bad commute by car back to Philadelphia.
@inn0v8r My D15 and D16 rejected schools without attending admitted students day even though it would have been logistically easy to go. In D15’s case it was a a school she really wanted to attend but they offered no money so it was financially reasonable. She didn’t want to go and see what she would be “missing” but instead went only to the admitted days at the school she ultimately attend to make sure she could be happy there. It was kind of like an arranged marriage with a happy ending.
D16 never visited her safety school once, not before application, not after acceptance and scholarships. Her top choice was her top choice an
@inn0v8r I’m really enjoying the responses to your questions!
For my D - the decision making was more on the front-end- deciding where to apply-- we toured about 10 schools; she applied to 5 of those and 2 she had never visited (one being our in-state flagship- though she has seen it, she never really toured it.) We knew at the application time that 3 would be financial and academic safeties; 3 would be admission-likely, but financial stretches, and 1 that was a moderate reach and financially not very likely. She was admitted to all 7-- but before the last 2 acceptances she had already made her decision. As it was one that she had only visited in the summer, I insisted she return for a scholars weekend event- and that sealed the deal for both her and I. What she wanted was a traditional college town; strong school spirit and enthusiasm; good engineering but not an engineering-dominated school (she wants to hang with scholars in all sorts of areas of interests); great opportunities to travel (particularly humanitarian engineering type options); strong honors college; opportunities to continue engagement in research. She was also looking for a place with an outdoorsy feel (kayaking, hiking etc)-- this is the one box that was only partially checked.
I think we can develop a “College hunters” reality show like the “House hunters” shows… College searching has all the same features-- balancing wants, needs, budgets, and (at times) differences of opinions… So what will it be-- college 1 the small liberal arts in a great location that is at the top of the budget; college 2- the affordable large flagship with a greater distance commute to home; or or college 3- the bargain that will need some fixing up.
@critter, the student that is transferring out is headed to St. Johns in Annapolis. Great books, philosophy, etc. and a familiar kindred student body, I think.
I loved reading about your son’s experience! I’m sure that will be helpful for others here. And, LOL, that’s funny that he misses rain.
St. John’s is such a particular atmosphere. The kids there MUST heed a particular call. Good for that student.
Based on some of the information about the culture of Stanford, varied and anecdotal to be sure, I can see how a student that finds fit at St. Johns Annapolis/New Mexico would seek a different atmosphere.
All of the talk thus far is entirely interesting and useful to me, though.
https://stanford.app.box.com/s/y4abufqg66nte7uax6eq
page 20 shows where most students who choose another school to go to if not Stanford. This was from 2014.
Our house is filled with angst. We just returned home from an admitted students visit. We all agree the school is a fantastic fit the only problem is that it is far from home (3 1/2 hour plane trip). My daughter seems to be defaulting to the school closer to home which is still a good option/fit but not a fantastic fit. Maybe getting cold feet. Any advice on how much to encourage her to leave home or accept that she knows herself and should stay closer? This is the first time for us sending a child off so I am not sure how much “convincing” I should be doing. How long is the typical adjustment period for a child that is a bit of a homebody?
Our process started with a few tours back in D’s sophomore year, schools I had reason to visit for work or where a cousin was attending. Then a lot more research and tours beginning in the fall of her junior year. Through that process she was able to identify her ‘type’ of school and school setting. Large research oriented schools that didn’t feel too big, had strong honors programs/colleges and strong and varied science and engineering programs, while also finding the things she liked in campus life, feel and she preferred urban or suburban schools in or near larger cities. That was helpful since it put our smaller state and branch schools and all LAC’s out of the running.
We toured more and more, researched here, on websites, opinion sites, etc, just gathering as much information as possible. Her list of possible majors was still quite fluid when the application process began, with some of them rather specialized. We targeted automatic merit either through her expected NMF standing or based on scores/grades, and competitive merit schools where she had strong numbers and an interesting story to tell.
Eight applications went out. Two schools ended up being completely unaffordable, and one of them truthfully was impossible to deal with generally, so they were the first cuts. Two more were safeties that fell off the list when she received equal or better merit offers from comparable and preferred schools.
One of the last four fell off the list because it was similar in many ways to two others that had better merit offers. Of the final three an admitted student weekend ruled out the most ‘exotic’ choice, her people were not to be found there.
The last two were equal in cost, had many similarities and even the differences were more like different flavors than good vs bad things. The closer school had the advantage of four visits, versus two for the more distant one, plus the scholarship there she ‘won’, so to speak, as it was very competitive with only ten being offered.
She wanted a school that she loved and that loved her back. A lot. She found two, and eventually found the one, though letting go of the other was not an easy thing to do. Logic played about 85% of the role in deciding where she ended up, but feel and emotion, rational ones, were the deciding factors between the last few choices. It was indeed, very much a process and extreme learning experience.
@nubble16 I can’t help as my daughter is going thru the same thing. I look forward to the responses.
@nubble16, my older D picked as school closer to home, even though it offered less money. Turned out great when she got appendicitis her freshman year and I drove up.
I wish my middle son would have chosen a closer school. 
And at the time, I sure wish my oldest had chosen a closer school. It’s worked out really well (he’s 3000+ miles away), but at the time, I sure wanted him closer!
Mommy vent -
DD always waits for the last minute. She has a local scholarship application due today. It needs to go to a PO box in our small town post office. She decided to mail it on Saturday but didn’t realized that our small town post office doesn’t have counter hours on the weekends so she drove to the city to one of those Going Postal private companies to have it it weighed for the postage and then she drove to our small town post office and dropped it in the out going mail slot. It turns out the out going mail is collected and taken to the city to be sorted and then brought back to small town post office for delivery, not sure why they don’t have a drop box for PO Box mail but they don’t. It may or may not make it in time. If she’d asked I could have taken it to the counter today and they would have hand delivered it to the PO Box but she didn’t want to wait until the the last minute! @-)
@3scoutsmom - OMGee-this is freaky- we are living the same life! (Only in my kid’s case there are 2 apps due.)
@3scoutsmom, she tried.
Has everyone done their taxes here? I did our federal return and state back in January, efiled. Dragging my feet on doing our local tax which I have to do by hand, make copies and mail. I have a few more days…
@nubble16 Casual observation makes me think some kids need to touch base (go home) during the school year more often than others, especially freshman year.
If money is tight, and you’re thinking there is no way you’ll all see each other, except at Thanksgiving & Xmas & Spring Break, for the school that is a plane flight away, that is something to consider & discuss with your D.
If you have the means to fly her home for a long weekend “just because”, or if your family can get out to see her on the spur of the moment during the semester, that might comfort her (and you).
I guess it’s worth pondering whether the decision to stay closer to home is being made because that’s what feels right for her, or whether it’s a decision being made out of fear. What seems so scary freshman year, by sophomore year might seem like what in the world was the big deal?
I am very introverted, and it was important to my mental health to be able to escape from the dorms & campus a few times during the semester and sleep in my own bed in the peace and quiet of home.
Good luck!
@mommdc Thankfully our local tax collector office moved to online entry a few years ago. Numbers can’t be imported from tax software, but it is relatively painless to retype those from our completed State and Federal forms. Most states have done away with the elected local tax collector system we have here in PA, it is one of those things that just seems way too obvious to change, so they never do. Ours are done, but I feel your pain.
@Mrspepper I’m glad I’m in good company;-) She has two too but one is a Girl Scout scholarship and I’m hand delivering that one at a meeting tonight:-) She’s got one more to work on that’s due early May and then I think she’s done with scholarship applications.
The only observation I made with some of D’s friends is that the ones that were further away now are transferring back closer to home. They are not losing scholarships as far as I know so that might be another consideration.
I’m enjoying these decision stories too. We made spreadsheets, so we knew going in which schools were safeties, which needed significant financial aid, which D preferred even sight unseen or having toured only in a drive-by. Once acceptances and merit awards started coming in, several schools dropped off the list since others that she liked better became affordable. Once she had her final list, we made a pro and con sheet. That helped narrow things down to her top 5. When the merit came in for her eventual choice, she was pretty much done. She’d toured the school, met several faculty, admin and students, and felt it was a place where “her people” were. She’s already committed, though the deposit is refundable through May 1. Accepted students’ weekend was this past weekend. She is now registered for fall classes and has made a bunch of friends-both current and future students.
@nubble16 and @Sophmore1 every kid is different, and I’d say to listen to what they’re saying. One of my sisters went to college across the country from our hometown and never returned. Another went only an hour away and has never lived far from the house where we grew up. One never lived on campus, came home rarely, and didn’t get very involved in the “college experience” beyond attending classes. The other came home almost every weekend, lived in a dorm all 4 years, and joined several groups and clubs. Both had great college years, wouldn’t change a thing, and both have been successful.
There is no right answer. There really is no “perfect” college for any one major or career plan, no exact match for dorms or class settings. But if a kid is going to be pining away for home, even the best program won’t work, and if a kid loves every minute of being where they are, a “lesser” choice might actually make them more successful than being at a place they hate.
@nubble16 – D12 stayed close to home. She needed some gentle nudging to stay on campus- early on, she expressed interest in coming home on weekends, but I felt she needed to stay to become more engaged with her campus. We were more likely to drive down and visit her which was a great opportunity for us to explore areas near campus which made her more comfortable with her campus and city. Now, she has a car and can come home anytime- but does only for the bigger breaks. In fact, she’s really hoping she will have a job there after graduation and this city is her happy home. As it turns out, the proximity was also a good peace of mind for me as she was diagnosed with a chronic illness at the end of her freshman year, and I was greatly comforted by knowing that I was only a 2hr drive away should an emergency need arise. D16 is going a good bit further-- though she is a different breed.