My daughter was not heavily involved in her college search last year. At the time she thought she would be fine anywhere and find her people. She transferred to boarding school in 2021 after a year of online school and didn’t even see it until we dropped her off. It was amazing and wonderful and she found her people with dance. She is introverted and shy, hates drama and was never part of a popular group. She is not into partying or going out late. She’s loyal, kind, smart, funny. Even in a boarding school full of uber wealthy (like grew up on a different planet from her) kids who had been there for two years and had no interest in getting to know her, she found her group. So this has been a shock. It started day 1 when her roommate never showed and went downhill from there.
I posted earlier in the thread about how I hated my first year of college. I also went to boarding school and really loved it. I also thought that I would be fine at any college, I’d already been away from home! I wanted to try to recreate my boarding school experience and figured it would be easy. It was not.
Anyway, just wanted to sympathize a little with your daughter. I totally get it. I wish her the very best in her next steps.
Where did some of her dance friends end up?
After a year of online school, I’m sure boarding school felt “special” and “mature.” Now in college its just “normal” like everyone else.
My dancer D25 is more introverted as well so it will be interesting how she does at college. She wants to focus her school choices to ensure there is at least the option at a dance minor with an emphasis on contemporary/modern/jazz versus ballet only. She is realistic with her skill level and doesn’t think she wants a dance team but can’t give up dance yet as its been such a big part of her life.
Good luck to your daughter. It is hard to join already established college groups. However, some schools are great for absorbing transfer students.
It is also possible if your daughter will decide to come back next year, and will try to connect with some friendly girls in advance through social media they may find some common ground.
She probably will be more mature and active next time around.
I think that the approach at many schools of going random is not good for many kids.
The same DD said that there was so much drama between different roommates both boys and girls, including ugly physical fights… DD and her roommate literally laughed at the “contract” between roommates that the school wanted them to sign. DD said they never fight and have 0 conflicts. They spend all their free time together and other friends… They are very lucky to find each other. I am sure your daughter will eventually find good friends in college.
Our kids would probably be friends. Mine was also laissez faire about her search and assumed she would find her people. She has tried the party scene and does not like it. Unfortunately, ended up in a suite of partiers and struggled to meet other people. She is struggling to find serious students at the school (even though from a statistical standpoint, they are there). I think a lot of your experience comes down to dorm placement. @momsearcheng 's child was smart to prep. Think my D did not realize she needed to do that.
Her dancer friends from BS…. she had the most intense training prior to going there junior year. Her BS dance friends came from mostly comp or small studios prior to 9th grade. My DD was at a large company affiliated pre-professional ballet school through junior year, then was a repeat junior at BS. The kids there didn’t really understand how serious her background was. Most of them are not dancing or are just now seniors at the BS. One is at Middlebury. Her pre-BS friends are majoring in dance at Point Park and in the grad program at her old ballet school. If it wasn’t for a chronic injury she probably would pursue dance. She needs to figure out what role she wants it to have in her life.
My friend has two daughters who have been dancing their whole lives and they are both at Point Park in Pittsburgh and love it
We are very familiar with Point Park. She did a summer intensive there at 15. Since she was such a high academic stats kid and didn’t want to major in dance we didn’t look at it. She also wanted a campus, which they don’t really have. It’s not got a reputation as being academically challenging. And with such a large and strong BFA program it didn’t seem that a dance minor or someone just taking dance classes would get any performance opportunity.
I’m curious about the decision to take a leave rather than withdraw. I thought she already decided she’s miserable, it’s not a good fit, and she plans to apply elsewhere?
ETA: I realize how that may have sounded. Really no judgment here. Honestly curious about not withdrawing given all the reasons you have stated over the past months.
But if they offer a leave vs withdraw, why not take it.
Mindsets change. It’s added flexibility, just in case.
Either would be fine but I see nothing wrong with a withdrawal.
Because if after some self reflection, and soul searching along with applying to transfer she changes her mind then her financial aid there is still in place and she can return with no penalty. I am not sure what is going on in her head, she started off on a bad foot there with her roommate not showing up and getting Covid the first week of classes, it all went downhill very quickly. She may just need to be away from there to figure things out so doesn’t want to completely cut ties.
Makes complete sense. I didn’t realize she is still processing. I thought she decided she was absolutely done with Hamilton and wanted no part of it. I thought the future decision revolved around “what now?” since Hamilton is off the table. I understand the leave now.
The top academics plus enough dance for these former prepro ballet kids is so hard! You probably do not need more ideas at this point but Ds prepro friends are happy at Uchicago and Wake, and D is enjoying the balance at Penn. Duke of course would be a good option too but none of them picked it. Nowhere is perfect but those all have actual classical ballet performance opportunities and some classes /rehearsals during the week. There is another at SMU which has more formal dance program but the academics are not the same level as the others —- dance was her priority . Hopefully your D can see a lot of places and find a good fit for her!
Did she pick a major or is she still undecided?
They don’t choose until the end of sophomore year. But something math/data/computer
Honestly, I did too. Right before she left she had some invitations for dance opportunities there and had met some people she thought she would click with. So I thought she was fine sticking out the semester. Obviously there is more going on and we need to figure it out. It made her feel better to know that it was still there as an option. And she can take a couple of summer classes and return in the fall as a sophomore. She was away from home in BS for 2 years doesn’t even have a driver’s license. I think some time home, getting a license and a job will be helpful.
Did you consider less selective SLAC? It is possible that part of the problem are too many wealthy kids that she can’t relate too (or with different priorities …) I understand it was not a problem at BS, but in top college it can be amplified pretty badly… My understanding that BS was focusing on dance to some extend, and that is not the same in college, so less common ground…
I know some kids from upper middle class families try to avoid the very top schools for that reason. My oldest with off the chart stats never considered Ivies or top LACS for that reason…
I wish she had looked at those last year because she would have had a shot. But their transfer acceptance rates are even lower than their crazy low freshman acceptance rates.
Meets need schools are typically the highly selective ones. Some of the less selective end up being unaffordable.
I PMed you. Look for the green envelope next to the circle with A.